On the cusp of insanity or close to an important new level of awakening?

[Mvpjouney]

Hi All,

im struggling a lot with a new perception of life im experiencing. I recently did an LSD trip for the third time (about 3 months ago) that combined with 2-3 hours of reading / listening to @Leo Gura and a few others since then has led me to being in a states of fear that this world isnt real (probably 10% of my awake experience), and that its a dream (of sorts). i have been doing a lot of i am mediation, trying to get a deeper level of acceptance that my thought created self is not really me. Ive also have been having very vivid lucid dreams (once a week) one of those times i “woke up” multiple times, which has never happened to me before and reinforced how fragile this experience is seeming right now.
 

Although This state appears to be heading towards truth based on other accounts ive read on the forum im struggling with it a lot. Im not sure if this is normal and just an attempt of the mind to maintain existence or if im actually on the edge of going mad.. ive recently been thinking of just trying to get back to some level of groundedness by stopping the search for a while. Would be good to get some thoughts from you guys.. 

Edited August 10, 2020 by Mvpjouney

[Leo Gura]

Sounds normal.

Describe in more detail your "insanity".

Noticing that life is a dream is not insanity, it is sanity.

[electroBeam]

pfft that's not insanity.

You want real insanity? Take salvia or large doses of heavy psyches like DMT. It may give you a deeper appreciation for what real insanity is, so that when you have some standard mystical insights, you don't immediately palm them off as insanity.

Real insanity is dissociation. Its taking such a large dose of psychedelics that you forget who you are, where you are, what the world is, what survival is, how to walk, who your parents are, whats are threats, etc. 

[Mvpjouney]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Describe in more detail your "insanity".

I feel like im in a fake place, its frightening and it means that i cant trust my perception, i cant trust that the place where this experience is taking place is actually true, these replies im getting are not from my own mind. My girlfriends is not just a figment of my imagination.

 

i had a similar experience when i was tripping and it left shortly after the trip, but has been growing into something similar to what i was experiencing on that trip. Im struggling to “ground” myself is the best way i can explain it.

[Leilani]

It's not a dream in the way that you are thinking. Honestly wish people would stop saying that as it really doesn't help at all to tell someone that. What is happening right now is real. Your emotions and feelings are happening  it does no use to deny or discount this reality. Illusion is a part of reality. It is real just not permanent. Nothing is permeant because we are very creative beings and we get to create ourselves a new every moment.  It's temporary ever changing in a beautiful way. Just focus on love. Love those around you be love. Or be and demonstrate whatever aspect you want. Relax. Even if you think it to death and say it's a dream it's still all happening you can't deny that. You get to choose how you view each moment. Do you see the gift or not? You get to choose!!! Every new impermanent moment is an opportunity to choose what you want to BE right now! Love you

[Mvpjouney]

54 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

pfft that's not insanity.

You want real insanity? Take salvia or large doses of heavy psyches like DMT. It may give you a deeper appreciation for what real insanity is, so that when you have some standard mystical insights, you don't immediately palm them off as insanity.

Real insanity is dissociation. Its taking such a large dose of psychedelics that you forget who you are, where you are, what the world is, what survival is, how to walk, who your parents are, whats are threats, etc. 

Truly i don't doubt that at all, and im not meaning to devalue anyone else's frightening and insane experiences which im sure are the same or far worse than what im feeling right now (based on accounts of people that take those drugs it sounds horrible). But for me it feels like the world as i know it is falling apart. Im just looking for some clarity on if this is likely to pass or able to be integrated somehow so i dont feel like im a few days away from the looney bin.. practical steps to integrate this would be ideal right now, or just thoughts on if staying away from diving deeper is advisable until i can get some grasp on the situation..

[Nobody_Here]

Insanity and enlightenment are not mutually exclusive. There are cases of people having to go on anti-psychotic medications after doing psychedelics or even just a 10-day meditation intensive because they overdid it and they now need meds to function in consensus reality. Psychiatry would call them psychotic -- which shows how far psychiatry has to go -- but I think a better explanation is that they overdid it and their brains were not ready to process the hard facts that life is a dream and our world isn't real.

