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[Loba]

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Reasons to Work With a Deity

If you’re looking for personal advice and guidance for your life’s journey and your craft, those are good reasons to work and connect with a deity. If you’re uncertain whether working with a deity is right for you, you might want to do some research on a few specific deities that you find interesting to start. You could also reach out to other witches for insight into some of the more popular deities.

A word of caution: If you are a baby witch, you may find it easier to work with a gentler deity for the first time over a more abrupt or blunt one.

How to Choose a Deity

When choosing a deity, you can either approach the deity you want to work with or they can approach you. In my experience, I approached Gaia after I saw her while meditating. I feel like deities can come to you in different forms, depending on what they think works best for you. For me, Gaia has long curly hair, dark skin, green eyes, and she is a little chubby. Her beauty is one of the things that drew me to her.

If you want to build a relationship with a deity and you’re unsure where to start, simply consider the common themes you’ve seen and experienced in your own life.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Do I want a more gentle relationship with a deity or a more rough one?

This is important because not everyone deals well with blunt advice. It’s important to understand what type of personality you will best receive guidance from.

What animals do I see a lot in my life and what animals do I like?

To recognize a deity who might be trying to connect with you, be aware of any animals you see often. For example, Hades and Loki are both associated with crows. If you see a lot of crows in your life, one of them may be trying to contact you. It can be easier to find a deity that is already trying to work with you.

How do I go about my practice with witchcraft?

Some deities might take a liking to your ‘style’ for the craft. For example, if kitchen witchery is your thing, a god or goddess that is more connected with the home and hearth would be good for you. Brigid, the Celtic goddess of home and hearth, could be a perfect match for you.

What colors do I see a lot in my life?

Similar to animals, some deities are associated with colors. For instance, the Norse god Odin is associated with purple, red, and black.

What common personalities do you enjoy socializing or working with most?

Are most of your friends shy or outgoing? Are the coworkers you enjoy most pranksters or workaholics? Deities can be similar to people in the way that each has their own personality. It wouldn’t be very helpful for you to try to connect with a deity that has a conflicting personality to your own.

Recognizing Your Deity

Before you begin searching for a deity to connect with, it’s important to know that it’s possible one may approach you without prompt. Sometimes it can take a while to figure out who is trying to contact you. Don’t get discouraged. Know that it is usually very rewarding once you realize which deity is trying to connect with you.

Recognizing Your Deity’s Signs

Some signs are blatantly obvious while others can be very subtle. They can be shown to us in a multitude of ways — physically, spiritually, or within our dreams.

A Dancing Candle Flame

When doing candle magic, your candle’s flame could be moving around. It’s possible this is a sign from a deity trying to contact you.

A Black Dog

Hecate likes to use dogs, specifically black dogs, to notify witches that she wants to work with them. Have you seen a black dog in need of help recently?

Bones Aren’t Just For Halloween

If you’re constantly noticing roadkill on your drives to work or the grocery store, Anubis may be trying to contact you. Although his way of reaching out is a bit morbid, it’s good to remember he is the Egyptian god of mummification and death, so, unfortunately, bones are like instant messaging for him. But don’t hold that against him. Anubis is a very wise and protective deity. I actually have another article where I mention Anubis.

https://skaldskeep.com/deity-and-spirit-work-101/

Polytheism, at its core, is the belief in multiple gods. Polytheism can be approached in many different ways, from a soft polytheistic standpoint (the belief that gods are archetypes) to a hard polytheistic one (the belief that gods are, in some way, fully autonomous beings). Some polytheists may work with one god even while acknowledging others, while others work with many different gods. Some polytheists are even what’s known as polyaffiliated, meaning they work with multiple gods from different pantheons.

If deity relationships don’t always have a Lord/Servant dynamic, then what dynamics do they have? Some examples include Teacher/Student, Parent/Child, Artist/Muse, Familial, Friends, and even Lovers. These dynamics aren’t forced, but instead grow from the collaboration of both the deity and the devotee.

Deity work takes effort. This involves researching, learning new tools, learning new skills, sharpening your clairsenses, and trial-and-error.

Your relationship is between you and the deity. No one should act as a dedicated “interpreter” between you and the deity in question. That can open you up to a whole lot of potential abuse. It’s okay to use a third party to help with an instance of discernment if you need, but ultimately no person or entity should be interpreting your relationship with a deity or spirit for you.

You can say “no.” Just because a deity/spirit wants something doesn’t mean you always have to give it to them. Gods can be held accountable for their actions, and you don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with just because they asked.

Gods can say “no.” I saw it put very well in a post on tumblr: Gods aren’t dolls you can take out of a box and play with whenever and however you’d like. They’re autonomous beings capable of making their own decisions and they won’t always do the things you expect them to.

Incompatibility happens. Sometimes a deity’s personality, methods, and antics might not vibe well with you. That’s okay. Recognize when it happens and make adjustments accordingly. This may mean taking a break, putting some emotional distance between you two, or going separate ways altogether. It’s best if this can be done mutually to facilitate a healthy transition.

Oathing is the act of making a solemn, honor-bound promise to a deity. This promise can come about for any number of reasons, sometimes at the request of the deity, sometimes not. Reasons for taking Oaths and Vows are between the devotee, the deity, and the situations within that relationship.

You aren’t required to take an oath to a deity just to work with them or to have them as your Patron. Oaths especially shouldn’t be taken as a means of control or status, nor should you take them if you’re not comfortable with them.

 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Loba
My patron.

[Loba]

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I faced myself in the mirror not so long ago
And it told me do you know?, it told me do you know?
All alone in your head
But you don't have to pretend
That you will make a change
'Cause you don't wanna change

I'm gonna be real honest this time
I'm okay with it, I am more than fine
I'm gonna role our last red dice
Now tell me I won't get out
Tell me I won't get out

Tell me I won't get out

I wanna walk the sky
Alone among the stars
Without forgetting who I was
Or have to look back that far
And I don't want to, want to, want to
Forget who, -get who, -get who
And are you, are you, are you
Just fucking around in my mind, one last time

I'm gonna bе real honest this time
I'm okay with it, I am morе than fine
I'm gonna role our last red dice
Now tell me I won't get out
Tell me I won't get out

Tell me I won't get out
Tell me I won't get out

Trap me, trap me inside your walls
Now, tell me I won't get out
Tell me I won't get out
Crush me, crush me with all that you are
Now tell me I won't get out
Tell me I won't get out

Primal Power Dynamic

The primal power exchange involves the release of an animalistic charge, usually leading to instinctive, pacey, rough intercourse often with a sensation of “switching the brain off”. This may or may not be accompanied by the act of chasing, pack behaviour, the use of teeth and musclar strength as well as growls and female copulatory vocalisation. The use of intelligible language is often completely absent. This modus copulandi is distinct from the B&D Power Dynamic, which sees the use of props and devices, and in which a “Dom” carefully shapes, leads and controls the action.

