How can I integrate a Purple Shadow?

[Vision]

I was bullied during primary school (up to 10 years old) and have always struggled to make close friends rather than people to just hang around. 

 

The relationship with my parents is also somewhat complicated. Not in the sense that they were abusive but it involves subtle manipulation and codependency.

I don't feel like I have full autonomy over my life because of their subtle guilt-tripping methods and expectations of me. 

 

The bullying and the subtle emotional manipulation from my parents resulted in a huge shadow in purple. 

 

I don't judge or demonize anyone despite them having a "low-consciousness" because I can understand why (yet I don't participate in their gossip or fights). 

But It's hard to find like-minded people that are piqued by the same interests as mine, ones that would be seen as uncanny by the majority of my age group. 

 

Having two and a half years of high school left doesn't help much either. 

 

How can I learn how to make and keep friends? Or socialization in general? Are there any books on it? 

[mmKay]

All of these things are fixed with practice of Self-Love. No books. Turn inward and love, accept and forgive yourself. 

Forum search for self-love threads, a lot of usefull information. 

[Darlisto]

Hey Vision. Thanks for your post, appreciate your vulnerability, your openness and your willingness to experience a positive shift in your life.

Here's my advice to what you've mentioned.

First of all, the problems you are experiencing with your parents are a inherent part of your path. They will have some conservative and out-dated expectations and desires of you that are not in your best interest, or that are simply not harmonious for you. It is your task to reclaim your full autonomy over what you find meaningful, important and 'right', so to speak. This might create some conflict and friction in your home situation, but this is all part of it. Open, honest and courageous communication around this is key, as this will make your parents aware that your perspectives and outlooks on life are not the same, which will not only create a new mutual understanding, but will also increase your autonomy over your life. Over time those expectations, opinions and desires of your parents will change with your behavior and gradually no longer hinder you to do your own thing and they will understand, hopefully loosening the manipulative behavior.

This new sense of autonomy and courage, might also reflect in how you see yourself, your self-esteem how you approach your goals and dreams and how you assert yourself in relationships and life generally, which might help you in advancing with making close connections. I believe that you can only have intimate connections in life, if you have an intimate connection with yourself first. As mmKay mentioned, Self-love is key. It's a very abstract term and it can sound very airy fairy, but approaching your problems and struggles through a compassionate and self-loving perspective does help. The english word courage holds 'coeur', which translated in French literally means heart. In the end, it is your inner child that is dealing with all this controversy, hurt and loneliness. It might be anxious around taking responsibility for all of this, being social and being vulnerable, so taking the time to be gentle with your emotions and understanding them helps a lot, as from what I can read you are a bit more conscious and emphatic in contrast with the people around you. I can relate to this, but remember that there may be a lot of people just like you in a very similar situation which you are simply not aware of. Stay open-minded and be careful not to make preassumptions about people, something I believe we all fall for way too often. By the way, could you explain what you mean with purple shadow?

The last thing I want to mention in regards to friends, something from my own experience, is that you may have a friend that is not a perfect match on all domains, interests and passions, but can still fill certain relational needs and joys. For example, I have a friend with whom I can play, laugh and joke around with, but the relationship is not really fulfilling on the higher, more conscious domains and topics such as creating meaning, self-development and life purpose. At first I was like, he doesn't understand me fully, I feel misunderstood, I feel like we're two worlds apart, but once I started to simply accept that we are not the same person, it was possible for me to simply enjoy that aspect of our friendship. I can talk about those other domains with maybe another friend, or one of my parents, or even find satisfaction in a mentor or person on YouTube. Another person may have similar interests and perspectives on life purpose. Another friend may have the same emotional issues etc. Not being too picky, and seeing yourself as your best friend, number one so to speak, is key, because the more you keep focusing on your path, your needs, your soul's desires, your most blissfull dreams and gently taking responsibility for all those, the more friends, lovers and harmonious people will magically appear into your life.

Hope this helps, feel free to shoot any questions you may have! 



 

[aurum]

@Vision

Part of the problem is that our society does not highly value community. In Europe it's a little better, but most countries are still very individualistic. So don't beat yourself up too bad.

9 hours ago, Vision said:

But It's hard to find like-minded people that are piqued by the same interests as mine, ones that would be seen as uncanny by the majority of my age group.

This is also to be expected. You've got higher consciousness interests and you're living in a lower consciousness society.

It will be easier to find people once you finish high school and you're on your own.

9 hours ago, Vision said:

I was bullied during primary school (up to 10 years old) and have always struggled to make close friends rather than people to just hang around. 

 

The relationship with my parents is also somewhat complicated. Not in the sense that they were abusive but it involves subtle manipulation and codependency.

I don't feel like I have full autonomy over my life because of their subtle guilt-tripping methods and expectations of me. 

 

The bullying and the subtle emotional manipulation from my parents resulted in a huge shadow in purple. 

