AwakenedSoul444

Psychologist told me to not approach girls in public

21 posts in this topic

Posted (edited)

He's a cognitive behavioural therapist and I was going to him for social anxiety and OCD. He bascially said approaching girls in public will make me look like a crazy freak unless I know the subtle ways of how to approach girls. I also have aspergers.

It was kind of a bummer because how am I going to get a girlfriend, I can't ask them out at work too because I could lose my job he said lol. I'm feeling almost ready to do something like this I've been getting my life together recently.

Edited by AwakenedSoul444

 

Every dark night always has a bright end. 

- Author unknown

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Posted (edited)

You're already doing things that your psychologist deeply disapproves of. And you're not stopping anytime soon.

You're doing reiking healing, and practising mysticism. Go ask your psychologist about his opinions on those things. I bet ya he'll give you more meds lol. If you asked him to pick out of picking up girls or doing reiki healing, I bet ya he'd pick the first one. 

You will do things in this world that will earn massive disapproval from important people around you. Handling and having the courage to overcome disapproval is a super valuable skill you must cultivate if you want to be happier. Without pissing people off, disapproving them, even causing them to act violently against you, you're not gonna get anyway.

 

I'd suggest you dream up your worst nightmare. You do pickup, your family happened to be there accidentally, they get angry at you, your psychologist gives you more meds, and the girl calls the police on you and you go to jail. Try loving, accepting and embracing that possibility. Try to be at peace with it, to the point where it doesn't bother you anymore. Having been at peace with it, go out and pickup girls. 

Edited by electroBeam

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Lol

Rule #1: Don't talk about pickup to normies.


You are God. You are Love. You are Infinity. You are Leo.

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Posted (edited)

Most psychologists are honestly a waste of time. When they will start to integrate consciousness into their work, they will start to become helpful.

Edited by Raphael

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Maybe the psychologist is right in some way. 

Because you have stated mental health issues many times on the forum and social anxiety is very difficult. 

Before you get into pickup, get mentally prepared for rejections.. Because rejections are too common in this pickup game. 

Are you sure those rejections will not impact you mentally? Because rejection and bad social interactions can intensify social anxiety if you're not well prepared from the start. 

Sometimes even a single interaction with a stranger can push you off the edge, knowing how social anxiety works. 

I would suggest to take every perspective into consideration. 

 


Empower us to shape a world marked by ways of life that lead to justice and peace. 

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I agree that he may have a valid point. 

Randomly approaching girls with a needy agenda is often perceived like creepy. 

Also, if you want a girlfriend I don't think pick up is the way to go about it. Not saying it can't work but all my long term relationships have started when I wasn't actively chasing it. 

It may sound cliché but IME the bwst things happen when you go with the flow and let life go its course without trying to influence the outcomes.

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12 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

It may sound cliché but IME the bwst things happen when you go with the flow and let life go its course without trying to influence the outcomes.

First you must set the intention, attune to right lifeline by frequency, stay there, and then follow the flow. Not just following the flow. 

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@Rasheed maybe. I don't know if I did that. I just know that when I've stopped chasing and worrying about things like having a girlfriend, etc., it has happened. 

Of course you can't just sit at home playing video games and not taking care of your life and expect your life to be good that way. 

But I think you would have to be a natural at flirting or veeeery confident to not be perceived as needy or even creepy if you try to flirt with random strangers. That's why I think the psychologist may have a valid point. 

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Work on social skills by talking to regular people and strangers in a natural way. It must be difficult for you since you have aspergers...

Your psychologist is partially right, but you have to train yourself to be more comfortable in social interactions if you want to be successful with women. The only way to do this is to talk to new people frequently. Parties are the best way to do this but COVID has been cucking all of us...


Enter their minds, and you’ll find the judges you’re so afraid of – and how judiciously they judge themselves.

- Marcus Aurelius

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I would recommend to just ask for time. You will act less weird when you don't have any expectations.

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It's kind of hard to really comment on something like this. OP's psych knows him better than we do and maybe he gives off vibes that may cause him some issues approaching? I'm not saying this is the case but I just don't know cause I don't know him. 

OP, maybe just let it go and approach if you want to? Are you afraid to talk to girls in public and you were talking to your psych about it? Why not try and do it on your own a bit and see how it goes? You can also always just go out and just make it a goal to talk to everyone and be friendly with everyone. It can be as simple as just saying "hello" to someone walking past you. Start out small and work your way up. 

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13 hours ago, AwakenedSoul444 said:

It was kind of a bummer because how am I going to get a girlfriend

You don't HAVE to do pick-up (classic image of going deliberately solo to bars and clubs, or publicly approaching girls).

There is the main option of what 99% of men do which is getting with girls within your social circle of friends.

If you don't have those social circles of friends well, you know what to do.


"If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him."

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22 hours ago, Tom T said:

fuck your therapist!  

+1

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Go out and be seen as a crazy freak, then notice how life just goes on. ❤️

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lmaoooooooooo i once approached a social anxiety psychologist who told me not to approach girls in public 

they don't have nuance!! 

pickup can be done more consciously and has great benefits. exposure therapy!! social skills building!! rejection therapy!! etc.

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So how does he recommend you to work on those skills? or what approach does he think is best?

 

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@SgtPepper he told me to get a girl by mutual friends of my sister or to get into college.


 

Every dark night always has a bright end. 

- Author unknown

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@AwakenedSoul444 I would share with your psychologist how you felt when he told you not to do pick up. 

How he reacts to something like that is important and talking about this may be important to see if you can trust him and be yourself in therapy. 

What has worked for me in regards to girlfriends is going after the life I want (studyin something I like, starting hobbies, going out with friends I lime).

Eventually someone may catch your attention and if you're lucky and also play your cards well (develop confidence, are funny, etc.) she may also like you. 

That's how all my long term relationships started and most of my one night experiences (which haven't been many tbh).

My long term relationships started in high school, college and when I was doing a masters degree.

Only once did I talk to a complete stranger in a night club that I ended up making out with and after that I felt quite empty and back at square 1. I'm not too interested in making out with random girls and then never see them again. It's probably good to learn skills, but it doesn't fulfill me at all. 

So IMO a good approach is to keep working towards your desired life and create opportunities with girls that you like and that you already have some kind of connection with. 

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On 8/6/2020 at 5:32 PM, Lyubov said:

It's kind of hard to really comment on something like this. OP's psych knows him better than we do and maybe he gives off vibes that may cause him some issues approaching? I'm not saying this is the case but I just don't know cause I don't know him.

Yep.

@AwakenedSoul444 You need to get into a hobby or start volunteering somewhere you can meet people naturally. Plenty of girls love Aspie guys, but usually only after they get to know them and understand where they are coming from. Their fight or flight response is much more likely to get triggered in approach. After you get really good at interacting in more casual situations without any objective you can go back to trying to approach girls in public if you want. 


Light on Earth "Don't turn your head. Keep looking at the bandaged place. That's where the light enters you.
And don't believe for a moment that you're healing yourself.~ Rumi

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