A primal predator does not wish to control his or her prey rationally. Rather, he or she seeks to mate with them “like an animal would”, that is, through the immediateness and fundamental crudeness of the sexual act. Often, a primal predator will not have to subdue his or her “prey”: intercourse then takes the shape of a mating ritual where the hunted spontaneously submits to the hunter and becomes a complete object of pleasure.

Primal individuals often have a preference for group sex, which is seen as a pack ritual involving multiple mating.

Outside intercourse, primal individuals tend to exhibit social behaviours characteristic of pack hierarchy, such as paying respect to the alpha male(s) or rank-based access to sex and resources. These attitudes can be quite loose or take the form of very precise hierarchies (often called “packs”).

Primal Predator: the hunter/tamer.

Primal Prey: the hunted/tamed partner.

 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Loba
I'm gunna set you free. ;___;

[Loba]

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Speak, Wolf.
Have I set you free?
Is my sexuality alive?  Pure chaos unleashed from within.
You are a force of nature.
Dynamic.

 

Edited January 18, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

This is the week I get everything moved out of this place, and I am just sitting around when I should be working and need to figure out before noon where the resistance is.  It's knawing at my mind knowing that I need to get started.  I am excited to be done with the moving process and to unpack my belongings and sort them and have everything placed just so.  I will be happy to have my big kitty, Rusty back with me as well.

I had a horrible dream where I killed someone out of jealousy and it makes me want to work on my anger a bit more.  I don't like being an angry person.  I would never physically harm someone, but my words can slice through people and I have a temper.  My whole family does.  I would like to be calm...

I won't be making formal entries for a few more days until I have the time.

Got some energy drinks, let's hope they help some. 

*yawn*  *stretch*  So much work to be done... ho hummm...  >.<

Breaking through the ice.

There's something just so beautiful about dark energy - I don't know why, but it calls to me more strongly than anything else - this material is transformative.  It can be your worst nightmare or greatest ally depending on how you approach it.  A deep, ancient, penetrating energy.  Watchful, mournful and lonely.  Transcendent.  Calling, calling, always calling you back.  Death.  The Great Black Sleep.

It's do or die!   

Move, move move!

Guided by chaos.

Under the radar... perhaps I need to work with this thing to understand how to remove resistance to doing things?
I have the right creative energy for it.  I can see this energy so clearly now, and looking over old journal entries I can get an idea for where I was having a hard time quantifying what I was working with.

I wish I had the creative energy to write forever, to just go deeper and deeper until whatever this is does whatever it does and I can fully understand it.  It is dark.  I can't look at all that it is in its entirety.  I shouldn't have even stumbled across it at all.  It hides in my shadows, and is therefore hard to inspect - shadows being what they are, hard to look at.

And I still have all this work to do yet I sit here compulsively writing and this is where I need to learn to use this forum better.  It aids me more than hinders, though.  Just one scan through my previous year grew me immensely.  In seeing; I am looking at a dynamic, moving autonomous energy - an expression.

Quiet, peaceful, radiant, darkness.  It has no gender, and yet is both.

I suppose that opened, more unrestricted sexual energy would have power to it.

I still have not moved.  I'm just sitting here... with all this stuff I need to get done and I know I need to do it.
I hate my resistance.  If I didn't have it my life would be ... so much better.  I write, write, write in the hopes to break out of this cycle of laziness.  Fearful laze and lack of control has turned me into a nutcase waif and I'm really not okay with that.  I feel like if I follow the signs down to the end that I will find my soul.  I feel like following the signs gives me a chance to see parts of myself that I normally repress.  I drink caffeine and smoke too much, but my nervous system is so off the radar that there's no other way to channel than to activate my system with a lot of stimulation.  Then I can kind of check out in a weird way and free myself up.  I feel chained, legit chained by malaise.  It sucks.  I hate this.  I want to move.

No amount of witchcraft will fix my laziness...

Accept this.

A descending red mist, that music is so soft, I hope death is like this.  You can even hear what sounds like screams as it dawns upon some unsuspecting victims - and that is the nature of the Wolf that I have a hard time accepting.  And then it's quiet.  This energy is not to be toyed with.  Any time I have tried it has backfired horribly, you simply can't control it for the ego's whims, and due to it being a death energy, it goes against the whims altogether.  It's quick and merciful - the relishing murderous side of existence.  
And yet even it is artistic and Loving.  It Loves to kill.  It is a hunter by nature and design.  I seek to understand its wisdom and have gained its respect through my journey.  It's a good thing that I am a woman and that my sexuality is open to being understood or I wouldn't have stood a chance.  In coming to understand it, it has gained somewhat of a life of its own - maybe a kundalini-like energy, it is certainly something paranormal.
This tells me that repression is not a good thing, and that expression is important, maybe even the key to accessing your true powers as an entity.  Due to my sexuality being slowly unraveled, I'm finding that it has its own ... imprint.  I've struggled with trying to understand it for years; it's something society deems as very wrong and is something I feel is wrong, too.  Even so, when I was going through a mental health crisis, someone overheard me on the phone and followed me to the hospital and was going to shoot me.  Just because of it.  It's dangerous to have abnormal sexuality, even if you are a nonoffender and don't have any desire to offend - even the act of just trying to UNDERSTAND it - will make people want to murder you.
It's because I am a sub and the act is dominant, it's an intellectual thing - the actual act, like doing it, doesn't do it for me because of the lack of ability to communicate takes away what is intellectual about it for me - whereas fantasy, or energy work does not.  There are so many ways around a sexuality that is not normal, like toys, roleplay and such things; I've never been ashamed of it, just afraid of what people would do.  I accept it came about through abuse as a child.  So why should I feel shame for something that I could not control?  I control myself, though, just fine - and don't really have a hyperactive sexual drive to begin with.  I feel like understanding this is also 'do or die', or rather, never do and die never fully grasping what you could have had.

And now I have it.

Sex magic manifestation
[?] determination
Binding energies into one
Become a slave to the

Climactic excitation
Semantic reverberations
The power that is rising
You will materialize

Converging illumination
Emerging from your creation
From a seed you will become
And from a thought you will be

Conception
Made of clay
An inception
To dawning day
The dewback beast is writhing
Hate the crystal eyes

What is the worth of a man
Who cannot build castles from sand
The bell by your nature
A thiеf in the manger
Death is a strangеr to you

Do what thou will and will is below
A phantom awakes on golden dawn
Entropy alchemy, will Will be sought
Do what thou will a thought will become

A garden of Eden on the tip of your tongue
A conjuring summoning uttered aloud
Speakin' the spell, solidify clouds
Visions of god, future is now

Mountains they shake and colors astound
A distant light reaching out
From nothing came a sound

5:20, still done NOTHIIIINNNNGGG....

