Losing motivation and drive for Life because of overvaluing external validation.

[Indianonymous]

Hey all,

Been a long-time fan of Leo, and his content has helped me LOADS as it has probably all of you as well.

Reaching Enlightenment

I am annoyed with myself at this point in time because I had reached, IMHO, an "enlightened" state where I was completely and totally free of the value and all of the external validation, both positive and negative. And free of the fear of rejection and unacceptance by others, whether that be people that watched my content on IG and YT or whether that be girls that I would practice game on, or whether that be rejection from customers for my product.

I had reached this enlightened state through a combination of my learnings and teachings from Leo's videos, a bunch of Ted Talks, Jordan Peterson, and then finally the biggest and best of the tools, which basically helped me reach into as well as cement these things into my subconscious mind, Psychedelics, viz. Mushrooms.

Losing it… Rebirth of Ego

As time has gone on however, (this is now over a year, closer to two since that point) my Ego seems to have come back again. I bother myself and my thoughts with what other people think about me a lot more. I take rejection from girls to heart and or seriously, because then I feel bad about it, about myself, and then don’t want to approach more and or practice more (whether girls or sales or video creation and publishing) because I fear further “failure”/unacceptance.

I am not as motivated to make Youtube content anymore because my views on Youtube have gone down since when I first started. I felt that the topics that I am creating content on are/would be very exciting and interesting to make content on and when the views did not match up to my expectations, I lost a lot more of my motivation and drive to do all of which I was planning on doing.

Current days

I am not waking up early anymore, but I do wake up and meditate for 20 mins and do self affirmations in my cold showers.

Then I get to my boring 9-5 work and I haven't done any work on my own business in the past 2 weeks or so. I will get back into the swing of things regardless of how I feel, but I wish I could have a method of setting my head straight so it's something I LOVE and want to do and am dying to do rather than do "what is right".

Side struggles

There is a tiny thing on the side that is that I am forced for the next 6 months or so to be working this job that I don’t like or care for, for purposes of immigration into my country. So I do definitely feel that saps out a ton of my energy and drive anyways as well.

To top that my biggest outlet of Bodybuilding, a sport centered around Self Development, has been taken away from me because of Covid and the gyms being taken away every alternate day. That which keeps me grounded and helps me generate momentum into all other aspects of my life, is now in itself stagnant and stable.

Yet still there’s a lot more to it that I cannot understand and get around. My logical rational mind is already aware of the things it needs to do ( :

1.      have a life purpose/a bigger vision than myself (my struggle here is be selfish or more than?),

2.      do things for YOUR SELF DEVELOPMENT not for others,

3.      DO NOT FEAR and or ACCEPT REJECTION from women nor clients nor GenPop etc. Etc.)

 

But for whatever reason, my subconscious mind seems to have lost these ideals and feelings.

THAT’S the part that annoys me the most. That I once had it and have now lost it, and I do not know how to get it back again.

I have tried Shrooms again, but they don’t hit the subconscious any more solidly as they once did before. In fact if anything I just have a bad time doing shrooms now pretty much every single time that I do them. My first 20-30 trips were absolutely amazing and I learnt SO much from them. Now however, I don’t get anything out of them if anything, and maybe the past 15-20 trips have pretty much ALL been bad trips.

Advice?

Has anything of the sort ever happened to you all before? If so how do you shake yourself out of it? How do you get your subconscious to truly believe in the things and align by them that which your rational mind already knows?

Or even, how can I re-attain that previous state of ungodly confidence, determination, the calm and undisturbable self-reliant drive that I previously once had?

Any and all help and guidance would be very much appreciated! 

[hyruga]

Quote

I am not as motivated to make Youtube content anymore because my views on Youtube have gone down since when I first started. I felt that the topics that I am creating content on are/would be very exciting and interesting to make content on and when the views did not match up to my expectations, I lost a lot more of my motivation and drive to do all of which I was planning on doing.

 

I think youtube has an algorithm that helps new youtuber gain more impressions for their first 5 to 10 videos so you must make sure that your first 5 to 10 videos are really top-notch to gain viewers. After that, it's down to how good your content is, how consistent you are and how much money you spent to get more subscribers.

[Indianonymous]

Seriously guys no one has had anything similar happen to them they have found their way out of? Or hear of something similar even?

[Nahm]

On 4/22/2021 at 7:47 PM, Indianonymous said:

Hey all,

Been a long-time fan of Leo, and his content has helped me LOADS as it has probably all of you as well.

Reaching Enlightenment

I am annoyed with myself at this point in time because I had reached, IMHO, an "enlightened" state where I was completely and totally free of the value and all of the external validation, both positive and negative. And free of the fear of rejection and unacceptance by others, whether that be people that watched my content on IG and YT or whether that be girls that I would practice game on, or whether that be rejection from customers for my product.

