Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0
Etherial Cat

Settling Into Self-Expression: The Practicals

25 posts in this topic

This journal is dedicated to my journey towards content creation.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Okaaay. ???

So, no one is allowed to click and look at what I've made here. ? I just wanted to show up!

First of all, it is not finished. Part of the content is missing (basically, all the talk between the titles I've voiced, as there is just no explanations ???).

I didn't have the time to do it properly in 1 day. But I wanted to release something, as part of my challenge.

A few critics and praises about creating this video...

critics

1) The intro and the rest of the video is not matching. ? Big surprise, you can make style mistakes while creating content. ? And it doesn't stop to how you dress up, or do your make up. ?

2) The microphone wasn't capturing sound during the intro. So the camera's mic is all I had. My computer was confused as my wireless earphones were connected to the micro simultaneously.

3) Obviously, the voiceover is missing. A video without answers to the problematic it raise is useless. That said, I think not much is lost as it anyway didn't fit and would have been disturbing to view. The good side is that I've got the chance to realize that video essays demands a bit of acting skills or narration skills which I haven't built yet and never paid attention to.

4) Underestimating the complexity of such a video for a total newbie.

praises

Going from zero to this is..  already something.

1)  I'm proud of figuring out how to find stock videos, and edit the.

2)  I'm content with having created a video with a structure that shows.

3)  I'm proud of again showing up my face ??? (RIP to my self-image, I must have reached total ego loss at this point). Especially when it is mixed with this half-baked noob work. Handling my shame and ultra cringe like a boss. ?

4)  I'm proud of having developed a whole essay on the subject (even though it doesn't show up in the video as it is not narrated). 

What now?

I'm halting the challenge of creating 1 video per day as I need to learn further and experiment on my own before releasing. 

I find very frustrating trying to create content in such a rush, even though I am glad that starting with narrow deadlines has got me to gain some experience.

Next time i'll post something will be max. in 15 days (the day I should have finished the challenge). 

To keep myself going, I've decided that the videos would stay online and accessible from my journals until something i'm okay with is produced. In that case, I'll allow myself to remove them. ?

Edited by Etherial Cat

Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hey, how are you? ???

Cringe is part of the journey.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Preety_India said:

Hey Gloria subscribed

 Probably the first subscriber. 

Also left a comment saying hi 

You look lovely. Cheer up. 

 

Hey, Preety!

Thank you a lot.

You also got me the chance to experiment for the first time the behind the scene of getting a subscriber, review the comment and give it a little heart.

giphy.gif


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
45 minutes ago, modmyth said:

@Etherial Cat Hey, I just wanted to say that you present as very collected and quite confident even if you don't feel that way and also like CRINGE (I saw one other video that you did, I think it was in a different journal).

Thank you a lot for your input.  ^_^ Getting some sort of feedback like this helps me with discerning reality. It is very interesting how the general feeling of cringe (which is like almost physically painful- interestingly ) contributes to increase our ego-biases. I think I have such a strong feeling of rejection right now that I see myself as all "bad" from an external point of view, when its partially due a lot to the projection of my inner feelings.

Definitely, there is something very interesting with starring or producing your own videos as you can literally see yourself from the outside. And the self-image doesn't like it much. I would say that the framing which isn't much flattering when you begin is the main cause, because everything look so amateurish. Your mind will automatically do the comparison with more established work and your ego will feel provisory diminished and deflated. xD

Other than that, yes. I think some of my collected and confident nature shows up, but I'm also carrying a very vulnerable baggage with me and a lot of doubts.

It's funny how one's subjective reality can differ from how it looks from the outside. I have a very good friend who suffers from schizophrenia, and while she's experiencing odd stuff (ex: auditive hallucinations) she can appear totally normal and collected.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@Etherial CatIf you want my honest opinion, I didn't think any of your videos was below average. And actually, average is quite good for a starter. And apparently, it's not just my opinion. I think maybe you're being a bit perfectionistic about this. I don't think I can make videos of a similar quality so quickly, so you probably have a natural gift. I would say perfectionism is counterproductive and it's probably the reason why there seems to be a little bit of fear and resistance. Perfectionism is good in the sense that it pushes you forward, but it can also become pressing and limiting at certain times. I think creating perfect videos is literally nothing to be worried about right now given the amounts of courage you've already shown and the positive feedback you've got from everyone. I would even suggest that your next video will be mostly improvised without much thought or preparation. Just have a few bullet points and let your thoughts come out naturally. Maybe dig something up from your journals and talk about it in your own words. Maybe just read it as is, like Nahm did in his first video. You're doing great. Keep going.

Edited by Gesundheit

If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
28 minutes ago, Gesundheit said:

@Etherial CatIf you want my honest opinion, I didn't think any of your videos was below average. And actually, average is quite good for a starter. And apparently, it's not just my opinion. I think maybe you're being a bit perfectionistic about this. I don't think I can make videos of a similar quality so quickly, so you probably have a natural gift. I would say perfectionism is counterproductive and it's probably the reason why there seems to be a little bit of fear and resistance. Perfectionism is good in the sense that it pushes you forward, but it can also become pressing and limiting at certain times. I think creating perfect videos is literally nothing to be worried about right now given the amounts of courage you've already shown and the positive feedback you've got from everyone. I would even suggest that your next video will be mostly improvised without much thought or preparation. Just have a few bullet points and let your thoughts come out naturally. Maybe dig something up from your journals and talk about it in your own words. Maybe just read it as is, like Nahm did in his first video. You're doing great. Keep going.

