DefinitelyNotARobot

Proper motivation for meditation?

17 posts in this topic

So I've been meditating since last august and I have been pretty consistent with sticking to my daily routine. But recently (about a month ago) I lost ALL of my motivation for meditating. Like 100% of it. I've stopped meditating since.

The trigger for it was a simple realization. It was the answer to the question WHY I was meditating. I was meditating because I wanted people to like me. I was looking for validation. I wanted to improve myself for others. My entire motivation for meditation was that I couldn't accept myself the way I was. This motivation felt so shallow and empty. Once I realized this I lost my entire drive. I didn't even think about meditating once.

I've been doing pretty good since I stopped meditating. I obviously experienced some drawbacks like a foggy mind and more unstable emotions, but I've actually felt slightly better since. I feel more accepting of myself.

At first meditation was pretty calming and nice, but over time it devolved into a thing I did just for the sake of doing it. I was just trying to get it off of my checkbox so I could feel better about myself. I had to force myself to sit through it. It wasn't enjoyable at all. But I continued because I couldn't accept myself the way I was. I wanted to change. Meditation was a way for me to destroy myself. I wanted to destroy and shatter my ego. Basically all I wanted was to commit and"ego-suicide". I was hating myself so much that I tried to literally meditate the "me" out of existence.

When I realized this meditation started feeling really toxic. So I started embracing my emotions and my urges. I started eating unhealthy, played more video games, watched a lot of YouTube videos that didn't offer me any value to my life and did all the unhealthy and unproductive things I could think of. It was kind of an experiment. I wanted to see what would happen if went into the opposite direction of where I was going at that time.

The result was surprising. I actually felt quiet good. I felt an increase in self-acceptance. Like I wasn't trying to constantly change something about myself for once. Like I wasn't bullying myself for the way I was.

It looks like I have made a few steps back in life, but it feels like I have made a few steps forward when it comes to having a better understanding of myself. I understand that there is no hating the ego away. I shouldn't see the ego as an enemy that should be destroyed. A part of me treated the ego like it's the devil. Like it's this evil thing that will destroy me if I don't destroy it first. I still have problems with self-hatred and such, but stopping my meditation practice feels like the best decision I made in months. This month felt more refreshing than the last months of meditation did.

A part of me wants to continue to meditate, though I don't want to go back to forcing myself through meditation each day. If I am going to meditate I want to enjoy it. I was seeing a lot of benefits that made me feel better. I had a clearer state of mind, was more patient and all those benefits. But it's not enough to get me to meditate. Even seeing improvements in those areas seem so shallow and pointless. It seems that most of my motivation came from negative emotions. The more I accept and embrace these negative emotions the less I want to actually sit down and meditate.

SO...

1.) How do I find something that motivates me? I still feel like I "should" meditate because it's good for me. But I want to meditate because I want to, not because I should.

2.) How do I have a strict routine while also accepting myself? Let's say I wake up and I REALLY don't feel like meditating. Before I would still sit down and meditate, because fuck myself and what I want and what I feel.

3.) How do I learn how to enjoy meditation? That's a weird one. I mean you can't show me how to enjoy it, I have to find out for myself, but I'd like to hear a few tips on that.


beep boop

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Many people develop a spiritual pride after gaining some insights. They start thinking that they know or that they can grasp something. Beginner's mind in everything, humble down, then you can observe the world with curiosity.

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22 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

1.) How do I find something that motivates me? I still feel like I "should" meditate because it's good for me. But I want to meditate because I want to, not because I should.

Start seriously questioning why it is so difficult to just sit and do nothing. What IS that thing existentially that creates so much resistance towards to simple act of sitting in silence? Don't you find is odd? And don't brush this off, I mean don't you find it REALLY FUCKING ODD that there's some part of your direct experience that is so averse towards you sitting down and doing nothing? I'd be really suspicious of something like that and be curious about exploring it more deeply. In fact, this phenomena is representative of our entire collective society. We are all GO GO GO 24/7, but why is this the case?

It's like we're heroine addicts except our addiction is distraction. I would argue part of the reason meditation is so difficult is that you're going through withdrawal symptoms. Don't except these symptoms to just randomly disappear over the course of a few months. No, this is going to take serious training and intervention to get rid of. Progress isn't going to be linear. Progress will ebb and flow over time as you slowly un-addict yourself to the drug of society and its myriad of shiny distractions and quick dopamine hits. 

In terms of motivation, there really is no higher motivation than wanting to understand yourself and wanting to be happy. Let the curiosity of your own being fill you each time you sit down. You could sit down for 2, 5, 10, 20, 60 minutes, doesn't really matter. Quality > quantity. Recognize that you truly DON'T KNOW what you are, or even who you are. Moreover, realize that happiness based on the external world is doomed to be lasting. The outer world is utterly impermanent. Until you see that happiness resides inside and not out, you will always be chasing the outer world, caught in the addiction cycles of our culture. 

And here's a motivational quote for ya, "Quiet the mind, and the soul will speak." – Ma Jaya Sati Bhagavati. 

When your mind finally starts to quiet, only then will you be able to hear yourself. 

30 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

2.) How do I have a strict routine while also accepting myself? Let's say I wake up and I REALLY don't feel like meditating. Before I would still sit down and meditate, because fuck myself and what I want and what I feel.