Life is about learning how to not fear.  This is accurate.  Life is a Love simulator.  Seems to be so.
Life provides you with opportunities to fear to learn to transcend it.
Confront the fear....
Okay... I work with an energy that I don't understand well, and it creeps me out when I see it because when I do, I am often very unwell and sick and so I think it has to do with seeing death - I kind of see archetypes and how things interconnect that normal people don't see, and it makes me look crazy, but it's possible I'm just hypersensitive, I don't know.

"Don't be distracted by our darkness" - this thing says.  But it is actually, quite distracting.
I look at this image and I see the archetype of something as strong as a mountain, a shadowed being, not really anything, but very dark with a deep inner light that radiates outward, and the light is a beacon and it is just for me.

"Meet me at the top."

I look at this and I see what my energy could do for myself, and yet I have none of my own.  I have to make it through weed and coffee... I cheat...  
These things inject a moment into history, like these sunsets.  Or an act of natural destruction...

That's why this one feels male, but there is a deep, dark feminine energy within it.
It feels like... it plays with time...
Something deeply natural, for a purpose outside of my understanding.  It carries within it the experiences of having been species that brought to themselves extinction, you see.  Like an entire evolutionary act from start to finish, and that us going on forever as a species is not the end goal.  That there are things outside of awareness with their own end goals.  Nature could go on just fine without us and has with many species for as long as things have been evolving here, and in that act - that is where The Wolf energy rests.  That is aeonic energy.  It 'has' to be.

Show me how to Love, it asks.

All, Within You.  I can hear the storm.  Solace.  I am Open.

Was avoiding moving worth it for this information?  I don't know, but every time feels like the right time to write.  I just can't stop.  I don't care about being a great writer, I just want to be free from my mental struggles and to understand why I am so fucked up.

I'll just work into the night, that feels right.  Get it all done anxiously last minute, with the power of fear.

I feel that my sexuality is special, that it is a beautiful expression of the divine, I'm sapiosexual, as well as being mostly ace - I just don't have a high sex drive; but when I feel like it I do love it.

I can follow it like a beacon of dark light.

The thing about people with normal sexualities is that they never go as deep into it as it can be, and there is so much to be found there in understanding who you are, your power, your strength and your worth as a person.  I understand this energy as a real, fluid Being.  The more I understand, the more it can manifest into this world.
It 'is' a chaos energy.  But I was born from chaos, it's not my fault.

A sweet release.
I feel stressed out and horny, I have so much I need to get done.  Gah!!!!
*wiggles around and buries self into chair*  SOOO cozy.

I just wanna sit here and write.  That's it.

That's enough, the end
Comes undone
Falls off the edge, falls out young
Falls off the edge, falls off love
As dark comes the night
Before sunlight

That's enough, the end
Comes undone
Falls off the edge, falls out young
Falls off the edge, falls off love
As dark comes the night
Before sunlight

As winter takes me now, of cold and clammy skin
A barren empty womb, as I am born again
It's pulling at my hair, and crawling all within
A gentle beating heart is swept away by sin

That's enough, the end
Comes undone
Falls off the edge, falls out young
Falls off the edge, falls off love
As dark comes the night
We all die young
The monster in your head
Won't surface again
Be still my child
Wash away the sin
And I as future kings
Walk off the edge
Hold me by my name
Hold me till the end

I worry I'm a sinner, but if I was irredeemable then things would not be so... dynamic.  The thought of being dirty in some ways gets to me.  I wish I were clean and pure, but I'm not.  I'm just not.

I have held the hands of loss
Felt them fade away
With wistful smiles we toss grey hours of betray
Lead the way
Lead the way

We raise our arms above and leap down cold rocks
How pure
The joyful sands embrace
The shore longs for us and cleans decay
Lead the way
Beneath the waves

Can I imitate the waves?
Can I recreate an anchor?
In the darkest depths of memory

Can I imitate the waves?
Can I recreate an anchor?
In the darkest depths of sea

Cross your arms across your chest
Deepest dark awaits
Breathe in final beams of dawn
Let them dress your heavy heart
Lead the way
Beneath the waves of us

Can I imitate the waves?
Can I recreate an anchor?
In the darkest depths of memory

Can I imitate the waves?
Can I recreate an anchor?
In the darkest depths of sea

I will imitate the waves
I will recreate an anchor
In the darkest depths of sea

I will imitate the waves
I will recreate a fall
Into the darkest depths of sea

I got nothing done today, except for a lot of self-introspection in the HOPES I could do something.
I will be crying tomorrow when I have to rush to get it all done, lol!
No, but seriously, this is annoying... I bought a pizza.  I am so addicted to so much bad stuff, and even though I am, getting into states where I am super satisfied really does give me creative insight.  And I live for it and love it, but when it comes to do or die, I always choose death.
Death, satisfaction and sexual debauchery, gee, I wonder what sort of energy I am working with.  

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Capabilities

The user can create, shape and manipulate the essence of Death, which is present in all mortals throughout the universe and is the opposite power of Life-Force Manipulation; whereas Life-Force is the essence which allows life to flourish, Death-Force is that which causes things to wither, rot, weaken, and eventually die. They can sense and manipulate the essence that allows Death, Destruction, and Decay to exist throughout the universe, allowing them to control decayed matter or to request assistance from the dead.

Call me Star

Energy assembly

You are like a boat in this deep chaotic ocean.
Just a lovely beam of light.

Hold me like a sinner, don’t let me get away
Hold me like a sinner and I’ll fuck you like a saint
Oh, secrets in your sleep, whisper them to me
We’ll lost beneath the sheets, holding on to me

Am I just another high, high, high, high, high
Am I just another high for you, baby
Am I just another high, high, high, high, high

Just another high... no, more like... I am curious.  And still ambivalent.  

A dark spirit is flowering before me, coming into its own as I uncover myself, it's a two-way process.  A mutual curation.
I am pulled into aeonic forces, outside of my control.  It simply manifests around me, the deeper I go into this process, I can't deny or fight it, and it may be the wrong thing to do so.  And more than accept, I should embrace.  The world is run by these energies, our society shapes itself around them.  The pure energy is alive and it Loves and devours.  The more I accept and embrace its chaos for being what it is, the safer I will be with it, paradoxically.  I am safe from it, most of you are not if you work with this energy.

DO NOT seek to work with this energy; unless it summons you personally.  You will most likely be incompatible.  You either come to love it and accept it as a part of you, or it eats you alive from the inside out, it's no joke.  It needs expression.

