the_wanderer

Just broke up with my 9 year older girlfriend

70 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

What I find most strange about this fear of single mothers, are the men that constantly feel the need to mention it. It's always like "Run away bro! Run away, that's unnecessary responsibility you don't want!" as if they don't have that same attitude with every single women, not just single mothers😅

Like, why even mention it, when pump and dump is your default strategy? Why even mention it, if you're not interested in anything serious in the first place?

Edited by Peter Miklis

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Soon 20.Yeah I take this topics seriously.Couldn't care less.

 

Single moms with their agenda .

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23 hours ago, intotheblack said:

if there was no child involved maybe it would have worked..  but a child needs a stable male role model, and having an open relationship when there is a child, doesn't show much stability or security in the relationship.  so she was probs thinking whats best for the kid.

We became exclusive and wanted me to move in partly in, and yeah... then we fell apart.

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17 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

It's not that she's a single mother that concerns me. It's the age difference especially considering you were 19 when yall met. A 28/29 year old woman has no business dating a 19/20 year old. There is a huge power imbalance and that's a huge warning sign imo. It would be one thing if both of yall were older than 25 or so but your brain hasn't even finished developing. Yall are each in very different stages of your life. 

IDC if she has a kid. That's not a problem. I honestly think she's a predator tbh.   

I respect your opinion. This is just my opinion

Predator? She pretty much only dated people older than her except for a 23 year old briefly. All my friends are around 10 years older and I have dated someone else that was 28 years old. And finally I was 18 when we meet.

So my personal experience does not quite support your conclusion of the huge power imbalance and that's a huge warning sign. But I would love to understand your perspective. Like what do you mean by my brain hasn't even finished developing? I'm curios.

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14 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Well just the fact that you have to take care of another mans child is a weird thing for a man, you think that's cute, you will have to financially support him, while you will not have any say in his life it will always be said you are not his father and mom will  usually be overprotective which i feel bad because he will end up emotionally/psychologicaly messed up for the rest of his life assuming he wont work on it which not many people will..and i can add that at that point they dont look for love anymore they look for a guy that will do stuff for her its in 90% of the cases....

I can agree on the last thing lately, but in the beginning it was clearly for love. She was so happy in the beginning, it is a little heart-warming and weird to think back to.

Lately, she had to do more work over the past few months and then the majority of her texts was her asking for help. I just had a boundary so if she asked for more things I would just say that it has to be mutual. She would also have to do more things for the relationship but she did not do that. Which is one of the reasons we ended up breaking up.

I don't know about the first. I was not financially support him.

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There needs to be a balanced outlook on dating a woman with a child.

Because it’s a responsibility. If you get into that relationship you are automatically agreeing to be at least partially a father figure. That’s why guys who are in their early to mid twenties or even bellow 30 would optimally say no to that, unless they’re super hyped about playing that role (and we can have a discussion around how healthy it is for a young man to be attracted to parenting). I would say no to it and I’m 26. Because it’s not a role I feel like is healthy for me psychologically and emotionally.

 

Its not because single moms are bad, have baggage or any of that Bs that was said in this thread. 
 

 

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7 hours ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

Keep projecting.

If this was a 19 year old girl and a 28 year old man, the conversation would be different. Yall are here talking about how he got himself a milf without acknowledging that this woman is a predator. 

10 minutes ago, MatteO22 said:

There needs to be a balanced outlook on dating a woman with a child.

Because it’s a responsibility. If you get into that relationship you are automatically agreeing to be at least partially a father figure. That’s why guys who are in their early to mid twenties or even bellow 30 would optimally say no to that, unless they’re super hyped about playing that role (and we can have a discussion around how healthy it is for a young man to be attracted to parenting). I would say no to it and I’m 26. Because it’s not a role I feel like is healthy for me psychologically and emotionally.

Its not because single moms are bad, have baggage or any of that Bs that was said in this thread. 
 

I think the stigma around being a single mom needs to be addressed tbh. A woman isn't a broken person if she is a single mother. There are so many aspects of the story that one might not know of so it's best not to judge. 

But in this particular case, imo it's not her being a single mom is the red flag, it's the fact that she's willing to date a teenage boy while she herself is near 30. That's the red flag. That's where the baggage lies imo.  


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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Doesn't the stigma against single mothers make sense given the negative effect it has on society?

In the vast majority in cases it seems the stigma is well earned.

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1 minute ago, soos_mite_ah said:

But in this particular case, imo it's not her being a single mom is the red flag, it's the fact that she's willing to date a teenage boy while she herself is near 30. That's the red flag. That's where the baggage lies imo.

I’m not saying you’re wrong. You’re probably right but I don’t think this issue is relevant to the discussion. The discussion here is bashing step parenting and accusing single-mom-hood of baggage and other inaccurate and unhealthy stereotypes. 
 

Just now, Raptorsin7 said:

Doesn't the stigma against single mothers make sense given the negative effect it has on society?

In the vast majority in cases it seems the stigma is well earned.

Maybe there need to be more single moms because more single moms means less abusive relationships that are kept alive with the excuse of ‘were staying together because of the children’. 
 

I for one would have loved for my mother to be a single mother, because my father was a terrible influence as a father and a husband. It would’ve made everything better. 

