tatsumaru

I feel like the idea of commitment is bogus

35 posts in this topic

I've never understood the ideas of marriage and commitment. Trying to force static ideas onto a dynamic reality has always resulted in cognitive dissonance for me. In my mind the only reason people are getting married is because their parents got married or because girls get to wear some fancy dress that they don't have a permission to wear on other days. And eventually after the excitement of the fancy holiday dissipates the couple realizes that they are just the same two people like before, that they haven't become one any more than they were before the marriage, but now they have this embarrassing contract they made with the government which basically claims that they are not allowed to change their mind anymore or else they are failures. So essentially they traded a lifelong experience of suffering for an arguably nice party.

Why do you have to make promises such as "I want to spend the rest of my life with you" that you don't really know if you can keep or not. Considering that the future is uncertain, making promises like that is clearly a lie. Why would you want to marry someone who lies to you? The whole concept is a paradox designed to fail.

That's not to say that you can't or shouldn't spend your life with one person, but if you do, you should do it because you want to, not because you are forced to by a contract or because you don't want to break your promise. And if you really want to you don't need any contracts to keep you together. In fact I would argue that it's way more likely that a person who is with you without being bound by any contracts or promises but simply because they choose to every minute of every day, is actually in love with you and wants to be there.

I feel like people who desperately want to get married have some sort of borderline personality disorder where they don't know who they are if they are not married and they derive some sort of identity out of the abstraction of marriage.

I feel like making promises or asking for guarantees is a conspiracy for mediocrity which obscures and tries to suppress resonance and direct experience. Punchline: You only need to marry the wrong person.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

Do you find sex bogus? 

I find sex without commitment bogus.

I don't find sex bogus. I think you might be confusing commitment for love.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

I don't find sex bogus. I think you might be confusing commitment for love.

Committment is inherent in love otherwise its a non committal casual relationship. 

Call a spade a spade! 

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
13 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Committment is inherent in love otherwise its a non committal casual relationship. 

Call a spade a spade! 

 

Commitment is a promise, a choice. Real love is not a choice and hence doesn't require making commitments or promises. It simply is. When it's gone no commitment can restore it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

Commitment is a promise, a choice. Real love is not a choice and hence doesn't require making commitments or promises. It simply is. When it's gone no commitment can restore it.

Committment is not a choice. It's a representation of love. 

Love without committment is shallow at best and disingenuous at worst. 

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

19 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Committment is not a choice. It's a representation of love. 

Love without committment is shallow at best and disingenuous at worst. 

 

You are contradicting yourself. According to your definition of commitment, it's an inherent part of love, but there's also love without commitment.

Edited by tatsumaru

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, tatsumaru said:

You are contradicting yourself. According to your definition of commitment, it's an inherent part of love, but there's also love without commitment.

I mean that which is "so called love" 

Real love isn't. 

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@tatsumaru It’s like You collected the opinions in my head about this subject and wrote it here?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I make contracts with spirits, but I wouldn't with a person.  I think love should be free.  People can get married if that helps them, but for me it would stress me out.  You always need the element of the person being allowed to leave imo.


⊱⊱⊰⊰

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

why dont you test it out?

Which one works better for you. Commitment or something else.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

@Preety_India Perhaps you cannot imagine how you could love someone without committing your life to them, or feeling love without them committing their life to you, but that doesn't give you ground to say everyone else who disagrees with you is just mistaken and doesn't understand "real love" like you do.

Maybe open your mind to the fact that there's more than 1 type of love since you know, people are different in more ways you can imagine. 

Love is the fabric of the Universe after all, claiming you understand what  ACTUAL Love is, is basically saying you understand God. Do you fully comprehend God?

 

Edited by CultivateLove

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 minutes ago, CultivateLove said:

@Preety_India Perhaps you cannot imagine how you could love someone without committing your life to them, or feeling love without them committing their life to you, but that doesn't give you ground to say everyone else who disagrees with you is just mistaken, and doesn't understand "real love" like you do.

I don't mean to say that they are wrong.

But in my world or book, it's not right as per my rule book 

If it's their worldview, well, good for them. 

Was just stating my opinion and that I disagree 

 

 

1 hour ago, tatsumaru said:

You are contradicting yourself. According to your definition of commitment, it's an inherent part of love, but there's also love without commitment.

 

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

9 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I don't mean to say that they are wrong.

But in my world or book, it's not right as per my rule book 

If it's their worldview, well, good for them. 

Was just stating my opinion and that I disagree 

If that is what you are truly trying to articulate, do you think this is a good way of articulating that message?

"Commitment is inherent in love otherwise it's a non-committal casual relationship."

 

"Commitment is not a choice. It's a representation of love. 

Love without commitment is shallow at best and disingenuous at worst."

 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:
1 hour ago, tatsumaru said:

You are contradicting yourself. According to your definition of commitment, it's an inherent part of love, but there's also love without commitment.

I mean that which is "so called love" 

Real love isn't. 

To me this just sounds judgemental, nothing else.

Edited by CultivateLove

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, CultivateLove said:

If that is what you are truly trying to articulate, do you think this is a good way of articulating that message?

"Commitment is inherent in love otherwise it's a non-committal casual relationship."

 

"Commitment is not a choice. It's a representation of love. 

Love without commitment is shallow at best and disingenuous at worst."

 

 

Yep I don't see any problem. That's my worldview. 

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@tatsumaru You are reading too much into it.

Saying "I want to be with you forever" can be true if that is how a person feels like in the moment. Of course they might love someone else later, how should they know?

Also getting a divorce doesn't have to be embarassing. Not everyone thinks that the state/church is this almighty entity without failures. In fact, many people cheat in marriages or get a divorce.

Marriages, like religions are traditions that helped the survival of certain communities.

I'm neither for nor against marriages but there can definitely be logical or emotional points be made in favour of them.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Posted (edited)

Yeah, commitment sucks. I like my threesomes. 

...and browsing this forum instead of working on my life purpose.

Edited by anxious_turtle
is there a reason to anything?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now