Jonson

I am 20 and i feel like i wasted a lot of time, missed out

17 posts in this topic

I have this  problem of not doing anything productive. I am in the third semester at university in germany. I  moved from Romania after highschool to study Media-informatics which is about creative work and tech as well. (graphic design, film production and programming). I only passed a few exams, so i have a lot to recover.

I basically wasted all my time like 1 year playing League of Legends, porn, sleeping, smoking weed and constantly watching youtube videos (which isn't necesary a bad thing) and lots of anxiety and worrying about all sorts of stuff and i also don't have a job and my sisters paid for my place and college, they know that i am depressed and lazy and try to help me and it makes  me sad that i failed so hard and dissapointed them

( i usually don't tell them this, they always call me and tell me to get a job, which i completely understand because university is expensive + rent , i actually didn't want them to pay me, i hoped that i would get my shit together find a part time job and chill and they could help with some money if i needed but they are literally financing everything a lot of money... and what do i do  with all the money and support they give me ?   i used to not respond when they asked me how i am and stuff like that because i knew i didnt do my job and i didnt want to dissapoint them, but bcs of that they think that i am careless and i dont appreciate their help which is not true, i rly appreciate everything they gave me but i kinda have trouble showing any weakness to them because they were a bit strict with me when i was younger , i think i got a bit disconnected from them ). 

Ps: i also have a problem with dating ( i am pretty good looking, charm, had some romantic experiences, but i never had a girlfriend and i am virgin.. i was with a girl once and we were together and i didnt have the courrage to kiss her xD )

I did make some friends and in the summer vacation i also went home and partied a lot with my hometown friends, i also worked on something that i am kind of proud of which is a party song , it's for fun but still it feels good that i  worked on something that had an end result. 

When i think of what i want to do in life what comes  to my mind is  working on creative stuff like a song, a movie ( basically art  related stuff) but not just that. I am interrested in a systemic reform of society in the sense  of how can we make this big system work in sustainable way ( sustainable energy, no polution, healthy lifestyle, fitness,  eliminating the cause of illnesses, self-destructive activities / companies ). I know this is very general and basic , everyone knows about this already and tries to do it but i am not sure. I think that with what i do i need to promote a healthy  sustainable/ enjoyable/ fulfilling lifestyle cause what else is the point of working if not that. 

The thing that i also try to understand is the balance between partying (fun activities, clubs, alcohol, weed, festivals) and work ( helping humanity be more sustainable and healthy overall etc. )  For example the trap song that i made. I worked on it a lot with my friend and it was a lot of fun we learned how to produce music. but the music itself is about memes, party, rockstar, sexy girls, smoking.. stuff like that. I don't know how i can do both: How can i make society better while also having some hedonistic elements in my life xD

Ok i think that's enough writing for now. The fact that i wrote this helped me already in reflecting on myself xD 

 

 

 

Edited by Jonson

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Sorry dude, I feel you. I can't really dissect every problem you have and offer you an answer to all of them, but I can link you this video that helped me understand a lot when I felt like you do. I found it insightful. It's about a guy who goes through problems of his own, some of which are similar to yours, and a psychiatrist tries to help him comprehend how to tackle those issues. I recommend to watch the video to completion.

 

Edited by Abdelghafar
Grammar

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8 hours ago, Jonson said:

omg thank you very much, watching rn looks good

You're welcome, bro.

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You dont waste time, you learn of everything.

Do you know what is wasting time?

Wasting money that cost you time to earn, in stupid things.

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You wake up when you are supposed to. Start now and don't stop.


"Unburdened and Becoming" - Bon Iver

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Dude, If you're only 20 you havent wasted shit, even tho it might feel like it.
At that age it's extremelly good that you are already working on your personal development, thinking about your career relationships etc consciously.

If you continue on this road, at the age of 30 you'll look back at this and laugh at it.

At the age of 20 you haven't even had the time to spend  exploring reality and yourself, it's absolutely normal to spend time walking around stumbling on things and figuring out how they work before you achieve something.
 

13 hours ago, Jonson said:

I basically wasted all my time like 1 year playing League of Legends, porn, sleeping, smoking weed and constantly watching youtube videos

By exploring these things and coming to a conclusion that it's a waste of time, is not a waste of time itself, because you've gained some wisdom.
There are people who spend decades in drug addictions, gambling, prisons etc take that and compare that to your 1 wasted year.

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in my 20 i had a lots od sex and didnt do shit abour my college and i was partying all the time. just relax :)

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Dw bro, my first sex was at 21 (I think?) And the truth is, the older you get - the better your sex experience becomes. It is really no pleasure sleeping out with immature 18-20 or below girls who are highly inexperienced, aren't in touch with themselves and don't know how be authentic and intimate, so sex is actually typically very lame here To that are range

I'm saying all this to cheer you up so you don't have much FOMO about it. You're not really missing anything truly good by delaying your sex life for a bit. You will catch up just fine later in life, you'll only need to get one good emotionally available not sexually repressed girlfriend with whom you'll explore the true deepness of ocean of love. 

Edited by Hello from Russia

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@Abdelghafar Thanks to you i found this channel " Healthy Gamer GG" and it's so nice and helpful.  So many people have problems that i have and i thought  they make me weird . It's so cool how healing these conversations are. Relief. 

Thank you 

On 2/6/2021 at 7:46 PM, meow_meow said:

 

By exploring these things and coming to a conclusion that it's a waste of time, is not a waste of time itself, because you've gained some wisdom.
There are people who spend decades in drug addictions, gambling, prisons etc take that and compare that to your 1 wasted year.

yeah true i feel like i learned a lot through every experience. 

@Hello from Russia haha  hello from germany  , thanks i now feel pretty good and i think everything is soo good xD

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It is only wasted if you didn't learn your lesson and continue for another 20 years.

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Don't worry about it man. I'm 21, have been changing majors for a couple of years, all my cousins my age are starting their masters right now. But that doesn't bother me because a. Life is not a race ! b. I am actually doing something I love c.In the end we all end up buried away, forgotten.

That was an ominous ending. xD But take it easy man.

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@Jonson It is, man.

Also, don't listen to what your peers from universites/school say, 99% of them are dumb teenagers with low self-esteem and 0 foresight or intellect. And most of them are stage orange, so they will judge you from that paradygm. Don't let them gaslight you/influence you in any negative way because of their own insecurities. This is what would be truly wasteful - if you'd care about these peers.

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@Jonson

Just brainstorming what advice I would give to myself 11 years ago. 

First and foremost "don't worry, be happy". Meditate every day, maybe start from 10-15 minutes, buy a dry erase board and write there what you want. Be easy on life, like it's a dream. Pay attention to feelings, if something feels like "peace/happiness/joy" go for it, even small tiny improvement in how you feel is everything.


What a dream, what a joke, love it   :x

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