UNZARI

My hot alpha girlfriend

67 posts in this topic

Kinda cheesy title I know lol

ive been struggling with an emotional problem lately where my girlfriend is the one who has been pulling all the money and works really hard. We work at the same job and she often does better than me. On one hand I absolutely love this about her and I’ve realize I’ve always been attracted to independent strong women. 

On the other hand it’s the people at work and my family that are either confused or make jokes about the situation. They say things that imply I should be the one who has the “dominant” qualities. So even though I love this about her i feel really insecure sometimes because of this cultural standard. 
 

My whole childhood i was called lazy and dumb so Something in me doesn’t want to not produce less than she does. I don’t want to still be “the lazy one”? I want to trip soon to help resolve this because i want to accept myself as the person I am, and in reality I have a job and help pay rent so I’m not just leeching.

also just want to be a better partner by getting over this and being in the moment. 

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Women don't date down, if you are not doing equal or better than her, she will lose respect for you sooner or later.

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@Recursoinominado thanks for reinforcing my fears ? we have been living togther for 2 years I don’t think that’ll happen. Like I said I am no bum. 

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4 hours ago, Recursoinominado said:

Women don't date down, if you are not doing equal or better than her, she will lose respect for you sooner or later.

That is from the red pill and in my expiriance is not necessarily what happens all the time. 

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Patriarchial misogynist bullshit that effects you in the same way it effects her, "women are not supposed to be breadwinners", start deconstructing all the gender stereotype nonsense and youll feel better, if she loves you she loves you, thats all.

Edited by Rilles

It's just a ride.

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6 hours ago, UNZARI said:

@Recursoinominado thanks for reinforcing my fears ? we have been living togther for 2 years I don’t think that’ll happen. Like I said I am no bum. 

Sorry, I have mistaken this forum for one that aims for self-actualization, not one where we virtually hold hands and confirm each other biases.

 

2 hours ago, kras said:

That is from the red pill and in my expiriance is not necessarily what happens all the time. 

All of this means absolutely nothing.

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Women are good at appreciating qualities other than the ones that society equates with success. That's why many women choose jobs that they care about other than jobs that bring them high incomes. So in your girlfriend's example, she herself is good at bringing in income but she obviously sees and highly values qualities in you that are more important to her. Society still glosses over these things and values GDP over happiness, and we all pay for it. People feel a need to make other people feel as if they should conform to the rules everyone else is making themselves miserable with. It's not about you, it's about them. You are completely free to prioritize your own happiness and so is your girlfriend. That's true leadership. It's going to make everyone else uncomfortable sometimes. 

Edited by mandyjw

My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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25 minutes ago, neutralempty said:

Wtf is your problem with women?

I love women.

Sorry if evolutionary biology hurts your feelings, life must suck for you.

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1 hour ago, neutralempty said:

Wtf is your problem with women?

What makes you interpret his words as indicating he has a problem with women?

@UNZARI I think it is in most cases true although there can be different areas in which this balances out. Maybe your girlfried does better professionally, but you balance this out by coloring her life in some other way she finds fulfilling, emotionally, spiritually, creatively, travel, household, socially, kinky sex - whatever.

Of course we're still in a world where income and macho roles are still lingering in our subconscious but that's a sinking ship so I would not mind it too much. Self-humor is a good ally.

Edited by caveman

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@UNZARI

I'd be less concerned about whether or not who is the financial breadwinner. I'd be more concerned about whether you're on your path / life purpose.

If your girlfriend is slaying you at work because you're just half-assing it, she will notice that.

But if you're truly on your purpose and she just happens to make more money than you, it most likely will not be a problem. At least not for many girls.

I had a situation like that myself. I dated one girl who made good money as a nurse, while I was working part-time to support myself while starting my coaching business. Technically she would have been the breadwinner, but it was never a problem.

 

 


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@Recursoinominado I partly agree and dissagree. It is true that women will not date someone who they see as lower then them (most of the time unless she has low self-esteem). HOWEVER, what a women considers "value" is quite subjective. A women can consider "looks" value, another can see money or intelligence. So a women can feel she is dating down if the guy is uglier than her, or she does not care about that but feels she is dating down if the guy is poorer than her. Or if he is less confident or more shy. I know couples where the guy is legit uglier or less intelligent than the girl but he has other traits that make the girl feel like she is not above him. Other girls would see this girl as "dating down" since the guy is uglier than her.

So it kind of depends on the girl. What guys should do is try to maximize their value, throw a large net and catch whatever fish they catch.

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17 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

what a women considers "value" is quite subjective.

Women respond to men in a much primal way than you think, this isn't a logical thing she one day sat down and decided on her vision board to be attracted to an intelligent man or a rich or whatever. What i am saying is way deeper than that. All comes from the way humans evolved, what made us survive and thrive, this shit is deep into our unconscious mind and it controls 99% of our behavior, thinking, preferences, desires, aversions etc.