I had reached this enlightened state through a combination of my learnings and teachings from Leo's videos, a bunch of Ted Talks, Jordan Peterson, and then finally the biggest and best of the tools, which basically helped me reach into as well as cement these things into my subconscious mind, Psychedelics, viz. Mushrooms.

Losing it… Rebirth of Ego

As time has gone on however, (this is now over a year, closer to two since that point) my Ego seems to have come back again.

Try physically pointing to the ego which seems to have come back again. Also look for it in feeling. Bring clarity to that this isn’t actual. It’s thoughts about it being actual. 

Inspect the validity of thoughts like “I reached this enlightened state”. That implies duality, twoness, that there is an enlightened separate self. That’s understandable and common given the path you mentioned. Add thought inspection. Byron Katie is a great resource. Also search the forum for @faceless and read his profile / comments. It’s very helpful in seeing these ‘movements’ of thought which become beliefs, which become the veil you’re referring to. 

Quote

 

I bother myself and my thoughts with what other people think about me a lot more. I take rejection from girls to heart and or seriously, because then I feel bad about it, about myself, and then don’t want to approach more and or practice more (whether girls or sales or video creation and publishing) because I fear further “failure”/unacceptance.

I am not as motivated to make Youtube content anymore because my views on Youtube have gone down since when I first started. I felt that the topics that I am creating content on are/would be very exciting and interesting to make content on and when the views did not match up to my expectations, I lost a lot more of my motivation and drive to do all of which I was planning on doing.

 When you know what you don’t want you know what you do want. There’s an art to being swift in changing focus to what you do want. Sometimes we dwell in what we don’t want, focusing on what does not feel good or inspiring. Inevitably we shift to focusing on what we do want. Often this is a years long, months long, weeks long, days long, hours long, minutes long learning curve of feeling discord & alignment, until it is a conscious seconds long shift of focus. 

Motivation runs out as its based on self image, or, how you’re seen (the motive). Inspiration never runs out, as it’s based on experiencing what you want, not what you think you want, or what you think other people want. 

Quote

Current days

I am not waking up early anymore, but I do wake up and meditate for 20 mins and do self affirmations in my cold showers.

Then I get to my boring 9-5 work and I haven't done any work on my own business in the past 2 weeks or so. I will get back into the swing of things regardless of how I feel, but I wish I could have a method of setting my head straight so it's something I LOVE and want to do and am dying to do rather than do "what is right".

Yes, that ‘what is right’ is thoughts about what other people think. It can’t pan out since you never experience what other people think. You’re at the ‘tree of the knowledge of good & evil, right & wrong’. You’re feeling the burn. Go to the tree of life, of focusing on and creating what you want. 

There is ultimately no ‘method of setting my head straight’. That is like using a hammer of psychology and doing, when only no mind will ‘do’. Thought detachment can not be thought. Self referential thoughts which are thoroughly inspected no longer arise. “Bit by bit”, the busied ruminating mind becomes silent, or more specifically, the silence was being the rumination. Rumination is fueled by uninspected & yet understood emotion. Understanding emotions experienced is no longer identifying as and the self referential thinking dissipates and fizzles out. 

It seems like it’s about the content of thought, the ‘boringness’ of the job, the challenge and work of ‘your own business’...but it’s not. It’s about the attachment with thought. Getting away for a few days would be ideal. Out of your typical environment, surroundings, interested, and patterns. Just you and only you will do, not the thoughts and activities believed to be yours, or define or reflect you. Youness naturally rises whenever not being the busy activity of thought, as there are not two. 

 

Quote

Side struggles

There is a tiny thing on the side that is that I am forced for the next 6 months or so to be working this job that I don’t like or care for, for purposes of immigration into my country. So I do definitely feel that saps out a ton of my energy and drive anyways as well.

The perspective, in it’s discord with feeling, zaps the energy. Zoom out and see the bigger picture. This is not a waste of time to get to that, this is directly the way to that, this is that already unfolding. The point is the experience. Making present experience a means to an end sucks the joy out of present experience. This is fine. That is fine. Don’t believe this is lessor than that, and you feel fine. 

Quote

To top that my biggest outlet of Bodybuilding, a sport centered around Self Development, has been taken away from me because of Covid and the gyms being taken away every alternate day. That which keeps me grounded and helps me generate momentum into all other aspects of my life, is now in itself stagnant and stable.

Sometimes it’s just good to flat out call oneself out on one’s excuses and bs. No offense. I mean that in that you’ll benefit from recognizing thought attachment, self referential beliefs. Nothing’s been taken away. What’s experienced imo, is what’s being added, in terms of thoughts, which could be let go. 

