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ayahusca trip report

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This is the first time I did ayahuasca with more than 10mg of dmt(microdoses). Today did anywhere from 40 to 60mg of dmt. 80% of insights were personal yet I have posted aspects that are still personally orientated yet I think extrapolate to others. I haven't really heard stuff like this before, so to spice the forum up I'm posting them.

How The Trip Actually Went

I was quite nervous taking it, so I started off small.

After about 1 hour I started to notice how amazing it is that I have hands. I watched them move like they were performing a dance. They moved so smoothly. I also watched how they picked up my puke bucket and did it perfectly and smoothly. I got a sense that this was miraculous, like fuck levitation or super powers, holy shit your hands are moving objects. I saw mild visuals but not too strong. The hands and legs felt like video game objects, the room looked like a video game(low resolution).

I then took another 4 sips of the dmt as I get cocky after being high. Then I was waiting for jaguars to come and eat me because my shaman/psychonaut I'm learning off said the jaguars and snakes will come and eat me... none of that happened, actually what happened was realizing all the jaguars and snakes are operating at a lower level of thinking, and there is a higher level of thinking which integrates and unifies the jaguars, snakes, spirits, all of it into 1 thing.

The trip then got deeper, and I started getting insights about interacting with other people.


Everyone is seeing a radically different reality, yet we all think we are in the same reality

Like everyone, I thought everyone was seeing the exact same thing as me. No fucken way. My brain works differently on psychedelics, I get less visuals, my trips are extremely more contemplative, and even after having big doses of psychedelics I don't get breakthroughs into dmt machine elf realms or different lizard realms. I also don't get some alien or caterpillar helping me, its always me helping myself.

I became conscious that our goals are different, what turns us on is different, what we are attracted to is different, what we enjoy is different, our perception of reality is radically different from person to person, and this has nothing to do with ego, this is because consciousness boils down to literally different things for different people. What is consciousness made of or what is it fundamentally? RADICALLY DIFFERENT FOR YOU AND ME. For some people it boils down to love, for others it fucken doesnt! Consciousness = Unconditional love is NOT absolute, its only absolute for fucken some people!!!

For me specifically, I became conscious that the universe I'm in is radically different to other people, and this explained why I had a lot of autistic symptoms and why I disagree with lots of people about what reality is and why I don't get people when they talk about reality and why my approach to spirituality is different to others and why certain meditation techniques work better on me then others and why pointers from teachers don't make sense to me sometimes.

I became conscious that when I look at objects around the room, compared to other people, they are hyper geometric, highly structured, highly ordered. Which fucken blew my mind. I was looking at a bowl and just realizing not everyone is seeing the hyper geometric, highly ordered, highly structured bowl like how I am. For example, some people see the bowl as a living spirit, some people see the bowl more for its purpose or its use, rather than its geometric shape, some people see the bowl as more of how its relates to them as a person, like a personality thing (OMFG THATS WHY SOME WOMEN CARE SO MUCH ABOUT FASHION!)

This may seem obvious to some, of course our personalities are different! Of course we focus on different things... no thats not what I'm saying, I'm saying you're living in a parallel universe to me.

I mean, imagine the most radical, insane dmt machine elf realm you could break through to, hyper alien, hyper different, hyper comprehensible... your flatmate, your mum, your brother and colleagues are in realms that are a trillion times more radical then what you just imagined. You don't need to break through to an insane dmt realm to have a crazy experience, you just need to break through to seeing how your flatmate sees the world. If you fully saw how your flatmate sees the world, you'd be completely immobilized, rolling on the floor in complete mind orgasm over how radically insane and different it is.

And this has radical implications. Its not just philosophy. But we're all one, there's no others... please put your bullshit a side for a sec.

Every single disagreement, especially the ones that end up in fights, could be eliminated from acknowledging or realizing this facet of reality.

Not only fights, but deeper understanding on what teachers resonate with you, what don't, what pointers work for you, what don't, could be deeply clarified from understanding this facet of reality.

My personal fundamental reality is pure understanding.

To illustrate the implications above, I will show you my personal case study.

During the trip I got into a state where I literally understood absolutely everything. That is my dream, understanding absolutely everything. And from that experience, I became conscious that my entire motivation is purely fueled by understanding ONLY. Its prior to absolutely everything I do.

