A Life of Purpose

[Michael569]

Testing the waters of Youtube with this lame topic for a start

 

[mandyjw]

@Michael569 Oooo.. a youtube channel! ?

[Raptorsin7]

I wonder if you can optimize your health to the point your hair grows back 

Now that would be one hell of a selling point

[Preety_India]

@Michael569 hey Michael, great start. Not lame at all. 

Congrats. 

[Preety_India]

@Michael569 will look forward to listening to your videos. 

 

[Michael569]

8 hours ago, mandyjw said:

Oooo.. a youtube channel

got inspired by you a lot Mandy 

7 hours ago, Raptorsin7 said:

I wonder if you can optimize your health to the point your hair grows back 

Now that would be one hell of a selling point

oh man the amount of money, time and frustration that went down that black hole What you see is what I lost between 12-18, I guess my DHT peak. 

@Preety_India thanks so much Preety for your kind words ! Means a lot 

 

[BlackMaze]

@Michael569 preach brother! Amen. 

Rant more often please. Sometimes politeness is the last thing we need. 

[Michael569]

@BlackMaze I felt good to rant a bit I won't lie  

Hope you're doing alright ! 

[BlackMaze]

@Michael569 i try to survive ? it could be worse so everything's fine. 

Thanks for asking. See ya! 

[flume]

YEY for the youtube channel!

Also, I totally agree with @BlackMaze, you should do these rants more often! Really good & heartfelt. Get the message out there!

[Michael569]

Back in Slovakia for a week and a half. Had to come back despite the awful covid situation to take care of some family stuff going on with my mom. 3.5 hour drive, 2.5 hour flight and another 1.5 hour drive later I'm back where I started, a peaceful quiet village in the western part of the country.

Walking our dog, an old veteran now I got reminded of 20 years I spent here growing up, tracing in footsteps of my 12 year old me chasing with kites, football and bike along these , now kinda overgrown places. The clumsy and chubby little kid, always introverted, always shy to voice his opinion always living inside his own fantasies and alternative realities. Now as I'm working on a coaching program and going back to the moments in my childhood that shaped my mental and spiritual development (and lack thereof), i feel an even bigger connection with this place and with this little kid that still dwells within, dominating so many parts of my life. But now, new patterns are starting to emerge.

I am rediscovering how anxious I always was as a kid, how fearful and how much I hated attending these endless judo sessions, spending weekends labouring like a mule for my grandparents and all these things I hated and loathed. In this coaching I'm returning to all these moments now, I am watching my 10 year old self arguing with my dad for not wanting to leave the house on Saturday morning to go labour and dig potatoes an vegetables for 12 hours. In my meditations, I'm returning to these places and all the bullying and mockery I experienced over a decade and half of attending judo practice. Always being the youngest, always being the one picked on. I'm processing these experience one by one, forgiving the bullies and making peace with them in my mind. 

I never knew how much silent resentment I built up against my dad. Way more than towards my mom. Generally there are very few things I resent her for, mostly has to do with her alcoholism and I resent myself for not being able to do anything about it. 

But I silently resent my dad for never trying to help me figure out my life earlier on rather than sending me to the fucking dumb shit business school, but it's ok he didn't know any better. I resent him for letting himself and me be enslaved by his own dad, who has for decades been emotionally manipulating our family. I resent him for forcing me to attend this fucking church thing every weekend for nearly 7 years. I resent him for lying to my mom and cheating on her. And I resent him for all the emotional manipulation over the years. But I will come to terms with everything...in time and once I do and can finally drop all this baggage, I'll be able to remove a big burden that's been holding me back so much even in my practice. Picking up one broken piece at a time....

Another mind-blowing thing, I talked to my mom today and basically, I found out I was never breastfed. I had no idea. Now it makes sense why I keep struggling with allergies on and off throughout my whole life every time I change an environment.  It makes sense while no matter what I do and how much into extreme I go, they just keep coming back. A huge fucking piece of jigsaw has landed on my head right there. I've known for years that children not breast-fed are at like 1000% increased risk of allergies but I always though I was bf for at least half a year. I don't blame my mom, it was not her fault, she was not able to. Knowing where it is coming from I'm finally able to dig super deep and go the deepest I've ever gone in my research on the microbiome, the core of all of it. Somehow I always knew this to be the case but this information just sealed the deal. I don't think I can completely restore it to what it would have been had I received 6 months of natural baby formula but maybe there is a way to get close to it. 

Good shit !!, looks like the end of 2021 and beginning of 2022 will be the timeof deep emotional, spiritual and gut healing. With that I'm also excited that we'll be moving once again up north spending 6 months in Snowdonia.....because why the fuck not. 

