Helpless against this "urge"

[GreenLight]

On one hand i rarely counsciously wanted a partner, i feel very good by myself and the life i am having. I however feel strong guilt for not having a relationship, children and a personal family. I also feel like i have a strong negative, uncouscious, false sense of obligation  to have a partner. At a rational level i know that i do not need to have one and i am arriving at sense of completion by the way i live now. In my youth this uncouscious obligation urge was so strong that i forced myself to date and pick up girls. The more i did this, the more i hated myself, society and women for doing this out of a must. Fortunately, i feel like this urge has been reduced a lot by spiritual practice. Although i still feel helpless against it and it seems to control my life a bit now. It feels like it is something extra and apparently not something i want to live with.

I feel like it is negative in a sense. I do not know what it is called. I just want to get rid of it from my mind.

[flowboy]

What you resist, persists.

 

Go back to the root. Who put this idea that you have to have a relationship and family in your mind?

[LastThursday]

You will want different things at different points in your life.

Be true to yourself now. If having a relationship and children doesn't inspire you at the moment, then just let it go and do other things. Have a relationship when the moment is right, you'll just know it's right when it happens. If it doesn't happen then don't worry about it, don't force it, be free, live your life your way.

Having a relationship requires lasting commitment and energy, and maybe you're not ready for it right now, so what? Having children is a permanent commitment and very rewarding, but also very hard work. It's very sensible for the sake of the child that you're in the right place mentally and financially to be able to commit, don't do it before then.

Be easy on yourself.

[EnlightenmentBlog]

On 1.04.2021 г. at 11:59 AM, GreenLight said:

In my youth this uncouscious obligation urge was so strong that i forced myself to date and pick up girls. The more i did this, the more i hated myself, society and women for doing this out of a must. Fortunately, i feel like this urge has been reduced a lot by spiritual practice. Although i still feel helpless against it and it seems to control my life a bit now. It feels like it is something extra and apparently not something i want to live with.

How old are you? Have you had a girlfriend? These might seem to be stupid questions, but without a backstory we have to basically guess your experience. My point is make sure you want to be alone because you want to be alone and not because you're afraid of intimacy or suck with girls. Because if it's the latter, you're just lying to yourself and setting yourself up for a lot more suffering. 

This is only a guess, prompted by this feeling of yours. Sometimes people can come up with all sorts of justifications and fantasies for problems they don't want to face, but emotions and feelings always come through to haunt them and unconsciously alarm that there's a problem.

 

[wwhy]

On 4/1/2021 at 7:59 PM, GreenLight said:

On one hand i rarely counsciously wanted a partner, i feel very good by myself and the life i am having. I however feel strong guilt for not having a relationship, children and a personal family. I also feel like i have a strong negative, uncouscious, false sense of obligation  to have a partner. At a rational level i know that i do not need to have one and i am arriving at sense of completion by the way i live now. In my youth this uncouscious obligation urge was so strong that i forced myself to date and pick up girls. The more i did this, the more i hated myself, society and women for doing this out of a must. Fortunately, i feel like this urge has been reduced a lot by spiritual practice. Although i still feel helpless against it and it seems to control my life a bit now. It feels like it is something extra and apparently not something i want to live with.

I feel like it is negative in a sense. I do not know what it is called. I just want to get rid of it from my mind.

I think what you are saying, is you want a partner and kids, but feel ashamed that you have this need.

Damned if you go and have a baby mama, damned if you don't. Either way, you are damned.