machinegun

Steps into adulthood

9 posts in this topic

Today was my last day of high school, and I wanted to start this journal to hold myself accountable, but to also use this journal as a diary. I have almost four months  remaining until I start college, until then I want to create an eight hour schedule soley focusing on self-help work. I hope that by putting this out here, it will motivate me enough to continue just because people might be reading.

I'm very unsatisfied with my life: I hardly have any friends (none at school), I'm not going to the college I want to go to, and I'm a virgin. I also have depression, general anxiety, social anxiety, and I have a hunch I may be in a grey zone for ADHD.

My life purpose so far has been to get validation from others (smh). Everything I did or thought of doing I have looked at through the eyes of another person. This has lead me to lead an extremely dull, painful life so far. Even in doing self-help work, my secret wish is to be revered by others because of how successful I will be. Hopefully this need will change in time. And at least I'm 18, I can't believe mfs will go their whole life not realizing this. Maybe they do and they don't have the tools to change their life.

Anyway,

Everyday I will put out a plan, and then later I will put what I actually completed throughout the whole day. 

5/14

30 min walk

10 min cold shower

1 hour mindfulness meditation

1 hour awareness meditation

20 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend.

Setting up a Schwab account with my dad

Practicing driving if my dad lets me

 

I know the outcome totals to 3 hours and 30 minutes, but I think it's important to take it slow here. Hitting myself with an immediate 8 hour work day would be brutal. And if its' too brutal, I might not continue. 

*I'm always open to advice*

If you read this say what's up, it would make me happy to know there are people reading

 

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I did everything I promised myself I would do today except even though I thought it would take me the morning to complete everything listed out, I spread it throughout the whole day. The mindfulness meditation I was considering not doing. Anyway, I would like to get better at time management skills, but I am proud of myself for completing what I had set out to do. Exact same thing tomorrow except I drink a gallon of water. Oh also Schwab was close and my dad wouldn't let me drive but that was out of my control

5/16

30 min walk

10 min cold shower

1 hour mindfulness meditation

1 hour awareness meditation

20 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend.

Practicing driving if my dad lets me

I'm meeting with a girl tomorrow wish me luck.

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So I met with the girl today and she gave me my first blowjob ever. You would think because it's my first time, I would nut very quickly but she was pretty bad at it. It was her first time doing anything, including cuddling and even kissing. You would think she would be more scared, but she was pretty brave. Salute.

Anyway, I told my dad because I had to figure out an escape route for her, and she was able to sneak out the garage door while my dad distracted my mom upstairs. I couldn't help but feel my heart swell with pride when I caught my dad grinning very widely after telling him I had a girl over.

I was able to do everything today except drink a gallon of water, and I think I should increase my reading hours, at this rate I won't finish nearly enough books as I would like before summer is out.

Same plan as yesterday, except 30 min of reading.

30 min walk

10 min cold shower

1 hour mindfulness meditation

1 hour awareness meditation

20 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend.

Drink 1 gallon of water

See ya!

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I just read what I wrote the previous day, and Jesus I need to work on my writing. I'm jealous of the way some people can just form completely coherent and thought out sentences and communicate exactly what they are trying to say. 

You know, I thought having my first blow job ever would have a bigger effect on me, but I barely thought about it today. You feel different after your first kiss: you feel a little more mature and confident, but after getting my first blowjob it had a similar effect but different. I heard someone describe having sex as it feeling like "life", it was more similar to feeling like life- in hindsight. 

Today, I again did everything except drink a gallon of water, I'll have to be more conscientious of that.

I'm adding an extra hour of creativity per the books guidelines, and an extra hour of the mediation where you don't move. I think I will also wake up at 6:00 just because I want to feel good about myself waking up early and being productive.

5/18

30 min walk

10 min cold shower

1 hour mindfulness meditation

1 hour awareness meditation

20 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend.

Drink 1 gallon of water

1 hour of being creative

1 hour of no moving meditation

 

Edited by machinegun

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I remembered that I hadn't remembered to update, when I was in bed, and I didn't feel like getting up. I did everything except drink a gallon of water, again. I always forget to drink three glasses in the afternoon.

I realized I have been putting 20 min of reading on here, when in I have been reading 30 min everyday. I'm very annoyed by how slow I am at reading, I usually only progress around 2-4% of the book each day. It's pretty dense and I take notes, but holy fuck. I'm trying to read other books this summer too.

30 min walk

10 min cold shower

1 hour mindfulness meditation

1 hour awareness meditation

30 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend.

Drink 1 gallon of water

1 hour of being creative

1 hour of no moving meditation

I'll update later today too.

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Today, I was 1 or 2 glasses away from drinking a gallon. The first day I did an hour of not moving pretty easily, (I moved my neck a few times to look at the timer). Today, it was pretty difficult to finish, and my body ached badly for a few hours.

Same shit tomorrow:

30 min walk

10 min cold shower

1 hour mindfulness meditation

1 hour awareness meditation

20 min of reading The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida

30 min of using a white board to teach an imaginary class what I just learned (this is one of my methods I use to study for school. It's rly good and I highly recommend.

Drink 1 gallon of water

1 hour of being creative

1 hour of no moving meditation

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I've been doing the same for the last couple days I decided not to post a schedule every single time. I slacked off a little today, and didn't do the 30 min notes, and didn't fully do the 1 hour awareness, I was on my phone convincing myself I was aware whilst on my phone. But, it was the weekend so I'm not gonna be too harsh about myself on that. Oh, and the gallon of water I didn't do, but that's everyday. Tomorrow is my elementary school reunion, I may have to vent here tomorrow, but at least talk about it some.

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I followed the schedule as usual today, except drinking a gallon again, (I did it yesterday, though!). I saw my elementary school crush on tinder today, so I'll let you guys know how it goes. Hopefully, we will match.

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I've been doing the same for the past few days. No reply from my crush :(. She's pretty popular, so I may not get on her feed for tinder, but if she saw me I feel like she would match. Oh well. I'm taking the day off today, because I felt like it.

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