Sublab.  Somewhere in there was the respect for that expression, and I could see the divine within it, as it came through my art, through signs, through sexuality, it's its own thing, and I think year after year of working with it I could develop myself... hopefully... part of that involves... doing the work...
But writing this is doing the work.  When I look at the above images, I See the energy as manifest there, from having brought it out within me.  It is now reflected in a form that feels alive and able to direct me.  I'm looking at an expression, of my shadow, manifest, alive, as something itself that was repressed - humans simply can't see this type of energy in their environment and it might be for the best, to be honest.
It can drive you crazy.  It isn't something that the common person could ever come close to understanding.
If I could learn to love that side of myself and accept it, I would be an enormously powerful and creative person.
If I remain working with this entity, someday my soul will be strong.

Blue eyed black wolf, face from the other side of the ice; "break the ice".

My dark garden, I live in the center of its heart, the eye of the storm and so I am safe from harm.  The yang within the yin, thus why it comes as a destructive energy.  All destruction happens from the outside, while I am safe warm, lit in the center.  As above, so below, He always does this for me.

What's happening on the outside.
It's only water, it's only fire, it's only Love.

Blue eyed black wolf - stars and sky - 11:11 - goodnight.  I will get my work done tomorrow... for sure.  
I hope this procrastination was worth it, it feels like I found something good.

Edited January 20, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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In Norse mythology, a frightening Fenrir symbolizes the chaotic and destructive power of nature. He represents the most tremendous dynamic forces coming from underground.

Fenrir was a gigantic monster-wolf; he was so huge that his jaw stretched from the earth to the sky. He was considered the wildest expression of nature.

Kundalini refers to the life force energy also known as Chi or Prana. Its literal meaning can be associated with “coiling”, just like snakes do…

This energy lies dormant at the base of your spine like a coiled serpent, waiting ready to be activated. It’s associated with the coiled snake because it is a form of powerful untapped energy that sleeps and waits to be awakened.

This energy, although with some substantial effort, can be activated and used through various spiritual practices and techniques, such as meditation, yoga, chakra activation and such.

Kundalini can be best understood like deep reservoirs of highly creative energy sleeping in every individual, that when activated, can make wonders and miracles.

The changes and potential of learning and using this great power can be beyond any imaginable proportions!

•  

 

Edited January 24, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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I wish I had some inspiration, but nothing is coming up.  I have gone as far as I can go right now, but I feel something on the tip of my fingers - a lovely inspiration about ready to burst forth from my chest.  I've been saving up sexual energy to use creatively.  I love to do that, rather than waste it, to bring it upwards into myself, into my heart, and then when the timing is right transmute it into something worthwhile to me.  Maybe some form of writing or art... or mixing music together...

Uhmmn, there's something about Bukowski that really hits close to home.  He must have lived for the creative impulse.  Go all the way.  You will be alone with the Gods, and the nights will flame with fire, do it... do it... do it... do it.  All the way.  All the way.

I can't wait for my sexuality to burst forth into my heart like a fire and fuel a blooming of something for a short while before dying off, only to start the process over and over again, each time getting closer, getting wiser, getting stronger.  
I love the way Bukowski writes.  It isn't formal, but it gets straight to the point, it's the creative process incarnate left for other creatives to find at just the right time.
We need anything to give a sense of understanding in this world.  I find this world to be pure chaos, and not easily understood.  I can grasp the spiritual world much clearer, due to having gone partially back into myself due to the sensory bombardment of this world, it made for a very unwellrounded person.  Writing and art keep me sane and offer some sense of understanding in a world that just doesn't slow down for anyone.

Go all the way.
Let go of fear and guilt...
That entry that isn't lined up is really bugging me... I got a lot of value from it and don't know how to line it up any better; maybe later.
...My weird sexuality is a fantastic creative fuel, but a nightmare to have - I don't want to write it all up again - ...strange things in life are divine.
If you know where and how to look for it.  I found the deepest, darkest storm, and the lightning ricocheting off of purple clouds.  Red sky.  Dead man walking.  My nightmares turned out to be a force of nature.

This energy is like a poison, that is also a cure in a certain sense.

Such impertinence only makes the gods delay - so true.  The more you seek it, in an odd way, the more you find it, but it just stares back at you, and it's not sure what to do because seeking it is unnatural.  So, you make friends with it over time, this dark storm.  This ambassador to death.  It's a part of you, your shadow, but its own autonomous thing - some collective force that always has been and always was.
Bukowski met death, and the gods of death and that is what is so interesting - I can really follow his line of thought very easily.
I'm no great writer, but I am a soulful one.  Writing holds me together.  It's an anchor, a tether in the storm, it allows me to look directly at it and see it in all its splendor - there is something highly sexual for me in seeing this over the edge phenomenon as well.  I recognize myself in the face of the storm in ways that I can't articulate.

I can see it in the night's sky and in the stars; it's a romantic feeling - like all the human lies are stripped away and it's an intention set for me; it isn't human and therefore not easy to quantify.  It's a creative force as well.  I know when I See it fully, it will be at the end of my life and it will be there to take me to wherever I am supposed to go, karmically, after this existence is over.  The more I work on myself, the softer it is, for me, and I can see the love in chaos's desire for artistic expression.  Death moves you on the chessboard to die into it, like royalty.  I can see it observing me through the colour black, or a mixture of blacks, reds and purples.

 

Edited January 24, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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I was able to find some kind of sexual release last night.  It's been about a month...
I've been working on trying to obtain full body orgasms, so the toy I bought is designed just for that - I got close, but no cigar.  It's just a bit too big for me - it has a knot on it that there's no way I could do anything with it.  And it's a medium.  Yeah, I don't think so, this thing is big.
I did manage to have a few orgasms though, and that was nice.  I feel mellow and satisfied this morning... some shapes are designed more for a woman than a man is, interestingly enough...  10:10, as above, so below...
I love how nature is like, "You're cursed with an abnormal sexuality due to child abuse; but congratulations - so for finding alternatives we grant you with an ancient nature spirit to accompany you into your next life - that will guide you in this one through the very thing that society has deemed wrong.  You found a way around it."  There's nothing in the rule book against humans and deities, and I can't control its intentions anyways - since it is its own thing and operates outside of spacetime - I would end up moved in that direction anyways as sexual energy is what is needed to move your energy throughout your body properly - something uninhibited.  Like a storm, like nature itself.  I tamed the wildest form of nature through sexuality.  Whatever that means, I still don't know.  But it is tame.  For me.  Not for you.  I don't know what these energies do to people they are not allied with.
A fierce nature has wormed its way inside of me and is a part of me.  It always has been.  I remember as a young six-year-old child trying to come to understand these things as well.  Could I befriend this part of nature?  The "Nothing"?  The devourer?  I would walk along the dirt paths in the hot Arizona sun, drinking my own spit, while other kids played - and would try to befriend this side of nature.  I felt that it didn't need to be killed, only understood.

