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Applegarden8

Well, I am back

44 posts in this topic

Hey,

Some small life-improvements i have made:

- being more helpful to close people of mine when I don't know what to do;

- yoga routine;

- in process of changing work/living enviroment;

- got a car and driving xp;

- driving to the countryard and playing my instruments there;

- doing my third eye meditation very consistently;

- met with my old friends;

- thinking of getting vaccinated;

- improving my social skills and integrity, honesty, helping others, getting over rejection e.c.t., getting good at getting bullied;

- haven't lost my spark for enlightenment work;

That's it for now.

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@modmyth yes, it is "i purposely changed the password and threw it away"-ed. Happy to hear from you, hope you are doing well!

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42 minutes ago, modmyth said:

@Applegarden8  Interesting, I was just thinking about you recently and wondering how you were!

Wow, that is pretty cool! =) I can recall certain situations where this phenomena has happened to me too.

Yes, detailed emotional public journaling is not my cup of tea, and i needed to take more space from the net so I could focus in what was ahead at the time. Especially from forums like these. It gave me too much theory and thinking and far too less of simple action in a new direction type of conviction. I was not intending to come at all, but here I am. =) Some recent vids about actualized popped my interest and I wanted to know what are you guys doing.

I am genuinely glad that you are doing good/better. I will say the same things that I say to myself all the time in regards to moving foward - never give up, otherwise when you give up and live it is worse than death.

I feel like I need to catch up on what you are up these days. :)

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10 hours ago, modmyth said:

@Applegarden8  Yea sure, let's catch up. :)

I hope you're doing better with that issue you were having with your douchebag neighbour in your apartment(?), either in handling, but maybe by the grace of the gods, he fucked off or calmed down or something else.

More like something else happened. And I feel the grace is with me, as long as I practice non-violence and spiritual practices. I have been many nights sleepless for merely touching my intruments. It is almost as if he is waiting that I start playing. But I know a good antidote to this. I practice my instrument somewhere else. And no matter how much I sleep, i get up around the same time and practice my yoga e.c.t. and then trying to clean up my diet and media intake, and I need much less sleep because of that also. And it is somewhat ironic that he HAS to fuck up my sleep for whatever amount of time he has and then he has to go to sleep, but if I get up and sleep for 0-6 hours rutinely, he might not show his "wrath", because there is just no space. Other thing I do is that I am cheesing him. Not participating in their screaming, threats, he can disturb my sleep all night... and then he has to do it again, and again, and again. I bet he must feel horrible, because he is still to this day doing it, even if I played 0 minutes in my home. And his abusive action is not for free, violence is not for free. It may seem like that I am a loser for submiting to violence, but thats not how it acctually is. Getting my sleep disrupted is like a spiritual practice, where i am practicing my integrity, how to think so I felt asleep when intentionally being exposed to noise. It may be frustrating but it just flushes out and there is no enemity. The cherishing of enemity, he entertaining that he hates me is the perpetually worsening curse he puts on himself. I also practice visioning, and audio engineering and other aspects that does not require touching the instrument. I have quit video games and a few other things. That is what i ment with getting good at being bullied. About my musicianship, well, idk when I will be able to produce music I want to hear. Maybe as late as getting a house. Maybe i will get a cheap tiny house and play music there. xD

As I said, i am in the process of moving/switching jobs, hopefully, for the better.

About you, well I just woke up from a night shift, i haven't had a chance to read about you, but I remember occasionally reading your journals and you had some posts about problems with people and feeling frustrated, and then there were alot of posts about the topics you wanted to talk about. So, I wanted to ask, in what sense it is better for you? Is it your material situation that is better or you accepted yourself more?

There is so much to write about with such a journaling champion like you. xD I remember your cool surreal object drawings.

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@Applegarden8 great to have you back :)


MY WEBSITE  I'm a certified nutritionist & health coach. I help men who struggle with chronic health problems to remember what happy & healthy feels like. DM me for a free 30-minute free chat about how I could help you. 

HEALTH GROUP  Join us, learn about how to stay healthy and fit

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1 hour ago, Michael569 said:

@Applegarden8 great to have you back :)

Good to hear from you and I see your cause is growing greater and greater!

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6 minutes ago, flume said:

yey! happy to see you back on here ^_^

Ohh hey! I feel very welcomed! How have you been? I watched few videos of you, they are really creative! I don't think i am leaving any time soon. I am happy to hear from you and I wish you well!

