150ug LSD Trip Report - Experienced Ego Death for the 1st time

[7thLetter]

This is my 3rd time doing LSD, I created a trip report last time on both my back to back experiences on LSD. You could find my first trip report here: https://www.actualized.org/forum/topic/44301-trip-report-trying-lsd-for-the-first-time/#comment-556715

Picked up a new batch of LSD tabs from the same trusted source, tabs were 150ug each. I already tested them myself with Ehrlich's reagent test kit. I decided to do it last Friday with a friend at his place in his bedroom. We didn't overly prepare for the trip, I thought I'd ask my friend 2 days in advance if he wanted to do LSD, this was his first time and he said yes. There are many psychedelic preparation videos or websites with checklists saying things along the lines of "meditate before tripping" "make sure you're in a good mindset," but we honestly took it spontaneously and it turned out very well. It was taken in a safe environment, and was with a close friend. Although I wasn't completely prepared for this trip, I feel that I was at least "ready" to take it and let go of any resistance to anything I experience. Last two trips I wrote about in my first trip report, I did one tab then two tabs back to back with 3 days in between. 1st trip was enjoyable, but 2nd trip I had a bad experience and was resisting too much. In this 3rd trip, I experienced "ego death" for the very first time on one 150ug tab.

Before the trip:

Before the trip, I was helping my friend with something work related, and we both agreed on taking the LSD 30 minutes later. Once we popped the LSD in our mouth at around 5pm I started to feel a bit of anxiety, but I just did some breathing and my friend told me he had some essential oil to apply to the eyelids to help with anxiety so I used that as well. We then just chilled and played a bit of video games on the computer. 25 minutes in I started to feel the effects, I felt like doing nothing at all as usual with psychedelics so I got on his bed and laid down. We shut off the computer, played some music and just literally did nothing but wait for the effects to kick in further. I felt an urge to sleep on his floor rather than his bed so I did so, he lent me a pillow. For a while we were trying to find the best music to play which we both would enjoy. I suggested piano, mellow music, but his playlist wasn't what I enjoyed so I asked if I could play music. Played some acid jazz music that I used to listen to on psychedelics, and the whole time I was wondering what he thought of my music. He said he thought the exact same thing when he was playing music, about how he wondered what I thought of the music. Later on I played some music that I listened to regularly and not an acid playlist, and he enjoyed it.

The Come Up:

I wasn't exactly keeping track of the time, but around 6-7pm is when I would say the effects were fully kicking in and when we were slowly reaching the peak. Nothing was making ANY sense to me at all. I was controlling the music but didn't know what was on my playlist anymore, and thought what's the point of finding a good song. I just played whatever was on my playlist and stopped caring, I also asked if I could play anything and he said yes because he wanted the experience for me to be as comfortable as possible, so I did. I saw a bit of visuals, objects were slightly twisting and saw some pink and green colors. At one point I was laying down, the experience was enjoyable so far but all of a sudden I thought of some past trauma with some stupid old crush rejecting me. I instantly got up, and started breathing to get my mind off of it so I could prevent a bad trip. Luckily I got my mind off it and laid back down.

The Peak:

Had no idea what time it was during the peak of this trip, but it might've been around 7 or 8pm. Once I entered the peak, I completely blanked out. I lost COMPLETE sense of my self, my memory, who I was, what I do for a living, all thoughts, all beliefs, EVERYTHING. This must've lasted an hour or so. All that was left was just sitting there in peace, as an entity. I didn't see anything, all I saw in my awareness is what you see when your eyes are closed shut in a lit room, it wasn't just completely black. I loved this, it was very peaceful. This experience gave me an idea of what death is like, complete nothingness. This reduced my fear of death, if I imagine what death of myself as a human is like, I imagine it to be exactly like this.

The Come Down:

At around 9:30pm, this is when the trip turned into a bit of a bad trip. But it wasn't bad because I saw something frightening, it was because I came back into my physical body after sitting in peace for some time. It was as if I didn't want to come back. I died, then I came back to life and it freaked me out. I remember yelling "Where am I?!" "What's going on?!" My friend was next to me saying "Everything's fine, you're in my room. We took LSD and we're tripping right now that's what's happening. I know exactly how you're feeling right now, at some point everything will be back to normal." That meant nothing to me, because nothing made any sense. 80% of my memory was still gone at this point. We were still tripping, so we spent an hour waiting for the effects to go away. During this time, my mom was calling and texting me because I was out for a while. I didn't answer, didn't know who it was or why she was contacting me. I was trying to remember my life but I was having a hard time. I had some Chipotle I was eating, had no idea why I was eating it but it the back of my mind I knew I had to finish it. My friend brought me into his living room so we could talk, but I honestly did not know who he was or why I was there. Sounds like I'm joking but I'm serious. It was a weird feeling, it felt like I was in some random person's house who apparently knows me, but in the back of my mind I knew things would be okay. But at the same time my mom was contacting me and it was making me feel concerned about where I was. After I finished my food, my friend wanted to go out for a walk. It was around 11pm, it was dark outside. Stepping outside felt foreign to me. This is when I realized I left earth for some time and now I'm back for the first time in awhile. Everything I saw felt a bit new to me. Or it felt like I forgot about these things and are now reminded of them after a long while. Such as cars, ambulance sirens, roads, etc. We walked to the park, I was dead silent, I barely talked to my friend because my mind just wasn't clear and I can't converse after doing psychedelics. He started to assume things, maybe somethings up with me. But later on I cleared things up and got rid of his assumptions. It seemed to me like he was completely fine and didn't experience the same thing I experienced. We then chilled, talked about life until 2am, I was still only 90% back to life, slightly tripping. We called myself a cab, I forgot coronavirus was a thing, the driver told me to sit in the back seat. I got home, and I was up until 8am scrolling through social media and Youtube. It was honestly so strange to me, looking at people do human things on the internet holy shit.

