soos_mite_ah

Self Development To Do List

66 posts in this topic

Emotional To Do List:

  • Deal with imposter syndrome and general limiting beliefs around self confidence
  • Deal with dormant doomer spirals 
  • make time to work out (start when spring semester starts)
  • Take care of yourself so you don't burn yourself out (burn out is the last thing I need right now) (This is an ongoing thing for now and the future)

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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On 11/11/2021 at 3:18 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Logistical To Do List 
Bolded Items are things to focus on right now for the next 2 months (this was back when I first made this list) 

Pink bolded items are things I need to focus on until March 15 (also added a couple of things). The things that are in pink but aren't bolded are things that are important to keep in the back of your mind. 

  • Figure out what you're going to do regarding study abroad, your foreign language requirement, and your graduation date and the implications around those decisions
    • Meet with the study abroad office (1 appointment) 
    • Language Oral Proficiency Tests (1-2 appointments)
    • Meet with career center to discuss resumes and study abroad (2-3 appointments)
    • Basically I'm graduating in December 2022 since I passed my language proficiency test and I am in a good place to study abroad.... if COVID allows it smh. Over all things, are going well and I have an internship to help me with narrowing down my career path after graduation. 
  • Get a hair cut and buy some clothes because your things are getting worn out and you look a mess lol. Bought some new clothes but I haven't gotten the hair cut because venus is in retrograde and as an astrology bitch, I don't trust that shit :) 
  • See if you can get a research fellowship by applying in the spring (work on maybe during winter break) Kind of forgot to do this but I have a week before school starts so I'm sure I can figure something out lol 
  • Maintain the friendships you have and go out and make new ones if that's how things work out. Been spending more time with friends and I have been dealing with my relational trauma.
  •  Get a job on campus or near school to get the money to pay for a deposit for a future apartment after graduating, potentially moving out of the country, or just for savings in general. (figure things out by seeing how spring semester goes as far as course load is considered)
  • Hopefully have some plans to travel on your own (whether that be study abroad or right after graduating)  (keep in the back of your mind)
  • think about the steps you need to take to relocate after school 
  • Line up a job or at the very least narrow down your career path for after graduation
    • (again, doesn't have to be something you're super passionate about or that is aligned with your purpose but it needs to be something that has enough money to be financially stable, enough benefits so you feel like you have peace of mind, and relatively chill so you have a moment of stability) 

Check in with yourself at the following times: 

  • Right before spring semester starts (so around Jan 15) 
  • March 15 2022 
  • May 2022
On 11/11/2021 at 3:22 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Emotional To Do List:

  • Deal with imposter syndrome and general limiting beliefs around self confidence Can't say that I have fully dealt with this but I am coping effectively and I am talking to my therapist as well as getting support from my friends. 
  • Deal with dormant doomer spirals. I don't think I have dormant doomer spirals. Sure every now and then I find my mind going to a more fatalistic direction but I am coping effectively and this isn't like a recurring thing
  • make time to work out (start when spring semester starts) Been maintain this habit for a month now
  • Take care of yourself so you don't burn yourself out (burn out is the last thing I need right now) (This is an ongoing thing for now and the future) And I've been doing this well, granted I'm currently in winter break at the moment. 
  • Mourn your family relationships Started doing this in therapy and I think it's going to take a while tbh

 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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Taking Stock and Tying Up Loose Ends

I thought I'd revisit a lot of my old To Do Lists to see how much I have crossed off and if I crossed off something prematurely to where the issue in question came back again. I decided to do this because normally, I don't cross out everything before I think I need to move on and make a new list so I can continue working on other things without getting nitpicky or hyper fixated on perfectionistic tendencies. As a result, sometimes somethings don't get crossed off or they get mixed into things that I have already dealt with. So this is me revisiting things in order to take stock and tie up loose ends. 

Common Themes (in order to most to least distressing):

  • Lining up a job after graduation/ supporting yourself/ moving after college: I feel like this is a normal stressor for someone in my position who is going to be done with college this year and is dealing with uncertainty. The pandemic doesn't help but it is what it is. Still AAAHHHHHH!!!
  • Imposter Syndrome: This is a whole can of worms and a lot of it has to do with how my college experience was pretty trash. I think I need more positive experiences and a change of environment while actively working through my limiting beliefs and finding a supportive community.
  • Lack of Romantic/ Sexual Relationships: I mean this area of my life is rather underdeveloped but the main reason I try not to focus too much on it is because I noticed that when I do, it's not very constructive. Honestly, I think I just need to be patient and not force things. It will happen when it happens.
  • My coping mechanisms: The ones I'm referring to aren't necessarily unhealthy but are kind of weird and a symptom/ by product of the shit I went through over the past 2 ish years. Sometimes I look at myself and think about how I encountered a new flavor of crazy through all of this. 

