Is It Ok To Sleep Around?

[foshau23]

Preach^^ @Arthur M

[Sarah Marie]

The problem I found with "sleeping around" at that age was the "men" didn't know what in the world they were doing. After hooking up with 3 guys I decided it wasn't worth my time since they didn't even realize what they were doing. I don't know if I had a bad streak or what happened, but I eventually found someone I had good chemistry with and just taught him what to do. 

Now I am married, and I'm glad I hooked up and experienced other people. I'm also glad my husband did too. But to be honest I didn't really understand any of my sexuality until I was in a deeply connected relationship and I felt comfortable enough to explore. 

Also, I feel strongly sexuality is something to embrace and explore. Please don't worry about societies bullshit stigmas. 

[Argue]

In my belief, it's not cool if you're in a committed relationship. If you're not in a relationship, sleep around and gain experience. 

Edited February 11, 2016 by Argue

[Pola]

As a woman i can relate to what @Natalya is saying about the emotional connection rather than physical. But i also want to say that personally for me sex can be two kinds. One kind is sex with love which is something that you can hardly call sex, its just intimate interaction and sharing of emotions, and its more about looking eyes to eyes and this kind of things and it doesnt really matter what exactly and how exactly you do, it just seems like sex is the best form of showing and receiving love. And in this case even the dirtiest things actually feel romantic. 

The other kind is sex for sex, when it feels like just a receiving pleasure which you can actually equally replace with other pleasures like having nice dinner, bath with foam, massage, eating chocolate etc etc. Of course it is important to like your partner and it does hurt if he doesn't show any connection with you, like getting completely cold after it's finished and stuff like that. But smart guys never do it even if they use you for sex only and this is why you want them again and again. But its absolutely possible to be with guy like that and sleep with guy like that without getting emotionally involved into him. 

I tend to think that both women and men can be different in perception of sex issues and you cant really separate it like there are all women's perspective and all men's perspective. 

[Dhana Choko]

I would not recommend sleeping around. First of all, you dilute your own focus and second of all, you take in energies that do not belong to you and you need to clean up the mess. It is also very unlikely that one at a very young age can sleep around without getting trapped up in possible drama and complicated relationship mess ups. 

You can do whatever you want, but it is much easier said than done to have a very pleasant experience sleeping around. You can do it but I highly  doubt it is going to be just a joy ride, especially if you are not fully enlightened being without any emotional, karmic or psychological or mental baggage. 

I think you should start "sleeping around" when you feel like you meet a person that you really adore. You can learn so much more from life and love when you learn this things in higher energies and higher quality rather than roaming around every possible bush and wondering why nothing works and why it is so hard to attract that "special one". 

Also, sleeping around in your young life does not guarantee that you do not have negative disturbing thoughts about your marriage or relationships later on. This negativity and "wishing for something else" is not because people have not experienced enough, but it is because that is the default setting in our mind. You can do all the things in life and experience as much as you want but if you do not train your mind, your mind will find thousands of ways to disturb you anyway.

[SenshiAna]

9 hours ago, Natalya said:

@Lynnel, a number may not matter in this society if you're a man. If you're a woman, you'll be labeled, but most importantly, sex stops being special and people stop being special after too many partners, especially for a woman, because women get connected emotionally, rather than physically. 

From personal experience, being a girl who considers herself sexually confident, and being a girl born in a country that still struggles with tradicional/modern models: society doesn't define you, and one shouldn't be a people pleaser... But being labeled as a slut doesn't help either. 

Number doesn't count: one needs to experience enought sex to discover herself and to discover her own personality values. Right NOW I don't engage in casual sex, because I am looking for other things - like connection. It wasn't the number that made me stop engaging in one night stands, but defining what I want and what I am looking for. 

Edited February 11, 2016 by SenshiAna

[Lynnel]

11 hours ago, Natalya said:

@Lynnel, a number may not matter in this society if you're a man. If you're a woman, you'll be labeled, but most importantly, sex stops being special and people stop being special after too many partners, especially for a woman, because women get connected emotionally, rather than physically. 

@SenshiAna@Natalya @Baby

We are on a self-actualized forum. It includes (and even for me implies) being above social conditionning.

Imagine you have slept with 30 guys at 25 years old. Unless you have told it on your facebook page, no one is judging you besides yourself, and more precisly your own mind. Nothing and no one. It is simply a thought in your mind which was implanted there by society. Can you prove in any way that sleeping with that many guys is bad in itself ? If you view it simply as a thought there will be no more problems.

Society views sex as bad because  from what I've seen and learned, guys cannot settle nor marry with a women which had more experiences than he does because he will feel uncomfortable/miserable which doesn't help monogamy. Or it so happens that marriage and monogamy is a pillar for society. (To some extent). Therefore by not repressing femine sexuality we can achieve also more confident men and move society towards a better future.

