Brandon L

I choose not to have a social life

22 posts in this topic

     I have no social life at all outside of work, even at work I tend not to socialize, I'll still talk to co workers but I keep it at a bare minimum. The reason being is because I don't have time for immaturity, gossip, boring surface level conversations, and fundamentally I just don't give a fuck lol. I don't care about what these people talk about, because it's mostly stupid shit.

     I don't want to feel obligated or forced to talk to people because I generally don't care. I only want to talk to people who are self actualizing and doing spiritual work and so far I have not met NO ONE.

     Plus people are so damn nosy, it's none of their business to know about my personal life. So generally I try not to tell them shit. I will mention that I do spirituality and self actualize here and there just to see if they are into it but they are not. They are more pre occupied on materialism non sense like...

• sports

• drinking

• partying

• shopping

• boring sports games

• entertainment 

• pleasure

• overall bullshit...just bullshit.

     Even if I do go out and socialize what the fuck would we being doing? Lol. The things that I just listed above? No thanks. I much rather would be at home watching actualized.org.

     I used to have a social life and the people that I associated myself with weren't doing no personal development work, no self actualization work what so ever. It was mainly about gossip, entertainment, partying, drinking, smoking weed or getting "lit" lol.

     So I cut these people out of my life and now I'm pretty much left with zero. Now I mainly just self actualize and do spiritual work, no social life. So is this a good or bad thing? Let me know your thoughts.

 

 

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They want to be happy just like you.  They are doing what makes them happy and you are doing what makes you happy.

It would be nice for you to find some friend(s) who have similar interests, values, and goals and are interested at poking at reality some more in more creative, abstract, unusual ways.  I am sorry that you have had trouble finding others.

I think that learning about stuff and working on yourself can really be super helpful and so I'd say keep it up.

let yourself have some fun and be happy too every once in a while.  :P

yeah I understand that that type of conversation can be unmotivating and feel like a waste of time as it isn't really helping anyone grow - - I can see that work can be a hard place to talk about this stuff with as people may want to act a certain way to maintain their character/professionalism - unless you work at a place where the others are into this stuff

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1 hour ago, Brandon L said:

I don't want to feel obligated or forced to talk to people because I generally don't care. I only want to talk to people who are self actualizing and doing spiritual work and so far I have not met NO ONE.

Have you stopped to consider how selfish this might be? I'm not playing devils advocate here to shame you, but just make you challenge yourself a bit.

You only want to talk to people that are specifically into what you are. Consider if that were fulfilled - Does that convenient little world really sound like the place you want to be, if you're honest and impartial?

We live in a world where you MUST interact with others, unless of course you choose to go live in the wilderness and struggle/die..... Why not make the best of it and try to make those interactions positive and impactful? So what if they are living for shallower things, forgive them for their ignorance. Don't hold it against them.

Consider the actual mature and spiritual way a developed person would act is to suck it up and figure out a way to radiate love to those people and touch them in a way that might bring them closer to those higher values.


"Never held a high regard for Darwin, selection takes too long.
A little kick in the pool shouldn't do us wrong.
Devouring the very last invention man would ever need.
But exponential growth is a frightening thing, indeed.
"

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2 hours ago, Brandon L said:

     I have no social life at all outside of work, even at work I tend not to socialize, I'll still talk to co workers but I keep it at a bare minimum. The reason being is because I don't have time for immaturity, gossip, boring surface level conversations, and fundamentally I just don't give a fuck lol. I don't care about what these people talk about, because it's mostly stupid shit.

     I don't want to feel obligated or forced to talk to people because I generally don't care. I only want to talk to people who are self actualizing and doing spiritual work and so far I have not met NO ONE.

     Plus people are so damn nosy, it's none of their business to know about my personal life. So generally I try not to tell them shit. I will mention that I do spirituality and self actualize here and there just to see if they are into it but they are not. They are more pre occupied on materialism non sense like...

• sports

• drinking

• partying

• shopping

• boring sports games

• entertainment 

• pleasure

• overall bullshit...just bullshit.

     Even if I do go out and socialize what the fuck would we being doing? Lol. The things that I just listed above? No thanks. I much rather would be at home watching actualized.org.

     I used to have a social life and the people that I associated myself with weren't doing no personal development work, no self actualization work what so ever. It was mainly about gossip, entertainment, partying, drinking, smoking weed or getting "lit" lol.

