The Psychology of the Blackpill and it's destructive effects

[ColeMC01]

During the last months (boredom from quarantine hehe) i have dived deep into the black pill. I am not popular with girls and was drawn a bit into it but soon realized how toxic and destructive it is. After talking with dozens of Incels and seeing a lot of the Youtubers that make blackpill material. I honestly would like your guys ideas on why this happens. What struck me the most is the fact that they always use "it is proved by science, there is data behind it" argument whenever i criticized the blackpill. Why is this happening today? There have been people that do not socialize a lot for a long time, this ideology is quite recent.

They often say Tinder and online dating is a big factor and i do agree. Being unattractive is a HUGE downside if you base your results on online dating since it is 90 percent based on your looks. However, you can still go out and meet girls in person. It does not seem as the ultimate reason why a guy would be dateless for decades. 

Another thing i have heard from some Incels is that they claim to have approached hundreds of girls without any results. One person said 100 and another over 1000, all rejections. I find that very difficult to believe since before even autistic people managed to find a partner or people with disabilities. Heck, John Nash had fucking schizophrenia and still managed to find a wife. Have girl standards gone up? Have men become weaker? Has online dating and the spread of technology made dating more based on appearance since online dating is mostly look focused?

Now i know you people would probably say stuff like "they are scared of changing and working on themselves so they complain", i fully get that. But some guys being like (socially awkward, hermits etc)  this has always been the case. Even in the early 2000 s for example . Why the blackpill has happened in the last 5 years or so?

Leo it would be amazing if you could make a video about this issue like you did for conspiracy theories. Looking at this forum can clearly show you how much of an issue this is becoming and would be good if it got some high conscious addressing. "the hidden psychology behind the blackpill/inceldom would be a good title hehe".

Disclaimer: I do not agree with the blackpill and it's core beliefes. I am just reporting what i have seen from a small research i did.

 

[Leo Gura]

It's just victim mentality, scapegoating, projection, denial, and all the other classic ego defense mechanisms that the ego employs when it is scared, hurt, and denied love.

What's changed is that thanks to the internet and video games, lots of men have stopped socializing face-to-face, which makes getting laid impossible. An Incel is just a guy who doesn't socialize.

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura I do agree that a lot of incels ( easily 80 percent) of them are like this however i have talked with incels that claimed to have done hundreds of approaches and only rejected. Now i would assume these incels are small minority but these are the ones that make the channels that get all the views and stuff. Maybe they are lying about their efforts? Who knows? One of the most toxic ones i talked with said that he did 100 approaches and got rejected very harshly and it really hurt his ego and shit. I mean you said you did like 400 but 100 approaches, how many guys do 100 approaches honestly? Very few. I feel like there is SOME truth to the blackpill, maybe as much truth as there is to most toxic ideologies out there

 

[Preety_India]

There is a certain truth to blackpill  but not all of it is true. 

I'll tell you some truth of the black pill. 

I'm always attracted to good looking men. So this is true that looks are important. 

Now a lot of black pill guys assume that personality doesn't matter. That's wrong. 

Because for me both looks and personality matters. So if the guy looks good with a bad personality, I won't like him. 

Women want the whole package not parts of it. So it wrong to assume that women don't want personality. 

The correct way to look at it is - women want both looks and personality. The whole bunch. 

So yes they are right about the looks part. 

Now what happens to a guy who doesn't have the looks but he has great personality? I'd say I'd still like him and accept him because for me even if looks matter, personally matters even more. So I can easily let go the looks part if the chemistry and character is good. 

That's all I can say about the black pill. 

[Arcangelo]

3 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

they claim to have approached hundreds of girls without any results. One person said 100 and another over 1000, all rejections. I find that very difficult to believe

100 is Standard, 1000 is possible. Not difficult to believe at all.

