Deep rooted problem

[Zak]

Reading what I am about to say is going to make you feel better about yourself, because you wouldn't think people like me even exist.

I would start off by saying the most evil shit, which is I kind of like seeing people get hurt because of the emotional stress I bring to their lives and to even mine too.

Let me explain: Let's say there is this innocent girl I like. She is sweet, cute, kind and funny. I would go and attract her and make her fall in love with me. Will spend time with her. Once she get attached to me, I will start acting differently and make her sad. Her asking me, and crying for me is what makes me feel good. ?

When I was a child I liked to hit kids, hurt. Liked their reaction. In fact, I even one day pulled the chair from mom while she was about to sit. Evil.

That's one of the reasons why I never have connections (friends). Either they leave or I make them. I am fine with it. WHY??? AM????IIIII???? like this?

I am evil, I don't have emotions, I am not even connected to my mom, I don't feel.

My fear is, I will be a total failure because of this when I enjoy seeing sadness on people's faces. ( Sadness caused by me, emotional).

Please this is the only place I shared this. I need your opinions and comments. Thanks.

Things you should know:

- I was raped by someone, with my consent when I was kid.

- My sister has schizophrenia, my family or I may have it.

- My father isn't a successful man too. He doesn't have friends or connections too.

 

[egoeimai]

What you need is compassion and love in order to change those behaviors

[Preety_India]

The behavior you're describing is sociopathic and you will need to outgrow it to see real growth 

In some sense, whatever you are saying is very immature 

There is no fun in making people suffer. You're making a fool out of yourself.

Grow love and empathy because that's what's lacking in the world. We  have enough evil shit already. 

 

[Roy]

Have you considered you don't feel emotions because you fear them, especially love?

Anyway there is something deeper definitely going on. There is NO such thing as consent when you are a child, your brain is not developed enough. You were tricked & taken advantage of.

You need professional help. Please get off these forums and go search for some local services that offer therapy so you can talk about the event in depth and heal.

Edited June 29, 2020 by Roy