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Preety_India

An empowered stance

17 posts in this topic

Am I taking an empowered stance in my life? 

Right now - maybe I'm, but this is just the beginning. 

I'm getting out of the gutter. 

 

 


INFJ-T,ptsd,BPD, autism, anger issues

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Experiences have taught me a lot of things, both the good and the bad, mostly the bad 

 

So much is needed to get out of the gunk that you get stuck into 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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1. Gossipers
2. Jealous Haters
3. Time-Wasters
4. Money Grabbers
5. Over-Sensitive
6. Excuse-Makers
7. Miseducated


 


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How to take an empowered stance? 

Step 1 

Set your boundaries clear and beforehand. Let the other person know that you are vulnerable yet you have self power and you can't be taken for granted. 

 

 


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I've no time to waste in responding to your misplaced attacks. Invest  your time in yourself rather than in attacking others. 

 


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Use different approaches. Come up with empowered statements and stances and use them effectively to raise a barrier against toxic people. 

Refuse to budge to their incessant demands. Refuse to submit or play coy. 

Don't play coy. Be direct. Let them know that their behavior is unacceptable. 

Put people on ignore list when things get out of hand. 

Don't tolerate someone's BS. 

Know when someone is bullshitting. 

Take a crash course on how to have an empowered stance every time. 

 


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Learn to always be decent and civil even while facing scathing attacks on morale and character. 

Don't bend over backwards for anyone. 

 

————————page breaker————————

 

Edited by Preety_India

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Follow this format. Refer to yourself directly. 

On 09/11/2020 at 9:58 PM, Raphael said:

9 November 2020

  • Wake Up Time: 05:55 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM)
  • In Bed Time:  09:58 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM)
     
  • ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep

Work Sessions:

  • 08:23 AM - 09:09 AM
    • I started to do some improvements, then got interrupted by a call
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 46 minutes

Deep Work Sessions:

  • 09:10 AM - 09:55 AM
    • I did some improvements
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 45 minutes
    • 10:16 AM - 11:19 AM
    • I continued the previous improvements
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 1 hour 3 minutes
  • 01:10 PM - 02:43 PM
    • I continued the previous improvements. I had unrelated thoughts of past difficult experiences
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 1 hour 33 minutes
  • 03:20 PM - 04:56 PM
    • I continued the previous improvement, but it went a little like shit. I had a lot of distracting thoughts
    • Focus: 3/5
    • Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes
  • 07:33 PM - 08:17 PM
    • I corrected a bug
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 44 minutes

@Raphael Focus on what's necessary. Don't overdo things, nor do things for free. Your time is limited and precious.

  • Average Focus: 3.4 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5)
  • Total Work Duration: 5 hours 42 minutes, including 4 hours 56 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)
  • Total Reading Time: 0 minutes (objective 0 minutes, I'm not reading anything currently)

 

On 07/12/2020 at 9:10 PM, Raphael said:

07 December 2020

  • Wake Up Time: 06:00 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM)
  • In Bed Time: 09:30 (objective 9:00 PM - 9:30 PM)
     
  • ✅ 45 minutes of Doing Nothing Before Going To Sleep

Work Sessions:

  • 08:20 AM - 09:29 AM
    • I did something for the payments, and some small fixes
    • Focus: 3.75/5
    • Duration: 1 hour 19 minutes

Deep Work Sessions:

  • 09:51 AM - 11:20 AM
    • I finally managed to fix the issues with this header
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 1 hour 29 minutes
  • 11:36 AM - 12:48 PM
    • I worked on a post template
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes
  • 02:02 PM - 03:38 PM
    • I continued working on the website and encountered some unexpected issues
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes
  • 03:44 PM - 04:30 PM
    • I fixed the issues and continued the work. This is taking much more time than I expected
    • Focus: 3.5/5
    • Duration: 46 minutes

@Raphael Awesome work! :)

  • Average Focus: 3.55 / 5 (objective at least 4 / 5)
  • Total Work Duration: 6 hours 22 minutes, including 5 hours 9 minutes of Deep Work (objective at least 6 hours)
  • Total Reading Time: 53 minutes (objective at least 30 minutes)

 


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So @Raphael gave me the permission to use some of his ways of writing in my journal. And I like self referencing style.

 


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How am I going to filter people for future friendships 

I'll make a checklist to serve this purpose. 

 

Proforma checklist for future friendships and relationships in general (no more toxic people in my life) 

 

1. Respectful language 

 

 

2. Is this person too gossipy 

 

 

3. Is this person a waste 

 

4. 

 

 


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How am I going to filter people for future friendships 

 

I'll make a checklist to serve this purpose. 

