Difficulty With Intimacy and Sex

[Dlavjr]

Before I even start, I'd like to preface this by saying I've already quit porn and masturbation. I've noticed that a lot of people on this forum instinctively give that advice and while it's helpful in some cases it's not the cure for all sexual problems, but I digress.

So for the past year and I half I've been single, not sexually active, and very focused on personal development and purpose. I recently made a connection with a girl who's been a longtime friend of mine and we're starting to get into relationship territory. Everything is fine and I'm very attracted to her, but for whatever reason my sex drive hasn't really been on my side. I have a difficult time getting into the mindset of being turned on, and that in turn makes it difficult to get an erection when the time comes. When I do manage to get an erection, it's not a full one, and when it is a full one, I focus so much on trying to keep myself aroused and erect that I finish quickly. If I don't, then midway through I just kinda lose it and don't want sex anymore. 

This is very strange for me because I am not an asexual man. I've had intimate relationships before, my last relationship was pretty sexually active during the times that it was healthy. I still feel horny, I still want to sexually satisfy her, but I just have a rough time actually getting into it and when I do I can't last. 

I know this is the one question men ask the most, I've been trying the solutions that I expect to hear such as breathing slow and deep, relaxing the muscles in the body, focusing on her, feeling into the moment, holding back ejaculation, slowing down or switching positions etc., I exercise and eat decent, but it's still strange to me how low my libido is, and I can't tell if I'm having subconscious stage fright. I try to joke it off when I finish quick or can't get it up. We've only had sex a few times but I know I can perform better so it's pretty frustrating. 

What are other factors? What foods lower libido? What raises testosterone? What are mental practices that I can do? I'd like to improve in any way I possibly can so that I can perform at my best, and I also want to feel sexually hungry again, I feel like I just don't care if I have sex or not but I want to be intimate and please her and experience that tight closeness of good sex again. 

It might also be worth noting that I have a lot of fears going into relationships in general and perhaps that can factor in as well. Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated. 

 

[Leo Gura]

What's your diet and exercise like?

You should get your testosterone levels checked.

And start supplementing with Maca.

Are you sure you even find this girl hot?

[Dlavjr]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

What's your diet and exercise like?

You should get your testosterone levels checked.

And start supplementing with Maca.

Are you sure you even find this girl hot?

I just started going to the gym again this week so I'm getting back into a routine, my diet consists of mostly meat, eggs, nuts and vegetables, but I'll be the first to admit I succumbed to too many nights of alcohol while quarantined which did me in pretty badly. 

I find her beautiful and I'm always admiring her but for some reason I don't have a lot of sexual drive. I'm always talking to and seeing incredibly sexy women just from going out and having friends and I can recognize their beauty but I don't have any desire to pursue anybody sexually. The relationship I have with this girl has a great foundation from years of friendship and I love being with her but I just could care less about sex in general, I have little desire to pursue it. When it comes to pleasuring her I'm ready to ravage her but I just have a hard time feeling stimulated myself. 

[Space]

@Dlavjr Have you tried retaining semen in between the times you're seeing her? If you're masturbating a lot that could be depleting your sexual drive to some extent. 

[Austin Actualizing]

I agree with Leo, get your testosterone levels checked. Plenty of info online on how to naturally increase testosterone. There are also supplements to increase levels of testosterone Tribulus, DHEA, Ashwagandha, Zinc etc. Maca and Yohimbe are great for sex drive/sexual performance. To help with ejaculation control and erection quality there is an exercise called "edging". Check out this article: https://www.pegym.com/edging-increased-stamina-penis-enlargement

@Dlavjr

[Dlavjr]

3 hours ago, Austin Actualizing said:

I agree with Leo, get your testosterone levels checked. Plenty of info online on how to naturally increase testosterone. There are also supplements to increase levels of testosterone Tribulus, DHEA, Ashwagandha, Zinc etc. Maca and Yohimbe are great for sex drive/sexual performance. To help with ejaculation control and erection quality there is an exercise called "edging". Check out this article: https://www.pegym.com/edging-increased-stamina-penis-enlargement

@Dlavjr

As a 21 year old, is it safe to supplement testosterone or should I just focus on doing it naturally? 

I've also heard of the edging technique, however I fear that if I partake in any sort of masturbation it's just going to make it more difficult for me to get aroused. When I was single whenever I did jerk off I wouldn't be horny for like a week.

[Dlavjr]

7 hours ago, Space said:

@Dlavjr Have you tried retaining semen in between the times you're seeing her? If you're masturbating a lot that could be depleting your sexual drive to some extent. 

I have not masturbated in a month and I haven't had the urge to since I started seeing her. 

[Abhishaik]

@Dlavjr 

2 hours ago, Dlavjr said:

I have not masturbated in a month and I haven't had the urge to since I started seeing her. 

I feel the same way and stop masturbating for a very long time when I start to catch feelings for a girl. I just don't feel sexual at all. don't know it is something to do with subconscious beliefs or the way my brain processes things.  

[Austin Actualizing]

2 hours ago, Dlavjr said:

As a 21 year old, is it safe to supplement testosterone or should I just focus on doing it naturally? 

I've also heard of the edging technique, however I fear that if I partake in any sort of masturbation it's just going to make it more difficult for me to get aroused. When I was single whenever I did jerk off I wouldn't be horny for like a week.

As long as you don't take the hormone testosterone itself it is safe. Also I wouldn't take DHEA (which is a hormone) before you get your test results back. If your DHEA comes out low then you can supplement with it. The other ones I listed are completely safe to take, they just aid in the production of testosterone. Search on Amazon or another online retailer for a test boost supplement. They are all safe to take. You can also consider taking Tribulus. As far as edging goes you don't have to finish, it's completely fine if you don't. If you go through this process and still have problems you could reach out to Michael569 on the forums. He knows a great deal about health and could probably help you if you are still having issues later down the line.

[cobalto]

Most of times , your dick is much more wise than you. If I were you, I d listen to my dick. Is telling you: she is not the girl

[F A B]

@Dlavjr I had the same problem a short time ago.

I knew it was not about low testosterone or about her level of attractiveness, but just performance anxiety. 

Writing down some thoughts has helped me solve the problem.

Just sit alone and ask yourself some questions like:

• Why do I put so much importance on getting an erection?
• Is sex all about penetration?
• Why do I feel less of a man if it happens?
• Why don't I allow myself to have some vulnerabilities like everyone else?
• Why do I fear taking my time? 

[GabbyD]

It is really sad