Etherial Cat

A Moving Identity: Settling into Self-Expression

366 posts in this topic

Warm up phase has ended.

I'm comfortable enough with the idea of revealing parts of myself and I want a cleaner, more organized, dedicated space with better quality content.

 


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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What I have learned:

  • A bit more assertiveness and owning myself better.
  • Letting go of the shame of not being enough, owning my vulnerability and dorkiness
  • Reading myself and be okay with the cringy feeling
  • Occupying a space for my feelings and thoughts and let them flow
  • Accepting the process 
  • What is a good idea to post and what isn't
  • That most of the time, you don't get throw stones at for writing or telling something
  • That I have bad english grammar and spelling which constantly need re-editing, so I should improve it.

Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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  • I've been suffering from insomnias during the whole week.
  • I've been questioning how deep I want to go into the spiritual journey during this life
  • I've decided that I'll further my non-duality knowledge while combining it with ascending spirituality as well.
  • I also want to be a master at understanding duality.
  • I've decided it requires that I give up on this body's beauty and fertility "and get it to waste" if necessary so I am not impaired in my freedom of choice during the next years 10 years and beyond.
  • I've been contemplating my attachments- and while I doubt I can reasonably assume to get rid of them overnight, I've also realized that none of them is worth the amount of suffering required to maintain them.
  • I am putting myself unapologetically at the center, will assert my Truth and step into my full power. Come what may.

Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Beauty.

In the last years, I think I had created a huge shadow for myself on that topic.

My perception on the subject was heavily influenced by stage orange perception. Material, scientific, capitalistic.

Beauty was that unfair mathematical capricious variable which would bless or damn living things with the privilege of attractiveness. Whether it would be in plants, stones, galaxies, animal or human.

I hated how it stroke at random. How different cosmic rules applied for the beautiful, and how on top of it good looks, countless blessing seemed to flow in its direction. The epidemic of unfairness.

In this context, beauty was arbitrary, cruel and much more displeasing even than human made privileges. It was natural impartiality. Inegalitarian.

It went at odds with my need for justice. So it created a conflict and some shadow material.

From now on, beauty was shallow. Beauty was superficial. Beauty was luxury. Beauty was ornamental (as opposed of utilitarian). In any case, something I don't really needed.

Of course, it created an ambivalence as I'd be drawn to the beautiful and off putted by the aesthetically underwhelming like everyone else.

But now I see beauty with new eyes. I see how it can be seen almost everywhere. It requires an adjustment of perspective and looking beyond the obvious. Beauty is nothing more than the attraction we have towards God incarnated into some random spots, to remind us of our need for the transcendental.

Beauty seems too often absent of our life. At least through the dominant western paradigm I grew up in, the world is a non-sensical brutal hot mess, where most people live disincarnated, purposeless existences. If anything, they resent beauty as well just like I used to. As something scarce and unfair, they are mostly denied. And wherever it finds it, it is fetichized, coveted, jealoused, objectified and sacralized like relics as they can't find it within themselves. Just like it was for me, its a massive shadow spot in the human collective consciousness.

I'm in need for beauty in my life. Reintegrating beauty as an essential need, and distancing its concept from strict materiality as well as letting go of my prejudice towards it is part of the journey. Beauty, is the transcendent. It is what we are. We need it. We crave it. It is everywhere once we can see beyond.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Accepting reality as a work in progress

I am going through a mild purification phase these days.

As I have scrutinize my mind and it's common patterns, I couldn't help but notice my annoyance at whatever isn't fitting my expectations and standard yet.

Instead of seeing the world as a creation in flux, I see what is not perfect as a problematic deficiency related to my own inhability.It is pernicious, really, because it begets a negative sentiment and lock me in a judgmental, negative self-image.

I am doing my best to be mindful of this pattern, so I can stop assigning a negative meaning to something which is just in a certain state.

Life itself is a work in progress. It is all about the process.

But the process needs love, optimism and a clear sense of what is possible.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Observing... the self-image!

Amongst the inquiry I have done lately, I've found within my experience a new technic; direct self-image observation.

I am testing it, but one thing is certain: so far my ego absolutely hates it. I feel it squeezing like a snake to a burrow.

I couple it with a Byron Katie like inner process ("is this True?") and observe the broader narrative it it is plugged on without any judgment.

Quite an interesting practice!


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Being of Service

I want to be of service.

My ego wants a certain idea of success, material comfort and recognition. It wants to be very talented at something, so it will be finally feel the communitarian love it has always dreamed of.

I've been told that to be worthy, I'd need all of the three of them, beauty and youth (because of course, women are held to the same standard as men + specifics).

It's hard not to fall into these traps, as they do have a tiny amount of the Absolute Truth in it. Sorting the wheats from the chaff from a human POV is the experience of Life itself.