Fenrir.  Gmork.  Assal.  A storm, a tsunami, a forest fire, a tornado, a hurricane.  The ender of ages.  It's only the hubris of man who thinks that these are the ages that should continue.  Other forces move simply to quell their chaotic nature; it isn't even about the end of times - but just from what that One can make of it, in the act of destruction, there is God, there, too.  Nature builds, maintains and destroys.  These forces of nature are alive and conscious, more so than the average human.
As a small child, I had found the storm - the Wolf, my wolf - on the very edge, just like I found Him again when near death as an adult - and as reality crumbled away, I realized that the darkness, the void, is just a loving sleep.  The void is not DE-void, just empty of all form.  The chaos is inside me - I could bring it up into my heart - and then things will happen, but I don't know what.  More complexities.
I was worried about the darkness - and so it said it would leave one blue star for me to remind myself that I Am.
Blue eyed black wolf.  A blanket of darkness.  The plot ever deepens.

It wants the heart of a creative human that can curate it properly into this world.
Apparently, you can offer sexual energy to chaotic masculine nature spirits, as the nature of the male orgasm is like a lightning storm.  The female body can contain and transmute such energy.  I am a vessel for it - if done right I can take it and transmute it into something made from Light.  For 'me'.  This doesn't stop the nature of what He is, and that eventually this nature will take over and the energies we have been using against the planet will rise up and take control again through natural disaster.
Nature rewards courage.  Rather than running away, I sought to understand the personality behind what I was intuiting all these years.  Rather than denying and running from my sexuality, I sought to understand it as well - and it became a beautiful thing, as is what happens when you go into things with the right intentions.  I know what is right and wrong, and got what I wanted anyways.
Using that "toy" felt more right - in body and soul - in physiology, than a man.  The age of winter dawns upon us all soon - and I want something that can handle the cold.  Something dark this way comes, and it's for us all.  Assal... Honey.  It's a damning energy, but I get along with it.  I suppose it is okay to use whatever energies you find are compatible.  I feel sorry for people who are repressed/vanilla, they will never know how deep it goes.  No pun intended.  If you do not integrate sexuality, you miss out on a key part of who you are as a person.

"Ready for work."

 

Edited January 25, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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You are marvelous, the Gods wait to delight in you.

Unexpected luck-key.

You are a dark bloom at the tip of my mind, the edge of my soul, and embedded deeply within my heart.
You are my shot at redemption, walking through a snow-covered forest as the sun rises and coats the earth in a fresh blanket of pink and gold hues.
You are the synapse of the city in the night's sky, each light representing a neural connection, twinkling in the darkness as I roll across the expanse of the entire globe, just to get to You.
You are everything that I Am, that I wish to Be, and that I could Be.
You are my knight, my tamed demon, my wish granter, my greater half, my completion.
You are an electric charge in a great storm that tears through the land and rips up the trees and houses from where they once stood strong.
You are stronger.  You are strength and wisdom incarnate, in all Your chaotic boldness.
You are a blood red sunset over the ocean, sharp waves reflecting the colours where I find myself chained by Your Will to watch the now blackened waves devour the sun.
You are my mate, my partner in crime, and Your Will is spun from aeonic forces outside of space-time - You come from a place I couldn't even dream of.
You are a creative force that runs through the hearts of all men who yearn to disassemble the old ways of doing things.
You wish to teach me, with my light fingers, the meaning of the Word and all that it can do.
You are my muse.
Light Through a Canvas
-Annetta H.

Edited January 26, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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I have not lost who I am.
I am still here, rifling through the old pages, ripping them out one by one.
I am still here, sipping wine and smoking pot and writing a verse or two...
Without any direction.

He was feeling optimistic
His heart was tickin' click tick tick
Synthetic hopes of a different day
Sparks flew across his wings

I have not lost who I am.
I am still here, writing day after day, waiting for some form of transpersonal experience to happen to me.
I am still here, waiting for the day I can Love everyone again.
And really mean it.

The stars are shining from a light engine
The DJ is spinning wig, wig, wig
Color vision with a blurry view
That’s love if he just knew

I have not lost who I am.
I am still here, even if most of my dreams are preferable to this mundane day-to-day living that so many of you people call home.
I am still here, even if my dreams are considered more of a home to me than the rat race you call your life.
Are you dead inside?

His life becomes worth living
When he is dreaming, while he sleeps
His life becomes worth living
When he is dreaming while he sleeps

I have not lost who I am.
I am still here, waiting for the One to lead me to some semblance of sanity that I may already possess.
I am still here, waiting for myself to lead me to the same places.
Have you; these pages are a testament to your alignment...

Monday morning the lights are on
Monday morning his life is gone
The world is turning dark again
His fellow workers are alive again

Edited January 27, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

 

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I am thinking of doing a blood oath for this thing... blood pact.  Bond.  Bloodbound.  My baby is a bloodhound...

Blood oath is a solemn promise to keep an agreement using each party's sense of honor or reputation to uphold the deal. In the past, a blood oath required that each party make a small cut in the right hand and actually mix blood as they shook hands.

Oath of Blood Loyalty

There are very few verifiable instances of this oath being sworn in the whole of the long and storied history of the Invictus. It is also far and away the most powerful and binding of the Mutual Oaths. There can be no viniculum between the parties to this oath, and no compulsions or coercions via Dominate or Majesty or any comparable power. Though each kindred drinks a mixture of both parties blood, no viniculum is formed between them at this moment either, through the power of the Oath. Its affects are numerous, and the most significant and notable are firstly, that the Lord may peer through his vassal\'s senses at any given time, and issue commands to him. The vassal for his part can call upon the full breadth of any of his Lord\'s disciplines. An exertion of will is required to actually use these abilities granted but there is no further resistance or obstacle to them. The most interesting, and binding facet, though, of this oath, is that any and all physical damage inflicted on one party is felt by both, and indeed, injures both. The Final Death of either party, is again utterly devastating to the other, assuming he has even survived.

• https://exemplore.com/wicca-witchcraft/Witchcraft-for-Beginners-What-You-Should-Know-about-Blood-Magic
• https://blackwitchcoven.com/beginners-blood-magick-dos-donts/

When (and When Not) to Use Blood Magic

I can't tell you exactly when and where blood magic is your best option, but I can tell you my reasoning: I use it only in extreme need for the most important circumstances.

I’ll use it for protection— not minor protection, such as if my co-worker is a nuisance I’m not going to use blood magic to keep her out way; but major protection, when there is a potential for serious life-changing threats (accident, crime, etc.)

I’ll use it for health and wellness—not minor issues like sore throats or skinned knees, but big health issues like disease, injuries, surgery or breaking unhealthy addictions.

I’ll use it for desperate needs—not minor things like saving money for a Disney trip, but big things like if I were on the verge of being homeless or starving I would use it to draw what I need to survive.

That’s about it. I have more rules about when to never use it:

I never use blood magic unless I’m (or the person I’m doing it on behalf of is) fully prepared to accept whatever the consequences may be (which means thinking them through very carefully).