I would look into this as well. There may be a part of you that is afraid of getting close to people in order to not get hurt again. Just do some introspection and see if that resonates.

[Rilles]

1 minute ago, aurum said:

Part of the problem is that our society does not highly value community. In Europe it's a little better, but most countries are still very individualistic. So don't beat yourself up too bad.

9 hours ago, Vision said:

This is something I thought about too, the societies we live in limit our development, you may be able to live out Stage Orange fully but not Stage Purple because Orange is the gravity of the society and holds too much sway, you can always try to find some hippie commune though, they will probably make you feel very loved. 

[aurum]

9 minutes ago, Rilles said:

you can always try to find some hippie commune though, they will probably make you feel very loved. 

That's my plan

[Vision]

Thanks @Darlisto @aurum@mmKay

@mmKay Self-Love or self-love? How can I cultivate either of them? 

I've watched Leo's video on Self-Love. But if I have this craving to make friends, wouldn't it be a practice of Self-Love if I were to satisfy it? 

20 hours ago, Darlisto said:

Over time those expectations, opinions and desires of your parents will change with your behavior and gradually no longer hinder you to do your own thing and they will understand, hopefully loosening the manipulative behavior.

Knowing my parents, this seems quite unlikely. But I do hope that this will be the case. 

 

20 hours ago, Darlisto said:

By the way, could you explain what you mean with purple shadow?

The second stage in Spiral Dynamics. Involves connection with other human beings. 

 

20 hours ago, Darlisto said:

The last thing I want to mention in regards to friends, something from my own experience, is that you may have a friend that is not a perfect match on all domains, interests and passions, but can still fill certain relational needs and joys. For example, I have a friend with whom I can play, laugh and joke around with, but the relationship is not really fulfilling on the higher, more conscious domains and topics such as creating meaning, self-development and life purpose. At first I was like, he doesn't understand me fully, I feel misunderstood, I feel like we're two worlds apart, but once I started to simply accept that we are not the same person, it was possible for me to simply enjoy that aspect of our friendship. I can talk about those other domains with maybe another friend, or one of my parents, or even find satisfaction in a mentor or person on YouTube. Another person may have similar interests and perspectives on life purpose. Another friend may have the same emotional issues etc. Not being too picky, and seeing yourself as your best friend, number one so to speak, is key, because the more you keep focusing on your path, your needs, your soul's desires, your most blissfull dreams and gently taking responsibility for all those, the more friends, lovers and harmonious people will magically appear into your life.

I can enjoy time with the people I hang around, but I just lack that deeper connection. 

I will practice loving myself and being my own best friend, thanks for your advice. 

 

17 hours ago, aurum said:

This is also to be expected. You've got higher consciousness interests and you're living in a lower consciousness society.

It will be easier to find people once you finish high school and you're on your own.

I had tried sharing some of my opinions with my parents and they thought I'd gone crazy. Using clichés like "You're only 15 you'll understand later". 

They're religious fundamentalists so they thought I was attacking their beliefs when I was simply trying to invite them to new perspectives. 

 

So from then on, I haven't really been sharing anything at all with anyone. I feel pretty lonely, but I think it'll pass as I learn to love myself. 

 

17 hours ago, aurum said:

I would look into this as well. There may be a part of you that is afraid of getting close to people in order to not get hurt again. Just do some introspection and see if that resonates.

I don't think so, but I'll look into it. Maybe I'll realize something I wasn't formerly conscious of. 

 

17 hours ago, Rilles said:

This is something I thought about too, the societies we live in limit our development, you may be able to live out Stage Orange fully but not Stage Purple because Orange is the gravity of the society and holds too much sway, you can always try to find some hippie commune though, they will probably make you feel very loved. 

I feel like Stage Orange wouldn't really be lived fully without the integration of Stage Purple. The stages stack on top of each other and Purple would feed into the effectiveness of Orange in my opinion. 

[Rilles]

7 minutes ago, Vision said:

I feel like Stage Orange wouldn't really be lived fully without the integration of Stage Purple. The stages stack on top of each other and Purple would feed into the effectiveness of Orange in my opinion. 

Purple is communal, Orange is individualistic, there is a trade-off. Dont try to fit a square into a circle, if you want community its very hard to find in a modern city, The stages stack on top of eachother but they also leave certain things out to grow, Orange leaves out alot of community to be able to make its own choices and in turn becomes a bit lonely. 

[Vision]

1 hour ago, Rilles said:

Orange leaves out alot of community to be able to make its own choices and in turn becomes a bit lonely. 

It doesn't have to be this way.

 

1 hour ago, Rilles said:

Purple is communal, Orange is individualistic, there is a trade-off. Dont try to fit a square into a circle

There doesn't have to be a trade-off. An Orange would perform much better when surrounded by like-minded people with the same/similar values and vision. 

