Valach

How do I setup proper expectations?

3 posts in this topic

Hey guys,
coming to this forum once again with a need for help. Recently I started dating this girl I cold approched in the park. We been on 4 dates so far. I slept with her for the first time on second date and stayed over the night. The dates after that were pretty much same meaning I would come in the afternoon, we would be at her place, hangout, talk, have sex, cook some food etc. I would sleep over and then next day leave for a work. Now I did keep some distance so we did this only once a week (I've learnt from my past). Eventhough I find the girl cool and I like her (when I come to hers we dont go straight to the sex but I am totally fine with vibing first couple of hours). But I guess I am just not really looking for a realitionship yet. I feel like I have my pickup journey still in front of me.

Now my question to the guys here, how do you setup proper expectation, how do you behave ethically here. She didn't ask me the "What are we?" question yet so we didn't talk about this but I feel like it's my responsibility to clear things out. I kinda hinted on that I am freshly after breakup (which is true) but that definitly is not enough. How do I go about this? Do I wait for her to ask me or do I bring it up? Also if you want to have things more casual is it ok, if I sleep over or should I just leave right after sex? You know I can see us even hanging out and stuff, I just feel like I want to keep doing pickup and don't want to hurt the girl in the process.

Also to the people who did pickup: When did you stop? When were you like "yep, now I have learned enough and I can start building realitionship or focus on other shit". Because I feel like pickup can never truly be mastered, there will be always something new to learn. There will be always better girls to date ( I have a feeling, that if I end it with this girl I can continue pickup and find better girl).

Also I feel like I have huge problem actually deciding whom I like. I don't trust my intuition and I overanalyze my realitionships. How does one learn to list to my emotions more?

Thank you for your answers in advance :)

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Posted (edited)

@Valach

5 hours ago, Valach said:

how do you setup proper expectation, how do you behave ethically here.

Tell her explicitly that you are not interested in a relationship with her and most likely will never be. 

5 hours ago, Valach said:

if I sleep over or should I just leave right after sex?

No. You should leave after sex if you don't plan to have a relationship. 

5 hours ago, Valach said:

When did you stop? When were you like "yep, now I have learned enough and I can start building realitionship or focus on other shit".

When you get tired of nailing hot strangers or stop having fun. 

You don't owe women a monogamous relationship, you should be clear with your communication to minimize collateral damage. 

 

Edited by Harlen Kelly

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Let her ask the question of where you guys stand and tell her "I'm just letting things play out"make sure she asks first but after that its up to you on how honest you want to be with your intention. If she does ask you if your seeing anyone though tell her you're casually dating and your just trying to figure out what you in a woman since your last break up.

Don't sleep over after sex or else you give her the impression you want something more "real" which will cause problems down the road. The more non-sexual attention you give her the more she's going to push for a relationship. She will get tired of being strung along eventually and will quickly move on to someone else though.

9 hours ago, Valach said:

When did you stop? When were you like "yep, now I have learned enough and I can start building realitionship or focus on other shit"

When I felt I could attract women that I found attractive consistently and didnt fear ending a relationship if my boundaries were broken. Also after you you set a number of bangs you want to achieve and surpass it you realize how much emotional energy and time you wasted dealing with chicks and just move onto developing other areas in your life. You'll naturally know when to stop.

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