My Strong Determination Sitting Session

[Travis]

So I started out planning to do a one hour "do-nothing" meditation, and about 15 minutes into it I noticed pain in my feet developing from sitting still. I decided this would be a good time for a supercharged session so I started SDS.

I sat with the pain for the rest of the hour and watched the mind do its thing. Then something interesting started happening. I'd notice my resolve weakening; I really wanted to move my feet. I let the feelings pass, and I'd be okay with the pain for about 5 minutes when the next round of feelings and thoughts would arise. "Just stop. You don't have anything to prove. This is uncomfortable. This is really fucking uncomfortable." Then the thoughts and feelings would pass again, and I'd be left with a less stressed mind. 

I finally realized that what was happening was interesting... I said to myself, "does the pain in my feet actually increase, and that is what causes the thoughts and feelings to arise?" I believed no. That pain is a mental interpretation and sensations are all that are being experienced, but I wanted to see if I could become directly aware of this. So I said, ok, I'm going to focus on the sensations in my feet and I'll wait to see if the sensations become more intense, and thereby causing thoughts and feelings to arise in response to the increased intensity. 

Well, I didn't notice the sensations becoming more intense, but... I lost awareness of my feet for a moment and the thought train started up and started saying I was in pain and discomfort, and accompanying feelings started to arise. I sat with the feelings and thoughts and this cycle kept being repeated: I'd be accepting of the sensations in my feet (not totally accepting, mind you, but enough so that I could contemplate questions while being in discomfort), and then about 5 minutes later the thoughts and feelings would arise.

So, the valuable takeaways I gained from this session (I finally caved in and my digital timer went off literally 2 seconds after I caved! Damn it! haha):

1) I was able to make a clear distinction between how reality actually was (being aware of sensations in my feet) and how the thoughts and feelings interpreted reality to be (I'm in pain; this is really fucking uncomfortable; I need to quit; I NEED to quit; I can't keep going like this; how much longer can I take this? etc.), and going right back into awareness of the sensations after the thoughts and feelings subsided. Did anything change regarding the sensations in my feet? No. So did the mind contribute anything? Anything that I needed to be concerned or fearful of? Nope. The mind was just doing its thing like it always does--reflexively responding to its environment. No need to follow any of it.

2) What I really enjoyed about this particular thoughts/reality distinction was that I put myself in a stressful situation and I could feel the negative emotional cloud above me and the negative thoughts and feelings it would piss on me, and even then the distinction was clear. The mind is on autopilot doing its thing, all day, every day, when we're happy and when we're afraid. To buy into thoughts and feelings is to mistake them for reality--to mistake the map for the territory. We can disengage from thoughts and feelings at any time. Obviously this will take a lot more consciousness work, but I'm glad I was able to become clearer about what was happening in my direct experience!   

[How to be wise]

Every time I feel pain in strong determination sitting I just remember the marathon monks who sit motionless without food, drink or sleep for 7 and a half days, really really helps. In the future I'd like to try it.

also, recently I got the brilliant idea of listening to the Neti Neti episode from Leo every time I do strong determination sitting, it passes the time and also I could do self inquiry and meditation in the same time. 

[Travis]

@How to be wise

That's a good idea!

Also, at some point I'll probably do a sit while listening to his newest meditation video. And his one about creating an experience of no self.