DefinitelyNotARobot

Just going with The flow

33 posts in this topic

Okay alright where do I start this? I actually don't know where to start. There are so many things to say and think about. There is so much to explore and so much to see. So many different possible experiences. Yet I am not experiencing what I want to be experiencing. I am experiencing so many problems that I don't want be to experiencing. Maybe I am experiencing them because I have to experience them? I don't know and couldn't tell, but that isn't important. The most important thing is that I am scared of the experience of having to take responsibility. Responsibility for myself and those around me. Responsibility for these problems that I am facing. Think about it. These problems aren't unique to my being. They aren't confined to the "me".  "My" problems keep affecting others and "their" problems keep affecting me. Maybe these are problems of the collective consciousness and I just keep "channeling" them unconsciously. Like a mirror that' reflects an image. I am reflecting the world back to itself. And that takes it back to the topic of responsibility. I should start taking responsibility for the things I reflect back into the world. I can be reflecting negative things or positive things. I can be reflecting lower levels of consciousness or higher levels of consciousness. Just like the eightfold path:

Eight-Fold-Path-Buddhism.jpg

It's probably time that I start reflecting positive things out into the world. I have a lot of negative habits but they can change. I can start developing positive habits that improve life for me, but also the world around me. That's the thought that feels the best. Creating a positive world. It doesn't matter if it's a realistic goal or not. What matters is that I start taking responsibility for myself. If I want to change the world I have to change myself first. I have to reflect a good image back into the world. Hope doesn't die unless we let it. If you can carry hope within yourself, you can also carry that hope into the hearts of others. It's like you're carrying a torch on. If 1 person can affect 2 people, 2 people can affect 4 people. And if 4 People can affect 8 people, 8 people can affect 16 people! I hope that I can carry it into the heart of at least 1 person. Because then my hope will live on. And maybe that can be a step towards creating the world that I'd like to see. Even if it's just a nano step.

I might be scared of this responsibility, but that's fine. There are so many ways to deal with this fear and I'm sure that I'll find one of them (if not more).

Edited by Sincerity

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Why do we keep running? We seem to be running away from ourselves. Do we focus outwards, because we're afraid of what's inside? Our anger and our sadness? Our feelings of weakness and desperation? But what is all of this? What is "inside"? Who are we and why are we trying to get away from ourselves? Everything I am, or that I think I am, is just perceptions. Sound and color, thought and feeling. Am I trying to get away from a perception? No that's just another perception. So what am I beyond what I perceive to be? Is what i perceive to be accurate? I've accomplished things I wouldn't have thought I could accomplish. So doesn't that prove that my perceptions are inaccurate? Is there anything I can accurately say? Something that isn't just a perception? Something that is true? I don't know if I can say something that is true. Maybe I'll just have to let the present moment speak for itself. My perceptions may not be accurate, but they're there. That's for sure.


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Words are utterly meaningless. They have some meaning, but all meaning that they do have is nothing compared to what can't be described. They are just such a small fraction of something larger than them. Words are like earth. A tiny fraction of a much larger reality. And just like with earth, we fail to realize this much larger reality. We think we're so important to the universe, but the universe would barely notice our absence. Words can't possibly describe it, they can only point to it. But people confuse words with the real deal. The confuse logic, perceptions, feelings and thoughts for the ultimate truths. Scientists have dropped the stage blue god for stage orange logic. They think that logic holds the ultimate truth. But how do we know that? How do we know that there isn't something beyond logic, by using logic? How do we know that logic is inherent to reality and not just a projection of our mind? By using our mind? Isn't that another projection? How do we see beyond the limitations of language? Through language?

All of this means nothing. Nothing significant at least. Significant to some people, but not for me. Because what's even more significant than any of these words is what these words haven't described. This is just one story about reality. One way to look at it. One relative perspective.

The empty spaces between the words do a better job at explaining reality. Just sweet silence. Understanding, not by thinking/doing, but by embracing the silence that flows through everything.

And that itself, doesn't mean anything! :D

Edited by DefinitelyNotARobot

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Each new moment is another moment a rebirth happens. Everything dies and is reborn. Again and again and again and again.

What we call the future is just that which has yet to arrive/be born. What we call the past is just everything that has already departed/died.