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Leo Gura I do agree that a lot of incels ( easily 80 percent) of them are like this however i have talked with incels that claimed to have done hundreds of approaches and only rejected. Now i would assume these incels are small minority but these are the ones that make the channels that get all the views and stuff. Maybe they are lying about their efforts? Who knows? One of the most toxic ones i talked with said that he did 100 approaches and got rejected very harshly and it really hurt his ego and shit. I mean you said you did like 400 but 100 approaches, how many guys do 100 approaches honestly? Very few. I feel like there is SOME truth to the blackpill, maybe as much truth as there is to most toxic ideologies out there

They simply have no idea how to approach nor how to close. Cold approach has an extremely steep learning curve. A guy indoctrinated with Incel/Black Pill ideology will have such horrible inner game that of course no woman will get attracted to him. He might as well rub a skunk on his face. That's what Incel ideology does to a man's attractiveness. And his outer game will suck just as much.

You might as well be talking to Nazis. They are less brainwashed than these Black Pill guys.

The fact that you take these ideologies seriously is already the problem.

[mmKay]

3 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

i have talked with incels that claimed to have done hundreds of approaches and another over 1000 and only rejected.

It is usefull to remember that " an approach " is a concept. and " to be rejected " is another concept.

 

When you walk into a shop and ask the guy who works there where the pasta is, is that an approach?

If that guy was a girl, would it be an approach then ?

if you had mistaken a random girl at the store for an employee, and you asked her where the pasta was, is that an approach?

The anwser is yes, these are " approaches " , but ONLY if you consider them to be.

If the store clerk tells you they are out of pasta, is that an rejection?

If the store clerk turns out to be a girl, and she tells you they are out of pasta, is that an rejection?

if the girl doesn't stop to talk to you because she's speeding to the bus, or going home to her boyfriend, is that a rejection?

Well, yes! But only if you consider them to be.

 

So if your insider " incel " guy says he has done 100+ approaches, he means  " one hundred " of what he considers to be approaches. This may be saying hi to a girl and she doesnt aknowledge him because she's wearing earphones, and he takes that both an approach and rejection.

Or he walks up to a girl, asks for her number straight up, she says nope and he takes that for an approach and a rejection.

 

What I'm trying to say, is that these are all just concepts, and lumping every "approach"  and every " rejection " together into the same bag gives the wrong idea of him having done way more work than he has done. 

Asking a girl for the time and walking away could be an approach. Hard stopping a girl and saying she seems hot and you'd like to get to know her and having an instant date with her is an approach as well.

 

4 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

Why the blackpill has happened in the last 5 years or so?

It's not all about black pill. It's because of the slowly collective evolution of society from blue to orange / green that has made dating for men not as extremely easy and biased as it used to. If you are familiar with spyral dynamics, consider this:

Not long ago many countries transitioned from being completely blue into orange and beyond. What does sexuallity look like at blue? Parents hooking you up with some boi or girl, marriage being huge, women having not rights without a man by their side, whether their brother or father or husband, raising a family being a huge value, etc,etc.

Look up , for example,  Muslim countries. Do you see how easier it was to get laid as a man there ?!

Now combine this: Easily available birth controll, freedom of choice and abundance in dating ( allowing women to choose, obviously the better guy in the sexual marketplace ) ,  men locking themselves up in their mancave plugged into Videogames, false sense of socializing from social media, false sex from p0rn  and many other modern day comforts that make your survival EASY . 

Thats a recipe for " incel "

You could literally work online, get paid online, shop through amazon , have your food delivered and play videogames all day.

Edited December 5, 2020 by mmKay

[Forestluv]

For blackpillers, ugly ('genetically inferior') men have no chance of getting laid without more or less tying women down to individual men. That vibe isn’t going to attract many women.

[Preety_India]

35 minutes ago, mmKay said:

It is usefull to remember that " an approach " is a concept. and " to be rejected " is another concept.

 

When you walk into a shop and ask the guy who works there where the pasta is, is that an approach?

If that guy was a girl, would it be an approach then ?

if you had mistaken a random girl at the store for an employee, and you asked her where the pasta was, is that an approach?