***I originally did a post where I copied an pasted all of my previous posts but that post was waaayyy to cluttered. I instead made a word document to organize my thoughts for my purposes since even though it is a mess it makes sense to me. But I still wanted to include something in this journal so here is this post :) 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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Blog To Do's 

This is a very short term list in the sense that I don't think that this will take longer than a couple months at most to complete. I'm just breaking this down to smaller chunks so it's less overwhelming and I can actually get something done. 

  1. ACTUALLY MAKE THE WEBSITE 
  2. Get the domain name 
  3. Figure out the lay out 
  4. Design the thing and add a little bit of ***spice*** 
  5. Figure out how to work the damn thing  since I have never made a website before and idk wtf I'm doing 
  6. Edit my posts and figure out what I want to post 
  7. Plan out when I'm going to post 
  8. Figure out what my boundaries are regarding what and how I post (ethical concerns) 
  9. Keep writing consistently 
  10. Figure out monetization and views (think of this much later [as in2-3 months after making this thing], first worry about getting it up and running) 
Edited by soos_mite_ah

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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On 1/11/2022 at 3:23 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Logistical To Do List 
Bolded Items are things to focus on right now for the next 2 months (this was back when I first made this list) 

The things that are in pink but aren't bolded are things that are important to keep in the back of your mind. 

  • Figure out what you're going to do regarding study abroad, your foreign language requirement, and your graduation date and the implications around those decisions
    • Meet with the study abroad office (1 appointment) 
    • Language Oral Proficiency Tests (1-2 appointments)
    • Meet with career center to discuss resumes and study abroad (2-3 appointments)
    • Basically I'm graduating in December 2022 since I passed my language proficiency test and I am in a good place to study abroad.... if COVID allows it smh. Over all things, are going well and I have an internship to help me with narrowing down my career path after graduation. 
  • Get a hair cut and buy some clothes because your things are getting worn out and you look a mess lol. Finally got my hair cut and it was much needed to say the least
  • See if you can get a research fellowship by applying in the spring (work on maybe during winter break) Decided against this because of how much stuff I have going on in the summer. 
  • Maintain the friendships you have and go out and make new ones if that's how things work out. Been spending more time with friends and I have been dealing with my relational trauma.
  •  Get a job on campus or near school to get the money to pay for a deposit for a future apartment after graduating, potentially moving out of the country, or just for savings in general. (figure things out by seeing how spring semester goes as far as course load is considered) I got a paid internship and it's going well so far both when it comes to the work I am doing as well as how I'm balancing it with the other things on my plate. I'm saving most of the money and I'm not sure what I'm going to use it towards just yet. 
  • Hopefully have some plans to travel on your own (whether that be study abroad or right after graduating)  (keep in the back of your mind) I do have plans to study abroad. It's been messy but it is what it is. Just get me tf out of Dallas tbh. 
  • think about the steps you need to take to relocate after school: Yeah..... not going to worry about that now
  • Line up a job or at the very least narrow down your career path for after graduation: I think the internship is helping tbh. 
    • (again, doesn't have to be something you're super passionate about or that is aligned with your purpose but it needs to be something that has enough money to be financially stable, enough benefits so you feel like you have peace of mind, and relatively chill so you have a moment of stability) 

 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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New To Do List 

Health Related: Had some blood results come back weird before. Part of it had to do with my doctor overprescibing me iron pills and the other part has to do with some of my unhealthy eating habits back. Either way, I need to deal with this. 

  1. Get more bloodwork done: I had to get the iron to exit my system for the last few weeks but now I need to figure out where I stand. 
  2. Go to a nutritionist to figure out wtf I'm supposed to do: My eating habits and my relationship with food is not the best at the moment and I think that professional guidance according to my health situation can clear up some of the misconceptions I have been having. 
  3. Stop associating thinness with health: My health is more important even if I do gain weight. 

