Let's Get Practical #3: Raising Self-Esteem

[Raphael]

11/07/2021 (Week 24)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• give my younger selves the time that they need to learn to trust me
• support my younger selves
• have faith in the abilities of my younger selves to heal
• give compassion to my younger selves
• let my younger selves be
• let my younger selves express themselves
• choose to let myself be authentic through letting my younger selves and sub-personalities exists

[Raphael]

12/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• hide
• shutdown
• isolate
• watch porn
• watch dumb youtube videos
• compulsively scroll through the actualized.org forum
• feel paralyzed

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• feel my heart rate increasing
• hide it and it gets transformed into sadness
• isolate
• don't share
• don't want to show it
• don't want to experience it

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean to people
• want to do things fast
• lack common sense
• don't want to listen to anyone
• make mistakes
• repress it

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• experience it fully
• scream in a pillow
• to breath deeply
• allow myself to be vulnerable
• feel it
• try to understand its source

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• open about it to people
• feel it
• cry
• allow myself to be vulnerable
• forgive
• acknowledge it

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• shout it out
• scream in a pillow
• speak about it with people
• breath deeply
• do breathwork
• accept it

[Raphael]

13/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• am paralyzed
• lose the capacity to work properly
• feel burning sensations in my body
• procrastinate
• watch dumb videos on Youtube
• compulsively click on the internet

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• hide
• close myself
• isolate
• don't share
• become less authentic
• don't want to show myself

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean
• repress it
• don't want to show it
• try to do things fast
• isolate
• stress

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• shake my body
• feel it
• let myself be fearful
• breath deeply
• observe it carefully

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• talk about it
• feel it
• cry
• write about it
• observe it
• experience it

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• to punch in a pillow
• talk about it
• write about it
• run
• shake my body
• play some violent video game

[Raphael]

14/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• want to go fast
• am less focused
• feel some burning sensations in my body
• over-dramatize things
• click around on the internet
• feel paralyzed

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• try to hide it
• refuse to feel it
• am ashamed of feeling it
• entertain sadness
• feel it in my chest
• minimize it

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean
• hide
• have difficulties to work
• repress it
• don't know what to do
• fake being ok

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• talk about it
• write about it
• scream in a pillow
• feel it
• observe it carefully
• breath deeply

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• feel it
• cry
• write about it
• open myself to people
• seek help
• accept it
• understand it
• breath deeply

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• punch in a pillow
• try to find the source of repressed anger
• run as fast as I can
• dance
• write about it
• feel it in my body
• breath deeply

[Raphael]

15/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• feel burning sensations in my body
• lose my capacities
• get paralyzed
• hide
• try to go too fast
• lose my focus
• don't want to work

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• feel sensations in my chest
• try to hide it
• try to avoid it
• isolate
• close myself
• repress my pain

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean
• lose my ability to work
• try to hide it
• become irresponsible
• don't want to show myself
• don't want to show it

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• feel it
• observe it
• analyze it
• confront it
• scream in a pillow
• breath deeply

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• cry
• scream in a pillow
• analyze it
• breath deeply
• try to find its source
• understand how it is created

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• run
• punch in a pillow
• understand how it is created
• feel it deeply
• breath deeply

[Raphael]

16/07/2021 (Week 25)

Sometimes when I am afraid I...

• procrastinate
• avoid challenges
• become paralyzed
• lose my focus
• have difficulties to work
• become agitated
• stress

Sometimes when I am hurt I...

• feel painful sensation in my body
• have difficulties to do what I want to do
• isolate
• hide
• cut people brutally
• refuse to change

Sometimes when I am angry I...

• become mean
• want to punch someone
• repress my anger
• don't show it
• want to do things fast
• hide

An effective way to handle fear might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• confront the fear
• feel it
• analyze it
• breath deeply
• let it go
• relax my body

An effective way to handle hurt might be to...

• cry
• scream
• write about it
• talk about it
• feel it
• accept it

An effective way to handle anger might be to...

• scream in a pillow
• punch a pillow
• run as fast as I can
• to understand its source
• to cut its source
• breath as deep as I can

[Raphael]

17/07/2021 (Week 25)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• observe myself carefully
• accept that this is OK to feel how I feel
• express how I feel in a healthy way
• search for a solution for my difficulties
• search for the source of my difficulties
• slow down my pace

[Raphael]

18/07/2021 (Week 25)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• practice mindfulness as much as I can
• observe myself carefully
• scream more
• breath deeply and slowly more
• slow down
• focus on the moment
• find the source of my pain
• resolve the source of my pain

[flume]

It's actually impressive that you're still doing this. So cool. How are you feeling so far?