 

 

Proforma checklist for future friendships and relationships in general (no more toxic people in my life) 

 

 

1. Respectful language. Check 

 

2. Is this person too gossipy. Check 

 

3. Is this person a time waster. Check ☑️

 

4. Does this person respect boundaries. Check✔️

 

5. Does this person respect my feelings. Check 

 

6. Is this person always bugging me at odd hours. Check 

 

7. Has this person ghosted me before? Check

 

8. Is this person a liar? Check

 

9. Is this person manipulative . Check 

 

10. Does this person mean well /good intentioned? Check

 

11. Does this person ever use/ever used offensive words or language? Check

 

12. Has this person been super combative, aggressive, argumentative or too fighty or self righteous with me? Check

 

13. Does this person listen when I speak or do they ignore and talk above me? Check

 

14. Does this person care about my emotional safety? Check

 

15. Is this person not in alignment with my thoughts or is this person not Vibing with me or thinking the opposite of what I think? Cognitive biases? Is this person cognitively in tune or in parallel with my thinking? Does this person make too many  false assumptions about me or my actions? Check

 

16. Does this person accept my appearance, body, my culture, my race, my religion and identity or do they have a racial cognitive dissonance towards my racial/ethnic /cultural /religious identity? Check

 

17. Has this person shamed me or is shaming me in any way? Check✔️

 

18. Has this person respected my sleep and wake up times? Check✔️

 

19. Has this person respected and comforted me during my venting or expressing my issues in life or have they displayed implicit and explicit indifference? Have they shamed me for my problems? Have they blamed me for my problems? Have they showed a condescending indifference or wilful insensitivity to my issues and vulnerabilities or concerns? Check check check ✔️✔️

 

20. Has this person or is this person being emotionally or psychologically abusive towards me? Check✔️

 

21. Is this person making me feel unworthy or undeserving of affection, love, attachment, support, empathy, respect, their time or attention or achievements or praise/comfort/joy? Check✔️

 

22. Has this person offered me space when I needed it? Check✔️

 

23. Has this person tried to help me when I needed it or did they disappear when I needed them? Check✔️

24. Is this person overly speculative about me? Check

25. Does this person ghost me from time to time? Check check check ✔️

 

26. Did I give this person too many chances to improve their behavior with me or did I forgive them too many times? Check

27. Is this person constantly undermining, mocking or ridiculing me? Check✔️

 

30. Does this person give others a preferential treatment and behave differently with me than with others?Check

 

31. Do I feel happy and secure and free around this person? Check✔️

 

32. Does this person accommodate me into their lives on the same level like they accommodate others. This means if he or she is inviting someone, do they also invite me or leave me out whereas all others are invited? Does this person accommodate my issues. For Example if I have social anxiety in an ice cream shop and I want to leave that place immediately, do they agree to leave understanding my anxiety or panic attack issue or do they continue to neglect and not accommodate my concern and continue partying with others not caring for my safety. Do they exclude me when they don't feel like adjusting for me? 

For example if I say that I'm allergic to nuts in ice cream, did they still buy me a nutty flavored ice cream?? Or did they drop me out completely because of my special needs? Check✔️

 

33. Has this person used or been using racial slurs, racial insults or insensitive words/comments /thoughts /jokes during their conversations with me? Check and Zero Tolerance Policy ✔️

 

34. Has this person jeopardized my health in some way? For example one day with my second ex, I had a bad ankle sprain and he continued dragging me by my arm towards the nearby bus stop despite my frequent requests to stop, causing my sprain to get worse and requiring hospitalization. On another occasion I screamed and pleaded to my boyfriend to stop his arguments and let me rest but he continued despite my frequent pleas and finally I collapsed on the bathroom floor out of stress. Check✔️

Immediately cut off a friendship if you feel that they don't care about your health concerns and continue their behaviors despite seeing its impact on your health.. Check✔️

 

35. Does this person make me spend money? My second ex constantly forced me to spend money by playing victim, even if he had the money to pay his own bills, he used my money to pay his bills. Check✔️

 

36. Is this person using me in some way for their personal gain, entertainment or needs, specifically sexual gain, entertainment, using me as a punching bag, emotional tampon, dumping ground for their relationship or marital issues, dumping ground for their rage or anger against society or their personal issues baggage release. 

For example my ex often used me as a dumping ground for his problems with his divorced wife and custody battles. Check ✔️

 

37. Does this person make me feel respected, regarded and valued  enough for me to feel safe. Check 

 

 


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Follow this format 

 

 

Work Sessions:

08:20 AM - 09:29 AM

I did something for the payments, and some small fixes

Focus: 3.75/5

Duration: 1 hour 19 minutes

Deep Work Sessions:

09:51 AM - 11:20 AM

I finally managed to fix the issues with this header

Focus: 3.5/5

Duration: 1 hour 29 minutes

11:36 AM - 12:48 PM

I worked on a post template

Focus: 3.5/5

Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes

02:02 PM - 03:38 PM

I continued working on the website and encountered some unexpected issues

Focus: 3.5/5

Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes

03:44 PM - 04:30 PM

I fixed the issues and continued the work. This is taking much more time than I expected

Focus: 3.5/5

Duration: 46 minutes


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Follow this format 

 

 

 

 

Work Sessions:

 

