Stenne

Dealing whit shame

8 posts in this topic

What is the best way the deal whit shame? Any meditation techniques ?

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What are you ashamed of? 

There is no shame in being different than others. If we were all the same, we will be very dull and boring.

Realize that you are perfect the way you are.

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"Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difficult one." - Bruce Lee

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@stenne I created a topic on shame not too long ago trying to discuss the dynamics of shame in society. I think this is something that should be talked about more. 

 

 

Also, I recently came across a guy on youtube by the name of Dr. Peter Gerlach. He was a family and marriage therapist for 30+ years. He passed away 4 years ago but the content he left is pure gold. Talks a bunch about shame, trauma, and being a grown wounded child.

He also has a nonprofit website that talks all about this stuff. I'm listening to it now. Love it. I wish I would have come across this information sooner. 

 

http://sfhelp.org/

Edited by Ethan1

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@JosephKnecht mostly because people are far more developt and ahead than me in life. Shame keeps me stuck and paralise me.

 

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The topic of shame or toxic shame isn't exactly something most people want to discuss. It seems petty and silly on the surface. Most people are unaware to how deep it goes and how it impacts our belief system and day-to-day decisions. 

 

The fact you are asking this question is awareness. Thank you for posting this. 

Edited by Ethan1

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3 hours ago, Stenne said:

@JosephKnecht mostly because people are far more developt and ahead than me in life. Shame keeps me stuck and paralise me.

 

The only way out is to grow yourself. Feeling sorry for yourself won't help you. 

We all started from nothing. There is no shame in that. 

Watch Leo's videos on self-development. Read more books. Create a vision of who you want to become, and become That. 

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What @Parththakkar12 and @Ethan1 said are very good. I recommend Teal Swan's Anatomy of loneliness, in there: Part 3.

Shame is you thinking that some part of you is defective / undesirable / bad. And it originates from being rejected by others. For example, if you go out and approach a few girls for the first time and get rejected by all of them, you will view the situation through the lens of: there must be something wrong with me, I am a worthless man to women, because If I was a desirable / attractive / worthy then the women would have responded positively to me but the didn't. Sound logical, right? If you are unaware then this is the conclusion you will draw. But you still want to be liked by women, so in your effort to be desirable to women you will try to suppress and hide this "unattractive" part of you. And if you do this enough, then at some point the "unattractive" part of you will break off from your consciousness and become a separate fragment. You will become unaware of it, because it's now literally a separate piece of consciousness, the same way you and me are separate fragments of consciousness. This is how the subconscious mind or shadow is formed. This is essentially what shame is - you thinking some part of you is defective / bad / undesirable and you rejecting it from yourself and trying to hide it. And the solution to end shame is parts work - integrating those parts back into one.

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