In general i am a bit suprised that you guys remembered me, that also means you are rooting for each other and if it is true, this forum is clearly working. I can't help but smile, you know.

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Todays goals:

- Go for a 2 hr ride to get a yearly health evaluation paper for my new workplace and back;

- Then drive my parents to Riga and back, because I want to practice driving;

- Help my parents with the countryyard work;

- Pick up my rudraksha bracelet;

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Where am I stuck in life? How to untangle and how to make most of my situation?

So let's identify actual gross "real life" problems.

They are:

1) Neighbour abusing me and sleep depravating me;

2) Me being in an enviroment where I can't practice guitar;

3) When I am able to practice guitar, especially for extended periods of time, i don't know how to use this time to the maximum;

4) General nehative lifestyle tendencies - entertaiment, food, masturbation, non-intensity;

Because I have problems, they are relative to some goal or some lifestyle I want to live, right?

So, what is it that I want?

I obviously want to create music with AS MUCH artistic freedom AS POSSIBLE, and I want to put alot of tought and effort in it. So that it would function as a quality inspiration to somebody. I want to be ironic, sarcastic and funny for various reasons I am not going to go into.

Other than that, I want to live a healthy life and at the end of this birth, I want mukti.

Some shorter-term wants are:

- Finding appartment, where I can practice guitar on a regular basis;

- Really putting effort in my upcoming job;

- Since I will be living alone, I want to make serious attempts to practically find out what a good diet is, including fasting e.c.t.;

- Getting vaccinated, because for the convinience for my new job and I don't want to catch fungi infection after covid and go blind e.c.t.

- Finding a local metal group and maybe joining them? (Although Blake suggested me that I do it myself and let people join my project);

So what more can I do to cross my problems towards my goals?

- Visioning, generating intrinsic motivation and life attracting what I want, no matter what life is throwing at me now;

- Obviously staying healthy and alive because life on planet earth is about to go nuts this year for various reasons;

- With creative problems, when I can play guitar for long periods of time, focus on one idea and don't be affraid to do other things when you are supposed to play guitar like programming drums, playing with effects or descibing, defining ideas and their similarities and other qualities e.c.t. and then play guitar, practice something specific and re-notate it, record it and you have a part ready;

- Neem, haritaki, turmeric, honey, groundnuts and fruits are your best friends, consume them every day;

- Keep doing 3rd eye meditation and upa yoga practices related to spinal columm health and overall flexibility of the body;

- Keep reading living enlightenment book from Paramahamsa Nithyananda to stay on track;

- Buy bags, car accessories, get that appartment, because shit is going to change for good, I can't wait to live alone, i can really be my best and solve many basic problems for my entire lifetime, however short or long it's going to be;

- Change phone payment plan?;

- Stop comparing yourself to other people and musicians, i don't have to explain anything to anybody why, what, for whom I play and why I have or haven't released this or that or how much effort it takes to do so e.c.t.;

- Well, about the neighbour situation? Keep yourself as healthy as possible, then the sleep deprivation has no effect and they can stick their projectes hatred for themselves with a stupid ideology on top of that somewhere where the sun doesn't shine;

What else can I do? Hmm... Do the site blocker thing to free the chains from yt and other media;

Keep on visioning, keep on visioning, throw away the concept of enemity to anybody. Dissolve into the grace of Kalabhairava, Saraswati and the various forms of Shiva.

Let me not be mediocre, let me be artistic. That would be the biggest gift from life, because I have everything to do it, let me sacrifice more and more for it, so that I live intensly, sincerely.

And never forget to help others, because life then helps you. Protect the dharma and the dharma will protect you. Thank you to all.

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Posted (edited)

So, I might need a dedicated journal to this idea that I have been thinking about for a very long time!

So in general, I will try to write as shortly as possible and I will keep only one journal active and I don't want it to be on my personal life, because there is nothing interesting happening anyway.

The main goal: How to establish authentic and creative artwork in the shortest amount of time and with least effort wasted?

