My bf has herpes type 2

[somegirl]

So it's been said that HSV-2 (genital herpes) occurs once in a while, and that it's a rare thing.

Though, I need your help because we worry it's happened a little too often the past couple of months (like every month or so) despite him taking recommended vitamins (vitamin B) and eating fruit (oranges mostly). 

And it's like the moment he forgets to take one of those things, it comes back. 

We also worry because it's barely visible when it appears. The first time it has occured, there was at least a symptom beforehand (itching) that he could feel and know that it's coming, but now he tells me he doesn't even feel that it's coming.

So anyone with the same experience or any recommendations on what we can do to solve this problem to at least make it appear less frequently, would be helpful. Thanks beforehand.

[Leo Gura]

How long have you two been sleeping together?

[somegirl]

@Leo Gura For one year exactly, but always using protection. And avoiding sleeping together when an outbreak occurs. 

[Michael569]

Once HSV is in your body, you have it for life, there is now way to eliminate it. However that does not mean it has to become infectious. Our bodies are literally filled with millions of viruses, bacteria and fungi but most of them are under control. Most people who get frequent HSV flareups (oral or genital) are immunocompromised

Few tips for you that can help: 

* if he is a smoker or drinks alcohol regularly, those need to go
* has he been on any recent antibiotics or been on too many as a kid? That could be relevant here
* have him check his vitamin D levels - if they are below 50ng/ml have him supplement 2000 IUs for 2 months. 
* consider adding 50mg of zinc citrate to his diet for 2-3 months
* this may be more difficult to administer but there is research that shows that consuming too many foods rich in arginine over lycine may contribute to this. So check out the most common sources of arginine and consider going easy on those for a bit. Also check out sources of lysine and add those more in. I think if you google this whole concept (lysine, arginine, herpes) you will find entire charts

topical treatments
* zinc-rich cream
* lemon-balm containing cream
* sage containing cream

other
* is he active? does he exercise? 
* few rounds of high strength probiotics may help
* add more berries and fruits generally in his diet. Make it fiber rich. if he is heavy consumer of animal food, cut it down for some time. 
* add more mushrooms to his diet as well as green herbal spices and olive oil 

one more thing: genital to oral transmission (ehm, you know what I mean) is a risk factor as well so be careful

Hope that helps 

[somegirl]

@Preety_India Herpes type 1 or 2 are quite common. And it's a lifelong virus. Let's not stigmatize it. And besides that, I didn't ask whether someone would date such person, but how to deal with such lifelong condition in best possible way. 

Edited March 11, 2021 by somegirl

[somegirl]

@Michael569 Thanks a lot, this is so helpful! I feel like doctors prescribe some generic multivitamin and call it a day, with this stuff. They gave him also a drug called Acyclovir and told him to put it on whenever virus is activated. 
But this is really informative and helpful.
Though I have found that some people take daily antiviral medication which I forgot how it's called but it's supposed to surpress the virus and make it less contagious. He wasn't prescribed such medication, so am I at risk (even when using protection)?
 

Edited March 11, 2021 by somegirl

[Michael569]

18 minutes ago, somegirl said:

They gave him also a drug called Acyclovir and told him to put it on whenever virus is activated.

ofcourse they did.......... 

Get him to work on his immune system, find a specialist if you have to. Don't rely on acyclovir forever, it is highly nephrotoxic and neurotoxic. 

 

[robinmk4l]

5 hours ago, Michael569 said:

ofcourse they did.......... 

Get him to work on his immune system, find a specialist if you have to. Don't rely on acyclovir forever, it is highly nephrotoxic and neurotoxic. 

 

I suppose this would also apply to valaciclovir and other antiviral medication? I take oral valaciclovir for regular herpes outbreaks. Do you have some source for antiviral medication being neurotoxic?

[Leo Gura]

@somegirl There is a deeper issue here. Why are you sleeping with him? Sorry, you don't want to hear it, but that is not a wise move. You are obviously going to catch it at some point. And then you will suffer with that thing for the rest of your life. Is that really worth it for this one guy?

Be careful not to let romance cloud your judgment. Your health is more important than one guy. This is the problem with falling in love with people -- it makes you blind to brutal truths.

I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but it would be irresponsible of me not to say it.

[somegirl]

12 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@somegirl There is a deeper issue here. Why are you sleeping with him? Sorry, you don't want to hear it, but that is not a wise move. You are obviously going to catch it at some point. And then you will suffer with that thing for the rest of your life. Is that really worth it for this one guy?

Be careful not to let romance cloud your judgment. Your health is more important than one guy. This is the problem with falling in love with people -- it makes you blind to brutal truths.

I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but it would be irresponsible of me not to say it.

Well, okay... Thanks for your view. I need to ask though, by that kind of thinking, he is obviously done with dating for the rest of his life then? Since he got it, it's a lifelong condition that will keep reaccuring whenever his immunosystem is compromised. Is that really the humane way we should go about with these people? Just ditch them?

Edited March 12, 2021 by somegirl

[Preety_India]

You're dating someone, not doing social service.. 

It's not about humanity. Of course you can fall in love with whoever you want at the end of the day. 

But date wisely even then. 

You should not have to compromise with your personal safety in order to show humane-ness to another human being.