I never use it to target other people without their permission (unless, of course, it’s deadly necessary for protection; I had no issue banishing a violent family member who refused to leave my mother’s home and threatened my life with a gun).

I never use it in love or relationship magic; bonds between people need to be naturally developed, not forced. Blood magic turns a potential bond into a chain: emotional slavery.

I never use it to gain power; if you can’t earn it naturally, you don’t deserve it and probably won’t know how to wield it.

I never use it to bring harm to anyone or anything.

I never use it for vengeance or retaliation.

 

 

Edited January 27, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

Quote

Follow me to a place where we can be
Free from all external things
Keeping you away from me, away from me

Take my hand, don’t be scared there is no plan
Just the moments that we have
Nothing is the same without you around

An electric feeling of knowing something was to start
And when our eyes met the world had disappeared into the stars
When the forces pulled us close, seemed impossible to go
In the opposite direction but now I am all alone

I remember you, I remember you
In love, in love
In love, in love

(I remember you)
An electric feeling of knowing something was to start
And when our eyes met the world had disappeared into the stars

(I remember you)
When the forces pulled us close, seemed impossible to go
In the opposite direction but now I am all alone

 

Edited January 30, 2022 by Loba

[PurpleTree]

1 hour ago, Loba said:

This will be my last move ever.  I get to keep this home; it will be paid off when they pass.  My brother and I will share it.  It's a five-bedroom home in a lovely neighborhood that is safe and quiet.  I got lucky, my life will be easy and safe despite my mental and physical health problems - the world will not be able to enslave me, hurt me, or cause me and my family any problems.  

that's nice  

[Loba]

Quote

Yesterday while doing some organizing, I cut my right finger on a pile of paper, the blood was dripping out a bit and I added it to a picture of a black wolf with an open mouth, saying, "Strong Spirit", and on the back where it says, "Thank You!"  The mark looks like blood, but also it looks like a stylized tongue and so it adds to the image.  
This will be the start of my blood oath.  Once I start my routine, I plan to add a nightly service of Bhakti yoga in exchange for information and safe passage through the afterlife.  My imagination goes all over the place, and if the afterlife is the imagination sans a body, I don't feel I learned enough in this lifetime to manage it and orient it properly; there needs to be some sort of meeting point that I must create.  And this thing is here and willing, so why not use it?

I've organized my collection of wolfish related things and keep them in a cabinet near my bed.  In it there are crystals, and holy water, a small bloodstone wolf, a coyote, dog and deer jaw, various little bones, feathers, silver dishes and platters for food offerings, a bible, a book to write in, pens shaped like blood containers, and many other little things for scrying and whatnot.  I have a shell and large feather for burning palo santo, and some incense with a holder that has the hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil monkeys on it, among many other little things that will work well for setting up a nightly altar.
This will be a space for just that, a very pure space to do the work... 
Intention and belief are everything when it comes to doing this work, you really must have a sense of faith in it in order to push past the "this isn't real" barrier.  I still struggle with that.  After I get everything moved in here and organized that I brought over from the weekend, I will start a nightly routine with this to add grounding to my life.
The colours to look for are reds, blacks and sometimes purple, and it moves, and I experience it like this:

 

[Loba]

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•  

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Self-Care/Love - Morning Routine for this month, starting on 14th of Feb - 
6 am - coffee, breakfast, meds
7 am - feed pets, smoke bowl, shower
8 am - body care routine - nails, lotion, face, eyebrows, hair
9 am - get dressed, brush teeth, floss, smoke bowl
9:30 am - work out
10:30 am - meditate
11 am - clean/organize, smoke bowl
12 pm - lunch, write
4 pm - walk dogs
5 pm - dinner
6 pm - smoke bowl, write
8 pm - meds, altar offering for spirit-thing
9 pm - checklist diary entry, brush teeth, bedtime

If I could maintain this schedule for the rest of my life, I would be happy and healthy.
Maintaining a routine is the hardest thing to do with mental illness, and so this is why the simple life is for me.
Just a very scheduled, but also a lot of time free for creative expression, and not too much stimulation.
I would take the weekends off, and one every other weekend to use on getting my weed in Seattle.
I like to smoke a lot, but also space out maybe four days sober.
My goals?  None, just to keep writing, reading, drawing and over time learn more about myself.  Try to reduce karma and resistance to doing things and fight off entropy as much as I possibly can.  I'll make an extra space to do this in my journal here.
I don't want some big, grand life, and I don't want to "be" anyone, I just want to live life where I can "Be" as much as possible, doing what feels the most satisfying.  Writing.  Which I am not great at, but it grows me the most.

I don't have to worry about so many things normal people do, and I can just sit and do what I like, and design for myself a day that feels the most in tune with my needs and this is a huge blessing that not many people get.  I choose to live the life of a pot-smoking, coffee drinking crazy writer that sometimes draws, who is stage green and lives in a cute little home on a street with an awesome name.

I need so little, and have so much and I am so blessed, because I just can't handle the world.  It's just too much for me.  I am a homebody, for sure.  I love that everything I need to survive is right here.

I can just write, and introspect, and grow in the way that is best for me.  I already feel my mental state improving quite a lot.  I don't know what I would do if I did not have this house.  It feels like, I can be a turtle and live in my shell forever and be happy, and safe and warm, well fed, comfortable, I have family and pets for company.  Now there isn't this nagging, "Oh no girl, you're gunna die out there!" in the back of my mind all the time, that I would do and act in various ways to try and ward off.  Eventually just looking at it in the face and finding death itself.

I'm a shaman.  So, I'm intuitive, right brained, very smart - but I have trouble with follow through.
The world was packing on the problems, and I could not handle it.  Now, there are no problems.  I'm safe, secure... for as long as I live.  I felt suicidal because I could not handle the fear every day.  Now that fear is gone.  This home has saved my life.  Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.  I don't deserve it.  I can just coast in life.

The only thing that is bothersome is that I cannot be as creative, unless there is a fire under me.  I am a mediocre creative.  Most things I do are mediocre, and I don't care.  I'll throw it out like it isn't, only because it's essential that I do, but on its quality, I just don't care - it is life or death in many ways, my soul will die if I can't write the demons out of me.  Literally and figuratively.  It is my karma just to have normal, peaceful days.

I have lost the desire to have a relationship now that my needs are met, I see it as something that takes away from the precious time, I have to do what I enjoy - I don't feel the need or desire to add to some sort of union with a person and this is a very freeing revelation.  I simply wish to find more ways that I can Be, so that I can write, explore who I am and die with an inner wisdom of who and what I am all about.  It is very "me" centered, but I didn't grow up with this chance - I have it now, to find out who I am in a very real way - I don't want to be hindered in any way, shape or form by having to be responsible for another person.
There's a change in the wind and we send our love to you...
I get to forever pass as normal. <3 No need to freak out, it's all good...