 

1 hour ago, Rilles said:

if you want community its very hard to find in a modern city

Cutting off community that won't benefit you is something that should be done to actualize Orange, but that doesn't mean you need to sacrifice community as a whole. Again, being surrounded by like-minded people can be huge in how well Orange is actualized, but it's very rare. 

[Rilles]

9 minutes ago, Vision said:

It doesn't have to be this way.

 

There doesn't have to be a trade-off. An Orange would perform much better when surrounded by like-minded people with the same/similar values and vision. 

 

Cutting off community that won't benefit you is something that should be done to actualize Orange, but that doesn't mean you need to sacrifice community as a whole. Again, being surrounded by like-minded people can be huge in how well Orange is actualized, but it's very rare. 

Sounds like youre itching for some Green.  

"Its lonely at the top, I want to go down and see my friends again"

Edited November 6, 2020 by Rilles

[Human Mint]

Are you sure is purple? It sounds like green.

I'm going through similar things.

[Mada_]

Sounds pretty similar to my highschool experience. I graduated last year. Difficult to relate to people who weren't interested in personal development. 

When i attended a meditation class I met some people into that. Went on some retreats with them. Three years later they are some of my closest friends. Reached out to a family friend's son who has a podcast on nutrition, we now do wim Hof together and he is also passionate about personal development. 

 

So my practical advice is to go and attend events that you're interested in, with people there, and reach out to people you know have similar interests to you. Doing this has allowed me to socialize, and to start to distance myself from people I used to hang out with who are into drinking, smoking and other stuff I'm not interested in anymore. 

[Vision]

@Rilles @Human Mint

I think it's Purple. Lack of community and connection. 

 

@Mada_

Where could I start? 

[martins name]

It's definitely purple, any type of feminine we-space integrates purple, green included. Therefore the dissonance with the previous commenters.

It's better to talk about this in forms of chakras as it gets to the heart of your experience. Purple is an expression of the second chakra. In it's open form it expesses pleasure and a warm healing embrace. This is why we say it's been a pleasure to meet you after we spent time with a good friend. Intimacy brings us pleasure. Sex also brings us pleasure so masturbating can become crutch if this chakra is closed, I just want you to be aware of this.

Your root problem is that this chakra is closed. This makes it into shadow. Work on opening it and the shadow aspect will get better.

I recommend reading the chapter in 'Wheels of Life' dedicated to the second chakra. This will make you aware of the patterns in your life that are keeping this chakra closed

I also have problems with this chakra for similar reasons. What works for me is doing chakra opening exercises on the chakra.

I've worked a lot with energy so it might not work quite as well for you in the start. But you can get to a point where by doing chakra opening exercises  you will be flored by the amount of pleasure and healing, motherly embrace you feel. And you can feel a sense of pleasure as your natural state just as you can feels love in your chest or joy in your stomach as a natural state.

A do both Kriya Supreme Fire focused under my navel as explained in SantataGamana's kriya yoga exposed (do at your own risk). And i do higher consciousness healing as explained in Tara Springett's book healing kundalini symptom. 

Here is a concise version of Tara's technique:

• Imagine that you are having an orgasm, produce the feeling in your whole body. Then isolate the feeling of pleasure you feel from it. Expand that feeling you your whole body and radiate it outwards. Bathe in it. Surrender to it. Breath deeply and on every outbreath feel a wave of pleasure wash over you starting in your abdomin and going you to your whole body. This can be accompanied by a visualization. Any resistance you have to surrendering to this completely is exactly what is making this a shadow. 

Just this will take you far but there are three additional steps you can experiment with:

• Do mula bandha (google it)
• Infuse this pleasure with love. This will turn it to more of a healing embrace, which will make it even more healing.
• Imagine the archetype of the divine mother, a infinatly loving infinatly wise mother(in no way connected to your material mother). She might take the form of a guru you like or I prefer an avatar made our of radiant, beautiful light, or maybe the is more ephemeral. She loves and embraces you completely, even in ways you are not currently capable of. Now, open up your sense of pleasure towards this being. Open yourself up to her embrace. You can visualize her embracing you physically or witch radiant energy targeted at your second chakra. Listen to her say the things you always wish you heard from your physical mother. "You are completely loved and embraced". "I love you unconditionally". Don't make her say these things. Open yourself up to her communication. Her actions cannot come from your ego then they are not coming from the divine mother. Your ego cannot be involved in her actions, that would ruin the purpose summoning her. However you can ask her things and you will receive. If she ever acts in a way that is less than infinatly loving and wise than that is really coming from your ego and should not be taken as her words. Open yourself up to her to the extent tog your ability.

Remember, there are more like guidelines, don't be strict about them. Whatever works for you is the correct technique.

 

 

[martins name]

Oh, and take a nice shower before the exercise. The second chakra is subconsciously connected to the water element. This really helps.

 

[Vision]

@martins name

Thank you very much! I'll be trying this out. 

[martins name]

@Vision Do tell me how it goes. I know it works wonders for me but I'm curious how the exercise works for others.