I've had a very close female friend who thought sex was special. She viewed sex as giving herself, like it was the biggest deal of all. When she said that I almost died inside. I found something inherently toxic with that. The more you make sex into a big deal, the more repressed and fucked up your society will be. Also, it's not special by itself. Sex is special only because of the connection you have with the partner. No matter how much sex you've had before. You can find someone you connect so well with that even after having been with 40 guys before that you'll experience something absolutly new.

Why I believe women should have many sexual partners or at least as much as they want :

- They should be free and not repressed => Quite a valuable factor in terms of happiness

- They can explore themselves and their sexuality

- Less likely to cheat because they know what they want

[Lynnel]

11 hours ago, Harry said:

a few things please: 

1) what do you mean by premises and nuances? 

2) what sort of things would you need to have handled? Limiting believes? Self-esteem issues? Inferiority comp

@Harry

1) Prerequirements. It's a book often quoted in the pickup community because it helps round out the angles if you will.

2) Everything. You have to be attractive in the first place so you have to be on top of everything that can make you more attractive.

Basicaly instead of the usual Hi, chat, and moving arround, and dates you can cut the thing short and be like : look I'm attractive let's make it happen. If you're not, well...what did you expect ? Black magic

[Dhana Choko]

29 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

We are on a self-actualized forum. It includes (and even for me implies) being above social conditionning.

This depends completely on which society you live in and what part of society you live in. In many Western societies open sexual promiscuity and "having a little fun" is seen as a normal part of society. Sometimes it is self-actualizing to question whether the ideas and beliefs you have gained from society (for example that "trying out different sexual partners is fun and makes you a better wife/man in the future") are actually true. It also depends what you out of life: nor Jesus or Buddha or any other modern spiritual truth seeker who has found lasting happiness, has f*cked their way into enlightenment or understanding.  My personal experience and understanding is that it takes a lot of courage in our society to not get into these ideas of having light-hearted sex with anyone who shows a slight interest. 

Quote

Why I believe women should have many sexual partners or at least as much as they want :

- They should be free and not repressed => Quite a valuable factor in terms of happiness

- They can explore themselves and their sexuality

- Less likely to cheat because they know what they want

1. I would question if having a lot of sex with strangers counts as a representation of true freedom.

2. Mostly having sex with random people does not give you much of an experience in sexuality, cause in order to truly go deep into what sexuality truly is, you need emotional trust and deep admiration. Just having casual physical sex with different partners does not make one necessarily a very good at sex. Actually, my own experience is exactly the opposite. Most guys and girls who are used to having one night stands etc. are very confused about what good sex is like. Going very deep in sexuality, you need much much more than just random one night stands which in most cases are awkward and very far for absolutely amazing sex.

3. I don't understand how having many sexual partners leads to being more able to commit? In order to be really good at something, you need to practice that. That is the same thing as saying that if you spend 10 years of your life being watching TV then later on in your life you will be very good at football. 

[Natalya]

Couldn't agree more with @Dhana Choko.

I don't advocate against a lot of sexual experience. But just like Dhana said, you dont really get the experience that makes you fulfilled after jummping from one bed to another. My point is make sure you know this is exactly what you want before jumping into it. It's too easy to get carried away with something that feels good at the moment, but may eventually have negative consequences. In my experience, most people don't know what they're doing when they engage in sexual relationships.

Aside from what a society thinks, are you willing to take the risk of falling for a wrong person, being used, getting knocked up, ending up disappointed in the opposite gender or contracting an incurable STD? 

Just like with food or gambling, it's all about moderation. And yes, I still think 5 is a good number.

 

[Lynnel]

1 hour ago, Dhana Choko said:

This depends completely on which society you live in and what part of society you live in. In many Western societies open sexual promiscuity and "having a little fun" is seen as a normal part of society. Sometimes it is self-actualizing to question whether the ideas and beliefs you have gained from society (for example that "trying out different sexual partners is fun and makes you a better wife/man in the future") are actually true. It also depends what you out of life: nor Jesus or Buddha or any other modern spiritual truth seeker who has found lasting happiness, has f*cked their way into enlightenment or understanding.  My personal experience and understanding is that it takes a lot of courage in our society to not get into these ideas of having light-hearted sex with anyone who shows a slight interest.

Hold on : I meant that you always need to question whatever beliefs your society has put into you no matter what society it is. Nothing else.

Honestly at this point it comes down to self-image preservation. Do I wanna see myself as I person that has light-hearted sex ?

