Myioko

Skepticism vs trusting myself?

10 posts in this topic

Ever since I’ve disassembled and slowly started to re build my own belief system, I’ve never been able to be as content as I was previously. Several years ago I had a major religion-existential-breakdown and I had a year of being happy without the old constraints of religion, but after that I’ve had a hard time ever fully trusting my thoughts and point of view. Is there ever a  point that I just accept my thoughts for how they are currently? Or at least give myself a break from trying to look at my thoughts with a sort of guarded, outside view of myself? I can be emotionally harsh and perfectionistic towards myself oftentimes, because I know I have blind spots in how I think.

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What you want is not skepticism, but open-mindedness. It is distinct in that skepticism actively seeks to undermine belief systems, while open mindedness allows them to exist as-is, neither believing, nor disbelieving. Open-mindedness allows you to honestly say that this thing right here is a belief without getting angry, sad, or defensive about it. The mind works by patching the unknown with stories and forgetting that it made them up. This is how we work by default and there is nothing wrong with it. 

I suspect that this destructive skepticism of yours is a form of grief. When a strong part of you dies, it is normal to experience it. There may also be anger buried somewhere near that grief, a sense of betrayal on the part of your parents. They instilled these beliefs in you.

All in all, we fall into beliefs. This is the default mode and even though they can sometimes mislead us, suffering helps in recognizing when. 


The true heresy is hearsay.

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Did you ever come up with new authentic concrete values after your breakdown?

I find my values really helpful when I get lost in my mind.

How can I trust my values? Well, they are mostly a result of lessons I've learned by trial and error and wisdom and insights gained from observation, contemplation, meditation, psychedelics, intuition (gut feeling) and rational material (books, videos, etc.).

So I find values to make the best compass when a tangible direction or base of trust is needed.

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2 hours ago, Myioko said:

Is there ever a  point that I just accept my thoughts for how they are currently?

Yes, of course.

2 hours ago, Myioko said:

Or at least give myself a break from trying to look at my thoughts with a sort of guarded, outside view of myself?

No!

Why of all things would you want to trust your thoughts? You know better than anyone that they're not trustworthy.

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3 hours ago, Myioko said:

Ever since I’ve disassembled and slowly started to re build my own belief system, I’ve never been able to be as content as I was previously. Several years ago I had a major religion-existential-breakdown and I had a year of being happy without the old constraints of religion, but after that I’ve had a hard time ever fully trusting my thoughts and point of view. Is there ever a  point that I just accept my thoughts for how they are currently? Or at least give myself a break from trying to look at my thoughts with a sort of guarded, outside view of myself? I can be emotionally harsh and perfectionistic towards myself oftentimes, because I know I have blind spots in how I think.

@Myioko 

The reason why you can't trust yourself is probably because you belive you're inferior to other people. Your strategy has been to become so aware of your own " faults " so that you can adapt and reach a place where you can change yourself in order to fit in.

You have been forced to look within yourself and find the " truth" about your own fault in order to reach belonging. The solution is to learn to assert yourself, set boundaries and do what you want to do that feels good. Especially when other people are involved.

There is a counter intuitive paradoxical balance in trusting oneself vs not trusting your self. Right now you're on one side where everything is your fault because you fundamentally belive you're flawed. You need to learn that you're not flawed and trustworthy in regards in meeting your needs as you are + still not trust your thoughts and emotions. You don't have to eliminate the first part, only add the trusting of yourself part. That's what you're missing.

 

 

Edited by SamC

"Sometimes when it's dark - we have to be the light in our own tunnel"

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Thanks for the advice/comments guys!

@tsuki Oh interesting I never really thought about the distinctions between open mindedness and skepticism. I like to think of myself as an openminded person but my thoughts do get clouded in the burden of problem solving/figuring things out. Part of me did feel like it died when my belief in god/religion evaporated and i was a lot more openminded after that

 

@Snader Yes! This sounds like a good grounding process. I do trust my intuitions, insights, feelings more than nitpicky thoughts. Its easy to get lost in the complexity of things and loose sight 

 

@commie Ok maybe I’ll just give myself ‘no thinking’ breaks, become a hermit in a cabin or tent for a week so I don't have to deal with life all the time :D

 

@SamC I’ll have to think on that for a bit...Within myself I do try to patch up my faults, as well as move forward from them and focus on my strengths, so its very confusing. When comparing myself to others I see that I’m more aware of the overall truths and insights on life, the larger picture, but thats because I live in Utah lol. (But everyone has their own thing and area of knowledge they are good at) I guess I have to get more comfortable with paradoxes again, of being aware of my flaws and limits without being harsh towards myself, I used to be fascinated by paradoxes but now I’m tired of them

 

@Leo Gura Wow an hour long video related to this topic, great! Thanks for the pointer, I’ll watch this later today.

 

 

 

Edited by Myioko

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One thing that sometimes frustrates me, is falling into different habits and spaces in my mind, and perpetually feeling like I’m waking up from dream after dream, Like ‘Oh now  I feel like I’m living, like I’m noticing how I feel and appreciating what I have.’, ‘No now I’m living’ and then regressing back into work or the mundaneness of life. And then thinking again, ‘Shit yet again I wasn’t truly living, gotta live life to the fullest now.’ Sometimes when exiting a phase like that I feel frustration/anger, the healthy(ish) kind. I guess no matter what I should take what I’m noticing and feeling without labeling it as wrong, acknowledge whatever feeling I’m currently feeling, I just don’t want to get stuck in the same thought and belief patterns for forever

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You won't because you'll die. Life is change so there's no need to worry about things staying the same.

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