I experienced God and it is horrfying.

[Eren Eeager]

My ego burnt facing the sun of the truth, there was no where for the ego to hide,  there was no ego. But still this was full of ego in comparison of what I witnessed As the most pure egoless phenomenon, God. Infinity. 

Anything but it is ego and selfish.

200 ug of acid. 

 

 

[electroBeam]

That's awesome! Nice work!

I'm curious, was there actually an ego getting burnt in your experience? Was there actually horror? 

What was the burnt feeling like? Can you feel that burnt feeling now? Where was that burnt feeling located? Where did it come from? What does it do?

Thanks for sharing, insightful!

[Eren Eeager]

@electroBeam  IT was like I am burning in every inch in my body. But I didn't experience any ego death effect, weird, making me question if there was like legit ego death or I am fucking enlightened since the beginning, wtf ? But there was this small incidence in which I felt the ego trying to recollect and then it burned like a shadow facing the light. 

Honestly my OCD bothered me a lot so the trip was not that productive, insight Wise but it was a good base for further tripping.

But take this I experienced God as the most meaningless detail as a grass in the mouth of a zebra and as tiny as a fraction of a nano second and as horrible as Hell itself. 

But for now, I am the mentally ill individual who is trying heal himself and shut up his fucking mind (OCD). 

 

 

[electroBeam]

@Eren Eeager awesome!

3 minutes ago, Eren Eeager said:

@electroBeam  IT was like I am burning in every inch in my body. But I didn't experience any ego death effect, weird, making me question if there was like legit ego death or I am fucking enlightened since the beginning, wtf ? But there was this small incidence in which I felt the ego trying to recollect and then it burned like a shadow facing the light. 

Sounds to me like during the trip you dropped every thought story and resorted to just being.

[James123]

5 hours ago, Eren Eeager said:

But for now, I am the mentally ill individual who is trying heal himself and shut up his fucking mind (OCD).

You cant shut it up, you have to Let go the self (you). There is no “you”, just Allah.  After that there will be no “you” to think anything, and never was. “Trying to heal the self” can make situation the worst. 

Edited December 24, 2020 by James123

[Eren Eeager]

@James123 I will make sure I make the no self more concrete in the next trip. This trip was great but Not as solid as I wanted it to be. But for now I really need to just sit in peace. You don't know what is OCD on a psychedelic trip is like, my mind was on fire, an dwilder than a rabid dog. 

[James123]

15 minutes ago, Eren Eeager said:

I will make sure I make the no self more concrete in the next trip.

Great. Surrendering and letting go of the self is the key. 

15 minutes ago, Eren Eeager said:

. You don't know what is OCD on a psychedelic trip is like, my mind was on fire, an dwilder than a rabid dog. 

? If you love and will for Allah more than the yourself, it will be fine. 

15 minutes ago, Eren Eeager said:

But for now I really need to just sit in peace.

Definitely. Great trip report? Take some rest. Good luck brother! 

 

Edited December 24, 2020 by James123

[Nahm]

The tongue can not taste itself.  Inspection of thoughts is much easier when not tripping. 

[Moksha]

@Eren Eeager, what you need is not for your mind to be on fire, but for your mind to be quenched. If psychedelics enflames your thoughts, perhaps you will benefit more from staying away from them for a while, and learning to observe your thoughts, in the safe space of Conscious awareness.

[Nahm]

9 hours ago, James123 said:

You cant shut it up, you have to Let go

Tshirt ordered.  ✔️ 

[James123]

22 minutes ago, Nahm said:

Tshirt ordered.  ✔️ 

??❤️

[Demeter]

@Eren Eeager Love the title of your thread! 

How do you know it was God that you experienced?

I experienced the great void on both shrooms and 300ug acid, and both times it was horrible in terms of realising that there was no caring being keeping watch over us. Nothing existed, I did not matter and my life was pointless. I think that is ego-death.

Edited December 24, 2020 by Demeter

[Breakingthewall]

6 hours ago, Demeter said:

@Eren Eeager  Nothing existed, I did not matter and my life was pointless. I think that is ego-death.

But  was you there? Was you concious of you, of was only the void? I had similar experience many times , it's really hard, but I think we can't catch the point that we are there, and merge with the void .I think it's the real ego death, when you are the infinite void and it's nothing of you there. It's really scary, seems the real death. Let's see if in your 3 trip you get it, I'm working in myself to accept that death

Edited December 24, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[mandyjw]

@Eren Eeager By OCD, what sort of thoughts for example. I ask because I had OCD and a child and it returned right before awakening and I realized it was inseparable with intuition.

[Demeter]

4 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

But  was you there? Was you concious of you, of was only the void? I had similar experience many times , it's really hard, but I think we can't catch the point that we are there, and merge with the void (I don't know why) I think it's the real ego death, when you are the infinite void and it's nothing of you there. It's really scary, seems the real death. Let's see if in your 3 trip you get it, I'm working in myself to accept that death

How do you know that merging with the void is the next step? Even if that is possible. I think that since I am conscious of having an experience, that is I am able to perceive something. I cannot totally disappear. To borrow from Descartes, "I think, therefore I am'. I sense that what the next stage is, is acceptance of one's meaninglessness and the non-existence of all things, even God. That thought is deeply depressing and I couldn't go further because I rejected ti. It is extremely difficult to accept that I do not matter to anyone. That is the crux of the matter - it matters to no one where I drift. So all I am is an awareness of the great void.