1 hour ago, Dhana Choko said:

 

1. I would question if having a lot of sex with strangers counts as a representation of true freedom.

2. Mostly having sex with random people does not give you much of an experience in sexuality, cause in order to truly go deep into what sexuality truly is, you need emotional trust and deep admiration. Just having casual physical sex with different partners does not make one necessarily a very good at sex. Actually, my own experience is exactly the opposite. Most guys and girls who are used to having one night stands etc. are very confused about what good sex is like. Going very deep in sexuality, you need much much more than just random one night stands which in most cases are awkward and very far for absolutely amazing sex.

3. I don't understand how having many sexual partners leads to being more able to commit? In order to be really good at something, you need to practice that. That is the same thing as saying that if you spend 10 years of your life being watching TV then later on in your life you will be very good at football. 

1) Seriously ? I never mentionned true freedom. But someone who doesn't feel the need to preserve his self-image or doesn't feel judge is MORE free than someone who isn't.

2) Having no sex at all gives you no experience at all. Not much is always better than nothing At least for me ahah.

Everyone has his own idea of sexuality and if your requires emotional trust and deep admiration go for it, but you can't speak for everyone. I do agree that it's a huge factor, but it doesn't encompass the whole sexuality in itself.

It doesn't make you good but it makes you better. Practice makes perfect. For me it's exactly the opposite, the more experiences you have the more you are able to create connections and have great sex.

One of my best sex was a one night stand which later evolved into a relationship with the best sex of my life.

You don't sleep with RANDOM people in 5 seconds, you get to know them at least on some level, and it can be really deep sometimes.

3) I feel really sad reading this because you imply it takes effort to stay with someone. Comitting is not a skill and you cannot be good at it. It's simply enjoying the relationship and investing in it because it's the best you can create. And to know what to cherish you must have experience. 

Having experience prevents cheating because you know that there is NOTHING better out there simply because you have tried everything ( to some extent, there is no absolute) and you know what you exactly want.

Practice is really different from theory, and what you feel you want may not be what you actually want once you try it.

This is why I believe experiencing is key and you should be free to do so no matter what.

To conclude, the question should've been different : Is it beneficial or detrimental to me to sleep arround ? Everyone has to answer that for himself.

[Niki]

18 hours ago, Natalya said:

Obviously, 5 is an approximate number. I'd like to hear a woman's perspective on this. Guys cannot fully relate to how a woman may feel after sleeping with many men who are wrong for her. 

Have you ever really slept with someone with whom you had a strong physical attraction? And I am talking STRONG physical attraction without getting to know the person? It's simply fun. You get sooo much energy afterwords. I see myself (in a sexual way) as someone who is "dirty" "raw" "wild". I am very passionate and I see sex as something fun, exciting and crazy if it's with someone I don't really know.

I see it as a challenge. Me attracting (not sleeping with) various man (and women) means freedom to me (can't really explain why) and means energy, life itself. Me sleeping with a woman is a successful conquest. I am more picky when it comes to men, that is true. Way more picky. A conquest is based on his quality when I think of it, and his quality you have to test out.

I never slept with someone who is "wrong" for me. Perhaps because I see myself as someone who is "Miss Wrong". For example one time a guy cried when I explained to him how we are not in a relationship. Then of course, I have my own issues. But the point is women in general don't have a mindset I have. At least I don't know any. I even love being a wing girl to my guy friends, I find that super fun.

Btw I don't find number of people you slept with as something relevant.

[SenshiAna]

BTW, I noticed we are discussing the number of sexual partners, but we haven't discussed as much the quality of the sex we are getting from these partners.

Personally, my quality of life improved a lot in proportion to the quality of sex I was getting.... with my own self. Masturbation, and most importantly quality masturbation, has played a HUGE part of my life since becoming single. Having quality orgasms has made my self esteem grow considerably!

Anyway, I think it all depends on the partner we have, and not just the variety, and as well as the quality of it.

[Olafur Thorsteinsson]

Pick up is not wrong. There is nothing wrong or right in this world.

Pick up is the best thing that I know of to over come social anxiety, to become more confident, more integrity, more attractive, more slef-esteem and become more social skilled. 

I experienced the fastest growth in pick up, Leo said it too.

If you do pick up you will become the guy that the girls want, but you will have to do it responsibly.

P.S. Leo still does pick up, but he does it in a responsible way.

[Kallan]

Hey just checking. This doesn't say I'm female right. Cause a few answers made it look that way. I'm totally comfterable in my own body though and am basically hippie so I don't mean sleeping around in a selfish way. I'm all about free love and sharing experiences with people, certainly not using them for sex but genuinally just mutual pleasure. I have gained a good insight from all this excellent feedback though. I just saw lots of negativity on pickup but since learned it's about your intension. My intension isn't using people, it's just having mutual fun and being a free spirit and enbracing my sexuality and learning. 

Cheers for all the awesome advice.

[Guest]

Do what you want mate. This life is yours!