Breakups

[vedame]

My relationship with my ex-partner ended about 2 weeks ago. The emotional pain it triggered can’t be compared to anything I experienced before, even though the relationship wasn’t longer than a year.

I realised the experience makes me grow. It makes me be more introspective. It makes me learn to let go, and to take responsibility for myself and change for the better. It makes me realise what my needs are in a relationship. It makes me become stronger, and gain more understanding how my mind and emotions work. The relationship made me learn about me. I got to know a side of me which I truly love. Precious experience.

All these are great stuff. But the pain, the sadness, the missing, the recurring feeling that my ex-partner was THE one - if anything like that exists. I love(d) my ex entirely, as much as I am capable to love. This is really heavy. I have cut all contact and I’m very disciplined in this sense. The love is not gone and I know it doesn’t have to go. What has to go is the attachment and this stupid vision of belonging. Any advice on that? How did you cope? 
 

 

[WonderSeeker]

@vedame Just do what's in front of you. Carve out time to nurture yourself, whatever that is for you. 

About 5 years ago, I found out that my ex had been cheating on me. It broke my heart. I had zero self-esteem. (It was my first relationship and I fell into the naive trap that it would 'be forever.') So for me, I got "pissed off for greatness" and did what I was passionate about, and that transformed me. 

Coping is fine, but you deserve to thrive too. Good luck!

[vedame]

45 minutes ago, WonderSeeker said:

@vedame Just do what's in front of you. Carve out time to nurture yourself, whatever that is for you. 

About 5 years ago, I found out that my ex had been cheating on me. It broke my heart. I had zero self-esteem. (It was my first relationship and I fell into the naive trap that it would 'be forever.') So for me, I got "pissed off for greatness" and did what I was passionate about, and that transformed me. 

Coping is fine, but you deserve to thrive too. Good luck!

Thanks, WonderSeeker  
I was very committed. She has been struggling with depression, on and off ssris, not reaching out for professional help, isolating herself completely from the world, both physically and emotionally. In the last 3 months of the relationship, although I tried what I could (including silent patience), her feelings for me got killed off. I saw her once this year for 2 hours. She is in a spiritual transformation. Basically said that I am not mature enough for her, due to the 10 years age difference (she in her 40s, me in my 30s). Obviously neither she, nor me were ready or healthy for a relationship. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t fallen in love with full power and that it doesn’t hurt like hell. I just want to use this pain for growth. ...... It’s so hard to detach from the thought/hope/wish that she would return later.

Edited May 2, 2021 by vedame

[integral]

"One day some people came to the master and asked: How can you be happy in a world of such impermanence, where you cannot protect your loved ones from harm, illness or death? The master held up a glass and said: Someone gave me this glass; It holds my water admirably and it glistens in the sunlight. I touch it and it rings! One day the wind may blow it off the shelf, or my elbow may knock it from the table. I know this glass is already broken, so I enjoy it - incredibly."

"Once we see that everything is impermanent and ungraspable and that we create a huge amount of suffering if we are attached to things staying the same, we realize that relaxing and letting go is a wiser way to live. Letting go does not mean not caring about things. It means caring about them in a flexible and wise way"

Wisdom of impermanence is the foundation for effortless relationships.

Edited May 3, 2021 by integral

[vedame]

1 hour ago, integral said:

"One day some people came to the master and asked: How can you be happy in a world of such impermanence, where you cannot protect your loved ones from harm, illness or death? The master held up a glass and said: Someone gave me this glass; It holds my water admirably and it glistens in the sunlight. I touch it and it rings! One day the wind may blow it off the shelf, or my elbow may knock it from the table. I know this glass is already broken, so I enjoy it - incredibly."

"Once we see that everything is impermanent and ungraspable and that we create a huge amount of suffering if we are attached to things staying the same, we realize that relaxing and letting go is a wiser way to live. Letting go does not mean not caring about things. It means caring about them in a flexible and wise way"

Wisdom of impermanence is the foundation for effortless relationships.

Thank you, yes, exactly. Such a lesson.

[Inva]

@vedame keep on talking it through with good people, letting it out here helps a lot. Share, share, share as it helps the emotions so much more. Its when we bottle so much up that it becomes painful for us and even more so for the future. Sending the calmest blessings to you  

[EnlightenmentBlog]

This is how relationships and breakups work. If it was a great relationship, breakup is like killing off a part of you you'll never get back. It's always painful, depressing and miserable. You can't do anything about it other than live through it. That's life. Everything comes at a price. Choose your suffering.