Limitting Beliefs/Other Emotional Issues:

  1. Mourn your college experience both socially and academically/careerwise: I have been dealing with a lot of FOMO and self deprecation surrounding not living my best life in college due to a variety of pandemic related issues. I'm still in the process of doing this and I feel that much of my imposter syndrome as of this moment has more to do with FOMO rather than a feeling of incapability.
  2. Deal with the constant feeling of not being enough in the back of my mind: Just to list my delusional thoughts out
    • I feel like I'm not doing enough to be excelling in school to be successful after graduation,
    • I feel like I'm not thin enough to be attractive or healthy. (the weight thing really fucks me up tbh)
    • I feel like I'm not diligent enough with my work or that I'm not strict enough. 
    • I feel like I'm not interesting enough or have enough of a personality based on how college has gone. 
    • I feel like me doing a good job isn't enough because I'm not beating the person next to me. (I know this is super stage orange but that's the environment I'm currently in and even though this isn't what I believe logically, it is still something affecting me at the moment emotionally)
    • I feel like I'm not doing enough unless I'm really high functioning as someone with ADHD. I often feel like I look too neurodivergent. 
    • I feel like I'm not healed enough or that I'm too neurotic, or that I express myself emotionally too much. 
      • Note: I think a lot of this has to do with my recent life experiences as well as my current environment at the moment. 
  3. Deal with your body image issues: I started gaining weight since I have started eating like a normal person again and it's messing with my head. I'm working with a therapist when it comes to this issue. 
  4. Mourn your family relationships that you are planning to let go: THERAPY
  5. Talk about your mild depression and how you tend to mentally check out: THERAPY

Additional Things: 

  1. Figure out ways to deal with revenge bedtime procrastination
  2. Carve out more time for yourself to not only rest but just to be and enjoy your time
  3. BLOG!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Maintain Things in My Life: I do have a lot of good things going on at the moment and I think I just need to keep going and stay consistent. These are not items to be checked of rather they are things that I need to keep being mindful of going forward hence why they aren't bolded and are separted from the rest of this post. 

  • Maintain a consistent eating schedule and be mindful of self deprecating thoughts. 
  • Mauntain healthy coping skills 
  • Maintain the relationships you have with your friends and make it a point to spend time with them 
  • Maintain my current workout schedule
  • Maintain the internship I have 
  • Maintain good grades 

 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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On 1/22/2022 at 5:48 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Blog To Do's 

This is a very short term list in the sense that I don't think that this will take longer than a couple months at most to complete. I'm just breaking this down to smaller chunks so it's less overwhelming and I can actually get something done. 

  1. ACTUALLY MAKE THE WEBSITE 
  2. Get the domain name 
  3. Figure out the lay out 
  4. Design the thing and add a little bit of ***spice*** 
  5. Figure out how to work the damn thing  since I have never made a website before and idk wtf I'm doing  (1-5: I decided to keep this thing as simple as possible and editing things as I go along.... ya know, so I don't drive myself crazy and I don't put this off any longer. Sure it look basic, but I'll figure it out on the way) 
  6. Edit my posts and figure out what I want to post 
  7. Plan out when I'm going to post (6&7: I have a plan in place as to how I will chip away at this. Given my current commitments, I can't just sit down and do it all at once) 
  8. Figure out what my boundaries are regarding what and how I post (ethical concerns) Still figuring this out but generally speaking I see myself using this forum for more personal matters while the things on my blog is more filtered for personal and ethical reasons. 
  9. Keep writing consistently: Yeah... I think I'm going to table this for now because my schedule isn't super accommodating. I have enough posts for a while now
  10. Figure out monetization and views (think of this much later [as in2-3 months after making this thing], first worry about getting it up and running) Not going to worry about this until the summer.

 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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On 2/16/2022 at 5:25 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

New To Do List 

Health Related: Had some blood results come back weird before. Part of it had to do with my doctor overprescibing me iron pills and the other part has to do with some of my unhealthy eating habits back. Either way, I need to deal with this. 

  1. Get more bloodwork done: I had to get the iron to exit my system for the last few weeks but now I need to figure out where I stand. 
  2. Go to a nutritionist to figure out wtf I'm supposed to do: My eating habits and my relationship with food is not the best at the moment and I think that professional guidance according to my health situation can clear up some of the misconceptions I have been having.  Made the appointment
  3. Stop associating thinness with health: My health is more important even if I do gain weight. 