Aww. Thanks a lot for your kind words here.

As I wrote it to @modmyth, getting some external feedback is very valuable because I've established a few of these hypothesis and seeing them validated helps me a lot.

I do think dissatisfaction is the standard whenever like me you've got high expectations about what is possible, but you don't match the established criteria yet. Contrapoints mentions in her video that the feeling of cringe is nothing but perceiving the difference between an illusionary standard of yourself and the place where you are.

I think I have two opposites perceptions battling up there:

1) The reasonable of myself, which is 100 aware of the fact that you need to start small, and that I've achieved quite a lot in those 5 days. Objectively, what can you expect from someone with no experience in video making until 5 days ago? Not very much. And it that sense, I'm very satisfied or even proud. You start with small things, you make errors, you create basically a rather mediocre MVP and you keep going. You get a more accurate idea for what it is to create videos and find some  marks in this new reality. The consistency and the fact of not quitting is what will make you good overtime.

2) The delusional parts of my ego. These are the aspect of the ego that are not getting any of the rational and feel like a wounded dog. It's mostly all sort of conscious aspects with an emotional charge that aren't satisfied and of course, plenty of unconscious aspects I am not able to decipher but for the emotional trail they leave within me.

Regarding what you said about perfectionism, I agree with your points. I've been trying to watch out for that but putting it on a leash is really what i'm battling with from an inner game perspective.

Otherwise, another thought track to follow is just assuming that when you expend the scope what you think is possible for yourself (like creating videos) and you move fast, your ego gets "wounded" from the expansion and gets lost when it comes to perceiving itself for a while. And it's maybe no longer easy to assign meaning.

1 hour ago, Gesundheit said:

I would even suggest that your next video will be mostly improvised without much thought or preparation. Just have a few bullet points and let your thoughts come out naturally. Maybe dig something up from your journals and talk about it in your own words. Maybe just read it as is, like Nahm did in his first video. You're doing great. Keep going.

Yeah, I'll try different things from now on. :D 

Regarding Nahm, I don't think the game is similar for someone who is enlightened. What I'm having right now are 100% ego issues ?.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
40 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

2) The delusional parts of my ego. These are the aspect of the ego that are not getting any of the rational and feel like a wounded dog. It's mostly all sort of conscious aspects with an emotional charge that aren't satisfied and of course, plenty of unconscious aspects I am not able to decipher but for the emotional trail they leave within me.

You've probably summed it up very well here. But the question is how are you approaching this challenge? From the words you used, it doesn't seem like the best approach for this specific purpose. I mean, being critical of oneself is definitely great for deconstructing unwanted parts of one's psyche and behavior. But see, you already got that part integrated within you. The other side of being critical is being understanding. Your purpose here is to deconstruct the old self and nurture the new one. So, in order to do that, you're criticizing the old one, but what are you doing to construct the new one?

I hope it's clear what I'm getting at. Self-love, of course! It's probably the most important component for your purpose. I like the flower analogy here. A flower does not need a hot sun, a violent wind, or a flooding water in order to bloom. A flower needs those things in moderation, and it also needs the gentle of the night to breathe in and grow healthy. Too much daylight will not grow the flower, it will just exhaust her. And too much night rest will make her lazy. Moderation, and balance between deconstruction and construction is the way to go. Whatever you feel insecure about, sit with it, and breathe into it. You'll feel an opening up in your heart/belly area everytime you do that, and that'll be the sign you look for to know that you're making progress. Examine the thoughts if there are any, and if there aren't, that means you're already halfway through. That means it's just old patterns that you're dealing with here, and these will subside as you breathe into them.


If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tools: The Teleprompter

I'm wondering if I should not invest in a teleprompter to get me started?

I'm thinking of creating content both in English and in French.

In French, I think I'll be able to freestyle and explain complex ideas in the near future if necessary.

In English, it will most likely take longer.

So I'm considering using a teleprompter to get me started. 

To start my channel, I'm taking inspiration on how Teal Swan does her videos. The reason why is because after experimenting yesterday with the stock photos and videos, I can cover up most of the visual aspects really fast. I could use a prompter to record 1-3 minutes worth of actual original video footage (staring me talking) and increasingly rise the rate until I am comfortable and find my marks.

Like this, I could actually focus on the content instead of worrying that the content will suffer from my adjustment phase. And the + is that I could get my native english friends to review the text I've pre written to make it perfect for natives. 