This approach is based on:

- Using your strengths and adding new aspects to simplicity, so that the artwork sounds nuanced, interesting with limited technical skills on the instrument and enable variation by seeing the similarities and possible aspects to alter to make something sound in theme, similar or very different;

- Black box principle and using the most basic concepts and cognitive skills to the maximum; Black box principle is basically predictively manipulating desired aspects of a circumstance or a happening without knowing anything other than what is necessary to get the desired outcome. So you don't know what you are manipulating or how you are manipulating it, if you simply do this and this, then it will happen as you want it to.

-- Continuing the basic concepts and cognitive skills aspect - creating helpful devices and methods to simplify and make the process of making an artwork as easy as possible.

- Two rules, one is strife for artistic freedom and the other is for constant expansion, like trying new things so that I get more variables.

So, first of all, the goal.

-- Create music what I want to hear, it doesn't have to be overly complicated or overly simplictic, whatever it is, I have to like it.

-- Add an element of irony, sarcasm and make fun of our own very culture e.c.t., and I wan't it to be funny with silly jokes, if I get a vocalist and reach that amount of artistic freedom. It has to be funny, wild, something that makes you smile and relax, but to be relatable. But at some points, I would want it to be very sentimental, where the harmony represents my struggle for all of this, for example.

For example, some funny song names or lyrical themes:

- Hey, he stole my face mask! Get him!;

- Boomer health advice;

- I lost my passport;

- Covidiots everywhere;

- A day with Michael Scott

- For my lovely neighbour;

- Small talk overdose;

- You have been Actualized;

- Gays for Jesus;

- Love my hatred for you;

- The smartest idiot in the room;

- Look how amazing I am;

I am heavily inspired by Tony Danza Tap Dance Extravagenza and Clown Core.

So, afterwards I am going to be talking about how to apply earler mentioned principles, so that I create an eficient way to pump out artwork with very limited practice time meanwhile preserving the quality I would like it to have.

So, in short, how to turn this cluster of ideas into a tangible artwork with various motives and kinks e.c.t.

 

Edited by Applegarden8

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While I haven't even gone to the extensive topic of "modeling" the varying tools to help yourself be intent-fully creative in the way you want and entangle yourself into the creative process, so that you are but a gear in it and it functions smoothly, I would like to establish some practical underlying principles as an addition to my original qoute:

19 hours ago, Applegarden8 said:

The main goal: How to establish authentic and creative artwork in the shortest amount of time and with least effort wasted?

This approach is based on:

- Using your strengths and adding new aspects to simplicity, so that the artwork sounds nuanced, interesting with limited technical skills on the instrument and enable variation by seeing the similarities and possible aspects to alter to make something sound in theme, similar or very different;

- Black box principle and using the most basic concepts and cognitive skills to the maximum; Black box principle is basically predictively manipulating desired aspects of a circumstance or a happening without knowing anything other than what is necessary to get the desired outcome. So you don't know what you are manipulating or how you are manipulating it, if you simply do this and this, then it will happen as you want it to.

-- Continuing the basic concepts and cognitive skills aspect - creating helpful devices and methods to simplify and make the process of making an artwork as easy as possible.

- Two rules, one is strife for artistic freedom and the other is for constant expansion, like trying new things so that I get more variables.

So, first of all, the goal.

-- Create music what I want to hear, it doesn't have to be overly complicated or overly simplistic, whatever it is, I have to like it.

-- Add an element of irony, sarcasm and make fun of our own very culture e.c.t., and I wan't it to be funny with silly jokes, if I get a vocalist and reach that amount of artistic freedom. It has to be funny, wild, something that makes you smile and relax, but to be relatable. But at some points, I would want it to be very sentimental, where the harmony represents my struggle for all of this,

--- The more time I have and the less the ability to practice guitar (or my synthesizer) at that time, the more time I will spend time to pushing this model and practicing (because It will include organizing my work, adding comments, figuring better ways to record and organize my ideas and put attention to various aspects of that what is guitar playing for example), so when I have time to play guitar, I probably won't be spending much time here and that is for good, because I want to create music, I think this can come as a theory book or YouTube series later, i feel this is very important to share as opposed to "just do it", or whatever basic advice you may be given;

--- The exception to this rule is that I have to attend other practical life stuff, which is important also;

--- I noticed I am too active on the other sub-forums and that it's just totally unnecessary, but I see the value of organizing my toughts, because I now can see the difference in journaling it vs not journaling it. For creative purposes journaling is good! You really have to spend time of different aspects of creative work because of too many reasons I can't express now.