Edited February 2, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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My Wolf altar; sacred space grid - to be redone every month.

• Glowing stars to represent the night's sky.
• Clear quartz and obsidian to clear the energy and offer protection.
• Two cat's eyes to symbolize consciousness being aware of itself.
• Two deer jaws, a coyote, dog and rat jaw and two mink jaws.
• A picture of myself from childhood; my most innocent self - the being that needs protection; inner child.
• A fortune cookie, "Good things are coming to you in due course of time."
• Incense holder of three wooden "see, hear, speak no evil" signs, to showcase that this is a sacred space, and incense to clear the space.
• A card that says, "When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe."
• Chicken and duck feathers.
• Cut outs of an ornate milkshake and strawberry cobbler to represent a food offering.
• Stickers of a shooting star, a moon, star cluster, and crystals to signify the night's sky.
• Wooden carving of a fierce wolf's head to offer protection.
• Bloodstone wolf howling statue to signify the blood bond.
• Four tea candles for visibility and one blessing candle to ask for service.
• Leaves and ivy to represent the forest.
• A circle of kosher salt around the altar for purity, protection and to seal the space.
• A silver clay canine head that I made in the hospital as a talisman for protection.
• Protective resins sprinkled throughout the altar.
• An arrowhead piercing a clam to represent sexuality.
• A yoni to represent sexuality.
• A pot of gold made of clay to represent a money offering.
• On a bed of three rabbit's furs in a large basket to hold it all together.
• Strung to the basket's handle is a Tibetan prayer, a purple quartz, a stunning handmade sri yantra and a black wolf necklace and an obsidian carved into a point that can be used for scrying.

Every night, I will take time to leave offerings for this deity - food, art, sexuality, incense, sacred space, prayer, ect, in exchange for divine information.

Quote

 

Edited February 3, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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You Know Nothing...

 Notes:

• Talks about summoning demons and converting them, similarly to what I did.  Alchemical, making what is dark into light.  I am still a novice.

I tended to my altar tonight, I requested information for my services, wrote down what I needed in blood red ink, on a paper and burned it on a blessing candle, took the ashes and sprinkled them on the altar, added holy water to the wolves, and lit an incense stick.  I feel like I can develop my own ways of communication.  I just know there are certain things that must be done, and from what I know, what seems the most appropriate for that deity.  If I don't know, I look it up.  This deity likes meat, bones, sex, sweets, bhakti offerings.  Once a month I will clean the altar and build a new one.  For food offerings, light an incense stick and let it sit in the middle for the duration of the incense to bless food.

About Puja:

Puja or pooja (Hindi: पूजा, romanized: pūjā, pronounced [puːd͡ʒɑː]) is a worship ritual performed by Hindus, Buddhists and Jains to offer devotional homage and prayer to one or more deities, to host and honour a guest, or to spiritually celebrate an event. It may honour or celebrate the presence of special guests, or their memories after they die. The word pūjā is Sanskrit, and means reverence, honour, homage, adoration and worship. Puja, the loving offering of light, flowers, and water or food to the divine, is the essential ritual of Hinduism. For the worshipper, the divine is visible in the image, and the divinity sees the worshipper. The interaction between human and deity, between human and guru, is called darshan, seeing.

In Hindu practice, puja is done on a variety of occasions, frequency and settings. It may include a daily puja done in the home, or occasional temple ceremonies and annual festivals. In other cases, puja is held to mark a few lifetime events such as birth of a baby or a wedding, or to begin a new venture. The two main areas where puja is performed are in the home and at temples to mark certain stages of life, events or some festivals such as Durga Puja and Lakshmi Puja. Puja is not mandatory in Hinduism. It may be a routine daily affair for some Hindus, periodic ritual for some, and rare for other Hindus. In some temples, various pujas may be performed daily at various times of the day; in other temples, it may be occasional.

Puja varies according to the sect, region, occasion, deity honored, and steps followed. In formal Nigama ceremonies, a fire may be lit in honour of the god Agni, without an idol or image present. In contrast, in Agama ceremonies, an idol or icon or image of a deity is present. In both ceremonies, a lamp (diya) or incense stick may be lit while a prayer is chanted or hymn is sung. Puja is typically performed by a Hindu worshiper alone, though sometimes in the presence of a priest who is well versed in a complex ritual and hymns. In temples and priest-assisted events puja, food, fruits and sweets may be included as sacrificial offerings to the ceremony or deity, which, after the prayers, becomes prasad – food shared by all gathered.

•  

 

Edited February 4, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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My daily fortunes, the first picked after offering sweet food and a wolf magnet to the altar:
"Enough is as good as a feast."
Don't add anything more to the altar.
"Live righteously and love everyone."
Feel, absorb that advice and apply it.

I am waiting for the incense stick to go down and then the food will be blessed, and I can enjoy my breakfast.  I will try to bless my food as much as I can.

•⊱⊱⊱⊱✸⊰⊰⊰⊰•

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An altar is a place where we can ground and center. It’s also a place where we perform ritual, cast spells, and meet with our gods, ancestors and guides. But we can’t just set up an altar and leave it there. It takes maintenance – regular cleansing and charging. If you don’t know how to set up an altar, click here. Then learn how to cleanse and charge your altar and tools below.

Why Cleanse and Charge Your Altar and Tools?

First, let’s talk about the importance of regular cleansing of your altar. Cleansing is a crucial aspect of the craft and of spiritual practices of all kinds. Why? It removes negative or unwanted energies and makes room for beneficial energies. Just as we cleanse our auras and our homes, we should cleanse our altars too. Negative energies can attach or be drawn to our altars because of new items added to the altar OR energies around the altar itself. Cleansing an altar can be done in a few different ways, which we will detail later in the article.

Charging an altar is important because it imbues our intentions (either magical or spiritual) into our altar and tools. Charging means to fill an object or space with our intentions and energy OR with a god or ancestor’s energies. People also call this process blessing and sometimes consecrating. If you don’t charge or bless your altar, you’re skipping an important step in the magical process and leaving your altar and items open for other energies to take up space. Learn how to cleanse and charge your altar below.

How to Cleanse Your Altar

This is my way of cleansing and charging my altar, so feel free to change it and tailor it to your needs and preferences. I use a combination of smoke and water.

