knakoo

Is Polyamory More Spiritual Than Monogamy? Aaron Abke

18 posts in this topic

Great conversation on conscious dating and sex. If you strongly desire an amazing intimate relationship or if you think that having sex with a lot of people will fulfil you, I recommend you watch it.

Also good perspective on how much people can learn from intimate relationships, if they are conscious enough.

"Don’t pretend like you are having lots of sex to spread the love and light of the Creator"

Interesting comment :

"I had quite bad sex addiction and relationship/affair addiction, sometimes having more than 2 partners at once. Used to think i was so modern and a "free spirit" ?‍♀️ I was also extremely codependent and traumatized, masking my insecurities with being "sexy and confident". Until I fell in love with a guy who was just like me, he had other partners while in relationship with me (we had open relationship), triggered the shit out of me, all my childhood trauma resurfaced, I was in unbearable emotional pain (literally couldn't get out of bed for days) and then the light appeared and I had a spiritual awakening. Now after a year of healing and spiritual practices all addictions are gone, I don't need relationship, I don't need sex, I don't need to watch porn. This all was just from my traumas. Healing is the answer, guys. Love and light! ?❤️"

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@knakoo The type of relationship you choose to have doesn't have anything to do with spirituality, it has to do with preference.

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The question is what level of consciousness are you operating these choosen relationship types at…

for example, both types can be toxic depending who the people are… 

because usually the polyamory that ppl say they are into is really just a way of emotional avoidance. Then when you ‘fall In love’ with someone you realise how messed up you are and shadows you’ve been avoiding (like the person found out in comment from the video)

…for sure there is more to be learned from an intimate relationship, if you do it consciously and face your shadows. 
but by sleeping with lots of people you don’t learn so much because no1 is challenging you and it’s easy to run away when something comes up. 

 

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Nobody who's serious about his/her life purpose has time for that shit ???


God is love

Whoever lives in love lives in God

And God in them

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On 21/06/2021 at 11:24 AM, Shin said:

Nobody who's serious about his/her life purpose has time for that shit ???

I feel the same.

It's fun but it would just take time and energy away from what is important.

Better have one quality relationship and do that one right.

Perhaps it fits into a phase of life where you don't want to work on anything seriously. Taking an extended break from hard work.

Or if you're a writer and want to get experiences to write about.


Erik Jongbloed - Transformational Coaching  
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Kill indecision and self-sabotage - Go from reactive to proactive - Become organised, focused and motivated

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Each person is different

My opinion is that the vast majority of people are built more for monogamy

Those who deride polyamory outright are simply imposing their own experiences onto others

Polyamory can serve a person very well

It's simply about being self-honest and navigating life in a healthy way for you

 

 

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One interesting idea I got from this video is the following: you can "absorb" other people's trauma when having casual sex in an egoic way (more to feel good/better than to give). It is similar to what Sadhguru said about people exchanging "memories" when having sex.
It also made me realise that I still have some thoughts about how a mind blowing intimate relationship will make my life better. So that's one more attachment I will let go of with time.

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11 hours ago, knakoo said:

you can "absorb" other people's trauma when having casual sex in an egoic way (more to feel good/better than to give). It is similar to what Sadhguru said about people exchanging "memories" when having sex.

Sounds like hokey to me. Sadhguru is a good source of the most random do's and don'ts in the name of spirituality. I think he just appeals to people who want to be told what to do and feel spiritual about it.

 

11 hours ago, knakoo said:

It also made me realise that I still have some thoughts about how a mind blowing intimate relationship will make my life better. So that's one more attachment I will let go of with time.

A mind-blowing intimate relationship will definitely make your life better.

You can believe that and look forward to experiencing it, without it being an attachment that is somehow bad.

It's a basic source of fulfillment. Why deny yourself that in the name of being spiritual?


Erik Jongbloed - Transformational Coaching  
*
Kill indecision and self-sabotage - Go from reactive to proactive - Become organised, focused and motivated

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6 hours ago, flowboy said:

Sounds like hokey to me. Sadhguru is a good source of the most random do's and don'ts in the name of spirituality. I think he just appeals to people who want to be told what to do and feel spiritual about it.

