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dflores321

Help: Stopping the Pattern I'm Going Through

16 posts in this topic

I'm noticing my pattern and the suffering it causes. This happens every day. 

In the morning I'll wake up, do some meditation, stretch, or none of those things. 

I'll start my remote job and as I'm working and have time to kill I'll start indulging on porn and crappy food.

This indulgence keeps on happening, then fantasies of becoming a monk arise and theres despair and dissatisfaction, along with suicidal thoughts. 

By the end of the day ill continue indulging, but then that moment comes! 

I have my buddha moment, where awareness is present and I shut up finally, theres more hope and I think "awesome! I'll meditate, stretch, and keep working to be a better person in life! Just one day at a time!". 

The awareness is great and there's more peace and meditativeness, I'll stretch or/meditate and sleep. 

Then I wake up in the morning and the awareness of awareness is gone. 

Then repeat. 

I've been stuck in this kind of loop for a long time. 

I'm confused, I dont know what's what. 

I'm in the part of the loop where I cant understand whats going on and I'm overwhelmed with stress and emptiness. 


" ..." 

-The Buddha

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It's not about breaking a pattern. You have to make a better pattern by making small changes every day or week. Things like cleaning your diet need some attention only at the beginning, than no extra effort is needed. If you learn some yoga than you will be able to feel that you need to release some stuck energy - it can take you one minute if you know how to do that. There are MANY things like that.

If something requires you to put too much effort - like 'I will meditate 6 hous a day' - you will quickly drop it.

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@Username yea I keep looking to see what can be causing my downfall. 

From direct experience I gotta be honest, porn and masturbation drastically fuck up my days. 

I was wrong as fuck about pmo, it actually has a direct impact on consciousness and it's a subtle sneaky addiction.

One common argument against it is that sex is a natural craving that the body has so watching porn is okay. 

But that's like saying that hunger is a natural craving that the body has so let's eat mc Donald's. 


" ..." 

-The Buddha

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Posted (edited)

1 hour ago, dflores321 said:

yea I keep looking to see what can be causing my downfall. 

It's not something that causes you to downfall. You feel uneasy with too much energy and intentionally numb yourself down. You will do whatever you can not to raise your energy too much. The only way to sustain higher state of energy is to purify your energy (some kind of sadhana). The issue is that doing sadhana uses your limited free will if you have other things to do it's challenging. That's why I suggest to make small changes that do not require your attention but make you feel better.

1 hour ago, dflores321 said:

From direct experience I gotta be honest, porn and masturbation drastically fuck up my days. 

I was wrong as fuck about pmo, it actually has a direct impact on consciousness and it's a subtle sneaky addiction.

It will definitely decrease your attention span. It's especially bad if you do it early in the day because you don't have time to regenerate and you have to do your stuff from your lowest state of consciousness.

I wonder how much impact has ejaculation. I suspect that if you have control over it negative effects will be diminished at least by 80%. If you have a certain mastery over your energy you are unable to hit the bottom anymore. It's like cutting your hand off with a pair of scissors, you can't do that because it's quite unpleasant thing to do.

1 hour ago, dflores321 said:

One common argument against it is that sex is a natural craving that the body has so watching porn is okay. 

But that's like saying that hunger is a natural craving that the body has so let's eat mc Donald's. 

The issue is the level of consciousness. If you do that only in order quickly feel numb you will get what you want.

 

I strongly recommend Armodafinil. I know it didn't work for you, but for me it's really one of best things ever invented. It's works like long acting psychedelic. I am acting from my higher state of consciousness. This way I am able to structure my new better template of a day and apply it when I'm in my lower state. This way I'm upgrading myself step by step.  In my experience the whole work is about mastering cycles (minute, hour, day, than week, month..).

Edited by Username

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Posted (edited)

@Username i appreciate your advice, but armodafinil affects my sleep, it also doesnt stop the impulsiveness present.

Everything you've mentioned makes sense though. Although finding a sadhana may work.

Edited by dflores321

" ..." 

-The Buddha

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Try to have something that will motivate you like a life purpose. 

If not, make self development your life purpose.  

Focus on making your life better and making it worth living. Be passionate about it 

Once you have passion, all these bad habits will go away.. 

 


INTP loner..... Live a Roman.  Die a Roman...... Nothing else but to enjoy  the rest of my dream. Love it. (I'm more Roman than you'll ever be ) only guys with zero ego and zero passive aggressive can talk to me, rest need not bother 

Preety preety

 

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@Preety_India yes I felt the negative emotions strongly but I didnt fall into the victim story! 

I'm actually taking the life purpose course right now. I restarted since I stopped due to resistance almost a year ago (ego backlash is a bitch lol). 

Even though I have an idea of what I want the LPC will help make it sharper, clearer, and more inspiring. 


" ..." 

-The Buddha

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There is no / are no patterns. 

