Thanks crazy bald guy

[bejapuskas]

Have you ever tried improvisational theatre? It's funny how it sometimes happens that when you act in a scene with other people, at the end of the scene you might be kind of unsure whether you are still playing a character or not x) 

[Reciprocality]

28 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Have you ever tried improvisational theatre? It's funny how it sometimes happens that when you act in a scene with other people, at the end of the scene you might be kind of unsure whether you are still playing a character or not x) 

Impro theathre sounds like psychology 101, as you perhaps alluded to : P

[Daneel]

No, not really the type of thing I would do.

I got a diagnosis for autism in my 30's. The thing about autism is that it takes a lot more effort to interact socially, and it is not as intuitive, intrinsically enjoyable or motivational as it seems to be for most people. We develop something like acting skills in order to deal with life, and this gets exhausting.

That perceptive/being state of mind was so amazing partially because it allowed me to break out of that for a while, and sometimes made me feel like I could interact more naturally. Some of my usual avoidant behaviors, those I can recognise were due to fear, I can now deal with better.

I had this conversation today where by the time I had come up with a response to his first question he had already gone three questions past that (ADHD-type salesperson). I realise that's because he fears the silence, and when he doesn't get a response immediately he just keeps talking to deal with it.

[bejapuskas]

3 hours ago, Reciprocality said:

Impro theathre sounds like psychology 101, as you perhaps alluded to : P

I picked it up and I love it, I am just so confused after every scene  It makes me self-reflect on what roles I play.

2 hours ago, Daneel said:

No, not really the type of thing I would do.

I got a diagnosis for autism in my 30's.

Oh sorry, I did not know that about you, I hope I didn't sound ignorant. 

2 hours ago, Daneel said:

The thing about autism is that it takes a lot more effort to interact socially, and it is not as intuitive, intrinsically enjoyable or motivational as it seems to be for most people. We develop something like acting skills in order to deal with life, and this gets exhausting.

That perceptive/being state of mind was so amazing partially because it allowed me to break out of that for a while, and sometimes made me feel like I could interact more naturally. Some of my usual avoidant behaviors, those I can recognise were due to fear, I can now deal with better.

Reading this, I am not sure, whether you don't enjoy social interaction because you have autism or because you cannot be authentic in social interaction (having to develop acting skills). 

I am not trying to belittle your condition or anything like that and I kinda understand that if one perhaps did not develop any social skills at all, it might be very hard for them to make friends and do other social things (but I also think this applies to both people with and without autism), but I also want to say that even when people who do not have autism interact socially with people among whom they need to act in a certain way, it also is not enjoyable for them.  

Do you think people will judge you if you acted naturally? Do you believe you cannot act naturally? Let's frame the question a bit more, do you surround yourself with people who you (maybe justifiedly) believe that they would judge you if you acted naturally? Do you think there exist people who are not this way? (I suggest answering yes to this question if you answered yes to the other question) 

2 hours ago, Daneel said:

I had this conversation today where by the time I had come up with a response to his first question he had already gone three questions past that (ADHD-type salesperson). I realise that's because he fears the silence, and when he doesn't get a response immediately he just keeps talking to deal with it.

Sometimes people who have some rare condition become more sensitive and aware, I mean many people would simply judge that person with ADHD without thinking twice about it, but you do not do that. Don't you think that's perhaps an advantage? I mean sensitive and aware friends are scarce and in demand.

[Daneel]

17 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

Reading this, I am not sure, whether you don't enjoy social interaction because you have autism or because you cannot be authentic in social interaction (having to develop acting skills).

Because it is exhausting, because I don't want to hurt people, and simply because I find more interesting things to do.

Do you think people will judge you if you acted naturally?

Some would think I'm an asshole, and they would not exactly be wrong. That's in part what I want to avoid, the reactions of my own "ego" that I just end up regretting. Others think I'm cold and unemotional and avoid me, but I'm not sure I ever cared about those.

Let's frame the question a bit more, do you surround yourself with people who you (maybe justifiedly) believe that they would judge you if you acted naturally?

