Extremely frustrated about being a virgin

[docs20]

42 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Because on Tinder the women are there shopping for partners/guys, and THE ONLY THING they have to judge you on is your picture. So of course, when framed like that, every woman will choose the hottest looking guy.

By placing yourself like a piece of meat on Tinder, you lose 95% of your value unless you are in the top 10% of physically attractive guys. So the cost of you being lazy is losing 95% of your value. That's what you get for being lazy.

If you approach women in the real world, the entire dynamic changes.

Exactly, plus I'd add that even the good-looking guy requires a decent degree of game and personality to pull and fuck her when he meets her.

[LessonsSavesLifes]

@assx95 Hire a coach , online or bootcamps , whatever you can afford . 

problem solved assuming you will put in the work

[assx95]

@Preety_India @Gili Trawangan @egoeimai @Raze@Leo Gura @Kailash Bhattarai@Display_Name@remember@Mada_@w4read@Enlightenment@Username 

Thank you everyone, I have taken note

[AlwaysBeNice]

@Preety_India wrote some really good stuff.

All the safety they to think about, all the future security as well.

If a guy is without money, it's hard, he can get on with some help.

If a woman becomes vulnerable, she can be helped too, but she has the chance to be a abused, in almost every developed country even still, that's no joke.

_

As for attraction, learn deeper presence, only real way and then, meet them through social spaces.

I think cold approach can work but can be hard, also depending on where you live.

Even clubs are often extensions of social groups, often, but night life can work with the right chemistry sometimes.

And that's the trick, love is magic, it happens by it's own accord most through spontaneous resonance, can't be forced

----especially when you get into spirituality and become less interested into short pleasure and authentic, you may become more attractive,

but sex becomes less casual also.

Or you want to go deep, and many people are hesitant for that.,

Especially instantly, but that's how you become. But that's also the way to be attractive. Yet it's abnormal too..

So relationships then become about going deep, are so from the beginning, else you just extend your own shit, so you also happen to only want a partner that can fit well.

_ i still can crave easy sex (not that I am so enlightened but I am developed), but that's not possible to a casual woman 99% of the time, not appropriate.

So it's funny, you may get more attractive, and then you don't want it anymore.

Though or I still enjoy sexual encounters in dreams, a lot for years, it's basically the same, that's nice of God to help me out as this young guy.

Or ye go to a hooker ? That's where sex also can happen without all the other stuff involved, but idk, and then you'll probably see such sex ain't worth much anyways, better to practice even then to just loving her without want, non even sexual perhaps, for much better result, truly, and the hurt they may have gone through as well.

Not to mention the drama you can get yourself into! Emotionally attached etc. She gets hurt, her family, allegations possibly etc.

That's kind of common too you know.

As for virgin, who cares, a lot of people are virgins  and especially when it comes to meaningful or relationship anyways, and all statusses have to be burned now or later.

[Katlicitas]

Everybody, every woman wants to feel valued.
Do not approach women because you want something from them, approach them, because they are already giving something to you, because they are of value to you. Approach them because you enjoy their company and want to get to know them. Why the hell would anyone be attracted to you, if you just see them as a piece of meat, a means to an end?
You cannot expect other people to just give you what you desire, without offering something in return. Paradoxically, at the same time, stop treating human relationships as a transaction.

[Pallero]

10 hours ago, assx95 said:

I feel this very clearly. It's baffling to me how I want to have sex with so many women, and none of them want to have sex with me. I am constantly texting girls. And I felt bad that the girl I really liked, turns me down, saying something like she has higher priorities than being with me even for a short while. That's kinda tragic. And the other one straight up told me to fuck off. And some others would suddenly stop replying to my texts. Having feelings for someone who treat you like trash, kills the vibe completely. 

Most women have it so easy. They just to need to text that they want to have sex, and there is a good certainty their wish will be taken care of. Whereas, I have to go through this long process of initiating conversations, texting and keeping in touch, cause they don't even make an effort to connect back. And there is no certainty. I have been absolutely crushed in the process. 

In theory, I do know that I am not entitled to sex or romantic love. And I need to take 100% responsibility and stop being a victim. Fuck me, if I don't try. And trying isn't helping. And I am not doing any more masturbation to just dissipate the frustration and make me docile. And I am not willing to pay for sex either, not because of the money, I can pay that, but i could have sex that way, but is that woman going to be make me feel like I am being loved? Probably not. 

