Anon212

Life Purpose Paralysis

4 posts in this topic

I did the life purpose course two years ago and I have recently gone over it again. With that I have done other similar courses and read books and have come to the same result: I want to teach something around health, exercise and spirituality. It would be great if I could figure out a niche and combine them all but I am facing some issues now. I made a post recently about a PhD offer I got that I turned down. Now I'm thinking I should have accepted it but I don't even know if I want to do it. I say that because I know if I have a PhD in something, people will be more inclined to listen to me. It helps that the PhD was in exercise physiology.

I don't know how I'm going to execute on my purpose. I don't know if I should go back to college. The main reason I would go back to college is to gain more accolades so that I appear as more learned. Otherwise I know it's bullshit. Also, I have noticed recently that I am quite impulsive. I woke up one day and thought "oh I should become a personal trainer, I've done bodybuilding, powerlifting and martial arts in the past". But then the gyms opened up, I took my brother to the gym to teach him how to lift and thought "wow this is boring". The next day I started thinking about doing medicine. This is definitely because my asian parents have brainwashed this shit into me. I don't really want to be a doctor but I'm considering it - again just out of pure pressure. Clearly this jumping between careers in my mind shows a lack of clarity. 

I have just graduated from college, I have a nice bit of cash saved up and I am living cost free with my parents. My parents are pushing me to pursue medicine. My friends are pushing me to do the PhD and yet I know deep down that none of this is for me. I also recently read The Big Leap and it shows that I really want to teach. My top three values are spirituality, health and wisdom. I have gone through some very (very) severe traumas in the past and I think that (compared to others my age), I have become quite wise. When I say traumas, I mean a toxic household, physical traumas, many bullies in school (I grew up as an Asian in a conservative area), lack of love. I ending up being a people pleaser, nice guy, subject to narcissist...man the lists goes on. I'm not going to get into it but honestly there is so much that I feel lucky I haven't fallen into deep depression. When I listen to someone like Ram Dass and he says that this suffering is grace as helps you to awaken, I really resonate with him. In the last two years I have spent over 1000 hours meditating and I have read at least 30 books on spirituality from Mooji to Sadhguru to Ralston. I have also read lots of psychology. With that I have religiously followed Leo also! At one point I thought I was falling for the newbie non duality trap but I also looked at this very carefully and it just wasn't the case. This shit means everything to me. However if I started teaching spirituality, my Muslim family will disown me. No doubt.

To add to all of that, I am quite nihilistic right now. The classic stage green nihilism and I know I must go through this. It's difficult to square this nihilism with attempting to work on my life purpose. I'm super confused. Should I continue trying to figure out my purpose? Should I go back to college? Should I get a job in a pharma company for a while? Should I take a year off? And how do I work with this considering I don't really seem to apply meaning to anything right now. I feel kind of stuck because I'm sitting at home doing nothing and I see my friends going into their pharma jobs, PhDs, med school etc ... I'm not jealous but I feel uneasy because there is no movement in my life as there is in others lives. I also feel very lonely at times. I am quite weird. I mean, the nature of the books that I read is quite weird. Nobody and I mean NOBODY around me is studying psychedelics, spiritual schools and teachers, developmental psychology etc... you know the whole self-actualized stuff. I seriously need advice man. Is there anyone that can offer anything? 

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Since you have the money, I recommend you move out of your parents' house and into a new environment where you can live life according to your values and get new friends that reflect that. Right now, your circle of influence (family and friends) is pushing you out of alignment with your values, so you feel resistance to going after what you really care about. It would help if you had a new environment to reflect on what you care about and what you want to do.

I definitely recommend getting a job in the health industry -- don't knock being a personal trainer, even if it's just for the money while you get your bearings. I can easily see you do something like becoming a holistic healer of some sort -- like a doctor in the field of integrative medicine, a naturopath, a TCM doctor, or an Ayurveda practitioner, something like that. You obviously have the aptitude to get a doctorate, and you care about people's health. Since conventional allopathic medicine is not for you, so try a field of medicine that incorporates health, exercise, and spirituality. You have many options, but you won't have the courage to explore them if you surround yourself with people who are killing your dreams (despite their good intentions.)

 

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Yeah, look to get out of the house, either renting somewhere cheap with your money or getting a job, but you have some soul searching to do, finding more of your authentic expression, experimenting a lot more to see what you really like. I wouldn’t commit to anything long-term right out the gate. Your impulsiveness will diminish when you have 12 ideas that you impulsively chase and none of them end up being the one haha.

Don’t please your parents and friends. 
if you worked hard at a purpose and self-education for the same amount of time it takes to get PhD, and executed on a well thought out plan, you could easily get people to listen to you, and then you would have better things to say on top of it. Just my opinion. (Of course, this takes huge commitment to discipline)

if you choose to seek education, I’d do it with a very specific career outcome in mind, based off of self knowledge and experience, and definitely authenticity 100%.

I wish you luck with the fam. Mine is Catholic, half are very serious about it and will not be happy when I reveal my beliefs, but I know Muslim family will probably take it much more seriously. Take courage my friend and follow what you believe in your heart is right.

 Maybe some pickup would help you with nice guy tendencies?

Edited by Bob Seeker

A Call to Live Differently: https://angeloderosa.com

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You have been studying so much with advanced topics that you can't relate to anyone. Diversify your reading. Read some practical, down to earth books every once in a while.

Agree with Bob about moving out and doing pickup. 

Check out Robert Greene's The Laws of Human Nature. Will help with social skills, social and emotional intelligence, life purpose, etc.

Watch Leo's video's Expose Yourself to More Experience A Rant Against Culture.

Edited by Logan

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