The anwser is yes, these are " approaches " , but ONLY if you consider them to be.

If the store clerk tells you they are out of pasta, is that an rejection?

If the store clerk turns out to be a girl, and she tells you they are out of pasta, is that an rejection?

if the girl doesn't stop to talk to you because she's speeding to the bus, or going home to her boyfriend, is that a rejection?

Well, yes! But only if you consider them to be.

 

So if your insider " incel " guy says he has done 100+ approaches, he means  " one hundred " of what he considers to be approaches. This may be saying hi to a girl and she doesnt aknowledge him because she's wearing earphones, and he takes that both an approach and rejection.

Or he walks up to a girl, asks for her number straight up, she says nope and he takes that for an approach and a rejection.

 

What I'm trying to say, is that these are all just concepts, and lumping every "approach"  and every " rejection " together into the same bag gives the wrong idea of him having done way more work than he has done. 

Asking a girl for the time and walking away could be an approach. Hard stopping a girl and saying she seems hot and you'd like to get to know her and having an instant date with her is an approach as well.

 

It's not all about black pill. It's because of the slowly collective evolution of society from blue to orange / green that has made dating for men not as extremely easy and biased as it used to. If you are familiar with spyral dynamics, consider this:

Not long ago many countries transitioned from being completely blue into orange and beyond. What does sexuallity look like at blue? Parents hooking you up with some boi or girl, marriage being huge, women having not rights without a man by their side, whether their brother or father or husband, raising a family being a huge value, etc,etc.

Look up , for example,  Muslim countries. Do you see how easier it was to get laid as a man there ?!

Now combine this: Easily available birth controll, freedom of choice and abundance in dating ( allowing women to choose, obviously the better guy in the sexual marketplace ) ,  men locking themselves up in their mancave plugged into Videogames, false sense of socializing from social media, false sex from p0rn  and many other modern day comforts that make your survival EASY . 

Thats a recipe for " incel "

You could literally work online, get paid online, shop through amazon , have your food delivered and play videogames all day.

Great analysis 

 

[Lyubov]

I could see an incredibly socially inept guy with emotional problems getting rejected several hundred times. My heart goes out to these guys. Their looks is not what is holding them back. Most of them need a therapist or life coach to get them on track.

Edited December 5, 2020 by Lyubov

[vibv]

@ColeMC01The current internet is just great for building information bubbles. And the incel community is great at encouraging themselves to lay the blame on society .. or just women in general. That's just too easy!

Instead of taking responsibility, like a conscious being would, they just delight themselves in guilt shifting and being bitter about life that treats them oh so unfairly.
It's not that hidden of a psychology. It's blatantly obvious identification with their role as a victim, and thus being morally above the rest and in a position to justify their violence against evil femininity and society at large. An ego trip par excellence, unconsious as fuck and thus perpetuating their own misery.

[Hello from Russia]

7 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

You might as well be talking to Nazis. They are less brainwashed than these Black Pill guys.

LOL! So true

[ColeMC01]

@Preety_India The thing with the blackpill is that they say that girls now will NOT settle for anything than the top 20 percent of men. Unless you are Chad or famous or something then they will not want to be with you. Social media, tinder etc have made them feel so entitled that they believe they deserve the top guys even if they are do not have a lot to offer.

Incel quotation: "high and medium girls go for the top guys", "low girls go for the medium guys", low guys get nothing. So guy always fucked unless he is top guy. But to be top guy you need looks since as you said women want all. Oups we have an issue here! 

This is how incels think.

I personally believe that dating apps have made dating worse since now more and more people are meeting simply based on the guy being attractive and that is it. It is not an excuse though as Leo among many others have managed to get good dating and sex life without using social media and relying on real life interactions

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura It would be nice to cover this incel thing at least on your blog. You did a 3 hour video on conspiracy theories but these days this inceldom bs has become just as big of a problem. So many shootings and suicides done by incels these days i feel like it deserves a bit of a cover. Maybe on your blog if not on a video, or on a subsection of a larger video i don't know.