I remember having an osteopath appointment with a guy who seemed very depressed. I felt down after the session for some time until I released whatever I picked up from him. It wouldn't surprise me if people can exchange trauma when having casual egoic sex. 

6 hours ago, flowboy said:

A mind-blowing intimate relationship will definitely make your life better.

You can believe that and look forward to experiencing it, without it being an attachment that is somehow bad.

It's a basic source of fulfillment. Why deny yourself that in the name of being spiritual?

If you are in a relationship and you feel it is improving your life, making you feel better, do you think it is possible to not mourn if the relationship ends ? Isn't that attachment ? 

I would be curious to ask Eckart Tolle : is your relationship improving your life ? What do you think he would answer ?

I don't plan to deny myself ! Getting into a mind blowing relationship would be the best way to face any attachment left in me.

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Polygamy or the dissolving of these contracts can naturally happen as your relationship development levels up. It happens when the thought of giving all your love to one person seems ridiculous, everyone needs love (actual altruism and not a self deception to get more sex for yourself)

This does a good job explaining the natural shift. 

Edited by integral

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19 hours ago, knakoo said:

One interesting idea I got from this video is the following: you can "absorb" other people's trauma when having casual sex in an egoic way (more to feel good/better than to give). It is similar to what Sadhguru said about people exchanging "memories" when having sex.
 

In what part of the video do they discuss this? I wonder if there's some truth to it based on an experience I had earlier this year. I started compulsively thinking about a guy I'd been involved with (in an egoic way) years ago and feeling very distressed and uneasy. At one point I could barely eat or sleep and I was having these very intense recollections of him and some things he told me related to his trauma. Based on that and how he acted I think he had some pretty deep issues.

And then I looked back and realized that I went a bit off the rails after the real thing happened, even though I hadn't recognized it at the time.

The whole thing kind of gave me a realization that I'd underestimated the power of sexual intimacy, even though I still don't feel like I really understand it.

But maybe there's a bit more going on than casual egoic sex --> trauma absorption and you wouldn't necessarily need to have sex for it to happen?

 

 

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20 hours ago, knakoo said:

One interesting idea I got from this video is the following: you can "absorb" other people's trauma when having casual sex in an egoic way (more to feel good/better than to give). It is similar to what Sadhguru said about people exchanging "memories" when having sex.
.

It’s very easy to absorb people’s ‘bad’ energy.  
This is giving me the chills thinking about it, because I’ve definitely experienced this before. I think it’s especially true for empaths and highly sensitive people.
I also heard sadguru say before that if you wear white you reflect people’s energies and if you wear black you absorb it.  He recommended that you should wear white to a funeral rather than black!  

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2 hours ago, Tangerinedream said:

It’s very easy to absorb people’s ‘bad’ energy.  
This is giving me the chills thinking about it, because I’ve definitely experienced this before. I think it’s especially true for empaths and highly sensitive people.
I also heard sadguru say before that if you wear white you reflect people’s energies and if you wear black you absorb it.  He recommended that you should wear white to a funeral rather than black!  

Yea, empaths/ the highly sensitive tend to have a fundamentally different experience here, I would say.

Also, in East Asia, white is the funeral colour of choice.

---

To the main topic; I think it's potentially viable, for sure. Why not? It also sounds like a full time job doing it properly if everyone in the relationship is totally committed, like dealing with an exponential number of emotions unless you are moreso on the "outside" of the main poly structure. (For example, a couple that invites a third person into their relationship and they don't drag you into any personal conflicts they might be having.) It can be many, many things; it's whatever you make of it really. Whatever you can and want to make of it.

I don't care too much about this business of "true poly", as in I don't feel like I have a stake in it either way, but having an open relationship where it is actually about having sex (i.e. what's normally called an "open relationship") with other people first or having a swinger style lifestyle isn't at all the same thing as being accountable for another person's emotions, well being, or future even. Additional relationships can also be more or less casual when it comes to accounting for other people's emotions/ well being. Sometimes all of these terms get mixed together in casual usage.

