Ero

Back after 1 year: For all the young actualizers

12 posts in this topic

Greetings to all of you. It was one year ago that I decided to finally drop all of the mental games and dive head first. To give you some context - I am an 18 year old, living in one of the most underdeveloped countries in Europe (and also in  a really toxic family environment - Stage Red/Blue). Without going into much detail, there was serious ultra-conservative ideological pressure and many, many limitations. It became clear to me that I cannot develop myself without first addressing this fundamental issue of my environment that would keep stunting my growth. You see, I very much liked to think that I was spiritually gifted - I was a meticulous meditator and yoga practitioner. Whether through meditation, inquiry or psychedelics I had many realizations and states of consciousness of Love, Infinity and Oneness. But however developed I thought myself to be there were recurrent neurotic patterns, backsliding and frustration. It culminated with a series of trips all of which were clear in their message- "come back with focus".  However painful at first, I accepted that unless I address these more pragmatic issues of my environment, I wouldn't be able to develop myself. I wanted to somehow feel "talented" and "gifted" by skipping those early developmental stages. Of course, in the long-term this would actually have been an extremely immature and unconscious decision missing the fundamental systemic nature of our lives. I cannot possibly describe all the things that changed over the last year, so I will list only the most impactful:

1) I sought out a mentor - an American businessman and educational activist who had a project at our school.  (Stage Orange/ Green). He became a crucial pillar in my development by counteracting the impairing influence of my family.

2) I moved out from my parents' apartment and have been living independently for 7 months now.

3) Where previously I would struggle with relationships, I really got determined and eventually set this part of my life in motion. Over the last year I met many new friends and romantic partners that led to really valuable experiences and lessons learned.

4) I got my shit together and decided to do everything I could to study abroad. The only way for me to really charge my growth was to change my environment. You see, I am very aware of the systemic limitations and ideological framework of a university, but you have to understand that this really is the only option for someone of my background. So after almost a year of gruesome hard work (and many more prior) I am the only one from my country that got accepted at Harvard this year.

5) I started clearing up my life purpose through having many different experiences - conducting scientific research, working on NGOs and businesses. I became aware that I have a distinctly different path than any standardized path could give me, so I have to put in the extra time to figure it out and make it work.

 

There were so many lessons and realizations, but since I chose this to be addressed to other people in my situation, these are a few things I would have told my myself one year ago:

 

1) Sorting out your problems on a pragmatic level is not in any way less spiritual - in fact you really have no other option if you want to be as conscious and as developed as possible. Otherwise those problems will haunt you as your shadow, manifesting in toxic habits, dissatisfactions and even health issues.

2) Have as many and as diverse new experiences as you can. One of the most important lessons for gaining clarity is to experience life as much as possible - meet new people, try out things that interest you, go to different places, read different books. This would not only boost your creativity and general satisfaction, but also give you a clear sense of what you want out of life.

3) Set clear boundaries for yourself of what you accept as friends, partners and acquaintances. This is the only way to start elevating from your toxic environment and relationships. Your satisfaction and fulfilment should be a priority, otherwise you will build up resentment.

4) Focus on you. Stop debating, conversing or trying to change anyone's opinion or view of things. If you cannot cut the toxic people off, at least minimize as much your confrontations as possible (for example I stopped debating or talking about anything with my family that I knew would lead to ideological conflicts)

5) Your environment is an extension of you. Be deeply aware of how it influences you and your development and constantly strive to improve it.

6) You should work on all aspects of your life systemically. There would be times for more focused work on a certain area/project, but in general you don't want to leave a part of your life unaddressed.

 

I of course had many visions and spiritual realizations, the results of countless hours of contemplation, but I decided to make this post as pragmatic as possible. I hope this helps anyone who finds himself in a similar situation.

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@Ero I have a question from ya. How did you move out of your parents' apartment? 

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What a progress, welcome back and good luck. :)

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Awesome dude. You're the real deal.

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Nice, thanks for the advice


"God is not a conclusion, it is a sudden revelation. When you see a rose it is not that you go through a logical solipsism, 'This is a rose, and roses are beautiful, so this must be beautiful.' The moment you see it, the head stops spinning thoughts. On the contrary, your heart starts beating faster. It is something totally different from the idea of truth." -Osho

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15 hours ago, Husseinisdoingfine said:

I was always insecure about exactly when I should pursue awakening with no brake rails.

IME you should do whatever feels right for you. In my case despite going all in, I suffered a lot because of unaddressed issues within my psyche and environment. So it meant I have to sort out that first. You may be different. One thing @Leo Gura has mentioned is on the issue of ambition - I know for sure fact that the hermit lifestyle isn't for me, because I would be miserable. 

13 hours ago, veqsms said:

Which country is that?

 

I previously haven't had a problem with sharing my background on the forum, but I have given information on this post that could make it trace back to me and I prefer to evade this for now. 

7 hours ago, ilkjnkh said:

@Ero I have a question from ya. How did you move out of your parents' apartment? 

I rented a small apartment. It was relatively inexpensive, because it's in a neighbourhood at the end of my city. I am affording it through scholarships and different work I have done. 

3 hours ago, Girzo said:

What a progress, welcome back and good luck. :)

2 hours ago, SirVladimir said:

Awesome dude. You're the real deal.