The next segment will be about finally getting into the instrument, wether is it my guitar of synthesizer. Totally different things may apply to the two, which is great, but in short.

Some details of my guitar:

- G#0, E1, G#1, D2, F#2, C3, F#3, A#3 is my tuning, kinda weirdly voiced whole-tone polychord, contains tritones (dim-5th's), major 3rd's and out of that, many cool intervals if you start string skipping), so the tuning is nuts, like a noise guitar.

- The guitar is an quartertonal guitar (24 notes per octave) with a normal fretting past 15-ish fret;

So what I am saying with that is I have no idea what notes are there on the fretboard without really spending time with it, ofc it has intonation and buzzing problems because of really low tuning;

For now I can say i can make a lot of different chords and melodies with the shapes of chords, voicings and scales I know and even just changing the same shape one string lower or higher you get totally different sound which is exactly what I want. Kinda reverse-engineered tone cluster chord progressions with their own tonal centers that are not really into notion of the tonal harmony;

I am also planning to use different parts of the fretboard for different purposes.

Of course there is a timbre change and fx use and lead, rythm guitar, dynamics and the various shuffles of techniques and rythmic possibilities. 

With synthesizer it is alot different, completely reverse way of working (not the piano aspect but the sound synthesis part), where you distill the sound for the part depending of what you need.

And synthesizer is a no joke, I can emulate a guitar sound if I need (that serves the function), like in clowncore, and I can make hundreds of sounds that can fit parts like these, or even combine the two (guitar and synth).

https://drive.google.com/file/d/17hMCJgjDc1UyvDAa03EgeAo508CsiKNj/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JJZRl_qrRp33MuBNRFg00a_4ghHhIrHW/view?usp=sharing

As for guitar, I want to focus on noisy, dissonant, very rythmic metal rythm guitar:

I would also like to mention that with writing guitar parts, it needs to be accompanied with programmed drums to reach its optimal contrast. The best rythm guitar can sound is in full mix obviously.

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First of all I would like to ask this question. What can a guitar offer in the song? What you can do with guitar that would make the song, fresh, alive, creative, interesting?

A phrase, riff, motive that is very clearly expressed and which usually supports other instruments, vocals, previous or next motives in the track or even other tracks if you are doing an album or ep in a certain style.

Obviously something new, which potentially coild be a mix of varying aspects of qualities, skills, techniques you can have, express, do on the guitar. The cool part in my opinion that the change/experimentation is intentional and brings slightly unusual result, there you get something new constantly, as little or as much you desire, and your vocabulary is never the problem.

Lets start from the top which is the product or the master of the song, particularly something in the metal genre.

It has vocal parts, drum pars, rythm guitar parts, lead guitar parts, bass guitar parts, maybe some kind of keys, synth, maybe back vocals.

Out of that, what is really importat for me as a guitar player? Guitar parts obviously, bass guitar parts and drum parts are my foundation. Those instruments will provide the motive for me to fit in my guitar parts.

Well out of that, what makes my guitar sound like it does? So many varying sounds you can make out of that. Since the guitar is never clean and is modified by vast amount of FX and amplification, then let me list out some of the common fx. Note that if you change the order of effects in a signal chain THAT will also change the sound.

So what are the FX?

- Noise gate;

- Envelope generator;

- Boost;

- Compression;

- Overdrive;

- Distortion;

- Amplifier with its varying tones and settings for tone dialing;

- Praser;

- Flanger;

-Chorus;

- Delay;

- Tremolo;

- Feedback;

- Ensamble;

- Rng-Mod (Bit crusher);

- Harmonizer (Pitch pedal);

- Analog synthesizer;

- Expression pedals like Wah;

And a few others aswell. 18 creative variables? To make a difference in your guitar sounds??? Not even talking about changing real time envelope values to ALL of possible pedal settings with automation or with expression pedals. Of course alot of these will sound like shit, alot you will need to be careful to make it work, some will work just fine and some will blow your mind. The things you can find by accident are quite incredible, judging by my experience. Possibly, you can't even immagine how many useful sounds you could get there, and that is not even toching the techniques of the instrument!

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So, I fixed some car stuff yesterday. Got a hole in my tire, went to a car service and they fixed it in 20 minutes. Otherwise than that, I finally played the guitar for quite a while and it was really fun. I got alot of ideas, now have to figure how to expand, notate, define and consolidate them.