Edited by modmyth

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no way. spirituality is not an identity, it's all about getting rid of any identity for a period of time. 

your spirituality has nothing to do with your life style. 


"If you kick me when I'm down, you better pray I don't get up"

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Not necessarily more spiritual. But less selfish and special? Perhaps. In so-called "high conscious relationships" it is entirely possible that "cheating" isn't even a meaningful term, because one isn't limiting the other through their need to be exclusively, energetically and sexually, tied to them.

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On 9/4/2021 at 3:57 PM, Tangerinedream said:

It’s very easy to absorb people’s ‘bad’ energy.  
This is giving me the chills thinking about it, because I’ve definitely experienced this before. I think it’s especially true for empaths and highly sensitive people.
I also heard sadguru say before that if you wear white you reflect people’s energies and if you wear black you absorb it.  He recommended that you should wear white to a funeral rather than black!  

It seems this way, but this belief is no different than the purity mindset of religion, for example Christians believing that if kids listen to rock and roll they will have mindless sex and lose themselves to the devil. The evil or bad is a projection. 

You attract what you get from others, what you notice, what you see, what you react to. Any bad energy is just a signal, you can flip your perspective to "oh, I want to heal something around this." or "oh this makes me appreciate something I wasn't appreciating, I'm more clear on what I want now." 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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1 hour ago, mandyjw said:

It seems this way, but this belief is no different than the purity mindset of religion, for example Christians believing that if kids listen to rock and roll they will have mindless sex and lose themselves to the devil. The evil or bad is a projection. 

You attract what you get from others, what you notice, what you see, what you react to. Any bad energy is just a signal, you can flip your perspective to "oh, I want to heal something around this." or "oh this makes me appreciate something I wasn't appreciating, I'm more clear on what I want now." 

This is only partially true. What is the line between belief and experience? In my own direct experience, the more sensitive Ive become towards direct experience (ie as Ive cultivated more and more mindfulness both in meditation and living life), the more I can passively and actively harmonize with the energy of the surrounding space, as well as manipulate the energy of the surrounding space.

All this to say, the belief that this idea of absorbing trauma/energy is a belief should be looked at and acknowledged with relativity. Partially true, partially false. Which is more empowering? Well it depends on the ego/mind/self activity. By recognizing this as a possibility of consciousness, this may help someone who’s particularly empathic learn energetic grounding principles.

From within this space of energetic grounding, letting go of this belief in absorbing other’s emotions may then radically open up, or not. Sometimes you can’t out believe reality; an apple is going to fall from a tree no matter what you believe about gravity. 

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11 hours ago, Consilience said:

In my own direct experience, the more sensitive Ive become towards direct experience (ie as Ive cultivated more and more mindfulness both in meditation and living life), the more I can passively and actively harmonize with the energy of the surrounding space, as well as manipulate the energy of the surrounding space.

For sure, but what you're realizing is that the you can harmonize because you are also your surrounding space, you don't have borders. So as you belief in borders diminishes, it reflects in your experience of reality. It can feel like you've lost your armor, but not so, if you are everything and there is no outside how can you be hurt? 

11 hours ago, Consilience said:

Which is more empowering? Well it depends on the ego/mind/self activity. By recognizing this as a possibility of consciousness, this may help someone who’s particularly empathic learn energetic grounding principles.

The belief that there is an outside apart from me is the beginning of vulnerability. 

Just to clarify where I'm coming from on this particular topic, I was raised in Christianity with this exact belief and I really took it to heart. It caused a lot of judgement, fear, and suffering. Ironically, my relationship with the only man I've ever slept with got better when I realized what an existential, spiritual whore I actually was. xD So everything was I, that I could never be touched, nor did I have to touch anything off limits to prove to myself that I can. In the realization that there are no true limits, limits can be loved and respected. This goes to non-sexual relationships with people and places and things too. The more we realize that someone else or something cannot control how we feel, the more enabled to become to set boundaries or focus on other things. More importantly we are able to really love and really connect and see the best in anyone. This is covered over when we are busy protecting ourselves. Ironic, the empath feels they are so open and sensitive to the outside and yet they still try to build up that border and strengthen it. It's a conflict. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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