I don't need pickup advice. Give me mindset changes if you can. I'd really thank you for that.  And please don't pity me. Treat me like you treat someone normal. I am about to be 25 btw. 

It sounds like you are going after the wrong girls. It sounds like those girls don't like you. So why should you waste your time on them?

"Whereas, I have to go through this long process of initiating conversations, texting and keeping in touch, cause they don't even make an effort to connect back. And there is no certainty. I have been absolutely crushed in the process."

^This is not how it should be. You should not have to work so hard. If you have to go through this, you are not approaching the right girls. These girls will never like you so you are completely hitting your head against the wall over and over again. It will drain you, crush you and destroy you and you will never get what you want.

The mindset change is this:

Let's assume that you are going after the wrong girls. Ask yourself, how is this true?

How would you like this process to be for you?

Why do you let these girls treat you so badly? Why do you insist on going after these particular girls?

What bad thing would happen if you went after someone who actually liked you back?

I hope this helps!

[Lindsay]

10 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

Women don't have it easy. That's why a lot of them say no 

 

 

Seriously agree.

A lot of women feel vulnerable about intimacy and usually they associate sex with love, trust, and the desire to feel close. 

I feel like sex for most guys is more about pleasure, excitement, and release.
 

In science, women can only get pregnant once at a time and it’s a long drawn out process. 
 While men can impregnate an unlimited amount of women on any given day. 
 

In the case of natural selection it makes sense for a woman to be picky of her mate if she wants her offspring to thrive and survive. Select an attractive mate (signs of health and good genes) while keeping in mind their ability to help provide. 
 

If it’s just sex you want. Lower your standards and flirt with women with low self esteem who are over weight. ? I don’t want to recommend that, it’s a heartless approach. 

[lostmedstudent]

so i understand a guy can build up his attractiveness by doing pickup and socializing with girls in public. so what can a average looking or even below average looking girl do to find love or partner??

[Lindsay]

Work on self esteem, self love, self worth, and confidence. Be fun to be around by being your authentic self. Take care of your appearance, personal hygiene, dress nice, smell nice. Have a secure attachment style or work on improving yourself if you are jealous, controlling, or needy.  

Edited July 6, 2020 by Lindsay

[Preety_India]

 

@lostmedstudent

She can do the following 

• She can work on her appearance. I don't wish to chastize. Every woman is beautiful in my eyes. But if I had a younger sister, I would have advised her to take care of her looks and body, not in a shallow way, but to raise her self esteem and make her feel better about herself. 
• I would have told her to cultivate other qualities that will make her feel great like learning skills, art, dance, flirting, seduction, being humorous. Because personality also matters 
• I would tell her to socialize with a lot of men so she can get a hit. At least one man will want to look beyond her average looks and appreciate her for who she is. 
• And most importantly I would tell her to love herself, man or no man. 

 

[Farnaby]

I agree with others who said to work on your self-esteem, socialize, work on your life purpose, find your own style of flirting and seducing that feels genuine to your personality. 

When you become more confident and happy with your life, you will naturally be more attractive. 

I agree with you: having sex with a prostitute will probably not solve anything, because this is about being more comfortable in your own skin, not about some short-term pleasure and release. Also, you won't learn any skills this way, because you only have to pay. 

If you have a hobby, you could find a group that shares the same interests and get to know new people (girls included) and learn how to vibe with them through direct experience. 

From your title, I feel like your frustration with yourself because of being a virgin might be leading you to pursue girls in a needy way, with the expectation that you will finally have sex and stop feeling bad about yourself. This is probably noticeable, especially by women who tend to be more intuitive and who are probably noticing that you're not genuinely interested in them. 

Also, inspect how you react to rejection. No one likes to be rejected, but you can learn to tolerate it without reacting out of frustration, because that's not attractive for women at all. 

Trust me, everyone is capable of getting laid. You won't stay a virgin your whole life if you start working on yourself. 

Good luck!

Edited July 6, 2020 by Farnaby

[Mada_]

@Kailash Bhattarai Yeah it's a scary move isn't it. The girl I approached was sitting on a bench in a park, and I was hesitating for maybe 15 seconds, then I just walked straight up to her and introduced myself. After the interaction was over I felt like I could do anything. 