No, the thing is I can't stand acting for more than short periods and instead default to saying very little. More social people (extroverts?) are put off by this, maybe they take it as rudeness or a sign of me not liking them. Others are more accepting and I have had some friends despite this.

Do you think there exist people who are not this way? (I suggest answering yes to this question if you answered yes to the other question) 

Well yes.

Sometimes people who have some rare condition become more sensitive and aware, I mean many people would simply judge that person with ADHD without thinking twice about it, but you do not do that. Don't you think that's perhaps an advantage? I mean sensitive and aware friends are scarce and in demand.

Yes, though being conscious of the situation is lightyears away from acting on it in my mind.

 

[Reciprocality]

9 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

I picked it up and I love it, I am just so confused after every scene  It makes me self-reflect on what roles I play.

Sounds very healthy to be that aware of ones assimilation prosess, than again, it will lead to potent identity crisis. Which take many orange people out. 

[bejapuskas]

@Daneel  I mean you said you find it exhausting, but previously you mentioned that feeling like you can be natural felt amazing. So I thought maybe it is the acting that tires you, since you also said you can't stand acting. What are the reactions of your ego that you end up regretting?

[Daneel]

My own judgements I think?

[Daneel]

I'm getting more and more back to normal now. Sometimes I still get into that perceptive state of mind while riding my bike to work.

I had one brief moment while making dinner where it seemed as if I was watching myself doing things rather than being in control, though I did not feel anything special. I don't have the motivation to spend the 20 whatever years it would take to find out, more than I have the motivation for much else. I doubt the world is going to last 20 years and that opinion hasn't changed.

The light is mostly a faint memory now, trying to find it again mostly ends in misery. But I can deal with that now at least.

[DIDego]

Hi! @Daneel

Welcome to the forum. 

[bejapuskas]

@Daneel  Riding your bike to work is another story/role.

[Daneel]

On 2020-11-12 at 4:56 AM, Husseinisdoingfine said:

Crazy Bald Guy? Lol

My first thoughts when I watched some of his videos but he introduced a lot of interesting ideas too. And after this experience some of those things sound a lot less crazy.

I noticed how through this experience I was removing a lot of fears and crap from my mind, and I'm still doing that. Though my issues with motivation and living inside my head seem a lot harder to solve.

[Daneel]

Today I got into this pretty awesome flow state at work while doing some especially boring stuff, that I managed to maintain for a long time, by focusing on trying to be aware of as much as possible. Then I ended up in some hellish place in my mind where everything was painful to touch, like picking at an open wound. Lucky it did not last long, made me feel completely miserable for a few hours.

Yeah I screwed up my head.

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, Daneel said:

Today I got into this pretty awesome flow state at work while doing some especially boring stuff, that I managed to maintain for a long time, by focusing on trying to be aware of as much as possible. Then I ended up in some hellish place in my mind where everything was painful to touch, like picking at an open wound. Lucky it did not last long, made me feel completely miserable for a few hours.

Yeah I screwed up my head.

Stop hurting yourself. Relax. Give up.

Edited November 26, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[Daneel]

I did deal with the feelings once I had the time back at home.

Then I tried meditating just to relax and try to feel happier. It worked well beyond expectations, and I ended up blacking out and having an experience that reminded me of my first one, though much briefer. Pure divine love and happiness, to the point I felt it was too much and backed out.

So it seems I've experienced both heaven and hell on the same day.

It's like your intuitive mind is trying to understand itself. I think it came to the point where it realized it is not one thing. I had some kind of internal dialogue today about the nature of enlightenment and if I really want it. I do want to know the truth, but if this would simply lead me to some state where I don't care about anything anymore then what is the point?

Either way it gets kinda distracting when these types of things keep happening to you while trying to hold down a normal job.

[Carl-Richard]

1 hour ago, AMTO said:

How would one do that? 

Sit with your eyes closed and feel.

[Daneel]

5 hours ago, AMTO said:

How would one do that? 

The same way you let go of anything else. Relax, see the fear in your mind, don't react to it or think about it, don't feed it, don't hold it back, don't expect anything, just be aware of it.

Don't remember which video that was now.