This is just my suggestion ofc

Massive respect for your work and putting in the time to personally message in such length and depth the people here 

[Preety_India]

@ColeMC01 lol. 

Girls will date both Chads and Chavs! 

You need the game. Although game looks like a bad word. But gotta do what you gotta do. 

If you fool a girl enough, you need neither looks nor money nor value. 

I'll give you a secret tip - find a girl who has little experience in dating because she is shy or never really went out too much. Who isn't much on social media. 

A nerdy kinda girl or just some regular girl in the mall and love bomb her to Infinity. Next she will be in your bed. 

Game over. That's how I was gamed! 

If you try girls who have had too many boyfriends or too much male attention then you your game goes caput for the following reasons - 

A) she is already getting her male attention supply. She might not need to  pine for  your attention 

B) she feels entitled if many many men give her attention. Chances are she thinks she is too good for anyone. She will likely reject anyway. 

C) since she had a long list of boyfriends and experiences, She has become a Jackal and she detects your game super quick before you can proceed and quits on you. 

So find malleable girls who are mostly likely going to be love bombed if you love bomb them. They are easy catch because they are naive in the area of relationships. 

You gotta up your game. And find girls who have a high probability of saying yes. Like grocery girls or college girls. 

Not social media girls or tinder girls. They have too much experience. 

 

Thinking about your looks or wealth or confidence personality or shortcomings or flaws is not going to land a girl in your kitty. 

Let go those Insecurities and focus on gaming 

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

@ColeMC01  I also see another issue with you. 

And that issue is you have limiting beliefs with dating. Limiting beliefs restrict you from experiencing a full life. 

Let me give you an example of how limiting beliefs work (or rather don't work). 

A) If I sat here and said - " I only want a guy that looks like Brad Pitt. No other." 

Chances are that a guy that looks ridiculously good like Brad Pitt, he will most likely reject me. Not that there is anything wrong with approaching a person out of my league, once in a while you might want that, but rejections with" out of league " persons are also going to be frequent and I need to accept it.. 

But if I left such beliefs behind and was more open to lots of average men then I have so many chances of meeting good men with great personalities, may not be extraordinarily good looking but they could have very charming mannerisms. 

This way I broaden my chances of finding a decent guy out of many men. 

When you make your criteria too strict, you also set up yourself for more rejections and failures. 

Very high expectations and very low expectations are both limiting beliefs and come from ego-arrogant or ego-deficient mindsets. 

 

B) If I sat here and said - "all guys are jerks and assholes" 

This limiting belief is a victimhood mentality and a blaming mentality and immediately puts me out of luck. 

With such belief and cognitive dissonance, no relationship will ever look healthy to me and no man will ever look attractive. 

C)  If I sat here and said - "I'm not good enough or I don't look good" 

This is a self esteem related limiting belief and severely limits my chances of ever finding a good guy because I will never feel I deserve anyone. Such beliefs might even attract wrong kind of men. 

 

Such limiting beliefs can be severely jeopardizing to life. 

Your limiting belief falls in the last category of self esteem related. This self limiting belief means that chances are that you might even blow up very good opportunities coming your way by simply complicating it too much. 

What if a girl is genuinely interested in you and waiting for you to make the first move and you decide not to simply because of fear of rejection or Insecurities. 

It would do you a great favor to drop such limiting beliefs and explore dating without any mental blocks. 

 

 

[mmKay]

@Preety_India what if I say these things but I'm standing up instead of sitting ? does your thesis about limiting beliefs still work the same?

Just kidding. Yeah, limiting beliefs go really , really, REALLY deep. Un-inquired assumptions about how the world works are the number one reason for self-righteousness. Then again, self-righteousness is exactly what blocks a noob from inquiring and deconstructing his belief system.

Delicious strange loop right there.

If someone reading this decides to do the deconstruction thing, take it slow. Shit falls apart really fast and it gets way worse before it gets better.