Quote

Yet still there’s a lot more to it that I cannot understand and get around. My logical rational mind is already aware of the things it needs to do ( :

1.      have a life purpose/a bigger vision than myself (my struggle here is be selfish or more than?),

2.      do things for YOUR SELF DEVELOPMENT not for others,

3.      DO NOT FEAR and or ACCEPT REJECTION from women nor clients nor GenPop etc. Etc.)

 

But for whatever reason, my subconscious mind seems to have lost these ideals and feelings.

Yes, it’s the belief you need to do anything at all. That isn’t true. It’s a belief. You’re so free to do what you want, that you’re missing that is already the case. Remember... you chose all this. Remember why. Again, getting away for a few days is most ideal. There are no ‘problems’. We sometimes get too zoomed in, and develop an apparent reluctance to zoom out. Zoom out though. Put things down for a few days. Goodness always arises like a cork which is no longer held underwater. Letting go is directly experiencing this. Inspiration. As sure as there is the experience of gravity, it is intrinsically the true nature to rise. Don’t think it, feel it. Feel the gravity right now. Sink into it. Let your worries go into it. Relax so deeply that you let your body and thoughts dissolve into it, such that there is no longer apparent, or notions of separation. 

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THAT’S the part that annoys me the most. That I once had it and have now lost it, and I do not know how to get it back again.

I hope this word is taken as helpful and not used as a way of beating up on yourself...but... welcome to arrogance and pride. It’s a bitch, but only if you resist the truth, which is that you never had shit, and you thus never lost shit. You’re believing these thoughts now... about experiencing the gaining and losing... but you are not actually experiencing any gaining or losing. 

Quote

I have tried Shrooms again, but they don’t hit the subconscious any more solidly as they once did before. In fact if anything I just have a bad time doing shrooms now pretty much every single time that I do them. My first 20-30 trips were absolutely amazing and I learnt SO much from them. Now however, I don’t get anything out of them if anything, and maybe the past 15-20 trips have pretty much ALL been bad trips.

Advice?

Yes. Again, there is no substitute for thought detachment. All which seems to be is just more thoughts. There is a thought story, a narrative, to be inspected, about you and your enlightenment. You’ve never moved, literally. It’s all a thought story about yourself, getting enlightenment, which doesn’t exist. You = existence. Thinking of a you which sometimes is and sometimes is not enlightened, is just thinking there’s a you and an enlightenment. There wasn’t an object or state had... there was an entirely different relationship so to speak, in regard to alignment of feeling, thought, and focus. Psychedelics didn’t change this, but you thought & think, they do. Mind always wins. Now always wins. Stories about you & a past never win. Win = presence, now, here, not in a thought story about your enlightened self. 

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Has anything of the sort ever happened to you all before? If so how do you shake yourself out of it? How do you get your subconscious to truly believe in the things and align by them that which your rational mind already knows?

Yes. Stop believing there’s “a subconscious”. That’s believing there’s ‘this other thing’ which you’re not conscious of. Align thought with feeling. Never attempt to align feeling to thought. “Subconscious” is a cover story when attempting to align feeling to thought, as if it worked that way. 

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Or even, how can I re-attain that previous state of ungodly confidence, determination, the calm and undisturbable self-reliant drive that I previously once had?! 

It’s already the case, and also there is a thought narrative about yourself veiling. 

Instead of focusing indirectly on thoughts of yourself, your story, and what you want... recognize what you want is feeling. These ‘two’ are the same. What you want, you want, because of how it feels. There’s no use, need, or practicality to thinking about yourself. Feeling is not coming from anything you’re experiencing, but you sometimes believe it is. Like, ‘when I have x, when I achieve y, when I obtain z... then I’ll be happy, feel better’. The cosmic joke. Physically point to the source of feeling to get the punchline. ? Watch The Wizard Of Oz. For real. Take the time to watch it. Then watch Hoosiers. Contemplate the deep messages of these movies. 

[Loving Radiance]

On 23.4.2021 at 1:47 AM, Indianonymous said:

3.      DO NOT FEAR and or ACCEPT REJECTION from women nor clients nor GenPop etc. Etc.)

I won't address all of your post. However, the quote above striked the thought in me that you get what you focus on. Instead of not wanting fear or rejection, you focus on what you want in that moment. "I feel fear when chatting someone up I am interested in. Instead of avoiding fear, I want to [be connected and present to myself / let go of the outcome with the girl] here right now."

Fear doesn't resonate. Fear is not true. What is that what you want that fear points you to?

Edited April 25, 2021 by Loving Radiance