08:20 AM - 09:29 AM

 ○ I did something for the payments, and some small fixes

  ○ Focus: 3.75/5

 ○ Duration: 1 hour 19 minutes

Deep Work Sessions:

   ○09:51 AM - 11:20 AM

I finally managed to fix the issues with this header

Focus: 3.5/5

Duration: 1 hour 29 minutes

11:36 AM - 12:48 PM

I worked on a post template

Focus: 3.5/5

Duration: 1 hour 12 minutes

02:02 PM - 03:38 PM

I continued working on the website and encountered some unexpected issues

Focus: 3.5/5

Duration: 1 hour 36 minutes

03:44 PM - 04:30 PM

I fixed the issues and continued the work. This is taking much more time than I expected

 

Focus: 3.5/5

 

Duration: 46 minutes


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I was contemplating right now about relationships.. Kinda too late though because I already went through crap but anyway. 

 things to consider in a relationship 

 

✔️Have enough Time for contemplation and reflection in relationships. Set aside time 

 

✔️Rate conversations and interactions. play them in your head later. Have intelligent, thoughtful and enjoyable conversations. If the conversations are draining or hurtful, then learn to put on the brakes. 

 

✔️Do not settle for low quality relationships just because you're lonely 

 

✔️Do not Molly cuddle the person. Be strict and have a sense of boundaries. Molly cuddling easily creates an environment for disrespect and taken for granted behavior. Don't show excessive love. 

 

✔️Judge their actions and words carefully. Do not take either words or actions for granted 

 

✔️Normalize breaks by taking regular breaks. Take these breaks for contemplation. 

 

✔️Do not be in an all consuming relationship 

 

✔️ Learn to ask for freedom and space in a relationship. It won't be given otherwise. 

 

✔️Create a sense of fear. Let that person know that they will lose you if they don't respect boundaries. If they have no fear, they will let loose and act disrespectful because you gave them that leverage by not creating fear.. 

 

✔️Contemplate on what you're gaining from the relationship and on what you are losing. 

 

✔️Cut down neediness. 

 

 

 

Font size 18 used. 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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A few mistakes that I made in my relationship with my ex boyfriend Joseph. 

I never had any time for myself in that relationship. 

Joseph was always all over me, not leaving me any time for myself. 

He would burden me with his problems, demand that I keep him company at all times, he would wake me up from sleep by pushing me really hard a couple of times. 

He would wake me up at odd hours 

He would follow me around and dominate me. 

He would get mightily pissed off if I wasn't available at any time 

He considered love as total sacrifice from the woman 

His ex wife had been thoroughly used by his demands 

Joseph used to be around me all the time. There was no way to be away from him. I had to be by his side all the time or he would complain of loneliness. 

Joseph was super needy. Never used to leave me alone. 

Joseph was used to getting women's attention. 

This left me with no time to ever contemplate on the state of the relationship because everything was so fast and aggressive in the relationship. 

The only time I got time off in the relationship was when we fought and I used to not talk during that time following the argument. 

This meant that any break between us was always because of an incident. 

I used to get offended and then not talk for a few days until he would make me alright. Usually I would forgive and forget. 

Joseph was very demanding of my love and affection. I either show him love or he would sit pissed and angry. 

Joseph used to test and challenge my love frequently. It used to be exhausting to keep convincing him that I loved him. It was very tiring to having to prove my love to him. 

When Joseph wasn't physically around me, then he would find a way to engage me somehow. He would keep calling me when I was away at work or at my house. Or he would send texts. Or chats and voice mails. It felt like I was attending to his needs 24/7. Exhausting 

 

I loved Joseph a little more than necessary. This gave him the incentive to stomp on me and take me for granted. 

Although I looked at my own behavior as something noble and dutiful (as in a dutiful wife or girlfriend) but Joseph saw it as a form of weakness and neediness and servitude. 

 

 

 

Edited by Preety_India

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The times that I would get really pissed off at Joseph was when he would wake me up from deep sleep while he did weed. He would sleep at odd hours. 

But demand that I wake up whenever he needed me 

 

It caused me to suffer insomnia over time. 

 


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It would be suffice to say that by the end of my relationship with Joseph, I was already finished. 

 

He made sure to get every ounce of energy left in me and use it for himself. 

The relationship was 99% about him and his needs and 1% about me and my needs 

I was thoroughly exhausted and burned out and battered by the end in an effort to keep proving my love for him. 

He was a thorough user of people. He would use anyone as he pleased. 

Joseph was a guy who would give zero fucks about people and would never take a No for an answer. 

 

The relationship changed my entire personality. 

I became a different person after that 

 

I was a naive innocent girl who went hook line and sinker into the relationship 

 

And I came out with all the knowledge of the world because Joseph would spend hours teaching me about how the world works and coach me in the ways of the world. 

Joseph was older than me. In some ways Joseph was my mentor and guide. On the other hand he was also my user/abuser. 

Much that I know about the world now is all because of Joseph. 

 

 


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