Edited December 24, 2020 by Demeter

[Breakingthewall]

18 minutes ago, Demeter said:

How do you know that merging with the void is the next step?

seems that the void is our real nature. Others call it god. In meditation I realize the void and it's not horrible, because you are still there, but with 5 meo it's nothing, infinity, but still a scream of terror perceiving the eternal death. I think it's the ego, that is going to absolutely dissapear in the void.

 

18 minutes ago, Demeter said:

That thought is deeply depressing and I couldn't go further because I rejected ti. It is extremely difficult to accept that I do not matter to anyone. That is the crux of the matter - it matters to no one where I drift.

That is obviously the ego, that is doing all his tricks to avoid the void. We have to surrender completely to the nothingness, give our lives as an offering and disappear, to realize the truth. It is obvious, but it is absolutely terrifying for us, if it were not like that ,it would have already happened. for many people it is very easy, they do 5 meo and voila! for others it is scary, depressing, dead, a real Challenge, but it can be worked on. meditate on emptiness, emptiness is who we are, the ego must die. that's the job we're doing

Edited December 24, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[Demeter]

@Breakingthewall , yes, I understand. I'm ok with realising I have no worth and my life thus far has been pretty meaningless. Not in comparison with others because other's lives are meaningless too. So, I'm not egoic in that sense. What one needs to let go of is the notion that the universe is 'love', a state of benevolent consciousness. People on MEO who experience infinity usually speak of infinite love, so an experience of infinity is not the same as the void. I have experienced an infinite consciousness on Lsd and that was not terrifying. I was happy to realise that I was an inconsequential speck in that great infinity.

The void is, as you said, emptiness. Hence the ego death which goes with the void is letting go of the notion that there is a consciousness. Maybe this is how it is: if there is no consciousness (other than my own awareness), there is no consciousness that is aware of my existence. it means I am alone in a state of infinite emptiness - I might as well not exist.  That is, in my view, the ultimate ego death.

Edited December 24, 2020 by Demeter

[Breakingthewall]

1 hour ago, Demeter said:

People on MEO who experience infinity usually speak of infinite love,

Yes I know, first time I did 5 meo I was thinking: well, let's see what is that infinite love that all people talk about...and after 2 seconds there is nothing,

 

1 hour ago, Demeter said:

I'm ok with realising I have no worth and my life thus far has been pretty meaningless. Not in comparison with others because other's lives are meaningless too.

This is the ego! A definition. All those concepts must wait out of the nothingness. My ego in that circumstance said a similar judgement: I am nothing and this is horrible, but wasn't words, was only the horror

 

1 hour ago, Demeter said:

if there is no consciousness (other than my own awareness),

That is the point! it's supposed that it's only one conciousness. If there is you awareness, you can't realize the conciousness. You have to absolutely die. That awareness is you, the ego. To realize that you are the infinite void that is, there haven't be any "I" there. When I was in the void was like there in not me, nothingness, but it's the horror, even with big dose, so I really reject the void, but it's great because I have the opportunity of work in the ego. When it's the void, the ego screams with all of his strength, so it gets exposed. The ego isn't only your judgement, is you! When you see thst, and the infinity, all changes, at least for me. 

 

1 hour ago, Demeter said:

there is no consciousness that is aware of my existence. it means I am alone in a state of infinite emptiness - I might as well not exist.

Analize that . There is not conciousness that is aware of your existence? It supposed that you are the conciousness.

You are alone in a state of infinite emptiness? Exactly, and you are the infinite emptiness

I might as well not exist? No ,you as ego don't exist. When you contrast your ego , and all the universe, with the infinity, you realize that it's nothing, a zero. You must realize the infinity first. I had nightmares a couple of nights and I stayed trembling for a while after. The infinity....

Little by little, I'm changing totally what I thought about spirituality, god, enlightenment, etc. It's right here right now, it's nothing, but it is. It's not like find something, it's more subtle, and seems unthinkable

 

Edited December 25, 2020 by Breakingthewall

[Advocate]

22 hours ago, Eren Eeager said:

@electroBeam  IT was like I am burning in every inch in my body. But I didn't experience any ego death effect, weird, making me question if there was like legit ego death or I am fucking enlightened since the beginning, wtf ? But there was this small incidence in which I felt the ego trying to recollect and then it burned like a shadow facing the light. 

Honestly my OCD bothered me a lot so the trip was not that productive, insight Wise but it was a good base for further tripping.

But take this I experienced God as the most meaningless detail as a grass in the mouth of a zebra and as tiny as a fraction of a nano second and as horrible as Hell itself. 

But for now, I am the mentally ill individual who is trying heal himself and shut up his fucking mind (OCD). 

 

 

This doesn’t sound like healing, man. Psychedelics may be too much for you at this stage, at least in these dosages. Perhaps try some Kriya Yoga or Osho’s healing meditations. My personal favorite is his Nadabrahma meditation. 

[Aaron p]

I find becoming a hardcore motherfucker helps. You have to seek healing as hard as you seek your breath when you are drowning. @Eren Eeager

 

Also invest in some trip killers bruv. If your taking acid you need trip killers unless your comfortable with acid's 12 hours of intensity. You would suit DPT plugged, 2 hours is better than fucken 12 hours in my opinion. I find it very difficult to take a large dose of a psychedelic if I know it's going to last 12 bloody hours man. You know what I mean. You need to steady your mind, and find a psychedelic that you can slowly increase dose 

I know what it's like to suffering beyond words bro Lookat it like this. If you don't have your mental health, why pursue anything other than awakening/healing first. Nothing will make you happy without that anyway. Learn to control your mind. Don't be afraid to be a badass. You can beat your mind. Your probably psychotic. Just find ways to harness your energy in healthy ways. The worst thing you could possibly do, is nothing

Edited December 25, 2020 by Aaron p