Limitting Beliefs/Other Emotional Issues:

  1. Mourn your college experience both socially and academically/careerwise: I have been dealing with a lot of FOMO and self deprecation surrounding not living my best life in college due to a variety of pandemic related issues. I'm still in the process of doing this and I feel that much of my imposter syndrome as of this moment has more to do with FOMO rather than a feeling of incapabilityIssa long story but I have been dealing
  2. Deal with the constant feeling of not being enough in the back of my mind: Just to list my delusional thoughts out
    • I feel like I'm not doing enough to be excelling in school to be successful after graduation, Realized this literally doesn't make sense AT ALL given my schedule 
    • I feel like I'm not thin enough to be attractive or healthy. (the weight thing really fucks me up tbh)
    • I feel like I'm not diligent enough with my work or that I'm not strict enough. Again, doesn't make sense because of my schedule
    • I feel like I'm not interesting enough or have enough of a personality based on how college has gone.  Reconnecting with some of my friends has helped with me getting closure for something things that happened to me that fueled this limitting belief.
    • I feel like me doing a good job isn't enough because I'm not beating the person next to me. (I know this is super stage orange but that's the environment I'm currently in and even though this isn't what I believe logically, it is still something affecting me at the moment emotionally)
    • I feel like I'm not doing enough unless I'm really high functioning as someone with ADHD. I often feel like I look too neurodivergent. Having a healthy and supportive social circle has helped 
    • I feel like I'm not healed enough or that I'm too neurotic, or that I express myself emotionally too much.  Having a healthy and supportive social circle has helped 
      • Note: I think a lot of this has to do with my recent life experiences as well as my current environment at the moment. 
  3. Deal with your body image issues: I started gaining weight since I have started eating like a normal person again and it's messing with my head. I'm working with a therapist when it comes to this issue. Still dealing with this but improvements have been made and I can eat like a normal person again without over thinking my decisions. 
  4. Mourn your family relationships that you are planning to let go: THERAPY  I feel like I processed the bulk of this and now it comes down to commiting to what I set out to do and not second guessing myself. 
  5. Talk about your mild depression and how you tend to mentally check out: THERAPY  Found out what's causing this.  I was transitioning from having a ton of time for myself to being significantly busier. Once I got used to that busier schedule, I started feeling better and got into the groove of things. Also, I have a severe vitamin D deficiency lol. 

Additional Things: 

  1. Figure out ways to deal with revenge bedtime procrastination
  2. Carve out more time for yourself to not only rest but just to be and enjoy your time
  3. BLOG!

I know I posted an update a few days ago but I realized that I had a couple more things to add/ cross off. I deleted the previous post so it wouldn't be repetitive. 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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Also, it's been a year since I started this journal and I think it's really interesting to see how far I have come when it comes to dealing with a variety of things one by one. It felt really incremental and not overwhelming at all. However, looking back, I did deal with a lot of things and covered a lot of ground. And I'm proud of myself for that. 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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To Do List 3/26

  1. Deal with the constant feeling of not being enough in the back of my mind: Just to list my delusional thoughts out
    • I just straight up hate what my body looks like
    • I feel like me doing a good job isn't enough because I'm not beating the person next to me. (I know this is super stage orange but that's the environment I'm currently in and even though this isn't what I believe logically, it is still something affecting me at the moment emotionally)
      • A lot of this also comes from a place of being afraid of graduating and finding a job that will support me financially while not sucking my soul dry and having the credentials to get that type of position. 
  2. Deal with your body image issues: Much of the stuff I've been trying to sort out has to do with this but the thing is that it's pretty personal to me hence why I am not writing about it the same way I would write about other things in my journals. 
  3. Prioritize self care: i've been busy as usual and while this isn't anything new, I think I can use the reminder every now a
  4. Prioritize just general enjoyment in your life: I have come to the relization a while back that much of the stuff I do to relax and enjoy myself mainly consists of self care things that basically have the end goal of recharging me so that I can continue working.....I don't want to live like that lol. Our time off of work isn't meant for us to recharge, it's meant for us to enjoy and celebrate our lives.  This could be a whole post in my main journal but this is just something I'm observing that could really help me deal with a lot of things emotionally and give me a sense of fulfillment. 
  5. Give yourself the space to deal with the day to day emotional labor you go through: Recently, I found out someone I once went to school with died and my uncle has a tumor in his kidney. I'm also trying to figure out exactly wtf I'm doing with my life regarding careers, moving, maintaining relationships, dealing with family etc. as well as figure out my dysfunctional relationship with my body. And some of those things take time to figure out as well as things like trial and error and don't get me started on logistical stuff. 

