Julian gabriel

Anyone have first awakening before knowing about spirituality?

25 posts in this topic

I had my first awakening before even knowing about spirituality whatsoever. I just thought the word "spirituality" was basically the stupidest thing in the world and I was a regular atheist materialist. Idk how common this is it seems like most people begin with theory then they have their first awakening when they put that theory into practice.

Anyone else have their first awakening before knowing anything about spirituality/ and if so how did it happen and what was your interpretation of it at the time?

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@Julian gabriel

Yes, me too. I thought of spirituality basically like SD green ish, but also kinda thought it was dumb from my atheistic pov. I thought Richard Dawkins had a ‘right view’, and Einstein was a scientist talking about physicality. This was after years of studying regions, the teachings of the Buddha, and quantum mechanics. 🤷🏼‍♂️


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1 hour ago, Julian gabriel said:

I had my first awakening before even knowing about spirituality whatsoever. I just thought the word "spirituality" was basically the stupidest thing in the world and I was a regular atheist materialist. Idk how common this is it seems like most people begin with theory then they have their first awakening when they put that theory into practice.

 

You are probably very spiritually gifted, especially if you had an awakening spontaneously without any spiritual practices.

But awakening is often a lifetime in the making, and learning about spirituality is just the straw that breaks the camel's back.

 


 

Wisdom.  Truth.  Love.

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I had some epiphanies and spiritual insights growing up, even while I was in my atheistic phase. During that time I always intuited that there something "more" to life, I just knew it wasn't being advertised properly by others. My atheism and skepticism was just purely serving as a necessary filter for a lot of the bullshit I saw until I was ready to move on and felt I knew what was "legit".

Now I'm at a point where I'm starting to deeply understand those insights and experiences better, and I recognize it's a highly individual effort. I've gotten pretty far with thinking, contemplating, reflection so far, but I'll be looking to add in some actual spiritual practices now.

This might shock some but I don't even have more than 5 hours meditation experience for my entire life lol, and I haven't done any psychedelic's in my life besides a hit of salvia.

Also just a personal note; I feel we should all be weary of trying to centralize spirituality, sabotages the core of it too much. Anytime you try to organize something and create power dynamics around it, it's corrupting.


"Your mind can never change, unless you ask it to. Lovingly rearrange, the thoughts that make you blue."

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Certainly. There is no way I would ever have had thoughts like this without trying to find confirmation and text on my own experience.

It was not spontaneous but induced by DMT and LSD taken together. DMT on its own I find to be very sinister and uninsightful.

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53 minutes ago, RMQualtrough said:

Certainly. There is no way I would ever have had thoughts like this without trying to find confirmation and text on my own experience.

It was not spontaneous but induced by DMT and LSD taken together. DMT on its own I find to be very sinister and uninsightful.

I too find N,N-DMT to be a bit weird. Very alien, but not nearly as alien as miprocin! Miprocin (4-HO-MiPT) is synthetic, but it surely must be naturally found in a fungus on some other planet -- I literally believe that conclusion will basically be inevitable to nearly anyone who tries it! Lol! It's like the most organic experience... just not organic from planet Earth...

LSD and 5-MeO-DMT are the best hands down ime/imo for insight and ego-dissolution. N,N-DMT is just a straight up mindfuck.

As far as sinister? At this point I've realized that sinister feelings are quite correlated to the number and strength of hidden unfalsifiable beliefs currently held. With enough total awakening, sinister is nowhere to be found. But when it still happened, ime ketamine was the most sinister -- as if if takes you to the same place as 5meo...but from the opposite direction.

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For me an early childhood awakening of a primordial spirituality was noticing the difference being in nature, vs in the urban environment. A feeling of opening up, connection, trust, simple but profound delight. I had no language for this feeling, being brought up in protestant Christianity, until I learned about paganism. 


Relax, it's just my loosely held opinion.  :) 

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59 minutes ago, The0Self said:

I too find N,N-DMT to be a bit weird. Very alien, but not nearly as alien as miprocin! Miprocin (4-HO-MiPT) is synthetic, but it surely must be naturally found in a fungus on some other planet -- I literally believe that conclusion will basically be inevitable to nearly anyone who tries it! Lol! It's like the most organic experience... just not organic from planet Earth...

LSD and 5-MeO-DMT are the best hands down ime/imo for insight and ego-dissolution. N,N-DMT is just a straight up mindfuck.

As far as sinister? At this point I've realized that sinister feelings are quite correlated to the number and strength of hidden unfalsifiable beliefs currently held. With enough total awakening, sinister is nowhere to be found. But when it still happened, ime ketamine was the most sinister -- as if if takes you to the same place as 5meo...but from the opposite direction.

Having used Salvia on numerous occasions I have found n,n-DMT to be far weirder, in a very "different" way than any other thing a person could conceive or think of. I have used ketamine too.

I used DMT MANY times despite the fact that it is almost always frightening, and one time traumatic.

Once you hit it (at least after many uses) there's the "wtf did I do?" then "oh this again" and you have to re-learn REAL fucking sharpish to relinquish all control to the horror unfolding, lest you make it worse.

I've found the mind blocks out the very start of a trip because it's too disturbing for it when sober. With many trips this part can be recalled. It is the moment where the room first opens up into the hallways and movement etc. The main trip is generally shortly after this.

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All of us experience our first awakening in our youth when our consciousness finally matures to the point that we become aware of our consciousness, we awaken to our awareness and realize... 'I am!'. This is the moment when we finally are experiencing our consciousness with the meta-conscious aspect of it and not simply with the conditioned reaction to inner activity.

