Childhood trauma and a little adulthood trauma

[JayT79]

I have a serious issue with being in my head a lot and self negative talk that keeps my anxiety at medium high. I want to be at a stage when I can be calm majority of my life and enjoy life like everyone else is doing (or seems to be doing). The calmness I'm referring to is similar to a mdma high when the mind quiets down and everything is peaceful while being in the present moment. 

I also feel like my body needs to release trauma that's been in my body since the trauma effected my body when the trauma  (abused by my narcissistic father) happened as a young child ( at Age 6). When I say release trauma, I mean a physically sensation that I could feel and release and no longer have the trauma there. Is this something I can do on my own or would I need a specialist to help me achieve this?

Thanks in advanced for suggestion and advice.

[OctagonOctopus]

The self talk and tension in the body are usually connected. I find when I let go of one the other goes. 
Doing any kind of physical exercise and trying to surrender to being relaxed as possible well doing it can slowly burn away the tension. As well as just constantly letting go of the tension well going threw the day. It is a skill that takes time to develop, but such a worthwhile skill to.
I would defiantly recommend going to a therapist if it is a plausible option, just make sure you find one you vibe with. 

[studentofthegame]

hello jay. Trauma is what i'm studying now and i think it's a worthwhile pursuit. I recommend you do the same and i'm happy to recommend the resources i am using.

Good luck.

[JayT79]

@studentofthegame What resources are you using? I'm thinking of buying a book called Letting Go by David R Hawkins and see if it can help me out. Lots of good reviews 86% 5 star rating.

[studentofthegame]

@JayT79

In terms of books on trauma i have read or am reading:

The tao of fully feeling (pete walker) - i'd recommend you look into this one first

Homecoming (john bradshaw)

The body keeps the score (bessel van der kolk)

Next on my reading list are:

The drama of being a child (alice miller)

Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors (janina fisher)

There are probably another 5 or 6 books on childhood trauma i intend to read as well but i'll leave it at that.

Look at daniel macklers videos on youtube.

Personally, i spent a couple of years in psychodynamic, attatchment based talk therapy, and it has been invaluable in learning to process old traumas and to start treating myself very compassionately, which is essential if you are going to be your 'own' therapist. Which i believe is the goal.

 

 

 

 

 

[Espaim]

On 08/08/2020 at 2:27 AM, JayT79 said:

I want to be at a stage when I can be calm majority of my life and enjoy life like everyone else is doing (or seems to be doing).

Wow man!! The majority of people are not calm and on a quasi-MDMA high daily. From my experience what I see is varying levels of struggling. It's a wide spectrum. It can be reduced though through therapy and psychedelics and even MDMA.

I suggest you go through therapy first. I went to psychedelics and MDMA simply because it's cheaper and I think I'm responsible enough to do it. They proved to be very effective for self-acceptance and trauma release.

On 08/08/2020 at 2:27 AM, JayT79 said:

When I say release trauma, I mean a physically sensation that I could feel and release and no longer have the trauma there.

I can't speak on such intensity of trauma but on MDMA it was way easier to release traumas I had regarding bullying. Maybe you can study the psychology of traumas and take it again to help you release. On MDMA it seemed a one time experience for me. I released almost everything I needed to be free from my major blocks regarding socialization (bullying does that to you...). Leo has one video on trauma releasing. You could watch it and gaing some insight or even do the exercise on MDMA. IDK.

Edited August 14, 2020 by Espaim

[OctagonOctopus]

@JayT79  I would defiantly recommend that book, it help me let go of a lot of useless baggage. It help you understand how to grow your letting go muscles.

Edited August 14, 2020 by OctagonOctopus

[Nahm]

On 8/8/2020 at 1:27 AM, JayT79 said:

I have a serious issue with being in my head a lot and self negative talk that keeps my anxiety at medium high. I want to be at a stage when I can be calm majority of my life and enjoy life like everyone else is doing (or seems to be doing). The calmness I'm referring to is similar to a mdma high when the mind quiets down and everything is peaceful while being in the present moment. 

I also feel like my body needs to release trauma that's been in my body since the trauma effected my body when the trauma  (abused by my narcissistic father) happened as a young child ( at Age 6). When I say release trauma, I mean a physically sensation that I could feel and release and no longer have the trauma there. Is this something I can do on my own or would I need a specialist to help me achieve this?

Thanks in advanced for suggestion and advice.

You can do it on your own and or with a specialist. What is it that you would be doing... The misunderstanding is that how you’re feeling right now is because of a past. Hanging onto ‘that there is a past’ = hanging on to that you are the identity, the separate individual that things ‘happened to’ = believing the thought ‘I am the body’ = keeping the emotion suppressed ‘in the body’. Letting the belief in ‘a past’ go, is letting identifying with a past go, is releasing that energy from the body. 

It is a rather grave error on the path to hold a thought, a memory, of ‘the past’ (mdma) up and be comparing how you feel now to a thought. Feeling is never actually compared to a thought, that thought is being believed. It doesn’t feel good, so like any thought which doesn’t feel good, don’t believe it - let it go. Daily morning meditation is great for realizing some ‘space’ around thoughts / letting attachment to thoughts go...which again, triggers the release of emotional misunderstanding...and understanding that was obscured is realized. 

The belief & claiming of “my anxiety” is perpetuating the self negative talk. If you’re focusing on thoughts that don’t feel good to you, you must be goodness. If your being, who you really are, was neutral, you would not experience the relativity of thoughts as ‘positive & negative’. But you do experience thoughts as positive & negative, so start listening to feeling, and being radically more willing to let a thought go. Seems like there’s a whole bunch of thoughts to let go, but there isn’t. There is only one at a time, and letting it go is actually effortless. Any thought to the contrary, won’t feel good, and can appropriately as such, be let go. 

Letting go is not a psychological practice or tool, it is magic. It is playing with existence and creation as the creator of your reality.