 

Edited December 5, 2020 by mmKay

[soos_mite_ah]

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

So find malleable girls who are mostly likely going to be love bombed if you love bomb them. They are easy catch because they are naive in the area of relationships. 

That sounds manipulative af yikes .....

[Globalcollective]

@ColeMC01 yah glad you brought this up and have also managed to see through its bullshit. Your right i think it's due to the increase of internet, apps and technology so people have a skewed perception of how this stuff works. People who are a bit older and slightly missed the rise of dating apps had to go out and meet people face to face and have a better understanding of how this stuff works. I think I have mentioned on previous posts that I use to be a dating coach and had around 8 years in pick up. I was the classic incel you could say, but I made sure I stayed clear of having any toxic ideologies or victim mindsets and yes I did probably around 1000 approach with limited success at the beginning. I do have alot of drive though and will stop and nothing ahah. However I am slightly good looking, so I had a bit of an inn but it did take me ages to really get good with women. Everything leo said above is true, if you have limited social experience and low self esteem you are at real deficit but it means by no means you cant get good and improve. Having loads of choice can almost be as bothersome as having none. You get overwhelmed by choice and can develop sex addiction and deep intimacy avoidance ect. Im axtually looking to write a free ebook on this exact topic, a free manual for guys dating in the modern world on how to avoid traps like red pill, black pill, MGTOW and the toxic side of pick up. I feel this is completely lacking right now, so will give it u when done. 

[Preety_India]

@soos_mite_ah

 

2 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

That sounds manipulative af yikes .....

 

yea it sounds manipulative. But it doesn't have to be that way. The guy can simply try to get a woman to be with him. But this is a part of initial attraction. And some manipulation is always involved on both sides consciously or subconsciously. 

Women are also gaming men, only they don't realize it. 

But once he gets her attention and affection, that's when it gets tricky. If the goal was to only go on a few dates with her, no problem if she wants the same. However if she falls in love with him, that's where he needs to be sincere with her and invest more emotionally into the relationship and take it seriously and be a long term boyfriend to her. 

That's how gaming gets ethical.. 

If he slept with her a few times but  found another girl or simply dumped her or broke her heart, in the sense using her, I'd call it unethical gaming.. 

Men and women are always gaming each other, either consciously or unconsciously (subconsciously) because this is how our biological instincts direct us. We do everything to get the attention of someone we are attracted to. 

This does not mean hurting someone or betraying them. It only means a slight manipulative game is always involved in trying to attract a partner. 

A woman might try to act more feminine to get the attention of the guy she is with while a man might act extra romantic or try to act funny confident to get her to like him. 

These are all manipulative games and we're subconsciously playing them without actually realizing it. 

Dating is a type of gaming. A woman rejecting a man is also a part of her game, because she does not see the man as equal to her idea of desirable, she wants a better man to game her. 

Everyone is setting their own rules and playing games in the end. 

A woman is setting her rules for attraction. A man is setting his rules for attraction. 

But hurting someone is called "being an asshole" or playing with emotions which is not a good idea. Attracting people is one thing but treating them kindly is another. That's like the next step. 

Once the guy has won the woman's affection I expect him to invest more seriously in the relationship and continue it long term without cheating. 

And if he isn't ready for a long term relationship, I expect him to get to know what she wants and be honest and sincere about his intentions if his don't match hers. 

Unethical would be if a man is not being honest with his intentions, playing multiple women at once and two timing the affections of several women, treating a woman like shit after having attracted her, cheating on the woman who he sleeps with, breaking her heart in the end, looking for casual sex without mentioning it, being emotionally abusive and the list goes on and on and on. 

Gaming with good intentions of finding the right partner to be with you, absolutely nothing wrong with it because attraction is biologically selfish however playing emotional games or mind games and using strategies to hurt a person, that's where it begins to get unethical and shallow. 

Gaming inherently is not unethical. It's how you set the rules of the game that makes it ethical or unethical.