     So I cut these people out of my life and now I'm pretty much left with zero. Now I mainly just self actualize and do spiritual work, no social life. So is this a good or bad thing? Let me know your thoughts.

 

 

Well, I mostly agree with you. Most people are tedious and have no idea of the importance of spirituality. However, it sounds to me like you’ve attached your ego to spirituality. I still try to make connections and maintain existing friendships while recognizing that spirituality is one aspect of my experience of life. It’s important to me, but there are many other aspects and, as stated before, most people are ignorant of it. And that’s all okay.

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That's okay. If you feel like that's the best move right now for you, keep doing that.

Funny thing is, it's gonna come full circle eventually and you'll start to enjoy some of these "shallow" stuff and people :D But you don't need to believe me, you do you.

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Posted (edited)

@Brandon L  I believe quite strongly that for any given struggle that a person finds themselves experiencing, there exists a book which perfectly applies to that struggle and that by finding and reading that book, the person can gain a huge amount of insight into the nature of their situation and then escape it.  For you, I think that book is Notes from Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky, so I recommend buying a copy and reading it.  Don't worry, it's only a short book.  The experience of reading this book will give you 10000x more insight than any comment here could.

https://www.amazon.com/Underground-Vintage-Classics-Fyodor-Dostoevsky/dp/067973452X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=320S98K9354AI&dchild=1&keywords=notes+from+underground+dostoevsky&qid=1624185962&sprefix=notes+from+underground+dosto%2Caps%2C248&sr=8-1

(That's a link to the best translation available, by Pevear and Volokhonsky.  If you decide to get a different copy than this one, make sure it's the Pevear and Volokhonsky translation)

Edited by kinesin

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On 2021-06-20 at 5:32 AM, Brandon L said:

     I have no social life at all outside of work, even at work I tend not to socialize, I'll still talk to co workers but I keep it at a bare minimum. The reason being is because I don't have time for immaturity, gossip, boring surface level conversations, and fundamentally I just don't give a fuck lol. I don't care about what these people talk about, because it's mostly stupid shit.

     I don't want to feel obligated or forced to talk to people because I generally don't care. I only want to talk to people who are self actualizing and doing spiritual work and so far I have not met NO ONE.

     Plus people are so damn nosy, it's none of their business to know about my personal life. So generally I try not to tell them shit. I will mention that I do spirituality and self actualize here and there just to see if they are into it but they are not. They are more pre occupied on materialism non sense like...

• sports

• drinking

• partying

• shopping

• boring sports games

• entertainment 

• pleasure

• overall bullshit...just bullshit.

     Even if I do go out and socialize what the fuck would we being doing? Lol. The things that I just listed above? No thanks. I much rather would be at home watching actualized.org.

     I used to have a social life and the people that I associated myself with weren't doing no personal development work, no self actualization work what so ever. It was mainly about gossip, entertainment, partying, drinking, smoking weed or getting "lit" lol.

     So I cut these people out of my life and now I'm pretty much left with zero. Now I mainly just self actualize and do spiritual work, no social life. So is this a good or bad thing? Let me know your thoughts.

 

 

Lets say you are the last man on earth. Like Will Smith in "I am Legend". 

Would you still think those thoughts? 

If so, maybe you should become an hermit. 

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Seems like you’re more focused on judging people than anything else.

just because people may not be self by actualising in the way you think you are, does not mean you are any better than them. 

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Posted (edited)

@Andrew John It doesnt mean his better than them at all. But it certainly mean he wont be doing better. 

I still have friends thou, and I still prefer monastic life. Its so peaceful. 

Ending alone takes experience and maturity. To accept complete aloneness takes courage and experience. 

Not saying you should avoid ppl completely, but to get to that point of realization is where one ends in some way or another. 

Edited by Kalki Avatar

The riches of illusion do not even compare to the riches of freedom.  -Sri Sadguru Siddharameshwar Maharaj

 

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Posted (edited)

@Brandon L When you start doing Intense spiritual work, you will mostly want to be within yourself and alone physically. After you open that dimension, all illusions of friendships, material achievments, shatter. You gain clear direct perception of the bs. So it wont matter either. Right now it seems to matter only to the mind. When you go beyond the mind, nothing matters.