[Raphael]

19/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• have a big smile
• feel like a kid
• want to jump
• want to share
• talk to people
• feel more social

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• dream about having a partner
• watch porn
• dream of sex
• cannot work properly
• cannot sleep properly
• I feel that my needs aren't covered

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• I try to hide them
• am a bit ashamed of them
• become shy
• would like to be more authentic about them
• am afraid of sharing them
• have difficulties handling them

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I'll share my excitement with people
• I'll let the kid inside me being excited
• I'll let my face show its excitement
• I'll admit having strong emotions
• I'll become more authentic
• I'll share my happiness around me

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I'll be more in touch with my sexuality
• I'll be more open about my sexuality
• I'll be more sexual
• I'll try to find a girlfriend
• I'll see myself as worthy of having sexual intercourse
• I'll be more comfortable
• I'll be more authentic

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I understand that I need to self-express
• I understand that I need to find healthy ways to express difficult emotions
• I see that I can become much more social just by sharing my emotions
• I understand my emotions better
• I'll be more in touch with my emotions
• I'll become more authentic

[Raphael]

1 hour ago, flume said:

It's actually impressive that you're still doing this. So cool. How are you feeling so far?

Thanks

The exercise is working, I definitely have more self-esteem compared to when I started. I also started to work on my traumas and it helped in this area. However, one thing that I didn't do enough is challenging myself more by doing things that I'm not comfortable with. I'm sure I'll get some self-esteem boost that way and I'm sure that you noticed that too.

 

[flume]

1 hour ago, Raphael said:

Thanks

The exercise is working, I definitely have more self-esteem compared to when I started. I also started to work on my traumas and it helped in this area. However, one thing that I didn't do enough is challenging myself more by doing things that I'm not comfortable with. I'm sure I'll get some self-esteem boost that way and I'm sure that you noticed that too.

 

Great! It's really always the combination of practices that do the trick.

Definitely awesome to do things that lie outside of your comfort zone. I thought about that lately. It's not really that I'm not insecure anymore. Those feelings are still there. I just decided to do the things that are scary anyways now. And that's a way quicker road in my experiences. That's when you start realising that life is not against you. And the insecurity is unraveling on its own. I thought I have to fix my self esteem in order to do the things I really want. But actually, doing the things I really want is what's "fixing" my self esteem. Hope that makes sense.

"I have found that you have only to take that one step toward the gods, and they will then take ten steps toward you. That step, the heroic first step of the journey, is out of, or over the edge of, your boundaries, and it often must be taken before you know that you will."  Joseph Campbell

[Raphael]

21 hours ago, flume said:

 I thought I have to fix my self esteem in order to do the things I really want. But actually, doing the things I really want is what's "fixing" my self esteem. Hope that makes sense.

Makes perfect sense! But I think that doing exercises such as this one can be the first step before taking action. Sometimes going directly for the action can be a bit too difficult therefore a bit of positive psychology and mental de-conditioning is important.

[Raphael]

20/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• want to jump
• want to share joy
• laugh for no reason
• want to talk
• would like to share my thoughts with people
• become more open

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• want to fuck
• want to masturbate
• want to watch porn
• think about having a partner
• cannot work
• cannot sleep

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• tend to hide them
• have difficulties managing them
• want to share them
• want to meet people that can understand me
• don't know what to do
• observe myself curiously

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I'll share more my excitement
• I'll show my excitement
• I'll write about my excitement
• I'll talk about my excitement
• I'll let myself being excited
• I'll be more in touch with myself
• I'll be more authentic

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I'll accept having sexual needs
• I'll be more comfortable with my sexuality
• I'll be more open about my sexuality
• I won't be ashamed of my sexuality
• I'll be more authentic
• I'll be more authentically sexual

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I understand that my emotions are OK
• I start to express more
• I understand myself better
• I feel more authentic by expressing my emotions
• I become more honest with myself
• I understand my emotions better
• I accept to experience my emotions

[Raphael]

21/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• smile a lot
• want to share it with people
• want to show it
• feel like a kid
• want to run around like a kid
• don't want people to see it
• am ashamed of it

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• have sexual thoughts
• want to watch porn
• want to masturbate
• have difficulties staying calm
• want to fuck
• think about having a partner

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• have difficulties communicating them
• am a bit uncomfortable
• don't know what to do
• feel paralyzed
• feel agitated
• feel the need to express them

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I'll be more in touch with myself
• I'll share more my excitement
• I'll allow myself to be excited
• I'll feel happier by myself
• I'll become more joyful
• people would appreciate me more