This means, I am literally incapable of understanding how consciousness IS LOVE. My fundamental reality is pure understanding. I proved to myself on that trip that even if I spent a million years meditating and doing psychedelics, I will never ever ever experience the universe as LOVE. The closest I got was I had an awakening where I realized that everything in the universe was designed to maximize how much I love myself... but notice that explanation is radically different to the universe IS LOVE? That's because I'm so understanding orientated that the closest I'll get to experiencing love is understanding it. I am too spiritually untalented/autistic to actually feel what its like to know that the universe IS LOVE. Because if I was to get a trillion times more conscious now, it would end up being just more understanding, not more love, just more my brain being sprayed by a philosophy love gun and just getting plowed away with pure understanding.

And this is a fantastic realization, because I can be relieved that I don't experience the universe as love, not because im not trying hard enough, but because im too spiritually untalented. This isnt a personality thing, it wont change even by changing my brain chemistry, its embedded in my perspective which is prior or beyond my brain chemistry, it persists different lifetimes, consciousness IS understanding for me. And I am 2000% limited by that embedding. But whats amazing is consciousness IS <blablabla> for other people, which is just mind blowing. From this realization, I now know to stop using the consciousness is love pointer because it literally isnt true from my perspective WOO HOO!!

The other implications of realizing that understanding is embedded in consciousness for me is I can throw away crap like "acceptance is better then understanding", "understanding boils down to love", "understanding is an illusion"... no they fucken aren't(for me). acceptance is lame, love boils down to understanding ;) everything but understanding is an illusion ;)

In fact, there's literally nothing other then understanding in my experience, if you chuck away everything, you just get pure understanding from my perspective. From my perspective, motivation issues are directly caused by lack of doing understanding. My motivation to change the world has nothing to do with caring about impacting the world... that's all a cover story, I'm deep down much more of an ass then that, I don't care about impact, I just care about understanding. So I now can throw away any crap like oh care about impact, or crap like fundamentally who we are and what we care about is compassion and giving... not in my perspective, in my perspective understanding trumps all, I only care about compassion because it lets me understand more, I only care about intimacy because of the understanding aspect. I'm pure dork/nerd.

The fundamental implication is, lots of suffering is caused by us assuming we all share the same perspective, for example we are all god... no not necessarily, only certain point of views enable the realization that we are god. Actually lots of suffering from this work comes from us trying to fit how we work into how other people work, like for example me focusing so much of trying to be compassionate and see the universe is love when I'm too retarded to see that fundamentally. This applies for everyone else too, how do you even know the universe is love in your experience? What if your perspective is like mine... physically incapable of seeing it.

How to increase your baseline state of consciousness optimally

What are insights? They are pure infinity in bite sized pieces because your brain can't handle infinity. To get to the ayahuasca state permanently, go meta on insights. For example, contemplate and place awareness on the following questions:

  • when an insight arises, how do you react on a personal, physical and subtle body level? How does that reaction differ according to the insight just gained? Are certain reactions better then others? How does the reaction affect maintaining the insight?
  • what are insights?
  • How do insights react with each other on timescales, are certain orders of realizing insights more effective then others? And how do emergent insights arise from such interactions of those primary insights?
  • When trying to figure out how to increase your baseline state of consciousness, contemplate different possible methods, then focus on the insight aspect of them(or pure intelligence) and try and predict the sort of insights and impacts of those insights that will occur if you actualized the method, then plan, architect, structure the best sequence of events or combination of practices to get the optimal combination and best interactions of all the insights all together
  • contemplate how carrying out methods affects insight growth, does just contemplating what kriya yoga is gain enough insights, or do you actually need to practice it, and if you have to practice it then why? How does the insight of "you should do kriya yoga" actually affect the insights gained from actually doing kriya yoga

The biggest thing I learnt here is, choosing meditation methods is putting the horse before the cart. Meditation methods are the smoke, the engine is the insight, forget about discipline and doing meditation practices, just focus on maximizing carrying out and interactions and architecting all the insights optimally.


Edited by electroBeam

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@electroBeam Nice! Thanks for sharing^_^

4 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

actually what happened was realizing all the jaguars and snakes are operating at a lower level of thinking, and there is a higher level of thinking which integrates and unifies the jaguars, snakes, spirits, all of it into 1 thing.

Not sure if I understand what you mean, could you elaborate? Do you mean oneness in general or something else?

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 I watched them move like they were performing a dance
I got a sense that this was miraculous, like fuck levitation or super powers, holy shit your hands are moving objects

Nice!!! ^_^

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42 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

no thats not what I'm saying, I'm saying you're living in a parallel universe to me.

You are imagining us.

Go deeper ;)

You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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