Insights/What I've gained from this trip:

• I now have a general idea of what death is like, or what it could be like. This resulted in a reduced fear of death.
• Might be too early to say but I may have gotten over some trauma that I've been suffering through for several months. I had a crush on a girl from work, she seemed into me but I messed it up with my neediness so she basically told me to fuck off.
• This experience made me love myself more and love the little things about life
• More motivation to pursue spirituality

[Leo Gura]

Sounds like you took too much.

Start with small doses and contemplate reality. There is little point in tripping if you have no clue what is happening.

[7thLetter]

@Leo Gura How could I know what's happening if I lost my sense of self?

[Leo Gura]

2 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

@Leo Gura How could I know what's happening if I lost my sense of self?

LOWER YOUR DOSE, and CONTEMPLATE.

[The0Self]

150ug may seem like a fairly low dose but I have had a similar experience to yours from 110ug where there was such memory suppression there was just a white-out. Ego death for sure but as a result of memory suppression it seemed. There was a lot of past life regression type stuff happening at some point but other than that it was a “white-out.”

[7thLetter]

@Leo Gura Oh well I still experienced death and healed some past trauma. I don't understand why there's "little point" to that, that's pretty significant is it not?

[Leo Gura]

@7thLetter It would be even more significant if you understood what was happening to your consciousness, and why.

[7thLetter]

@Leo Gura We all learn from experience.
1st time I took one tab it felt weak like a marijuana high, 2nd time increased it to two tabs but it was too strong I had a bad trip. This time I lowered it to one tab again and had no idea it was gonna hit me like a truck. Picked it up from the same dealer.

[Grateful Dead]

13 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

@Leo Gura  and healed some past trauma.

How did you heal your trauma? Was there a realization about the situation or something?

[7thLetter]

@acidgoofy I learned to love myself more.

Edited September 16, 2020 by 7thLetter

[Grateful Dead]

thats great! self love heals everything ?

[The0Self]

11 minutes ago, 7thLetter said:

@Leo Gura We all learn from experience.
1st time I took one tab it felt weak like a marijuana high, 2nd time increased it to two tabs but it was too strong I had a bad trip. This time I lowered it to one tab again and had no idea it was gonna hit me like a truck. Picked it up from the same dealer.

Sounds like you’re being smart with it. You might find your sweet spot somewhere down the line. I’ve taken anywhere from 10ug to 1000ug and somewhere along the way I discovered 110ug works best for my development. That’s the only dose I ever take now.

[Bazooka Jesus]

10 hours ago, 7thLetter said:

At around 9:30pm, this is when the trip turned into a bit of a bad trip. But it wasn't bad because I saw something frightening, it was because I came back into my physical body after sitting in peace for some time. It was as if I didn't want to come back. I died, then I came back to life and it freaked me out.

Hahaha, that's what it was like for me on my third LSD trip (it took me 300 mcg to get there, so congratulations to you on getting some good quality acid, lol).

When I had my first 'proper' ego death on LSD, the comeup was a completely blissful & dreamy melting away of my individual personality... but the comedown felt like being locked away in my old prison cell again after having tasted the sweet taste of freedom for the first time in my life. I completely freaked out, I was shocked by the restored sense of physical heaviness literally dragging me down, I was immensely digusted by feeling my sweaty body again -- and I had the sense that I just broke my brain by exposing it to some cosmic truth that I will never be able to unsee, and that I would spend the rest of my life in a nighmarish hell state of psychosis, walking around as a prisoner in my own body. It really felt like I just took a big juicy bite from the apple that fell off the tree of Knowledge, and now I was going to be punished for this unspeakably sinful trespass, for having comitted the biggest crime in the history of the universe.

And then the acid started to wear off. LOL!

(I got really interested in the phenomenon of schizophrenia for a while after this peculiar experience and even went to the library in order to read books on the subject, because being caught up in this eerie twilight zone between cosmic and personal consciousness indeed felt very 'schizophrenic' to me. - But don't you worry, as soon as you'll have a couple of ego death inducing trips under your belt, you will get more and more used to this switching between different states of consciousness... to the point where it feels almost like flipping through TV channels. And the more you learn to stay chill and level-headed during your trips, the more you will be able to gain valuable insights from them.)

Tldr: Keep at it, holmes!

Edited September 16, 2020 by Bazooka Jesus

[Ry4n]

13 hours ago, The0Self said:

Sounds like you’re being smart with it. You might find your sweet spot somewhere down the line. I’ve taken anywhere from 10ug to 1000ug and somewhere along the way I discovered 110ug works best for my development. That’s the only dose I ever take now.

Yea never found much of a reason to take such big doses especially since like Leo said one might just end up not knowing wtf is happening which is just the worst honestly. Would be better to stay within the 100-300microgram range and just meditate/contemplate a fuck ton in the midst of the experience. Alternatively 80-100 mics can be useful when doing the same but I could never enter that ego dissolving point, but definitely helps spark some creative inspiration. 

[The0Self]

12 hours ago, Ry4n said:

Yea never found much of a reason to take such big doses especially since like Leo said one might just end up not knowing wtf is happening which is just the worst honestly. Would be better to stay within the 100-300microgram range and just meditate/contemplate a fuck ton in the midst of the experience. Alternatively 80-100 mics can be useful when doing the same but I could never enter that ego dissolving point, but definitely helps spark some creative inspiration. 

Very important to getting the ego dissolution effect is waiting at least 10-14 full days between doses. But yeah, I’ve rarely if ever had past life regressions or ego death occur with less than 110ug.