2 hours ago, Dryas said:

Inspiring stuff

2 hours ago, Osaid said:

Nice, thanks for the advice

Thank you for your words. :)

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15 hours ago, Ero said:

Greetings to all of you. It was one year ago that I decided to finally drop all of the mental games and dive head first. To give you some context - I am an 18 year old, living in one of the most underdeveloped countries in Europe (and also in  a really toxic family environment - Stage Red/Blue). Without going into much detail, there was serious ultra-conservative ideological pressure and many, many limitations. It became clear to me that I cannot develop myself without first addressing this fundamental issue of my environment that would keep stunting my growth. You see, I very much liked to think that I was spiritually gifted - I was a meticulous meditator and yoga practitioner. Whether through meditation, inquiry or psychedelics I had many realizations and states of consciousness of Love, Infinity and Oneness. But however developed I thought myself to be there were recurrent neurotic patterns, backsliding and frustration. It culminated with a series of trips all of which were clear in their message- "come back with focus".  However painful at first, I accepted that unless I address these more pragmatic issues of my environment, I wouldn't be able to develop myself. I wanted to somehow feel "talented" and "gifted" by skipping those early developmental stages. Of course, in the long-term this would actually have been an extremely immature and unconscious decision missing the fundamental systemic nature of our lives. I cannot possibly describe all the things that changed over the last year, so I will list only the most impactful:

1) I sought out a mentor - an American businessman and educational activist who had a project at our school.  (Stage Orange/ Green). He became a crucial pillar in my development by counteracting the impairing influence of my family.

2) I moved out from my parents' apartment and have been living independently for 7 months now.

3) Where previously I would struggle with relationships, I really got determined and eventually set this part of my life in motion. Over the last year I met many new friends and romantic partners that led to really valuable experiences and lessons learned.

4) I got my shit together and decided to do everything I could to study abroad. The only way for me to really charge my growth was to change my environment. You see, I am very aware of the systemic limitations and ideological framework of a university, but you have to understand that this really is the only option for someone of my background. So after almost a year of gruesome hard work (and many more prior) I am the only one from my country that got accepted at Harvard this year.

5) I started clearing up my life purpose through having many different experiences - conducting scientific research, working on NGOs and businesses. I became aware that I have a distinctly different path than any standardized path could give me, so I have to put in the extra time to figure it out and make it work.

 

There were so many lessons and realizations, but since I chose this to be addressed to other people in my situation, these are a few things I would have told my myself one year ago:

 

1) Sorting out your problems on a pragmatic level is not in any way less spiritual - in fact you really have no other option if you want to be as conscious and as developed as possible. Otherwise those problems will haunt you as your shadow, manifesting in toxic habits, dissatisfactions and even health issues.

2) Have as many and as diverse new experiences as you can. One of the most important lessons for gaining clarity is to experience life as much as possible - meet new people, try out things that interest you, go to different places, read different books. This would not only boost your creativity and general satisfaction, but also give you a clear sense of what you want out of life.

3) Set clear boundaries for yourself of what you accept as friends, partners and acquaintances. This is the only way to start elevating from your toxic environment and relationships. Your satisfaction and fulfilment should be a priority, otherwise you will build up resentment.

4) Focus on you. Stop debating, conversing or trying to change anyone's opinion or view of things. If you cannot cut the toxic people off, at least minimize as much your confrontations as possible (for example I stopped debating or talking about anything with my family that I knew would lead to ideological conflicts)

5) Your environment is an extension of you. Be deeply aware of how it influences you and your development and constantly strive to improve it.

6) You should work on all aspects of your life systemically. There would be times for more focused work on a certain area/project, but in general you don't want to leave a part of your life unaddressed.

 

I of course had many visions and spiritual realizations, the results of countless hours of contemplation, but I decided to make this post as pragmatic as possible. I hope this helps anyone who finds himself in a similar situation.

Amazing Share! Super inspiring.

I´m rooting for you buddy


"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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@Ero

Quote

I rented a small apartment. It was relatively inexpensive, because it's in a neighbourhood at the end of my city. I am affording it through scholarships and different work I have done. 

What's the different work you have done. Would you mind sharing because I am facing the similar problem as you.

Edited by ilkjnkh

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17 hours ago, SamC said:

Amazing Share! Super inspiring.

I´m rooting for you buddy

I appreciate very much the support.  Same goes to you while figuring things out :)

8 hours ago, ilkjnkh said:

@Ero

What's the different work you have done. Would you mind sharing because I am facing the similar problem as you.

I understand. In my case the money I have came from merit scholarships for accomplishments, work from funded projects where there are operational costs, and some of the work I do as an intern for my mentor. It's way less than what I would make than if I worked, but in my case all my time had to be strategically directed for uni prep and exams. This is not sustainable long-term, because I eventually would run out, so it was a risk I had to take. But I am grateful things worked out - I would have to leave the apartment right around when I have to leave for the US. 

Your situation is probably distinctly different, so I don't know if this would help you, but what I would advise is to plan it strategically. Look for opportunities that would suit you and what you want to achieve in the long-term. You may live in a city where the rents are ridiculous, so that is something you also have to take into account. I am certain you can work things out. 

7 hours ago, Madifire said:

@ilkjnkh  @EroPeople can make money in a lot of ways. You can take money from the bank and then give it back. Also, you can google how to make money.

This is not good financial advice in my opinion. The bank loans you are referring to are the fastest way to chain yourself to wage slavery. I've set a rule for myself to not take out loans under any circumstances. 

As for looking at ways to make money on Google - this assumes there is a one-template solution which of course in our world is not the case. 

Edited by Ero

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@Ero Thank you. Your advice because it expands my imagination, gives me an idea and make me feels like its possible.

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