I miss being depressed. repression is more painful

[Striving for more]

(***Not talking about clinical depression > some people are born with that or have severe trauma & it's not a choice at all .... I'm talking the more common kind)

I subconsciously miss being depressed. It had a bitter sweet taste, it was kinda addictive. 

P.S > I'm not exactly happy currently > but I used to be very depressed and I miss it, I miss the wine and listening to melancholy music in the dark, I miss smashing stuff up.

I'm not saying I want to self sabotage right now, but I think I need a taste of that shadow, I feel like I have a lot of repressed baggage. 

I'm thinking to do a cocktail of the aforementioned ^ but to add a positive spin to it, like "cry to keep going", or "visualize my severe pain from the past & integrate it"

I haven't cried in a long time and I rarely ever do, but I sort of want to, I want to cry but in an angry / motivational way > I want to mix those emotions together as I've felt very repressed recently. 

I'm probably not being very clear here, what i'm saying is sort of complex, but if anyone gets where i'm coming from 

Edited January 2, 2021 by Striving for more

[mmKay]

 

nice little video on the topic here. I'd say you have a baseline of happiness that you are used to and when you peak a little above it you feel the urge to slide back into your old baseline.

[Striving for more]

@mmKay I think you're definitely right on that point but you're kinda missing the point of my post. 

I'm talking about also how I want to express/integrate some of those negative emotions & fed up of repression. 

[No Self]

The problem is the tendency to judge parts of ourselves as negative, then attempt to suppress them.

Michael Stevens has pointed out that the English language has more negative words and a richer vocabulary for describing negative experiences.

There is probably no movie on the planet which does not contain scenes of something undesirable happening.

The majority of musical genres expresses negative emotions (blues, rap, heavy metal, some pop, etc.)

A.E. Fischer's studies into puppies showed that the strongest bonds with trainers formed following a random mix of negative and positive interactions.

Jordan Peterson has cited studies showing that relationships are doomed to fail if they have too many negative interactions (1 in 5 or more from memory), but also doomed to fail if it does not have enough negative interactions (1 in 12 or less from memory).

As for women not being attracted to men who are too agreeable... you know that one already.

It has been said: if you cannot see God in the profane and the profound, you are missing half the picture. It's OK to grab a wine.

[EnlightenmentBlog]

Maybe you wanted to say growth instead of repression?

[seeking_brilliance]

I suppose nostalgia can be a bit twisted like that. 

Are you blah right now? Are you just wanting to feel something at all, and the depressed feelings ( and dopamine releases from bursts of releases) is the most familiar thing to fall back on? 

Edited January 3, 2021 by seeking_brilliance