Overall, I think I need to prioritize a sense of lightheartness in my life because I feel like I have so much that I'm tackling at once both in terms of my day to day work load but also just personally as far as going through life transitions go. 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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On 3/26/2022 at 10:44 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

To Do List 3/26

  1. Deal with the constant feeling of not being enough in the back of my mind: Just to list my delusional thoughts out
    • I just straight up hate what my body looks like
    • I feel like me doing a good job isn't enough because I'm not beating the person next to me. (I know this is super stage orange but that's the environment I'm currently in and even though this isn't what I believe logically, it is still something affecting me at the moment emotionally)
      • A lot of this also comes from a place of being afraid of graduating and finding a job that will support me financially while not sucking my soul dry and having the credentials to get that type of position. 
  2. Deal with your body image issues: Much of the stuff I've been trying to sort out has to do with this but the thing is that it's pretty personal to me hence why I am not writing about it the same way I would write about other things in my journals. 
  3. Prioritize self care: i've been busy as usual and while this isn't anything new, I think I can use the reminder every now a
  4. Prioritize just general enjoyment in your life: I have come to the relization a while back that much of the stuff I do to relax and enjoy myself mainly consists of self care things that basically have the end goal of recharging me so that I can continue working.....I don't want to live like that lol. Our time off of work isn't meant for us to recharge, it's meant for us to enjoy and celebrate our lives.  This could be a whole post in my main journal but this is just something I'm observing that could really help me deal with a lot of things emotionally and give me a sense of fulfillment. 
  5. Give yourself the space to deal with the day to day emotional labor you go through: Recently, I found out someone I once went to school with died and my uncle has a tumor in his kidney. I'm also trying to figure out exactly wtf I'm doing with my life regarding careers, moving, maintaining relationships, dealing with family etc. as well as figure out my dysfunctional relationship with my body. And some of those things take time to figure out as well as things like trial and error and don't get me started on logistical stuff.

I think applying the stuff I crossed off above was huge for me and I think I feel much better and more emotionally balanced going forward. I also feel much more like myself and I feel like I'm really enjoying life. I am a little burnt out from the semester as I finished exams a few days ago but now I do have time to take a break. I think it's good that I started feeling the symptoms of burn out in the last 2-3 weeks of the semester rather than in the middle of the semester because the year was wrapping up, there was an end in sight, and that I finished the semester for the most part. I remember the last time I dealt with burn out it was in the beginning of the semester and it was just awful in terms of my ability to get things done and recovering from it. Since I'm getting the beggining symptoms now, I know better than to just ignore it and have it get worse and I'm glad that I have the time and the space to deal with it preemptively.   

Overall, I think I need to prioritize a sense of lightheartness in my life because I feel like I have so much that I'm tackling at once both in terms of my day to day work load but also just personally as far as going through life transitions go. 

 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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Posted (edited)

June To-Do List: Prior to Studying Abroad 

  1. Hang out / reconnect with friends: It's something that gives me a lot of fulfillment. I also was trying to reconnect with friends earlier this year but I stopped like half way because I got sick and then finals happened. 
  2. Do the readings for your summer classes coming up: Was heavily recommended by the professor so that we can enjoy the trip and not get bogged down by work. 
  3. Plan some things to do for the study abroad trip: First time planning a trip, wish me luck!
  4. Go on a few dates: I'm currently dating a guy and I'm curious to see where it goes. 
  5. Apply to jobs: Need to figure out my life for after graduation
  6. Continue the internship: Need that money and something that will take me out of the house since my family is toxic 
  7. Work on the blog more: I haven't been on top of this because of how chaotic my semester has been but I really want to get back into writing because it's something that brings me a lot of fulfillment. 
  8. Give yourself room to breathe and recover from burn out: Started getting symptoms of burn out in the tail end of the semester so I need to deal with that.
Edited by soos_mite_ah

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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On 5/14/2022 at 11:53 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