An issue is we don't know it's happening, society doesn't alert us that it's happening or give us any insights to it's presence and how to use it. So we often blindly stay a slave to the conditioned mind for many more years, decades or even the rest of one's life if we don't ever have another awakening to our subconscious conditioning ruling the mind and behavior.

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Yup. I had no idea what was going on. Just that something big was going on. And that it was beyond me and the world I've been living in. 

I even had the realization that I'm God before I ever knew that's even possible.

I started my research after my deepest, most insane and intense awakening experience.

To me; all of this is just gaining conceptual understanding on what has been, or is going on right now. 

In that sense; I was never really a seeker.

Truth found me. It was kind of a forced entry.

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, SOUL said:

All of us experience our first awakening in our youth when our consciousness finally matures to the point that we become aware of our consciousness, we awaken to our awareness and realize... 'I am!'.

^^ Definitely.

For me it was when I was probably about 2 years old and had the realization that I had to go to the doctor every year to get a painful booster shot (vaccination/etc) and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. This realization of inevitable suffering prompted me to look at my hands and say (for what reason I don’t really know) out loud: “It’s just... ME.” That was the dawning of self-awareness for this psyche, or perhaps a few months after its subtle beginnings.

Edited by The0Self

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Yep,

&

It's just another means of seeking what we think we are lacking, it's just spiritual materialism.


“Everything is honoured, but nothing matters.” — Eckhart Tolle.

"I have lived on the lip of insanity, wanting to know reasons, knocking on a door. It opens. I've been knocking from the inside." -- Rumi

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11 hours ago, Julian gabriel said:

I had my first awakening before even knowing about spirituality whatsoever. I just thought the word "spirituality" was basically the stupidest thing in the world and I was a regular atheist materialist. Idk how common this is it seems like most people begin with theory then they have their first awakening when they put that theory into practice.

Anyone else have their first awakening before knowing anything about spirituality/ and if so how did it happen and what was your interpretation of it at the time?

A month long trip when I was 17 on 2CI. I realized everything was alive lol 

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, The0Self said:

^^ Definitely.

For me it was when I was probably about 2 years old and had the realization that I had to go to the doctor every year to get a painful booster shot (vaccination/etc) and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. This realization of inevitable suffering prompted me to look at my hands and say (for what reason I don’t really know) out loud: “It’s just... ME.” That was the dawning of self-awareness for this psyche, or perhaps a few months after its subtle beginnings.

Well, sure, awareness of 'me' comes much earlier and quite honestly can be a more powerful motivator of behavior than the 'I' ls in many ways no matter what our age is.

Edited by SOUL

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My first mushroom trip was a very mystical experience. I went through a wide range of realizations like oneness and how time is an illusion and how I create the boundary between me and other, but I only understand this in retrospect. In the moment I didn't know what was happening. I had these realizations, but afterwards I just labeled them as delusions, because I was still a very materialist stage orange kind of guy.

That trip is what got me into spirituality, because I realized (and that was probably one of the only realizations that I had which I didn't label as delusion) that I just couldn't enjoy the present moment. This trip was the first time in my life where I noticed that I couldn't enjoy the moment as it was and that I always had to do something, watch something, think about something, analyze something, basically just anything to keep myself distracted. I realized that constantly staying busy wasn't healthy and that I needed alternatives. When I came home I looked for ways to stay present and I found meditation and through meditation I found Buddhism and through Buddhism I found all of this spiritual stuff.

But I only started to understand all of this in retrospect


Reminder to give yourself a compliment! ❤️

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Posted (edited)

16 hours ago, Julian gabriel said:

Anyone else have their first awakening before knowing anything about spirituality/ and if so how did it happen and what was your interpretation of it at the time?

My first awakening happened when i was 22. I was a philosophy major and was totally into it - read books night and day, went to advanced classes and had discussions with academy faculty.

At a certain moment, everything clicked. I realized what's going on here. The spiritual literature came later. The New Age community as well. It helped me to ground myself more and more in the moment and in the absolute.

Greg

Edited by Eternal Unity
1st awakening

"I believe you are more afraid of condemning me to the stake than for me to receive your cruel and disproportionate punishment."

- Giordano Bruno, Campo de' Fiori, Rome, Italy. February 17th, 1600.

Cosmic pluralist, mathematician and poet.

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14 hours ago, ivankiss said:

Yup. I had no idea what was going on. Just that something big was going on. And that it was beyond me and the world I've been living in. 

I even had the realization that I'm God before I ever knew that's even possible.

I started my research after my deepest, most insane and intense awakening experience.

To me; all of this is just gaining conceptual understanding on what has been, or is going on right now. 

In that sense; I was never really a seeker.

Truth found me. It was kind of a forced entry.

@ivankiss What was the first one like exactly? A realization of god or just no self? 

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@Julian gabriel Full realization of being God. And more. It was unimaginable.

The intensity of the 'experience' kinda left a mark on my psyche. I was not nearly prepared for what happened. But I'm confident to say that I healed at least 80% of that trauma.

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I had barely learned about meditation and enlightenment. I interpreted it as physical death and insanity. I still do.


To balance beauty and complexity so perfectly is a divine mystery.

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For me as kid i knew that we are not the masks we wear. And that we are gods, And the source. And when we die everything die with us. Later told about after life. I was indoctrinated since i was 9 but i knew it was all bullshit And not tuned with the joy of being alive. 

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