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Friendship break up

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Hello, everybody.

Lately, I've been feeling pretty sad and down due to the ending of a friendship.

Let's call him U. We had been friends since we were 14. We hanged out with the same group, and even went to college together, where things turned out badly. 

He started to hang out with other people that I did not like at all. We just did not get on well. Eventually, he started dating a girl of that group, M.

He had pretty bad behaviours towards me: he would abandon me most of the time in order to stay with that gruop, he did not even tell me when an exam was leaked, etc. I felt really lonely. 

Also, her gf was such a bad person, she would yell and riduculize him in front of all the class. They did get on well, but her character was pretty unbearable.

Due to that, I critizized him and M a couple of times with our common group of friends, with the intention of sharing how I felt. They were also my friends, after all.

Something happened, and two fellow members, A and B, got mad at me, so they told U that I was talking shit about him and her gf.

He then stopped talking to me. A year has passed, and the only time we talked was because I called to tell him that I was going to be a dad, and he did not give a s***. He told me that he was fine, that he would call anyone he would like to see, and that he was already used to hang out with our group that way. That he was not going to show up whenever I was around, and that's it.

I think her gf has a lot to do with it, but still.

I know that it does not look like a big deal, but sometimes, I feel devastated. I cannot understand how could he just erase me from his life that way and not even call me when my daughter was born. He was really important to me, and because I talked some bad, yes, things, as a relief when he was such a prick with me (he knew that, I told him about how lonely and totally despised I felt), he just cut off any relashionship with me, even without hearing my version, he just listened to A and B, and he erased me from his life.

I try to let go of the sadness, but it always comes back.

Anything you would like to comment, is greatly appreciated.

Thanks a lot for reading.

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i don't know the situation other than your explanation of it

 

but it seems like it's totally not your fault

some people have their inner demons etc.

i know a guy who abandoned his whole old family when he got a new girlfriend who got in his ear, this woman was also a psychotherapist.

maybe try some eft, letting go technique and sleep hypnosis videos, could help a bit

Edited by PurpleTree

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I went through something incredibly similar with one of my closest friends, also went a year without talking and had a baby girl during that year. She got involved with a couple she really liked and then the couple wanted to make a business deal with me and something small happened before I had even agreed to anything. I spoke to him on the phone and he was so angry with me over it that I was just like "yeah, no thanks."  I don't regret that decision, but the things I did after that were hard lessons learned. There were already some attachments and bad thoughts patterns in the friendship. I completely demonized her new friends and was honestly afraid of them. My judgements of them made the whole situation much, much worse. I also didn't trust her to make good decisions for herself. I also felt entitled to loyalty since we had been friends so long. I focused on all the wrong things and in the end was the one who couldn't stand the hurt of being friends anymore. 

I contacted her once or twice through text after a few months and she didn't respond. It was incredibly difficult. After a year went by on a beautiful day I went on a beach trip with my family and we were sitting out on a bench eating ice cream and she walked by with a huge dog and guy I didn't know. She recognized my son and was so stunned to see him and said hi in passing to me. At that point I couldn't stand it and I texted her again and we made up, forgave and discussed the whole thing. Come to find out she had met someone and the new couple hated him, so she ended contact with them. We've talked about it since and I've since encouraged her to reach out to them, but she hasn't. I feel like the story has yet to be finished, but I don't know.

We attract different experiences in our lives to teach us things. The best thing you can do is keep on loving him. You can't cut yourself off from someone you love and pretend that you don't. So don't. Don't demonize the GF or anyone else. I found trail running to be really helpful to hash out some of the hard feelings. Mindfulness, spiritual teachings and watching my thoughts was incredibly helpful and something I newly discovered during that time. If it feels right, try contacting him again. It usually helps to go inward and have a true change of perspective before we do that though. If we bring our hurt into it over and over again, we can't reconnect but you never know what kind of magic happens when you forgive and let go. That includes the thoughts and blame you have about yourself as well. Good luck. :x

 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

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