June To-Do List: Prior to Studying Abroad 

  1. Hang out / reconnect with friends: It's something that gives me a lot of fulfillment. I also was trying to reconnect with friends earlier this year but I stopped like half way because I got sick and then finals happened. 
  2. Do the readings for your summer classes coming up: Was heavily recommended by the professor so that we can enjoy the trip and not get bogged down by work. 
  3. Plan some things to do for the study abroad trip: First time planning a trip, wish me luck!
  4. Go on a few dates: I'm currently dating a guy and I'm curious to see where it goes. 
  5. Apply to jobs: Need to figure out my life for after graduation
  6. Continue the internship: Need that money and something that will take me out of the house since my family is toxic 
  7. Work on the blog more: I haven't been on top of this because of how chaotic my semester has been but I really want to get back into writing because it's something that brings me a lot of fulfillment. 
  8. Give yourself room to breathe and recover from burn out: Started getting symptoms of burn out in the tail end of the semester so I need to deal with that.

Just wanted to cross somethings off before I start another list 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

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To Do List 8/1

  1. Finish up school/classes: I'm going to be graduating in December 
  2. Apply to jobs or at least figure out what kinds of jobs to look into: Eww
  3. Deal with imposter syndrome: I feel like I'm making good progress with this and a lot of it has to do with who I'm surrounding myself with
  4. Deal with body image issues and maintain healthy eating/ exercise habits: Back slid a little with my deteriorating health during my study abroad trip. Need to continue working with a nutritionist with that one. 
  5. Deal with the numbness and exhaustion you have been experiencing: My life emotionally can be summed up with "Numb Little Bug" song
  6. Look into immigrating to New Zealand: Living in another country has always been a goal of mine and I think it's about time I prioritize that 
  7. Have that difficult conversation with my cousin: Don't feel like detailing it online but I know what it is lol. 
  8. Blogging/ Journalling: I need to get on that but I'm not forcing myself to do anything atm 
  9. Maintain your friendships: Check in with those who have graduated and make plans with the ones you reconnected with 
  10. Look into liposuction: Just curious regarding costs and if I'm a good candidate. I'm not about to do anything anytime soon but I want to look into the option. 

 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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My Current Flavor of Crazy 

So I made a list like this about a year ago out of self deprecation. I just felt like making another one to update it to take stock of where I'm at with my development. I transfered over somethings from the previous list that I thought still applied to me, omitted the stuff that I no longer resonate with, and added new items. The stuff that is underlined are old stuff I haven't dealt with completely from last year. And honestly, I feel like most of this isn't even me benig crazy rather it's a reasonable reaction to the chaos in the world and me figuring out my life admist of it. I guess this post is just a snap shot of my messy 22 year old mind. 

Just college student about to graduate things: 

  1. I don't know what I'm doing with my life and where I'm going career wise. 
  2. Not sure how I'm going to deal with "being in the real world," work life balance, and just the existential dread that comes with graduating. 

How I'm dealing with the current state of the world:

  1. I don't want to work. Like at all.
  2. I've become pretty numb/ burnt out in these last few years when it comes to the state of the world and where I fit into it. Life has been existentially horrible lately. 
  3. I'm a little delusional in the way that I use astrology, manifestation, and romanticizing my life to cope with how gross reality is
  4. I have developed a few kinks as a result of my current emotional state. 

Dealing with the stuff that my weird school environment put me through:

  1. My body image is kind of fucked up because of the amount of time I spent with my mom and my school's culture around diet and exercise.
  2. I don't have much confidence academically or professionally because of the shit show that has been my life in the last few years
  3. How I've essentially felt like a watered down version of myself for 4 years 

I'm capable of being a real asshole in love: Don't feel like explaining my sins on the internet just yet. Gonna save this for my therapist later on lol. 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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Posted (edited)