 

[ZenRising]

On 23/11/2021 at 6:27 PM, Michael569 said:

Another mind-blowing thing, I talked to my mom today and basically, I found out I was never breastfed. I had no idea. Now it makes sense why I keep struggling with allergies on and off throughout my whole life every time I change an environment.  It makes sense while no matter what I do and how much into extreme I go, they just keep coming back. A huge fucking piece of jigsaw has landed on my head right there. I've known for years that children not breast-fed are

I love this... I've had quite a few moments over the years when I've received some revelation and found myself lloking at either my mother or father and thinking 'and you never thought it might be relevant to mention this??'... when I was about 15 my dad revealed that I had a half-sister he'd just forgotten to bring up.... jeeeesusss...

[Loving Radiance]

20 hours ago, ZenRising said:

I love this... I've had quite a few moments over the years when I've received some revelation and found myself lloking at either my mother or father and thinking 'and you never thought it might be relevant to mention this??'... when I was about 15 my dad revealed that I had a half-sister he'd just forgotten to bring up.... jeeeesusss...

Holy

Same for me. We all better ask our parents for all the (health) things we learned till now.

My mother a few months ago, "I already had my amalgam fillings in my teeth during the pregnancy with you sparrow, but they are safe."

Edited November 25, 2021 by Loving Radiance

[Michael569]

2 hours ago, ZenRising said:

when I was about 15 my dad revealed that I had a half-sister he'd just forgotten to bring up.... jeeeesusss...

damn! holy shit that must have hit you like a rock! 

34 minutes ago, Loving Radiance said:

I already had my amalgam fillings in my teeth during the pregnancy with you sparrow, but they are safe."

Hmm yeah...I think many of our moms did. Plus add to that the entire period of breastfeeding as mercury is known to appear in there as well 

I think it's only gonna get worse to be frank 

[Loving Radiance]

18 hours ago, Michael569 said:

I think it's only gonna get worse to be frank

You mean with chemicals being cast into nature for us to ingest? Or do you mean the things our parents know which we don't know?

[Michael569]

59 minutes ago, Loving Radiance said:

chemicals being cast into nature for us to inges

this ^ 

[Michael569]

Short y outdoor workout routines for mobility, speed, endurance, strength and coordination. #covidfriendly 

Definitely need a better microphone and a better camera

 

[Michael569]

Latest vid 

[Michael569]

I've been going deeper with my childhood conditioning program than ever before. A long session of deep shadow work returned me to a place where I often experienced anxieties and insecurities as a child. Where I wasn't listened to and where my voice was ignored and not important. Now I could observe my old me anxious and every fearful. But this time I was there to guide him. 

Now I've reconnected with my 10-year-old me and together we put an end to a long strain of bad memories. We burned old stuff in an imaginary fire barrel outside in our backyard and we watched those memories, fake trophies and other pile of emotional garbage burn and lit out the entire backyard under a cold but cloud-less night sky.  A stone has lifted of my soul. I've helped him push over obstacles that he was neither strong nor conscious enough to deal with himself back then. We parted with a hug but not before he handed me a short written letter saying "thank you for doing this with me". I've been returning to that memory a lot lately in my meditations. It felt good to do that. 

I've pinned a memory of that event to my corkboard as a reminder. Ever-time I look at that picture, I get a small lump in my throat. I gues something really happened in that shadow session but time will show how profound it was. 

[Michael569]

 I've been spending ungodly amounts of time here, on Facebook, on Instagram and just circling from one platform to another while leaving the important work uncovered. I haven't been doing as much researching & blogging as I'd like to. I definitely haven't been reading as much as I need to and want to. I haven't put enough effort into more creative work, creating more material for my client and being a better practitioner. I also haven't ben dedicating as much time as I should to the childhood conditioning program I'm going through. 

Rapidly cutting down on social media is the way. And so until further notice I've decided to: 

• Cut down forum usage to 2 visits per day neither exceeding 15 minutes 
• Take a break from Facebook - logged out, deleted saved passwords, deleted the app 
• Take a break from Instagram - logged out, deleted saved passwords, deleted the app 
• Take a break from Twitter- logged out, deleted saved passwords, deleted the app 
• Deleted Youtube app on the phone and cancelled Youtube Premium to prevent binging 
• Netflix - No solo-streaming on my own. 

WHAT IS ALLOWED 

• WhatsApp - to keep in touch with clients and friends 
• Youtube -  ONLY for uploading new content once a week via PC and watching videos of the people in my YT accountability group. 
• Viber - this shitty app is not a distraction but my family refuses to use WhatsApp for communication so I'll be keeping it. 
• Some video gaming - this is a nerdy habit I am keeping for now. I like to play DayZ with a buddy of mine and it is a form of socialisation and catching up on a lot of interesting stuff since we both live on a different continent. For now, that stays in but I am limiting my gaming to DayZ only. 

And there goes the 15 minutes