I also want to give myself two challenges to improve my health and social life.

- One of them is health related, since I have been struggling with sweets for such a long time, I think I would like to (otherwise than eating healthy, fasting and all that good stuff) eat some better junk food alternatives, even if it is when I make the food myself or not. The basic point is this - instead of sugar, let me eat things like marinated srooms, cook sauces with tortillias, bake potatoes, eat cheese-sussages, curd panckakes e.c.t. - things that generally don't taste sweet, except honey.

- Another is a diplomatic policy, like a country has one. Like a principle instead of emotional fluctuation based reaction. Have it happened many times that when I have been rejected by a work colleague, ex-classmate, person I used to know, childhood friend, other people that think that greeting me is not necessary for whatever their ideology is, person I would like to talk to or have some related question to them about a particular topic for example a musician, sound engineer, luthier, performance artist, a potential love interest or anything, just about any person. I have seen myself and people around me falling into the same trap all over again. Getting low after rejection and getting upset with the person rejecting them. I would like to propose a different view of the situation for myself and others reading this.

First of all, never ever stop reaching out to people, if somebody rejected you, well, change the person and keep the same question in mind, somebody will reach out back and you will be surprised how much they have for you. I can say, again and again, for just about everything I wanted to know, organize, and socialize, I had to initiate just about everything of that. Yes, now I have a group of close friends and still I keep the same principle of constantly reaching out to them and listening of what they have to say. You have to present yourself to the world and if that means reaching out to people, please do it. I regret that I didn't do it earlier. That's what makes shit happen in a lot of the cases.

Don't follow my mistake and forget the people who ignore you, just don't even take it seriously, you may try to hold on to the conviction, that people are immensely complicated and you may get rejected for the stupidest of things, so why waste time defending yourself in YOUR head, in your own home, where no-one else hears you? Whom you are telling this? Nobody. This self-justifying and rationalizing has NEVER help, just gave birth to more perversion. People can reject you for the tone of your voice, certain belief you hold, or what their friend told about you or whatever small reason even he didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything, that's why you got rejected e.c.t. So don't engage in this uselessness and don't make yourself the idiot, you are on a self-help forum, damn it. :D

 I would suggest that the people whom you are not expecting to have what you want, have a lot more to give than those, from whom you may want something. And in general it is good to hear variety of people speaking about the same topic, whatever prejudices you may have. However I think arrogance is the worst, and that is including my arrogance.

If you keep the principle going of reaching out and another to say no at the right time, you will attract all the best things you need socially. I want to thank all the people who responded to me and great friendships turned out of that. I also like to talk to a different people who have nothing in common with me and just listen to them, there is a lot you can learn and be fascinated about.

Time to play some guitar, cheers!

 

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On top of that I think it's time to reflect on the the time period of 365 days back last year.

So, in short. Despite all the problems, sleepless nights, sleep deprivation, worrying about my guitar playing, continuous self-sabotage and being more or less of a utility (mostly for the worst), I have had some breakthroughs as well. My guitar playing has gone better, I have figured a lot of my guitar stuff and workflow and my dedication has increased actually. 

And for the FIRST time in my life I am actually going to live alone. I can't even list all the benefits and the potential benefits of that action, if I just get to play guitar for like 4-6 hours a week. Not even mentioning the synth, because I can run that trough computer 24/7 and its a world by itself and I have anyway assured a way to make music, but guitar is like what I really really want to do. 

The biggest one of the benefits is that I am held accountable for everything I do. And that is a good thing because I am into self-dev and I am planning on turning the intensity knob on whatever I have to do at my new job and have a huge momentum of fixing many long term problems.