You just fucking do it dude. Meditation is able accepting all that arises, including resistance. Accept that your motivation for meditating is a higher tier motivation than the resistance. Accept that your motivation for meditation is coming from a place of authenticity you can trust and that the resistance is coming from an ego which is trying to self sabotage. Even if you don't hit your desired time, sit down and gut through it. Eventually the resistance will tire itself out and you'll start entering into dimensions of reality you didn't know where possible. 

33 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

3.) How do I learn how to enjoy meditation? That's a weird one. I mean you can't show me how to enjoy it, I have to find out for myself, but I'd like to hear a few tips on that.

 I would start with the samatha based meditation practice outlined in "The Mind Illuminated." It's entire premise is focused on cultivating pleasure, happiness, and joy from meditation through the stabilization of attention. After you've done this method for a minimum of 6 months, I would recommend slowly incorporating zazen/do nothing. If you want serious, lasting results, I recommend 60 minutes per day. 

The thing about meditation and pleasure is it is a marathon not a sprint. It will take a long time for you to reach a point where the majority of your sessions are pleasurable and don't have resistance. The trick is to be with the discomfort and the resistance, as this molds the mind and your discipline and is part of why meditation is such an effective teacher. 

Hope this helps. 

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7 minutes ago, Consilience said:

Hope this helps.

It really helps, that was really good! Thanks!

^_^


Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you?
1 Corinthians 3:16

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@DefinitelyNotARobot I go through periods where it is so hard to focus and meditate, that it feels like an accomplishment to meditate for 10 minutes. Other times I can just stare at walls for 30 minutes straight in complete bliss. Meditation is just about observing yourself and your surroundings to have more accurate perceptions. Maybe some mantras in the mix are good too, and having an entity to build a relationship with. Going outside can make it more enjoyable as well. 


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@DefinitelyNotARobot

Amazing man, so many insights you realised just by meditating ??

I can totally understand you, I was doing meditation for year or so just forcing myself into it and haven't enjoyed it. Of course it didn't work well, I guess. 

You are absolutely right, the most important factor in your life whether to do something or not should be enjoyment, foremost. 

At the beginning of any practice it is fine to force yourself a little though, to have some discipline around it for building a habit. 

What I can tell, only what worked for me:

1. Combine meditation with other practices. 

2. Find a raw model

I went with psychedelic path, so I had a few so called mystical experiences. Though I didn't have understanding of what happened in that time, it was just open-minded experiences. I've seen what is possible, so it was a really good source for inspiration to meditate. 

Once, really early in the morning I opened @Nahm's post on the forum called 'The Path&...' and it inspired me to do meditation as fuck. So, since that time I meditate daily. I started from just 20 minutes, recently I moved to 40 minutes, since I enjoy it so much. In the meantime I did quite a few psychedelic trips, so the meditation practice deepened so much..

Meditation is not what you do, it's who you are ??


What a dream, what a joke, love it   :x

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3 hours ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

How do I learn how to enjoy meditation?

By returning attention to breathing from the stomach. 

 

@dimitri ??


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2 hours ago, dimitri said:

1. Combine meditation with other practices. 

Any recommended practices? I've tried different things, but most didn't stick with me (probably because I didn't try for very long)

2 hours ago, dimitri said:

2. Find a raw model

What exactly do you mean by that?

2 hours ago, dimitri said:

Meditation is not what you do, it's who you are ??

Beautifully worded!

59 minutes ago, Nahm said:

By returning attention to breathing from the stomach. 

So I should basically try to keep it simple at the beginning?


beep boop

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7 minutes ago, DefinitelyNotARobot said:

What exactly do you mean by that?

I will be a translator ?, he meant a “role” model, an example to be imitated ?

Edited by Galyna

"All that we know is limited, something we don't - is infinite"

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4 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

Many people develop a spiritual pride after gaining some insights. They start thinking that they know or that they can grasp something. Beginner's mind in everything, humble down, then you can observe the world with curiosity.

Thank you...I have been going through it and the pride is so subtle that it even feels like that it's okay. Thank you for pointing it out.

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@Nahm ?
Thanks @Galyna, that's exactly what I meant ?
@DefinitelyNotARobot find what you enjoy the most. We are all have different preferences. I prefer the simplest practices, so just putting attention on a deep breath works perfectly for me. Apart from morning meditation routine in silence, sometimes, I love to do a guided meditation.
I really love this guided meditation by Rupert Spira: https://non-duality.rupertspira.com/listen/kiss-the-toad


What a dream, what a joke, love it   :x

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For most it's a choice to live a life of peace, injoy and creativity over the petty existence of shame, hatred and non-acceptance. It's all up to us. We can be higher than angels or lower than devils.


 explain grammar to an alien ?

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@DefinitelyNotARobot   Sounds great that you let yourself stop meditating.  Part of the process.  

1.  Motivate yourself out of curiosity.  Wonder how silent you can be in meditating, wonder what thoughts will come up, wonder how your day will be different and what sincronicities will appear because you sat down and meditated, even if its just 10 or 20 minutes.  Think bad thoughts, think good thoughts, notice how what thoughts you choose affect your feelings... its pretty interesting.   Read Nahms Dream Board thread, really motivating to meditate!

2. Dont force yourself.  Go ahead and do it later, or do it for 5 minutes, or just try to remind yourself to breathe consciously many times per day. Maybe if you dont want to meditate do something else consciously like walking, showering, eating, whatever, its REALLY good to do this.ç

3.  Find guided meditations that resonate with you, or spiritual teachers you like listening to.  A lot of times the meditations can be really powerful and also after a talk is finished you are left in a contemplative mood that helps you enjoy some meditation.

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