The +++ of using a prompter:

fluid speech, focused content, less bloopers while taking video footages so saving time while shooting, better quality english

The ---- of using a prompter:

full essay writings (time consuming!), requires acting skills and reading skills to be trained, loss of authenticity and spontaneity, extra material needed

Video style "template"

I'll first try to reproduce a similar form (in terms of video tools). Then, what I'll do is to gradually alter it's design with my own style and esthetics.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I also think the teleprompter would be particularly handy when it comes to grouping video shootings. ?

so that's another +++


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

You've probably summed it up very well here. But the question is how are you approaching this challenge? From the words you used, it doesn't seem like the best approach for this specific purpose. I mean, being critical of oneself is definitely great for deconstructing unwanted parts of one's psyche and behavior. But see, you already got that part integrated within you. The other side of being critical is being understanding. Your purpose here is to deconstruct the old self and nurture the new one. So, in order to do that, you're criticizing the old one, but what are you doing to construct the new one?

Right. Very good point. I never took the time to reflect on how each deconstruction supposes to actively lay down a basis for the formation of a new structure. Even though it is quite logical, I have never consciously applied that premises to my own psychology or spirituality. 

My plan for today was the relax a bit, explore my psyche and emotions, asses my wounds, meditate and look at the way forward. 

3 hours ago, Gesundheit said:

I hope it's clear what I'm getting at. Self-love, of course! It's probably the most important component for your purpose. I like the flower analogy here. A flower does not need a hot sun, a violent wind, or a flooding water in order to bloom. A flower needs those things in moderation, and it also needs the gentle of the night to breathe in and grow healthy. Too much daylight will not grow the flower, it will just exhaust her. And too much night rest will make her lazy. Moderation, and balance between deconstruction and construction is the way to go. Whatever you feel insecure about, sit with it, and breathe into it. You'll feel an opening up in your heart/belly area everytime you do that, and that'll be the sign you look for to know that you're making progress. Examine the thoughts if there are any, and if there aren't, that means you're already halfway through. That means it's just old patterns that you're dealing with here, and these will subside as you breathe into them.

??

I'm loving this analogy @Gesundheit. It's the first time that I've read that one, I think.

Self-Love is always our center.  Anytime I catch myself getting out of balance, I'm asking myself: what would a living God or Goddess who loves itself do? And I find the way forward.

In a certain way, I think it is quite interesting that you bring this up after I've been talking so much about the concept of cringe in the last posts. Cringe is nothing but the ego looking at itself and rejecting its image. I think, it has a lot of covered violence and self-hatred. 

In any case, thank you a lot for your kind words.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@Etherial Cat You're welcome.

There's an aspect that I forgot to address earlier, which is the humility that spirituality advocates. I have struggled with all these things in the past, so that's why I'm mentioning them here. Usually, people who gravitate towards spirituality tend to view humbleness as the highest trait to have and exhibit. And that may be true, but for many people when they think about humbleness it's the opposite of being confident, so it becomes hard to show confidence even when they want to because in the back of their minds they're always trying to show humility, even when unnecessary. Most of the times, the reason behind this bad association is the tremendous focus on ego and pride in spirituality, which blocks the good aspects of ego and pride, such as confidence and strength. In the end, and after years of demonizing those self-aspects, confidence and strength become alien to the seeker until they start creating other problems such as poor self-image, poor boundaries, and things like that. I have personal experience with all of that because I used to hate on my ego too much. Luckily, at some point I realized that and started moving in the opposite direction until I have reached a more balanced place.

Edited by Gesundheit

If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I wasn't sure if Teal was using a teleprompter even if I suspected it, but here it seems obvious that she's reading.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Gesundheit Thanks for sharing your insights. I'll contemplate on it.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

How to make an outline

 

 


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Etherial Cat That's a pretty normal reaction, I'd say, probably much more normal than not (experiencing the CRINGE factor). Personally, I don't really enjoy seeing myself filmed or listening to my voice recorded either, even to the point that I find it a lot easier to be on stage or to give a presentation in a large lecture hall/ auditorium, though I can get used to it. It's a totally different dynamic when you're not quite seeing yourself from the outside.

Inevitably, it tends to feel like an act of emotional exposure, right? Other than the concern about being judged whether by others or due to self-judgment.

Other than being kind to yourself, which you already wrote about, I found that it's helpful to do something beforehand that totally gets you out of your head and into feeling your body/ the present; there are many different things you could do. I prefer the very physical SHAKE IT UP approach rather than too much stillness or thinking here, but it's a personal preference, I find it a bit more direct for the purpose. Not just for filming but for anything where you feel self-conscious, or psychoemotionally retentive/ closed off/ inwardly fixated (especially in a negative way). But regardless, you will get used to it with time!

And I would agree with @Gesundheit where he said that you probably have a natural gift if you just started out so recently and your presentation is already as good as it is.

9 hours ago, Etherial Cat said:

Regarding Nahm, I don't think the game is similar for someone who is enlightened. What I'm having right now are 100% ego issues ?.

Are you saying "enlightened" people don't get nervous ever? :P (quotes because this term seems to mean something different to everyone around here.)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Feeling so proud of myself for posting this video despite my unbrushed eyebrow, and wearing zero make up on the eye.

I'm reaching out soon the zero fuck given level.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  
Followers 0