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I'll be more comfortable talking about my sexuality
• I'll be OK with having sexual needs
• I'll be more sexually open
• I'll recognize my difficulties regarding sexuality
• I'll be more attractive to the opposite sex
• I'll be more authentic

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I understand that self-expression is healthy
• I understand my emotions better
• I'm improving my emotional mastery
• I'm becoming more authentic
• my emotions are working more and more for me
• I'm becoming more emotionally open
• I'm becoming more human

[Raphael]

22/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• feel like a kid
• laugh
• smile
• want to share my excitement
• want to be with people
• want to open up

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• think about porn
• want to masturbate
• want to fuck
• am agitated
• have difficulties to work
• have difficulties to sleep

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• am uncomfortable with them
• tend to hide them
• become paralyzed
• feel different
• don't know what to do with them
• I feel agitated

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I would become more authentic
• I would understand how to handle my excitement
• I would share my excitement
• I would accept my excitement
• I would talk about my excitement
• I would write about my excitement
• I would let myself be excitement
• I would let myself laugh

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I would be more in touch with my sexuality
• I would be more sexually open
• I would accept having sexual needs
• I would be more authentic
• I would like myself more
• I would be more natural

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I'm becoming more comfortable in expressing my emotions
• I'm becoming more emotionally aware
• I'm becoming more comfortable with sharing my emotions
• my emotions are becoming more positive
• I'm becoming more emotionally open
• I'm appreciating myself more

[Raphael]

23/07/2021 (Week 26)

Sometimes when I am excited I...

• have a big smile on my face
• feel like a kid
• want to jump
• want to share my excitement
• feel a bit crazy
• want some attention

Sometimes when I am turned on sexually I...

• want to masturbate
• want to watch porn
• want to fuck
• feel the need for a partner
• have difficulties to work
• have difficulties to sleep

Sometimes when I experience strong feelings I...

• am afraid to show them
• feel paralyzed
• don't want to be vulnerable
• don't know what to do with them
• feel human
• want to be authentic

If I make friend with my excitement...

• I'll open up more with my excitement
• I'll share more my excitement
• I'll accept being excited
• I'll be more in touch with myself
• I'll be more authentic
• I'll be happier

If I make friend with my sexuality...

• I'll be more sexually open
• I'll accept having sexual needs
• I won't be ashamed of my sexual needs
• I'll be more sexual
• I'll be more comfortable with the opposite sex
• I'll be honest about my sexuality

As I grow more comfortable with the full range of my emotions...

• I'll experience all my emotions
• I'll accept having emotional needs
• I understand myself better
• I'm becoming more in touch with myself
• I'm becoming more authentic
• I'm increasing my emotional mastery

[Raphael]

24/07/2021 (Week 26)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• express myself
• express the repressed parts of myself
• get in touch with my emotions
• accept my sexuality
• let myself exists authentically
• build a deep meaningful relationship with myself

[Raphael]

25/07/2021 (Week 26)

If any of what I wrote this week is true, it might be helpful if I...

• express all my emotions
• share my excitement
• let myself being playful
• accept my sexual needs
• open about my sexuality
• observe myself carefully
• accept being emotional

[Raphael]

26/07/2021 (Week 27)

If I think about becoming better friends with my child-self...

• my child-self would express himself more
• my child-self would communicate more with me
• my child-self would let me know his needs
• my child-self would show himself
• my child-self would be better integrated
• my child-self would get more love
• I would get more love from my child-self

If I think about becoming better friends with my teenage-self...

• my teenage-self would be less angry
• my teenage-self would finally be happy because he would be understand
• my teenage-self would be more motivated
• my teenage-self would show himself in healthy ways
• I won't shame my teenage-self
• my teenage-self would be less ashamed
• my teenage-self would feel less guilty
• my teenage-self would appreciate me more
• my teenage-self would feel safer with me

As my younger selves become more comfortable with me...

• I become more comfortable with them
• I understand my younger selves better
• my younger selves understand me better
• I'm deepening my connection with my younger selves
• they feel more at peace
• they feel that they can trust me
• I start to trust my younger selves
• I start to appreciate my younger selves
• I'm becoming more integrated
• I'm becoming more authentic

As I create a safe space for my child-self...

• my child-self feels safe
• my child-self have better peace of mind
• my child-self feels nurtured
• my child-self is able to more express himself
• my child-self is able to more authentically express himself
• my child-self loves me more
• my child-self trust me more

As I create a safe space for my teenage-self...

• my teenage-self feels safe
• my teenage-self express himself more authentically
• my teenage-self is letting go of all its difficult and intense emotional baggage
• my teenage-self is starting to express himself in healthy ways
• my teenage-self loves me more
• my teenage-self feels relieved
• my teenage-self trust me more
• I feel trustworthy