You can show your love to another human as long as it doesn't hurt your survival or safety and this is humanity too.

There is a difference between a wise empath and a foolish empath.. 

Leo is not telling you to not show empathy or humanity. He is directing you to wisdom and wise compassion. And responsibility. 

The highest form of love and  empathy lies in responsibility..

I learned this lesson the harder way in my life. 

I thought just like you a few years ago, and life served me a reality check and I had to get up and pull myself up by the bootstraps and start all over again. 

I do not say this to chastise people with STDs but to let you know that someone's disease is not your responsibility and you should not fall in love out of being sympathetic to them,it tends to backfire. 

This message is not meant to judge you or your bf but in good will and as a way to make you understand your safety better. It was meant for your best interests. 

Sometimes an empath has to say harsh truths to a person that they don't want to hear, but it's the responsibility of the empath to see and show the highest good for a person. That's what Leo did here. 

 

[somegirl]

43 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

You should not have to compromise with your personal safety in order to show humane-ness to another human being.

You can show your love to another human as long as it doesn't hurt your survival or safety and this is humanity too.

There is a difference between a wise empath and a foolish empath.. 

I feel deep down what's being said here. I can see that it's foolish to endanger your own health for life (and this is NOT a life threatening condition but it's a lifelong one still) just because you like someone... I can see that... This is hard...
 

46 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

Leo is not telling you to not show empathy or humanity. He is directing you to wisdom and wise compassion. And responsibility. 

The highest form of love and  empathy lies in responsibility..

I cannot see how I can show empathy and humanity and still leave someone because they have an incurable contition that happens to be contagious (but chances are lowered when you take precausion). I only leave them stranded. I'm not being ignorant here, I just really cannot see that. What am I teaching him that way? That people will leave him when he tells them he has genital herpes. I only win here. He will be devestated. But so will I if I get it ever. THIS is why it's hard. On one hand you absolutely don't want to make compromise when it comes to your health, but on the other, imagine you being in that position and someone leaving you because of it. PLUS you know you cannot ever cure it so you are forever doomed. 
 

58 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

I do not say this to chastise people with STDs but to let you know that someone's disease is not your responsibility and you should not fall in love out of being sympathetic to them,it tends to backfire. 

Yeah... Someone's disease is not my responsibility, have to repeat it to myself. I absolutely don't want it to backfire on me. 

 

[Preety_India]

3 minutes ago, somegirl said:

Yeah... Someone's disease is not my responsibility, have to repeat it to myself. I absolutely don't want it to backfire on me. 

I would want you to be completely authentic with yourself.

One way to be authentic with yourself is to ask yourself the question - 

Am I ready to accept the fact that I might contract this disease and will I be okay having it? 

Answer this question honestly. 

If the answer is yes, then you are mentally ready for this relationship, although it's a highly risky move nevertheless. 

If the answer is no, then you are not mentally  ready for this relationship and it's best if you start calculating your risks. 

Now you have only 2 options to answer this question ( because there is no "in between" answer to such a question) and the options are " yes" or "no." 

You can choose to avoid this question but you also lose the option to be authentic with yourself, because the whole relationship revolves around this question. 

So if you really want to be authentic with yourself, this question stands in front of you and you'll need to be ready to answer it the way you want. 

Choice is yours. 

[Michael569]

19 hours ago, robinmk4l said:

I take oral valaciclovir for regular herpes outbreaks

Start by working on strengthening your immune system,. Read some books, maybe attend a few seminars, find experts who can help you. Don't rely on drugs to fix your problem, that's not what they are designed for, they just suppress symptoms. Getting a regular herpes outbreak is a sign that your immune system needs some support for sure or maybe the gut needs som work as well, hard to tell from a forum chat

[Bando]

Never forget that life isn't fair, sometimes to "survive" you have to make difficult decisions that will most times negatively affect other people, but its your life if you want to stay with him stay with him but understand what position your putting yourself into.

[UDT]

17 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

@somegirl There is a deeper issue here. Why are you sleeping with him? Sorry, you don't want to hear it, but that is not a wise move. You are obviously going to catch it at some point. And then you will suffer with that thing for the rest of your life. Is that really worth it for this one guy?

Be careful not to let romance cloud your judgment. Your health is more important than one guy. This is the problem with falling in love with people -- it makes you blind to brutal truths.

I know it's not what you wanted to hear, but it would be irresponsible of me not to say it.

lol yea but its love - makes you blind. Its not rational

[Keyhole]

Idk... I would leave tbh.  What if you get it and it ends up not working out, and then your own love life is ruined?
And there is no cure for it, either?  Just my 2c.

Edited March 12, 2021 by Keyhole

[somegirl]

Guys, how would you feel if someone left you because of it? Honest answers please 

[Preety_India]

@somegirl if someone left me for that, I would simply accept it. It's just honest reality. 

[Keyhole]

I don't know how I would feel.  I would probably not date someone who was clean because I would feel bad if they caught it and now has that as the constant reminder of me.  Like getting a tattoo of someone's name on you or something. 
But if I was in that position, I think it would hurt a lot.  I'd be really sad, and then I would move on.   
I guess my answer would depend on seeing how you are as a couple, is it a pretty good relationship in every other aspect?

Edited March 12, 2021 by Keyhole