In any case, what I have realized is that to follow in the footstep of Love, Truth, Consciousness, I have to stop wanting to do the things for my own glory. Because doing it for this motive is coming from a place of deficiency.

I am now interested into creating stuff for the whole of us. I think this shift in perspective might solve plenty of the issues I've got while taking actions.

Making things better, helping, is something that do motives me and put the focus out of my narcissism.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Love

Requires the purest intentionality. For both yourself and the other(s).


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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The best journal I have read so far!


Sometimes the only thing you have to doubt is your own common sense

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30 minutes ago, BornToBoil said:

The best journal I have read so far!

Oh, really? o.O

My perception was that I was just embarrassing myself writing up a hot mess.

I always have this feeling when I post. ;)

So thanks a lot for the appreciation. It's got healing power to me. :)


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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@Etherial Cat really! I find what you wrote here really insightful, especially the one about beauty :)


Sometimes the only thing you have to doubt is your own common sense

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1 minute ago, BornToBoil said:

@Etherial Cat really! I find what you wrote here really insightful, especially the one about beauty :)

Ah, yes!

I had so much more to tell about the topic. I felt an ache of pain not to have made it justice like I wanted to, but one could write a book on the subject. It runs so deep.

I think a lot of our pain comes from missing it. Really, much more than what we imagine. To me not being given a chance to taste it, where I thought it was incarnated has created some of my deepest wounds and has made me super salty in the past. I hated the feeling of missing out on whatever I thought was Life's sweetest things. I'm sure it is similar for many of us.

And I still do have it, to be honest. That's how I got inspired. 

Maybe beauty is what we perceive as the appearance of crystallized Love in the world of forms? Dunno.

 

 

 


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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That metaphor with the moth. :o


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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@Etherial Cat personally, I think that everything can be beautiful if you have big enough heart to see it. I like how you called beauty the crystallized appearance of Love. The more loving the person is, the more beauty they can see in the world.

18 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

I think a lot of our pain comes from missing it. Really, much more than what we imagine. To me not being given a chance to taste it, where I thought it was incarnated has created some of my deepest wounds and has made me super salty in the past. I hated the feeling of missing out on whatever I thought was Life's sweetest things. I'm sure it is similar for many of us.

Do you mind expanding more on this or is it too personal?


Sometimes the only thing you have to doubt is your own common sense

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1 hour ago, BornToBoil said:

@Etherial Cat personally, I think that everything can be beautiful if you have big enough heart to see it.

Yes. I agree with you, it was also one of the points I was trying to make. There is the easy stuff to find beauty in, and the more complex.

1 hour ago, BornToBoil said:

 I like how you called beauty the crystallized appearance of Love. The more loving the person is, the more beauty they can see in the world.

And that's the blessing, really.

1 hour ago, BornToBoil said:

Do you mind expanding more on this or is it too personal?

Oh well.

The thing is, it's quite a broad spectrum.

But all of them involved living the good life, going through wonderful experiences. Really, whatever looked like the appearance of bliss for a normal 1-25 year old westerner.


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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1 hour ago, BornToBoil said:

I was listening to this when you made the post :D

@Etherial Cat

That's one funny synchronicity! :o


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Diet

Second day of my 1 week challenge.

Quinoa, steamed legumes and a pinch of salt at every meal.

Why do I do that?

For mindfulness purposes, mostly.

I want to test how my body feels when it is eating purely on a plant based, minimalistic, unprocessed food diet.

But I'm not solely going for a physical detox, I also want to test my relationship to food and see what comes out from this heavy pendulum swings.

I'm also interested in analyzing this journey through the spectrum of desire, peer pressure, and self-resilience.

--

So far, I am having a hard time eating my bowl. I find them dull and as plane as possible. But that's the aim, eh. :)

Edited by Etherial Cat

Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Abundance 

My humble diet this week got me to realized how much is all around me.

All the temptations that I have throughout the day (and while at home) permute into a feeling of thousand possibilities and things to potentially have. It highlights what I had around me but never saw as relevant.

When you pledge to eat nothing but bare ingredients, you get to even think of a sauce as something exceptional and fancy. It puts everything into contrast.

I have more than I need. Hundreds time more than I need. That's what I am learning.

Edited by Etherial Cat

Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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Self-Love

blue-ray-healing-teal-eye-print-store_82586753-3407-429e-8304-7a12d8b50ab9_1200x.jpg

Self Love Grid, Teal Swan

You’ll be always worthy of love.

Whether you succeed or seemingly fail.

Not only from your own Love but as well from the Love of others.

You cannot be unloveable.

Whatever you do, it doesn't define you.

Isn't this realization carrying tremendous healing power?

 


Association with the wise is the root cause for obliterating all misery. -  Tripura Rahasya

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