Otherwise the group of people around me... I feel immensely put down. Their eating habits, emotional intelligence, alcoholism, non-commitment to what THEY even want, the neighbor problem (to the point a lot of their energy is wasted on hating on somebody and projecting violence to each other in their family even, and ofc watching TV, internet, same thing all over again, and then hanging out and getting drunk) and their hypocrisy. I have a lot of older people in my life, they seem just old not wise. Maybe they have great knowledge in some practical areas or skills but in terms of their own worldview, nearly impossible to change that in their lifetimes, and a very little emotional elasticity. Look, i am not saying I am anywhere near perfect, however, it's about the direction you are going. Looking back at Leo's life purpose intro vid where he talked about his fundamental disagreements with his mother, the obvious too much of a difference due to self-dev made them cut their contacts. So, how to substitute cutting my ties, so that my life doesn't fall apart after the smallest of troubles? Constant strive for independence and stability, integrity in the job, monetary aspects and self-care. Making my life organized and well-automated. Things like expiration dates on my documents, looking after the car, automatic payments, password management, good work ethic (since I will have a year of studying and learning various aspects of my profession in the pharma I will be working in from July this year) good studying ethic, time management, money management, keeping myself groomed, having extra reserves for clothing, car accessories, supplies, considering the things I will be eating on survival mode, recycling a bunch of stuff too, focusing on not burning out, basically doing whatever is needed for a good groundwork to make this music thing work, because if I am unhealthy or my life is falling apart, I am not going to be enjoying music to any extent. All of these and more, to what extent I can do and manage, that I will do.

Now it is getting my passport renewed, getting the vaccine, do a health check-up for my new workplace, buying a few bags and a synth bag, buying some extra clotes and car accessories.

As far as my music workflow goes, there is too much to write for now but the basics are this:

Jamming up ideas, writing drum patterns and practicing small ideas over drums, recording them and then saving them into a bank of ideas and notating them on musescore. Obviously spending time with guitar whenever I can.

Quitting the net to an extent of how much it is possible. It is the biggest time sucker in my life.

I actually look forward to being alone and physically far away from anyone I know because in a way I have always been my support system since I started doing self-dev in 2015.

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Okay, so a short summary of what I am going to do. Still sleep deprived, still little agitated e.c.t. But the good news is, there is a 99% chance that this mess will end in two months time. So, tomorrow, I will be going to the country-field, just to play guitar. My focus tomorrow is to stick to one idea and try to develop it. There is quite a lot to improve to really really develop a good creative-work ethic.

I am just waiting for a better circumstance to absolutely abuse the fact that I am going to live alone and use it to the maximum, especially to things that are not directly related to music and guitar. Obviously I have changed my musicianship strategy to a very long term one. So I have to get healthy as much as possible and possibly get a good job, well, I am getting a better one. I am also going to have a lot of mental (learning) job and I have such hobby, so I will absolutely need to change my diet to a very light one.

Things related to artwork workflow:

- Reaper (DAW) item notes;

- Musescore 3 quarter-note plugin;

- Focus on one, few ideas, just focus on it - i think my problem is that I have created many and i am always too on and off;

- Reaper shortcuts;

- Remember that you NOW have quite some of guitar recordings with drums as opposed as last year;

- Remember that now jamming up an idea on guitar is much easier technique-wise and mentally easier (I have more exprience, technique and I understand metal elements and jamming seems natural);

- Remember that you are still doing this despite everything, because I love it, but when I pick up guitar and CAN play, i forget it;

- Here are some small demos for you to enjoy if you like and let it be a reminder of myself (they don't sound and are not complete in anyway);

- You can already play in loads of bands, from rock to metal;

- The actual limit of my technique, creativity when a consistent idea is practiced over a period of time is very far (I usually stick to an idea for a day or two);

- Spending time with an idea makes it more nuanced, complicated, easier to play and by adding various elements to simple stuff you make it really interesting;

- I feel almost nothing I have played matches my creative potential, because of my inconsistent practice, maybe except some of my lead improvisations in the past;

- I still see a lot of ways where I can improve in my life, including musicianship in my situation, however bad it is;

- I clearly see more and more that I have what it takes to release music I would like to hear;

- I REALLY hope I can SOMEHOW come to a place where I can consistently practice guitar;

- When I search for new apartment to rent my top question will be, can I play instruments there;

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vyM3I7XSEm5nlGqxS6lLD-mWr7OmL_VC/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LjRY4tsYkmZYg6ez4CDn3fdyqgOQXLw3/view?usp=sharing

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1IZ2XJSOP3E4EtODBRastErfBcDS3uQYu/view?usp=sharing

Btw I have something almost finished up on the YouTube: (It is a quite easy song but the circumstances when making this was just awful as I couldn't go to the countryfield, yet I did it!);

Depending on what creative freedoms I get my dream is to release pretty hardcore music that is reasonably complex and fast-paced.

 

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