To be frank, these realizations are really, really difficult ideas to process even if you are ready. It's best to have some sort of spiritual teacher or spiritually aware therapist to help you navigate and integrate those facts into your daily experience. (Yes, spiritually aware therapists exist and are worth their weight in gold, but they can be difficult to find.) Until then, if I were you, I would lay off the psychedelics for at least a year or two and find a mentor ASAP to help you navigate these new levels of consciousness. 

[Mvpjouney]

@Leilani Thank you, its possible ive seen the teaching incorrectly and its led to a bit of a nightmare happening right now, the love is helpful ?

[Mvpjouney]

@Nobody_Here a mentor would be helpful. Your name doesn’t fill me with confidence if im honest based on the nature of my problem right now.. ?‍♂️

[Nobody_Here]

1 minute ago, Mvpjouney said:

@Nobody_Here a mentor would be helpful. Your name doesn’t fill me with confidence if im honest based on the nature of my problem right now.. ?‍♂️

LOL. Well, in the normal sense of the word, I exist, I'm on planet Earth, I am human. 

[Myegolikestacos]

If it's fear that feel, do some role play. Play it out in your mind, make it real and consider the worst possible scenario of that fear you experienced. If nothing is real then ...

When I  do this personally, I usually find that my worst fear aint that bad. 

[Leo Gura]

Yeah, well, reality is groundless.

Welcome to Infinity.

[Mvpjouney]

@Myegolikestacos my worst fear right now is that im alone, as that is my experience. Talking to myself.

[Display_Name]

you think the world isn’t real but your fear about it is?

[Leo Gura]

@Mvpjouney You're not alone, you're Together.

[electroBeam]

51 minutes ago, Mvpjouney said:

Truly i don't doubt that at all, and im not meaning to devalue anyone else's frightening and insane experiences which im sure are the same or far worse than what im feeling right now (based on accounts of people that take those drugs it sounds horrible). But for me it feels like the world as i know it is falling apart. Im just looking for some clarity on if this is likely to pass or able to be integrated somehow so i dont feel like im a few days away from the looney bin.. practical steps to integrate this would be ideal right now, or just thoughts on if staying away from diving deeper is advisable until i can get some grasp on the situation..

Practically speaking, its better to rip the bandaid off quickly rather than slowly. 

As hard as it may seem, "if you're going through hell, keep going" ~ Winston Church hill.

Clarity:

Everything that's wrong with you right now is thoughts. Thoughts telling you something is wrong. Drop them. Its not that things are falling apart, its that your thoughts are telling you things are falling apart.

Steps:

Not sure what your spiritual/meditation style is. But if its Love, then look at the present moment and remind yourself that its all love. Remember a time when you felt love in the past, then make that feeling bigger and bigger, until it envelopes your entire awareness field.

And at the same time, every thought telling you you're screwed somehow, let them go. Question them, go meta on them, etc. You're in a battle between truth and the devil. If you listen to your thoughts telling you you're going insane, the devil won. If you let go, then God will reveal himself as pure infinite love, and all of your problems will be solved. 

[Mvpjouney]

@Leo Gura I will try to focus on that. I have no reference point for this so its difficult. 

[Mvpjouney]

@electroBeam thanks for the practical advice, this does make sense to me, but as i said to @Leo Gura just difficult because of the lack of a reference Point. -
 

negative thought Patterns are certainly an issue Ive noticed since you’ve pointed that out.

 

i have been doing “i am meditation” which has helped to separate my story and my “self” ( self being the appearance at least based on the reference point that has shown itself beyond the ego “I”)  

Edited August 10, 2020 by Mvpjouney

[Greatnestwithin]

20 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

@Mvpjouney You're not alone, you're Together.

@Leo GuraCan you elaborate more on this abit on here, the being together?

Edited August 10, 2020 by Greatnestwithin

[Mvpjouney]

@Greatnestwithin Agreed some elaboration could be helpful for me to establish a reference if possible. ?

 

or a video link if easier.

Edited August 10, 2020 by Mvpjouney