On 7/31/2022 at 6:17 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

To Do List 8/1

  1. Finish up school/classes: I'm going to be graduating in December  I just don't see the point of having this as an item on the list as it's just a part of my life and isn't something that I have to consciously put my attention to as my routine revolves around it. 
  2. Apply to jobs or at least figure out what kinds of jobs to look into: Eww
  3. Deal with imposter syndrome: I feel like I'm making good progress with this and a lot of it has to do with who I'm surrounding myself with The trip I took by myself and the study abroad program has helped a lot. 
  4. Deal with body image issues and maintain healthy eating/ exercise habits: Back slid a little with my deteriorating health during my study abroad trip. Need to continue working with a nutritionist with that one. I am working with the nutritionist and I did get back on track. Now it's more about working on my self esteem, changing up my environment, and being around supportive people. 
  5. Deal with the numbness and exhaustion you have been experiencing: My life emotionally can be summed up with "Numb Little Bug" song I think that the trip I took by myself has helped a lot with this. But it's still something I'm dealing with so I'm not crossing it off. 
  6. Look into immigrating to New Zealand: Living in another country has always been a goal of mine and I think it's about time I prioritize that 
  7. Have that difficult conversation with my cousin: Don't feel like detailing it online but I know what it is lol.  Done
  8. Blogging/ Journalling: I need to get on that but I'm not forcing myself to do anything atm 
  9. Maintain your friendships: Check in with those who have graduated and make plans with the ones you reconnected with Crossing this off because this is basically habit at this point and I don't need to have it in a list to remind me to take care of my life socially
  10. Look into liposuction: Just curious regarding costs and if I'm a good candidate. I'm not about to do anything anytime soon but I want to look into the option. Made a couple consultation appointments to look at my options. Now I'm just contemplating things. 

 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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Posted (edited)

5 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

To Do List 8/1

  1. Apply to jobs or at least figure out what kinds of jobs to look into: Eww
  2. Deal with imposter syndrome: I feel like I'm making good progress with this and a lot of it has to do with who I'm surrounding myself with The trip I took by myself and the study abroad program has helped a lot. 
  3. Deal with body image issues I am working with the nutritionist and I did get back on track. Now it's more about working on my self esteem, changing up my environment, and being around supportive people. 
  4. Deal with the numbness and exhaustion you have been experiencing: My life emotionally can be summed up with "Numb Little Bug" song I think that the trip I took by myself has helped a lot with this. But it's still something I'm dealing with so I'm not crossing it off. 
  5. Look into immigrating to New Zealand: Living in another country has always been a goal of mine and I think it's about time I prioritize that 
  6. Blogging/ Journalling: I need to get on that but I'm not forcing myself to do anything atm 

Not making a new To Do List but I thought I'd clean things up a bit. 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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On 8/26/2022 at 8:14 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

To Do List 8/1

  1. Apply to jobs or at least figure out what kinds of jobs to look into: Eww
  2. Deal with imposter syndrome: I feel like I'm making good progress with this and a lot of it has to do with who I'm surrounding myself with The trip I took by myself and the study abroad program has helped a lot. Omitt because it will be replaced. 
  3. Deal with body image issues I am working with the nutritionist and I did get back on track. Now it's more about working on my self esteem, changing up my environment, and being around supportive people. I am also currently trying to lose weight in a healthier way under a nutritionist's supervision
  4. Deal with the numbness and exhaustion you have been experiencing: My life emotionally can be summed up with "Numb Little Bug" songOmitt because it will be replaced.   
  5. Look into immigrating to New Zealand: Living in another country has always been a goal of mine and I think it's about time I prioritize that  Omitting because I don't want to do this in the near future
  6. Blogging/ Journalling: I need to get on that but I'm not forcing myself to do anything atm 
  7. Deal with the constant feeling of not being/ doing enough 
  8. Deal with the guilt that I sometimes feel when I take care of my basic needs (mainly when it comes to taking time for myself and working at my own pace)  
    1. #7 & #8 are replacing #2 and #4 because in order to take care of #2 and #4, it's better to focus on both #7 and #8. Therefore #2 and #4 will be omitted. 

 


I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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3 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

To Do List 9/14

  1. Apply to jobs or at least figure out what kinds of jobs to look into: Went to a couple of career fairs. Still figuring things out 
  2. Deal with body image issues I am working with the nutritionist and I did get back on track. Now it's more about working on my self esteem, changing up my environment, and being around supportive people. I am also currently trying to lose weight in a healthier way under a nutritionist's supervision
  3. Blogging/ Journalling: I need to get on that but I'm not forcing myself to do anything atm 
  4. Deal with the constant feeling of not being/ doing enough 
  5. Deal with the guilt that I sometimes feel when I take care of my basic needs (mainly when it comes to taking time for myself and working at my own pace)  

 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

I have faith in the person I am becoming xD

https://www.theupwardspiral.blog/

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