Things fade into existence and immediately fade away. I always thought that the future was some distance place that reality was traveling to. But we don't go into the future, the future comes to us. It arrives in each moment. And each moment vanishes into the past. Our future and our past are being manifested right here right now. There is no distance, all distance is just a perception. Let's for a moment assume that the big bang was real. That would mean that it's not some kind of distance thing as a lot of people imagine, but that it's still happening right now! The now is STILL a manifestation of the big bang, just a later stage (and the later part is just another perception).

The point isn't about the big bang, but about the past manifesting itself in the present moment! The same goes with the future. It's manifesting itself in this very moment! Each moment is a new step, a new breath, a new life. Each word that I type is a new word. These words might have been written before, but that doesn't matter, because they have never been written within the context of this present moment.

But where is everything arising from and vanishing to? People say that it's nothingness, but I'll have to find the truth for myself, because words can't carry something that is larger than them. There is too much information to communicate in reality.

What I do know is that this present moment is something valuable that all of us share. Some of us are grateful for it, others take it for granted and others even hate it. I myself take a lot of things for granted and have hated the present moment a lot, but I've gotten to a point where I understand that I should be more grateful for it, because every moment is a new life and a new chance. There are so many beautiful things to explore and experience! I want to be able to love this gift that I have been given.

But every moment is also a new death, and a new missed opportunity. So I want to learn to enjoy it while it lasts, because I know that my human existence won't last for ever. So why should I be so pessimistic about my life? Why should I give death more power than birth? Both are two sides of the same coin and should be respected as that.

There are so many things to be learned from this present moment, and these are just a few of them. I can't wait to explore as much of life as I can. 

This is what our ancestors must have felt like when they were exploring the oceans, not knowing what they might find on the other side of this seemingly infinite ocean. It's so exiting!


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Knowing is when you know that you don't understand. Understanding is when you understand that you don't know.


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Anything that can be said is just empty stuff. It has no ground and no foundation. Words are utterly meaningless. 
    
You need words to explain what words mean and then you need more words to explain those words and so on.
    
You'll get stuck in a self-referential loop. If you want to explain words you'll first have to explain what's outside of them.
What's outside of language.
You'll have to explain humans for example.
If you want to understand how language works you'll have to understand how humans construct it.
    
A better example would be your hand. Imagine if all that you knew was just a hand. 
You might try to understand it, but you would run into a wall, because the hand would constantly act in mysterious ways that you couldn't explain.
But then, when you zoom out and look at the entire arm your perspective suddenly shifts. 
It helps you understand the hand a little better, but there are still more questions you have.
So you zoom out further and you see the entire human body. It blows your mind even further, because it gives the hand an entirely different context.
You knew that the hand was sentient, because it could act in intelligent ways. If you poked it it would react. It could grab stuff and throw it.
But you didn't know how it did all of this. But now you understand that the hand was attached to something larger.
It wasn't its own thing, but rather an extension of something else.
    
But than you ask yourself: "But how does this human work?".
So you look inside the human and you see all sorts of amazing stuff. You find an smaller lifeforms like bacteria, an immune system, organs and much more.
But still. How does it work? 
Well you look closer and you realize that the body is a complex communication network. Information is constantly being transferred all through your body.
You see, feel and hear, you can move your limbs, you can think about stuff.
You see that this is all connected to the brain and that the brain is like the director of this entire factory.
    
Now you understand the hand a little better, but STILL... How did this brain come into being? 
Well now we have to zoom out further and have a look at the environment of the brain. We see earth and societies and nature.
We see that there is evolution and the human brain was conditioned by its surroundings.
    
Like let's say that you've always observed that the fingernails on the hand were constantly changing in length.
Sometimes they were longer, sometimes shorter and some times really short. You were wondering how that might work, but now you know.
The human, the hand belongs to, is a very anxious person and they start to bite their nails every time they get nervous. 
Maybe they are a student and they always bite their nails right before an important exam.
Now it makes sense that the nails were so short at times.
    
But in order to understand such a thing you had to zoom out and look at the person and their life as a whole.
Afterwards you'll have to understand how society conditions people and how this person became so anxious and why the education system is so stressful for children.
    
The point that I am trying to make is that you can't understand the one without the other.
If you want to understand one thing you'll also have to understand how it is connected with everything else.
Even if there is no apparent connection between two things, the lack of connection and the distinctions between those things are also something that you need to understand, if you want to truly understand a thing.
    