Those unconscious drives can be overruled IF one does a DEEP soul searching, which virtually no one does.

So, yeah, assume she isn't as rational and logical as you would like to think she is. This is the safe bet, unless she proves you wrong, but not before that.

Also, forget looks, it isn't even the top 5 things women want from men.

Basically, what women want from a man is that he is a master of the "world", he knows how to navigate it, he knows what to do, he is GREAT at it. He is grounded, he is sure of himself, he is adaptable, he lives in abundance, he is ambitious, he is a LEADER.

And, maybe even more important is how the WORLD treats him. Do men respect you? Do women get aroused by you? People come to you looking for help? Are you able to help them?

Yeah, this is relative. You can be the SHIT of your tribe, all women wants to fuck you but then you go to a city and you SUCK there. Now your value just plumed overnight, those same women will suddenly lost their attraction to you and look for someone who is better at surviving in that new environment.

So, yeah, if the GF of the OP works with him and she sees him doing worse frequently, his attraction value will drop and drop until, one day, CHAD appears on the job (maybe a boss), by showing dominance, mastery, leadership, high status on that environment etc. The woman will get aroused by him, this isn't a choice. And chances are, she isn't even conscious of that until it is so clear that she is in love with CHAD and lost all attraction to OP.

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You're being vague here about the emotional problem you're dealing with. This could be a victim mindset hiding itself from yourself and others. I think you should further elaborate on what that problem is so that we can have a more comprehensive view of the matter. Maybe you're actually just being lazy, maybe not. But we won't probably be able to know unless you are more transparent.

Or do you mean that you're feeling bad because you're gf is making more money than you? If this is the case, then you should feel bad because you're probably being lazy. I mean, given that you both have the same job, why wouldn't you make similar money? A little bit less is fine and understandable, but you're saying she's making most of your income. To me, this is a red flag on your side.


If you have no confidence in yourself, you are twice defeated in the race of life. But with confidence you have won, even before you start.” -- Marcus Garvey

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14 minutes ago, Recursoinominado said:

Women respond to men in a much primal way than you think, this isn't a logical thing she one day sat down and decided on her vision board to be attracted to an intelligent man or a rich or whatever. What i am saying is way deeper than that. All comes from the way humans evolved, what made us survive and thrive, this shit is deep into our unconscious mind and it controls 99% of our behavior, thinking, preferences, desires, aversions etc.

Those unconscious drives can be overruled IF one does a DEEP soul searching, which virtually no one does.

So, yeah, assume she isn't as rational and logical as you would like to think she is. This is the safe bet, unless she proves you wrong, but not before that.

Also, forget looks, it isn't even the top 5 things women want from men.

Basically, what women want from a man is that he is a master of the "world", he knows how to navigate it, he knows what to do, he is GREAT at it. He is grounded, he is sure of himself, he is adaptable, he lives in abundance, he is ambitious, he is a LEADER.

And, maybe even more important is how the WORLD treats him. Do men respect you? Do women get aroused by you? People come to you looking for help? Are you able to help them?

Yeah, this is relative. You can be the SHIT of your tribe, all women wants to fuck you but then you go to a city and you SUCK there. Now your value just plumed overnight, those same women will suddenly lost their attraction to you and look for someone who is better at surviving in that new environment.

So, yeah, if the GF of the OP works with him and she sees him doing worse frequently, his attraction value will drop and drop until, one day, CHAD appears on the job (maybe a boss), by showing dominance, mastery, leadership, high status on that environment etc. The woman will get aroused by him, this isn't a choice. And chances are, she isn't even conscious of that until it is so clear that she is in love with CHAD and lost all attraction to OP.

So do you have a lot of field experience or you just parroting mainstream Red Pill shit? 

If you've been in the field you'd know there are exceptions to the rules. 

And if you had a better model than broadly applying evolutionary psychology-- something like Lacanian psychoanalysis, you'd be able to take into account those exceptions. 

 

To the OP, my take (psychoanalysis), is that masculinity is essentially performance anxiety. We can either push that anxiety to grow, or we can engage in "enjoyment"-- that is to say, cope. 

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@Gesundheit the reason for the financial difference is that I just started the job a week ago, before that I was selling my art on Instagram and Etsy which she supported. But at that time she was working and I was doing the art not making as much as her. The new job is a door to door job which is a new learning curve for me so I can get over social anxiety, which she struggles with as well. But since she got a 2 month head start she’s a baller at the job and I’m still nervous at the door sometimes lol. I’m getting better everyday but i get down on myself sometimes. 
 

the emotional problem I would say is just feeling lost or inadequate, maybe I’m just doubting myself. Speaking of the job I’m getting ready for it so I’ll try to explain in more detail later 

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@mandyjw thank you that’s very inspiring. I think intuitively I know this but my ego felt hurt by other peoples judgements. Also I think to myself “why do they have a problem she’s obviously doing amazing?” So it makes me defensive for her as well

Edited by UNZARI

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