Fine Line Between Being Nice And Being A Pushover

[spicy_pickles]

Where do you draw the line?

I am starting to realize that there's people I can just forget about; and those that mean something to me. Problem is, I still feel that twinge of guilt if I tell myself - this person clearly isn't worth my time or energy, they do not reciprocate my generosity, forget it. I feel like I should just be that good person, you know?

[How to be wise]

5 hours ago, spicy_pickles said:

Where do you draw the line?

I am starting to realize that there's people I can just forget about; and those that mean something to me. Problem is, I still feel that twinge of guilt if I tell myself - this person clearly isn't worth my time or energy, they do not reciprocate my generosity, forget it. I feel like I should just be that good person, you know?

You have to be independent of the good or bad opinions of others 

[MIARIVEL]

@spicy_pickles The thing about giving people too many chances is that we are showing them that their unacceptable behaviour is okay. If something doesn't feel right, makes you unhappy or doesn't align with your beliefs or values then its time to cut your losses. 

I mentioned in another post that I used to think I needed people and external things to make me happy or I could never be happy with just myself and my own presence. I used to get attached to people that I love and gave people more chances than they deserved, but in the end you are only hurting yourself and it really isn't worth investing your time, effort and energy into these people. Its normal to feel guilt sometimes because we don't want to hurt others but at the end of the day, we need to do what is best for us and move forward the best we can. 

You still have the choice to be a nice person, when people are being horrible to you, you don't have to sink on their level (although it is easy sometimes to react than to think rationally in the heat of the moment). Exercising mindfulness and challenging your thoughts, you learn over time and with practice that mean people have no effect on you. Learn emotional intelligence - its a great way to handle any situation. 

One of the hardest things I've had to learn is having peace within me and my mind. You can't always control what other people say or do but you can control how you react to these type of people and it pisses people off more when you don't sink on their level and react. Although sometimes it is hard to way away because of guilt and caring for someone, usually its the better thing to do for both of you... to just walk away. 

[spicy_pickles]

Thanks for your post. Excellent words of wisdom I am surely taking to heart. 

 

[Eelco1981]

@spicy_pickles You might also want to do some digging in the past and in your mind. See if there is a "Rule of thumb" that you oblige yourself. Like maybe someone in your past was very mean to you (father, teacher, classmate) and that from that moment on, you made this vow to yourself: "I promise that I will never ever be mean to someone like that person was to me". So now you are stuck with this vow and every time you want to cut someone loose, you are reminded of this useless vow that you should never be mean to anyone....

[spicy_pickles]

Very good point. I had a tendency to be overly nice and go out of my way to keep friends when I was younger. On the flipside, I remember how the so-called "popular" kids treated the less popular kids and it hurt me. I remembered how I felt when I was treated poorly and how sad I felt for the person who was treated poorly.