I keep having dreams about being asked out on a date

[MatteO22]

Hi! 
 

I used to be very focused on romantic relationships in my younger years, having a loving relationship and a happy family was THE thing that I felt would make me happy.

 

Ever since then I had gone through my fair share of heartache, betrayals, failed relationships and dating that was more casual in nature. While I do feel like a loving committed and conscious relationship is something wonderful I truly want in my life when the time is right, it’s no longer a priority. I genuinely feel like if I do have a relationship it will be an extension of my wholeness and not something that will make me happy/miserable. 
 

Regardless I have been going through a lot of healing and finding myself just needing to spend a lot of time alone and focus my energy on emotional integration, healing trauma and withdrawing from relationships in general. The healing journey these days takes so much time and energy that there really isn’t that much left to give to anyone else. Which is okay for me, I don’t mind that and am aware that it’s just a temporary stage of integrating my awakening. It’s not that I miss relationships, I don’t feel disconnected, if I do feel lonely it’s a healing that will integrate and not a symptom of a lack of people in my life.

 

I’ve been having a reoccurring dream about a girl (always a different one) asking me out and me agreeing to it, and being genuinely excited about the date, but underneath feeling like it’s not the right time/fit. Like the girl always seems nice and I feel attracted but it’s not ‘it’. Even if they’re great and sexy, if I don’t feel like it’s the totally right fit I don’t want to consent to a relationship if I don’t feel like it’s 100% ‘yes’, because a) I’d have to lower my standards and b) on some level it feels like wasting everyone’s time - because if I don’t feel like they’re 100% right for me, it means I’m not right for them and out there is someone else who for them will be a better fit.

 

I think there’s a component to it of being comfortable saying a clear and decisive ‘no’ straight up and not just agreeing, giving them a shot even if the feeling underneath I have is ‘meh probably not.’ - it’s basically a fear of missing out. Good ol FOMO

 

Your guyses input is welcome, Partially I also wanna spell it out and write it down for myself to help myself process.

 

thanks for reading and/or your input!  

[Hulia]

4 hours ago, MatteO22 said:

I genuinely feel like if I do have a relationship it will be an extension of my wholeness and not something that will make me happy/miserable. 

I like the expression. I´ll try to remember it. Next time I have to reject a guy, I´ll tell him: "Sorry, but I´m looking for the extionsion of my wholeness, which you are not..."

In fact I could use it right now. But I am afraid, it will be a waste on my humour , he won´t get it. But wouldn´t it make the whole situation even funnier? For imaginary audience?

[MatteO22]

25 minutes ago, Hulia said:

In fact I could use it right now. But I am afraid, it will be a waste on my humour , he won´t get it. But wouldn´t it make the whole situation even funnier? For imaginary audience?

Gotta laugh at all your jokes. That’s like 70% of what I think about daily. Just jokes and how hilarious they are, laughing all the way ???.

[flowboy]

@MatteO22  It's a cliche but I have found it to be true that when you give up the search, it finds you. It being that person who you feel 100% yes about.

All relationships and encounters that are not exactly right, are there to prepare you and teach you lessons for when you meet the right one. So they have a place and are useful in this way, to you as well as to the girl.

However when saying yes to some date doesn't feel right anymore, you don't need it. It's okay to resolve to be celibate until the right person comes along. The work you do on yourself is what ultimately enables them to come into your life and stay, so that is energy well spent.