the_wanderer

Just broke up with my 9 year older girlfriend

70 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

We meet the day Denmark started closing down when I was 18 just before I turned 19 and we broke up yesterday where I was 20 and we now do not need to wear a mask in shops (aka we are almost completely open again). She is 9 years older than me and have a kid.

 

All I kind of want to know is if I could have done something better or different for future relationships. She says that we are just very different and the age gap is large and that she wants someone that can also help with her kid. Is it because women in general do not want to be more precise? Or was it just a question of time before she would want to try to find someone she could settle down with?

 

And if you have any questions please ask because I do not really know how and what to explain since this is my first breakup.

Edited by the_wanderer

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Wow, your first girlfriend was a milf? That's lit bro :D

How are you feeling emotionally? Your post above seems super neutral and nonchalant, but first breakups are usually psychic disasters.

1 hour ago, the_wanderer said:

All I kind of want to know is if I could have done something better or different for future relationships.

This question is answered personally by doing lots of soul-searching in solitude.

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At first glance I thought I read "Just broke up with my 9 year old girlfriend"...

 

Were you ready to take care of a kid? Perhaps she thought the age gap was too big, or you were too young to be father material. 

But I don't know her or you, so there are many assumptions here given the information. 

 

You can contemplate how this experience will help you grow. 

I don't know if you are ruminating about it, but if you are, remember that the past is in the past and all you can do is learn from it. The "past" is not in your direct experience. Rather it is a thought, a concept. 

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Avoid single mothers at all cost 😅you dodged a bullet

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Posted (edited)

Ah first world problems. You will find another one and she will do the same. 

Edited by Zeroguy

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4 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Avoid single mothers at all cost 😅you dodged a bullet

Hahahahahahahahaha ✔️

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Posted (edited)

@NoSelfSelf Also it is so hard to "seduce" single mom. 

Could tell story about my experience with single mom.with 3 kids but I won't..... tempted. 

It lasted 2 days. 

Edited by Zeroguy

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6 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Avoid single mothers at all cost 😅you dodged a bullet

Um, why avoid them? 

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@somegirl I guess they are aware that this may be a giant red flag. In my mind the majority of single mothers aren't single without a cause (bad decisions making, drawing toxic men into their lives, etc.). 

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Posted (edited)

12 hours ago, RendHeaven said:

Wow, your first girlfriend was a milf? That's lit bro :D

How are you feeling emotionally? Your post above seems super neutral and nonchalant, but first breakups are usually psychic disasters.

This question is answered personally by doing lots of soul-searching in solitude.

Thank you bro, and I appreciate your intrest :) 

I’m feeling ok, we had an open relationship for 1 year then we became exclusive about 2-3 months ago. We became exclusive because it was a bit too much for her since she was not with anyone else and did not want to be with anyone else. She has threatened to break up before so I have cried multiple times when I thought it was over and then it was not, also in front of her (don't know if that is a bad thing, I didn't do it to seem weak, I was just honest while doing what I thought was right). It has just been going downhill a bit before we became exclusive and until now.

I don't really know if it is because I'm more detached from my emotions or I have just learned to be able to completely accept the situation so there are no conflicts in my head. When there is no conflict in my head then it is just about feeling through my emotions which might take around 45 min and then I almost just go back to normal. It is a bit weird when I compare it to other people that I can do that. Or maybe I suppress it in some because I was almost always a bit anxious when I was in school from 6-15

 

How would you go about doing soul-searching? Just sit in your room and think about the relationship? I just have this feeling that it was that after around a year all the love she was experiencing in the beginning just slowly was fading and at the same time something happened that made her have to face reality and increase the amount of work to maintain herself and her son. 

Edited by the_wanderer

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Posted (edited)

2 hours ago, somegirl said:

Um, why avoid them? 

Because they imagine they can't deal with them or any possible probelmatic situation that comes up.

It's just immature fears.

 

Edited by Windappreciator

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Stay away from women that have kids, they have more baggage than an airport. 

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Posted (edited)

12 hours ago, Vision said:

Were you ready to take care of a kid? Perhaps she thought the age gap was too big, or you were too young to be father material. 

It really depends on how you define "taking care". He (the kid) really liked me and she says that It was good for him that I was around since he sometimes would want to be a bit more like her (painting his nails, and having a queen crown on). But normally he would run around and yell and play with his toys. There is no problem if he wants to paint his nails and so on, he just also needs to be aware of the masculine energy.

I did not want to for example go get him from the kindergarten, but playing with him and helping out with others for him sometimes was fine. I saw it very much as a learning experience. I have a much better idea of what it actually means to have a kid. 

12 hours ago, Vision said:

You can contemplate how this experience will help you grow. 

I don't know if you are ruminating about it, but if you are, remember that the past is in the past and all you can do is learn from it. The "past" is not in your direct experience. Rather it is a thought, a concept. 

Thanks, make sense. What would you say is the best way to find out what you could learn from your past? Like don't you kind of need an example of an ideal relationship and then think about what differences there were? And what would an ideal relationship even look like?

Edited by the_wanderer

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11 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Avoid single mothers at all cost 😅you dodged a bullet

There is nothing wrong with single mothers... 

Insecure men can't handle mature responsibility so they say stuff like this.

I thought this was actualized.org... not red pill content!

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11 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Avoid single mothers at all cost 😅you dodged a bullet

I'm also curious to why. He is 4 years old.

I know that the kid will sometimes suddenly come running out of no were into the bedroom and will need help but I think you have some other reasons than that:)

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11 hours ago, Zeroguy said:

Ah first world problems. You will find another one and she will do the same. 

I'm curios, what do you mean by a first world problems?

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if there was no child involved maybe it would have worked..  but a child needs a stable male role model, and having an open relationship when there is a child, doesn't show much stability or security in the relationship.  so she was probs thinking whats best for the kid.


 

Your future self is watching you right now through memories

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Posted (edited)

12 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Avoid single mothers at all cost 😅you dodged a bullet

To be fair, you are being harsh here, I mean, not all single mothers are single, or mothers by choice. It's not always bad life choices.

Edited by Peter Miklis

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It's not that she's a single mother that concerns me. It's the age difference especially considering you were 19 when yall met. A 28/29 year old woman has no business dating a 19/20 year old. There is a huge power imbalance and that's a huge warning sign imo. It would be one thing if both of yall were older than 25 or so but your brain hasn't even finished developing. Yall are each in very different stages of your life. 

IDC if she has a kid. That's not a problem. I honestly think she's a predator tbh.   


The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

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