 

[Leo Gura]

3 minutes ago, Mada_ said:

After the interaction was over I felt like I could do anything.

That feeling....

[Hello from Russia]

51 minutes ago, Mada_ said:

@Kailash Bhattarai Yeah it's a scary move isn't it. The girl I approached was sitting on a bench in a park, and I was hesitating for maybe 15 seconds, then I just walked straight up to her and introduced myself. After the interaction was over I felt like I could do anything. 

 

I once approached the girl at stage, that was singing in front of 500 or so people in the park. I did it in like 20 seconds or so after she finished her latst song. I told her that ive never seen someone as cute as her and I want to see her face again. She reacted very positively and added me in social media.

Oh boy I felt like a conquerer after that approach. I felt like I could do anything as well. This fear completely shuttered all my fears. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

21 hours ago, Katlicitas said:

Everybody, every woman wants to feel valued.
Do not approach women because you want something from them, approach them, because they are already giving something to you, because they are of value to you. Approach them because you enjoy their company and want to get to know them. Why the hell would anyone be attracted to you, if you just see them as a piece of meat, a means to an end?
You cannot expect other people to just give you what you desire, without offering something in return. Paradoxically, at the same time, stop treating human relationships as a transaction.

this is extremely on point. this answer ends/wins the thread. /eod

[WaveInTheOcean]

fuck me, fuck peter ralston, fuck leo gura, fuck jesus

Teal Swan is awake beyond awake

watch this, thank me later
 

 

[WaveInTheOcean]

21 hours ago, lostmedstudent said:

so i understand a guy can build up his attractiveness by doing pickup and socializing with girls in public. so what can a average looking or even below average looking girl do to find love or partner??

the same as guys do. self-development. Nothing is sexier than a girl who is awake/extremely intelligent/shows no fear =D of course some fear she has to show in intimate moments, otherwise the man (the masculine ego) will feel useless=D

Edited July 7, 2020 by WaveInTheOcean

[WaveInTheOcean]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

That feeling....

Yes. This is it. 

All guys, you see it? You shouldn't do "pick-up" / date girls because you want sex or w/e. You should do it, because it is an extremely important part of self-development for a man, also if you want to become enligthened/awake. Of course, sex is a nice carrot/bonus, don't forget that, but that's not the primary objective here.

The feeling you get after overcoming one of your worst fears is identical to the feeling you have 24/7 when you have truly awakened. True peace, true confidence, freedom.

Insecure men/virgins/many dudes they have an extreme fear of rejection.

The hotter/the more interested they are in a girl, the more extreme the fear becomes "but what if she rejects me?"

What to do?

Step 1. Realize that the fear of rejection is 100% irrational. Either she says "yes" to you, or she says "no" to you. In either case you haven't lost anything, and in the first case you have gained something. You GOT NOTHING TO LOSE. Be brave man. Go into that fear and let it destroy you/enlighten you. Even in the second case, you only gain something: PAIN. And pain forces you to learn and reflect and develop.

Step 2. Do it. And everytime you get rejected, just say fuck it and try again. Of course it hurts, Don't deny that. But pain is the messenger, and the message is: Wake up! The more pain you go through in your life, the closer you are to awaken. No kidding. start today

Edited July 7, 2020 by WaveInTheOcean

[remember]

On 6.7.2020 at 6:16 PM, Lindsay said:

If it’s just sex you want. Lower your standards and flirt with women with low self esteem who are over weight. ? I don’t want to recommend that, it’s a heartless approach.

then why do you recommend it? there are guys who love girls who are more on the round side, and there are actually girls who have self esteem in their body weight, with curves. what is overweight?

and where might it be lacking?

you just fell into the trapp of reverse female shaming. stop doing that - you probably do that to yourself aswell. or lindsay is not a female name.

you could equally ask him to find someone with bulemia, because these girls also have a really bad self esteem, they are just not very open minded getting approached.

Edited July 7, 2020 by remember

[Zak]

On 7/6/2020 at 1:25 PM, Leo Gura said:

@Kailash Bhattarai Why is a wolf asking a rabbit what rabbits think about wolves hunting rabbits?

Ahahahaha!

Edited July 7, 2020 by Zak