Only through that lens, that belief...does it seem to make sense to focus on this...

20 hours ago, dflores321 said:

I'm noticing my pattern and the suffering it causes. This happens every day. 

In the morning I'll wake up, do some meditation, stretch, or none of those things. 

I'll start my remote job and as I'm working and have time to kill I'll start indulging on porn and crappy food.

This indulgence keeps on happening, then fantasies of becoming a monk arise and theres despair and dissatisfaction, along with suicidal thoughts. 

By the end of the day ill continue indulging, but then that moment comes! 

I have my buddha moment, where awareness is present and I shut up finally, theres more hope and I think "awesome! I'll meditate, stretch, and keep working to be a better person in life! Just one day at a time!". 

The awareness is great and there's more peace and meditativeness, I'll stretch or/meditate and sleep. 

Then I wake up in the morning and the awareness of awareness is gone. 

Then repeat. 

I've been stuck in this kind of loop for a long time. 

I'm confused, I dont know what's what. 

I'm in the part of the loop where I cant understand whats going on and I'm overwhelmed with stress and emptiness. 

There is the admittance I’m focusing on exactly what I want to be focusing on. If that’s thoughts the flavor of ‘beating up on myself’... that isn’t exceptional.

Self referential thinking, is thoughts about ‘myself’. 

There’s no you stuck. There no you ‘in a Buddha moment’, or any moment. There’s no you thinking. There’s no you meditating. There’s no you waking up. There’s no you repeating anything. There’s no you confused. There’s no you that doesn’t know something. There’s no you that can’t understand. There’s no you that’s overwhelmed. There’s no you that’s stressed. There no you ‘in a loop’. 

These are thought focused upon, beliefs. 

Focus on emotions experienced. Frustration feels better than overwhelment. 

Focus on what you do want. 


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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@Nahm I'm doing the LP course discovering my top values, my values mean a lot to me but isnt that self referential thinking? My values feel good when I'm aligned with them. 

Is there a way to design an ego for fun? 


" ..." 

-The Buddha

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@Nahm so in the LPC, while it seems like I'm discovering myself, I'm really discovering what feels good and resonates 🤔. 

 

@Username I was wrong. I accepted the fact that in this age what I actually desire is to work hard and make shit happen, I'll be getting modafinil in a few weeks. 


" ..." 

-The Buddha

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@dflores321

The One aware of this....

21 hours ago, dflores321 said:

I'm noticing my pattern and the suffering it causes. This happens every day. 

In the morning I'll wake up, do some meditation, stretch, or none of those things. 

I'll start my remote job and as I'm working and have time to kill I'll start indulging on porn and crappy food.

This indulgence keeps on happening, then fantasies of becoming a monk arise and theres despair and dissatisfaction, along with suicidal thoughts. 

By the end of the day ill continue indulging, but then that moment comes! 

I have my buddha moment, where awareness is present and I shut up finally, theres more hope and I think "awesome! I'll meditate, stretch, and keep working to be a better person in life! Just one day at a time!". 

The awareness is great and there's more peace and meditativeness, I'll stretch or/meditate and sleep. 

Then I wake up in the morning and the awareness of awareness is gone. 

Then repeat. 

I've been stuck in this kind of loop for a long time. 

I'm confused, I dont know what's what. 

I'm in the part of the loop where I cant understand whats going on and I'm overwhelmed with stress and emptiness. 

... and ‘saying’...

2862D9BE-0BBF-45D9-AA36-EEE7B71EE806.jpeg


MEDITATIONS TOOLS  ActualityOfBeing.com  GUIDANCE SESSIONS

NONDUALITY LOA  My Youtube Channel  THE TRUE NATURE

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23 hours ago, dflores321 said:

I was wrong as fuck about pmo, it actually has a direct impact on consciousness and it's a subtle sneaky addiction.

 

same with me. when i dont do it i feel 10x better 

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@Jacob Morres yes I notice when I dont jerk off, theres way more excitement for life. 

It's like that anticipation to have sex with a hot girl is replaced with an anticipation for what life has to offer. 


" ..." 

-The Buddha

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From Bashar and Abraham Hicks I learned a principle that feels to me as just the best thing I've ever adopted. It's to just in every moment of the day look what is most exciting/attracting option to you and do that, just do what feels best in the moment. No need to try hard and push yourself. I heard the principle will even support you in all aspects (such as financially). Something that excites/attracts/makesyoufeelgood doesn't have to be like a big project, can be taking a walk, listening to a song, calling someone, etc. The first day I started doing that, I went to bed very blissful, next day did it again, went to bed blissful again. Next day did it again, and woke up that day in midnight feeling ecstasy poring through me and thought 'Jee.. it's this easy? Just doing what excites/attracts/"joys" me most, and this will lead me to the exact right things and the right times??". Not saying that you'll have the same blissful reaction in the first days, but I feel quite confident in telling you it will solve all your stuff

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