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4 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

If this was a 19 year old girl and a 28 year old man, the conversation would be different. Yall are here talking about how he got himself a milf without acknowledging that this woman is a predator. 

I think the stigma around being a single mom needs to be addressed tbh. A woman isn't a broken person if she is a single mother. There are so many aspects of the story that one might not know of so it's best not to judge. 

But in this particular case, imo it's not her being a single mom is the red flag, it's the fact that she's willing to date a teenage boy while she herself is near 30. That's the red flag. That's where the baggage lies imo.  

I do agree that there should be no stigma around single moms 

But that guy is not exactly a teenager or at least an underage 

If it was 15 or 17, the case would be different. 

If he is 19/20 then that might be a teenager, depends on mental maturity but that's not underage 

I don't see the woman as predator and I don't see the age gap as a problem. 

 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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Just now, MatteO22 said:

Maybe there need to be more single moms because more single moms means less abusive relationships that are kept alive with the excuse of ‘were staying together because of the children’. 
 

I for one would have loved for my mother to be a single mother, because my father was a terrible influence as a father and a husband. It would’ve made everything better. 

Wow I couldn't disagree more with these statements. 

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1 minute ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Wow I couldn't disagree more with these statements. 

So according to you, women should stay married to a wife-beater for the sake of the child ? Is that what you’re saying ? I will be happy if you tell me it isn’t :D so feel free to correct. 

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1 minute ago, Preety_India said:

I do agree that there should be no stigma around single moms 

But that guy is not exactly a teenager or at least an underage 

If it was 15 or 17, the case would be different. 

If he is 19/20 then that might be a teenager, depends on mental maturity but that's not underage 

I don't see the woman as predator and I don't see the age gap as a problem. 

Just because he isn't underage doesn't mean this isn't predatory. There is a power dynamic involved. Where a person is at 28 is very different from where they were at 19 from an emotional/mental development standpoint. They are also in completely different stages of their lives. Your  brain also doesn't fully develop until like 25 or so. So the fact that a 28 year old feels that they can relate to and date a 19 year old is a red flag for me and indicates that maybe the older person isn't well developed emotionally to relate to people their own age. 


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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@MatteO22 If you're dad was psychotically assaulting your mom than no I don't disagree. 

But I don't think most single mothers are innocent in their predicament. 

Also, if your dad was such a psycho. Why did your mother choose to have children with him?

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@MatteO22

@Raptorsin7 actually @MatteO22 is right about it. 

Single moms are single due to many reasons. There shouldn't be a demonization of them being single. They could be single because of an abusive husband 

 

Would you rather want them to stay with the abusive husband or be single? 

 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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Posted (edited)

@Preety_India That's a false choice.

And I don't think he's right, I think he's telling people what they want to hear and pandering.

Edited by Raptorsin7

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3 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

Just because he isn't underage doesn't mean this isn't predatory. There is a power dynamic involved. Where a person is at 28 is very different from where they were at 19 from an emotional/mental development standpoint. They are also in completely different stages of their lives. Your  brain also doesn't fully develop until like 25 or so. So the fact that a 28 year old feels that they can relate to and date a 19 year old is a red flag for me and indicates that maybe the older person isn't well developed emotionally to relate to people their own age. 

I have seen relationships where the guy or girl were quite younger like 19 years old but were quite matured enough to handle a relationship with a much older person. The power dynamic does not always become a problem. 

In fact some 19 year Olds were more matured than a 25 year old. 

It depends on the nature of the relationship and how they relate to each other. 

 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

Why did your mother choose to have children with him?

Sometimes you don't get the courage to leave until you have something more at stake i guess. 

Also, sometimes you miss the signs and people reveal themselves later on. 

Leaving an abusive situation isn't as easy as people from the outside make it out to be. There is a lot that can go wrong.


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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Just now, Raptorsin7 said:

@MatteO22 If you're dad was psychotically assaulting your mom than no I don't disagree. 

But I don't think most single mothers are innocent in their predicament. 

Also, if your dad was such a psycho. Why did your mother choose to have children with him?

I’m not trying to paint my mother as the victim in the scenario. She carried the same responsibility as my father, and both of them should have chosen divorce, and neither Of them had the strength to do it.

 

She was married to him because she was raised by abusive parents and she married an abuser as something that is familiar. In terms of my upbringing, both my parents did equal damage. Doesn’t change the fact that had my mother become a single mom (which requires only one of my parents to terminate the relationship) it would make things better. Way better. Because what was modelled to me and my brother was that ‘abuse is okay and you should stay around abusers and have no boundaries.’ 

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2 minutes ago, Raptorsin7 said:

@Preety_India That's a fall choice.

 

You mean false choice? But why? 

 


    God is not a belief.  محبت     الحب   प्यार  love  ॐ Om  मोहब्बत God الله   اللہ   خدا My blood is Hindu, my soul is Christian and my heart is Islamic. But right now my head is in the clouds with an Aries male  currently ruling my heart. The Snake seduces the peacock, embodies Shiva and the Gods bow to it. ... ll ॐ ll.. INTP loner... और तुम नाचते गाते हुए मेरे कदमों में आ गिरेगी... Live a Roman.Die a Roman...Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream 

Preety preety

 

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