So words are meaningless because you can't even truly understand them. You will always project your own interpretation onto the words you speak.
Words exist relative to you. That's why the meaning of words transforms as the sense of "you" expands.
As "you" expand you gain a new perspective on things. Everything is put into a broader context and you understand everything a little better.
This broader perspective allows you to draw new connections and make new distinctions. Life and death, just like the cycle of life. 
Every time you zoom in and out on things, their context changes and that can go on forever!
    
But it will still be nothing but a relative experience. The context of experience doesn't matter, because experience is just experience.
So you'll never be able to truly understand things through language. Through your mind. Through your emotions. Through what other people say.
I don't even know if you can even understand things like at all. Who is there to understand what exactly?


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Knowledge is just words and thoughts. Understanding is deeper than that. It's much deeper than words and thoughts. Understanding happens prior to it being articulated. Some understanding can't even be articulated!
What a lot of people seek is knowledge. It seems to me that many of them think that attaining knowledge will take care of having to understand things.
    
I'll use music as an example. I could play the chords C, Am, F and G because I know that it'll sound good. I don't understand WHY it sounds good, but I just remember that it does, because I've played it in the past. That's knowledge.
But what I am after is not knowledge. I want to understand WHY that chord progression sounds so good. Why does this configuration of notes sound so good? What about the movement of the harmonies and melodies makes it sound the way it does? How do the different building blocks of that harmony flow into each other?
Those are just some of the questions you could ask. Music theory can help us with this, but it won't do the job for us.
It's just food. That's what knowledge is. It's food. When we sit down and try to understand a thing, we have to let go of all knowledge.
Our subconscious mind/our intuition takes care of the remembering. It will take everything we know into consideration when making a decision.
All of our knowledge already flows into our understanding even without us actively doing it. When trying to understand a thing we should let go of everything we know and just observe.
That's how you get good at music. Feed your mind. Your music is a manifestation of what you've fed your mind, in the same way that your body is a manifestation of the stuff you consume.
All the different artists you like, all your favorite songs and melodies and chords, will flow into the music you create.
If you simply feed music theory to your mind and then try to understand music independently of your knowledge, you'll have a much better time understanding it than you'd have if you tried to understand it by music theory alone, or by intuition alone (those who make music without ever learning music theory)
The relationship between knowledge and understanding is fully organic as understanding happens all by itself. Attaining knowledge is more like watering a flower. You just set the right conditions for the blooming (understanding) to happen.
If you don't give your flower water, or sunlight, or the right nutrients, it won't bloom.
So I can't really control whether I understand how harmonics work, but I can set the right conditions and increase the chances for it to happen.
    
Knowledge can be a bridge, a connection between two points. It can put things into perspective and it can strengthen our understanding of the world.
But it's just a tool meant to aid us in our path towards understanding and not the final thing. It's just a piece of the puzzle, not the entire image.
    
And this is probably just the tip of the iceberg. It's so fun and interesting to explore reality in this way!
Being stuck in thoughts and words and concepts isn't fun. It's stale and boring and you start to think that you already understand everything, because these stories are so tempting. 
They take away the burden of having to answer all the questions we have. Why learn for then test when you can easily copy your friends answers?
 
Going beyond knowledge is scary because we're suddenly all on our own. When you realize that anything anybody else is saying might be wrong your realize that you can only rely on yourself. But then you start to question yourself and then you realize that you can't even properly trust yourself, because you too are biased and distort the truth!  

We have to trust in the journey. We have to trust that it'll take us where ever we have to be. You can't just trust every single thing you do, in the same way that you can't trust every single thing anybody else does. But you trust in the whole picture. You can trust in the fact that everything is right where it's supposed to be. If it was supposed to be somewhere else it would already be there.

By trusting in the journey true understanding will come to us.


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 The tools are not what makes an artist. And they are most definitely NOT what makes a GREAT artist. A great artist with shitty tools is still a great artists, though not at his greatest potential. A shitty artist with all the tools in the world, is still a shitty artist. Don't let your tools define you or your art. I can't really make any prescriptive statements as for now, but that sure does sounds deep as hell!


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For most of my life I was a nice guy. Because of child hood bullying I wasn't very confident in my ability to navigate conflict. So I tried to make myself as small as possible and avoid being noticed because you won't get into conflict it nobody notices you. You just kind of try to be as pleasant as you can in order to blend into social settings. You try not show your edges and teeth.

I feel like that's a story that a lot of nice guys might relate to.