Also, here you may find some friends to cope with any temporary superficial psychological need of loneliness, in case of. 

Its all good. 

Edited by Kalki Avatar

The riches of illusion do not even compare to the riches of freedom.  -Sri Sadguru Siddharameshwar Maharaj

 

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Damn you are describing me!

I dont socialize at work because they're stage orange. And old friends have adopted the normie life of having wife kids, and spending weekends doing barbecues with their other married friends, talking about gadgets sports or the next car they want to buy.

 

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Posted (edited)

On 6/20/2021 at 1:22 PM, nistake said:

Funny thing is, it's gonna come full circle eventually and you'll start to enjoy some of these "shallow" stuff and people :D

Was just about to say this, this is so true. :D

Eeven if you decide to go silent & stop socializing completely, unless you've already done this, you will most likely fail and feel an URGE to talk to someone after a while, for me it was after ~1month. That urge will continue to grow and eventually you will most likely want to talk even about "shallow" topics.

We are social species.

Edited by meow_meow

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@Brandon L Sounds like a healthy move for you. You are individuating. Just watch out for fetishizing alienation. You want to feel connected to the world even tho you walk a lonely path. Getting in touch with your anima could be a good idea. Your anima is an archetypal representation of the feminine aspect of your mind. Basically imagine a female spirit guide. Connectedness is a feminine quality. So getting to know the female spirit guide and receiving her healing could round you out.


The road to God is paved with bliss.

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On 6/23/2021 at 1:48 PM, Kalki Avatar said:

@Brandon L When you start doing Intense spiritual work, you will mostly want to be within yourself and alone physically. After you open that dimension, all illusions of friendships, material achievments, shatter. You gain clear direct perception of the bs. So it wont matter either. Right now it seems to matter only to the mind. When you go beyond the mind, nothing matters.

Also, here you may find some friends to cope with any temporary superficial psychological need of loneliness, in case of. 

Its all good. 

Until you realize the effortless fullness of not needing to escape from a fully involved non-spiritual life. But that’s sort of only what it looks like when there’s no path left. But there’s not really anything standing in the way, apart from fear of your own death, of course 😊 

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Is it something you are really choosing, or is it a story you've adopted because you've had bad results in socializing?

You know, from your post I kinda get the feel that you've been hurt by people in some way. It's easy to say "I choose to not have a social life" when you don't have a social life - actually, it's a brilliant survival strategy which makes you feel good about yourself without looking into the real problem.

It's like when incels tell themselves that women are bad because they've had terrible experiences with them. They are making an excuse, so that they aren't painfully rejected by "these terrible women".

Most of your post is making excuses about why people are bad and why you shouldn't socialize. Can you see that you wouldn't be making this post in the first place, if you really were happy with not socializing? There is a problem here you have to address, and it will be a part of your development process.


Enslavement by illusion is comfortable. It is the liberation by Truth that people fear.

The false dissolves when it is discovered. 

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@Cykaaaa Yeah you're right. I do see I'm making excuses. I've had good results socializing and I know how to talk to people, but I do see I'm making alot of excuses for myself. I let all of that stuff get to me with my permission instead of taking responsibility for how I feel. Sometimes I develop a spiritual ego honestly. Really thanks for your feedback. 

 

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Posted (edited)

You don't have to force yourself to interact with people but also you can't avoid and judge people for their level of development and lifestyles. It's definitely doesn't show maturity and emotional intelligence. 

Be conscious and choose your friends wisely, of course, find friends who help you on your journey and make you happy. But when it comes to random socialisation - have fun - think about their stage on the spiral development, observe their body language, just get curious and open yourself to the possibility that every person and interaction is an opportunity to learn something about others and yourself. You can grow faster by interacting with people and then introspecting on that. For example, why do you feel the way you do when someone says this or that? It's amazing to introspect on this and grow.

I have a very limited social life, but I tend not to avoid people or some casual interaction because you never know who you can meet, learn and what opportunity can present itself through other people! 

You manifest all the people in your life anyway so look closer ;)

Finally, practical advice: from now on, when you're about to interact with someone, drop all the assumptions and prejudice, as much as you can, and approach that person with an open mind and kindness.

That's what I'm practising and the part of dropping the assumptions, damn is powerful.

Edited by Intraplanetary

softly into the Abyss...

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