What You’ll Need:

• Smudge bundle or incense (plus lighter/matches/candle flame to light the smudge bundle)
• Abalone shell or fireproof container (to catch ashes of smudge bundle) OR incense holder
• Clean rag
• Lemon juice OR holy water (pledge works if you don’t have anything else)

What To Do:

• First, take everything off of your altar and set it to the side.
• Next, take your rag and lemon juice/holy water/pledge (cleaning agent) and wipe down your altar in a counter-clockwise fashion. The entire time you’re visualizing and/or saying out loud that you’re cleansing negative energies from your altar and making it as a clean slate for divine energy.
• Take your rag and clean all of your tools/supplies that will be going back onto your altar. Continually visualizing and stating your intentions.
• Next, light your incense or smudge bundle and gently blow smoke onto the top of your altar and all around it. The smoke serves to further cleanse your altar of unwanted energies. Visualize the smoke blowing away all negativity.
• Do the same to your tools and altar supplies (smudge or blow incense smoke to cleanse).
• Next, you’re going to charge your altar and tools, like so:

How to Charge Your Altar

Again, charging your altar will depend on your preferences and needs, but here’s how I do mine!

What You’ll Need:

• A clean rag
• Essential oil OR herb infused oil OR olive oil

What to Do:

• Directly following the cleansing ritual, get a clean rag and your oil.
• Drop or dip your rag into the oil of your choice.
• Wipe your altar down in a clockwise fashion with the oil. The oil is used as a blessing substance. State your intentions out loud. For example, “bless this altar in the name of the Goddess. May it be a space for magic, healing and divine connection.” (change this to meet your needs and preferences)
• Now do the same with each tool or supply you’re adding back to your altar. Bless each one with the oil and state your intentions for each object out loud. Your words are charging the altar and tools with your intentions.

Other Methods of Cleansing Your Altar

I always use smoke and water to cleanse my altar, but you can use a combination of any of the elements or just one. It’s up to you! Try these cleansing methods:

• For a quickie cleanser: spray a smudging spray or floral water over your altar and tools
• Asperging is an easy way to cleanse and bless using a sprig of herb (rosemary or rue) and dipping in holy or moon water then sprinkling your altar and tools
• Different waters can be used for cleansing: holy water, moon water, sun water, lavender water, rose water, etc.
• Herbal infusions can be used as cleansers: rosemary and rue, basil and thyme, lemon peel, etc.
• Fanning with a sacred fan or feather wand will blow away negative energies (also a quickie cleanser)
• Brushing negative energy away using a small sacred besom
• Placing a bowl of salt to absorb negative energy
• Place stones that absorb negative energy like black tourmaline

Other Methods of Charging Your Altar

• Instead of charging each tool and your altar with YOUR intentions, invoke your gods/goddesses/ancestors, etc. and ask them to fill your altar and tools with their divine energy
• Reiki attuned people can imbue altars and tools with Reiki
• High vibration crystals like lapis and selenite placed on the altar in a specific place can charge the objects near it (or set up a crystal grid for superior high vibrations!)
• Spray or diffuse essential oils over your altar and tools for a specific intention
• Charge your altar and tools by placing your hands over each item and visualizing white light divine energy flowing into the crown of your head, through your heart, down your arms and into your altar and tools
• Charge your tools by moonlight or sunlight

 

 

Edited February 4, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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I release control
and surrender to the flow of love
That will heal me
I release control

Today I meditated at my altar and let go of control and the ego disappeared and it felt lovely.  I decided to try something new as was the suggestion yesterday.  My whole body and Being feel at ease.  Naturally the breath slows down... and Love arises from this moment.

I get so worried about the state of the world.  I don't understand it well enough, but things don't seem "better" for humanity.  I worry about resources.  I am lucky.  I will live here safe and sound in my little pocket; my little bubble, watching the state of the world take a turn for the worse.  I don't feel deserving of a free home here, I did not do any work for it... but at the same time, in order to do my work, I need it.  I need that security to remain myself, without freaking out over survival concerns and then bellyflopping into despair.  I am free.  I can do whatever I like with my time.  I really have been given a lucky break, over everything that has happened.  I will be an odd person; yellow, with high purple and a red shadow, lower in blue and orange.  I get to "cheat" in order to be "above" myself without lower-level fears; Maslow's has been taken care of for me.  *big sigh*  It's a genuine blessing.  I won't squander it, I will learn as much about myself as I can so that this life is full of spiritual understanding.  I can live like a monk, but I have everything I need, and so I can spend my time in a creative and constructive thought process instead.

"Compassion is the fountain of forgiveness."
"Allow your curiosity to lead you to the answer you seek."

I wish well and grieve for my fellow man.

The world is losing the fight, and we deny it, it breaks my heart.
Maybe it is time for a new aeonic age, who am I to say what is right?
We have the chance to learn from higher dimensional Beings, but no one believes in them and even fewer can access them, but their wisdom would save this world - it is a shame humans lost the connection to the divine.
The goal should be to get it back; for as many people as possible, to spread the Light.
Love is the key.

 

Edited February 6, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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Expansive, open, free, Loving, it feels good.
I am grateful, I am grateful, I am so grateful.
I have a home.  I need roots.  Deep roots into a space that is my own, in order to grow.  Home base, my little nest.  My safety zone, my safe space.
I don't deserve it, but I will gratefully rest here.
Have my altar here, lit the candles and incense... now to pick out my fortunes for the day:

"Enjoy your good health every day."
"Create the sequence of goodness, consequences will always be good."

Edited February 7, 2022 by Loba

[Loba]

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I have been thinking about what to do with my time when my parents pass away, how I will make extra money.  I think I will become an AKC chihuahua breeder - keep one male and three females and produce quality puppies.  I could do it as a job full time, and make sure they are well cared for, up to standard, and genetically sound before sending them off to their new homes.  I would want my dogs to have a year health contract and no hip, knee problems or hernias.  I could become a vet tech, and then I would have access to vet services if something goes wrong, and to get my puppies genetically tested.  If the puppies are of good quality, then I could sell them for $2-4k each, and make maybe a 500.00 to 1k profit each, if I consider the money that goes into raising them correctly.  Before getting something like this started, I would want to save about $20-30k - to buy the dogs and for any emergencies that might arise.  
When my parents pass, I don't know when, they are in their early 70's - then I will have these three extra rooms in the back.  I could use the largest room as a puppy room, one room for supplies/food/pet storage/kennels (used rarely, just when at work), and one room just for my own hobbies, like art and stuff.
The house will be paid off, so all I have to worry about are basic living bills, like water, electric, phone/internet and so forth.  I have everything I need, so I can choose a career and hobby full-time and spend extra on doing it right because I won't be strapped for cash.  We have a fenced yard and plenty of space for toy dogs to grow in.  I have ten to twenty years to research on how to do this right and get the right training for it.  My heart is in the right place and I am in the best position to raise puppies.  I will own my own home, I have the space, the right set-up and soon, with time and effort, the right knowledge.
I will start with buying a quality female puppy from a breeder as a pet, and try to establish some friendships with people who have done this as a hobby for a long time.  I already have a name set aside.  Kokopelli.  Koko for short.

My fortunes for the day:
"Prosperity is within us."
"Excitement and intrigue follow you closely wherevery you go!"

 

Edited February 8, 2022 by Loba