A lot of times all these nice guys are doing is just bottle up their emotions. Everybody has boundaries. Everybody get annoyed, offended, hurt, angry and all of that stuff. But nice guys don't say anything, because they're trying to hide and blend in and try to be as little of an annoyance as possible. So they bottle all of it up until the bubble eventually burst. Then they overreact, become toxic and end up being absolute dicks, because they never got to work on their ability to navigate conflict properly.

And even when they're not exploding at you, they can become very passive aggressive, because some of their feelings slip through here and there.

All of this is obviously very inauthentic. People will start seeing this after a while. They'll see that you're putting on a mask and that you're not being honest and upfront with them. You'll say one thing but do another thing because you don't want to tell them what you truly think or feel. So you'll actually end up hurting a lot of people by trying to be nice.

This hurts both you and others. If you want true and authentic relationships you must stop depriving others of their ability to judge you as a person. When you're being inauthentic you attract people into your life  that don't really reflect your needs and wants, because you never express them honestly. When you're being authentic others might end up disliking you, but those that still like you will like the real and authentic you. You actually give these people the ability to find you when you're being authentic.

So you have truthful with people even if it hurts them, because if you're not being honest they might start having false hopes, expectations and ideas about you and then they'll get hurt far worse over the course of your relationship than if you had told them the truth from the beginning.

For me this means accepting who I  am. It means to love myself with all my edges and flaws. To be there for myself with all my words and actions. There is still a lot of shame and fear around this part of myself. But I've started to express it more authentically which is making me feel better in my own body. It has a positive effect on my confidence and self-esteem. There is still a long way to go, but I'm very excited to see where this will take me.


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On 5/30/2021 at 3:28 AM, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

Knowing is when you know that you don't understand. Understanding is when you understand that you don't know.

That was beautifully put. 

 

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When I was about 7 I was thinking about God a lot (because I had to attend church every Friday morning before school and heard a lot about it).

One morning on my way to the church I was thinking something crazy. What if I am God? What if I made myself a human, so that I could know everything? I mean if God were to know everything he also would have to know what it was like to experience being an ignorant human child on its way to church. I was playing around with this thought, but never thought about it again afterwards. But I still remember how I was genuinely considering that possibility.

It's funny to see how things are slowly coming full circle . :D

Edited by DefinitelyNotARobot

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This might be an awakening. Not a particularly deep one, but it feels like Truth is slowly becoming brighter and brighter. It's like each moment is leading me deeper and deeper into myself. I am still trying to survive, but I'm becoming aware of it on a much more profound level. Like I am trying to survive right now! This is me surviving! Look at me go! 


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Thoughts and ego are also just Love, but more like waves of love within Love. And this Love is so Loving that it also may allow the ego to be and for time and space to creep back in. But Love has finally recognized itself as Love and that will shed a new light on the ego (A light of LÖVE).

Edited by DefinitelyNotARobot

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Most of my life I walked around with the belief that reality was something that was happening to me. Like it was some kind of external experience that I was subjected to. Then, fast forward to my first psychedelic trip, I realized that this was to say that I was other than reality. Like reality was somewhere outside and then there was me experiencing it. But my experience of reality IS part of reality itself! That means that me being aware of the reality around me IS reality being aware of itself! Me being intelligent IS reality being intelligent!

But what does that say about things like "hate"? Is me being hateful, reality being hateful? If so, then what is the difference between hate, as a non-fundamental part of reality (I assume) and love as a fundamental aspect of reality? Is it that one is built from the other? Is hatred built from love? What does it mean to say that it's built from love? Love is such a weird word because I associate it with human things and it gets even weirder when you start saying that love can actually create an entire universe. Very confusing.


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For a long time I had a longing somewhere deep within me. It was longing for the one true relationship/partner. But my intuition was telling me that the love that I'm looking for can't be found anywhere out there in the world. It could only be found within myself. The relationship I was longing for WAS the relation ship to myself. It was difficult to accept in the beginning, but I've been slowly letting go of the need to find that one true love out there. That doesn't mean that I can't have relationships. It just means that they won't ever give me what I truly need, because everything I need is right here, right now! And that's all I'll ever need. To be loving is to share the love that we've already got "inside" us. It's not even a sharing, because it's not something you do, it's what you ARE!

It makes me a little sad, but it also makes me feel free and empowered. Free from needing others to like me and from needing them to make me feel good for me, like it's their fucking job to do so. Why should I work so hard for the love of others if I could expand the love that is already burning within me? Why work so hard when it's never going to be TRUE love, because all of this human stuff will wash away eventually?


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