(I’m writing this as an open letter to Leo but also intending to generate general discussion around these topics)   Hey Leo!  Really cool to have come across your work.  I’m pretty new to it, but we have a lot in common.  I’ve been interested in the same topics, so much so that I started studying Tibetan Buddhism formally at 21 years old (I’m 36 now) and later studied psychotherapy and meditation under an amazing teacher.  This guy was an advanced Zen practitioner (under Philip Kapleau) and had an awakening after basically a 10 year isolation retreat.  He then went on to study Gestalt therapy and the work of Carl Jung.  He also got his start by doing high dose LSD trips in the 70s.   I studied with him in my early 20s and then went on to study Gestalt therapy and eventually ended up finding Shinzen Young who I realize has also been an influence for you.  I’m now a practicing integrative counsellor and I pull from existential psychology, depth therapy, somatic psychology, and mindfulness as is more or less taught by Shinzen.   I’ve also spent a good deal of time in the ayahuasca scene, doing over 90 ceremonies and spending over 6 months on retreat (added up).   I’m explaining this for a few reasons.  One is to show how much I appreciate what you’re doing, I see you pulling this all together in your videos, and it’s refreshing.  Too many people get dogmatic about their approach and can’t see beyond their limited paradigm.  I think I’m quite lucky to have found the work of Krishnamurti as a teenager.  He’s still my favourite in that he sees the inherently limiting nature of sticking to any system or teacher.   In a recent video you were saying that now you must go it alone, and I really feel that if we are truly on the path to awakening then at some point we must do that.  We are after total freedom after all.   I do want to make a little side note, and I’m curious about your current reflections on this.  In a recent video you said you may have experienced a level of awakening beyond what Shinzen has.  Now I’m curious if you care to reflect.  In retrospect, do you think it’s possible that you experienced a level of awakening beyond what you previously perceived Shinzen as communicating, and not necessarily what he has experienced?  I just don’t see anything in your description that differs from his descriptions, so I’m imagining you are both limited by language and it’s possible that your experience is more similar to his experience than you originally thought.   I point you specifically to this video of Shizen discussing his experience of awakening, titled God’s arrow: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPnLDtHLymo   (also as a side note what you experienced also seems in line with what many advanced Tibetan Buddhist practitioners describe)   Also are you famailar with Lyn Hunstad?  He gave a great talk at a psychedelic conference years ago that seems to have disappeared from the internet.  He's been practicing Kashmiri Shaivism (a tantric tradition) and has also had many 5-meo experiences, and said that the 5-meo takes him to the exact same place, and is the only psychedelic to do so.  His work is interesting and more can be found on his website for anyone interested.   ***   OK moving on, I want to discuss states and stages.  Shinzen had his initial awakening decades ago.  He’s continued to practice and deepen his experience.  He has stated that his least concentrated state now is much deeper than his deepest state of meditation 20 years ago.  The man continues to integrate his experience.   One of his teachers, Sasaki Roshi, once said that he had 7 major awakenings in his life, and countless minor ones.  What they are pointing to is often how people assume they have arrived at ultimate reality, that there is no further to go, so they don’t continue to practice and deepen their experience.  Shinzen has said he doesn’t see any reason to believe that there is an end to it, that there is no final stage, that it likely keeps going, deeper and deeper.   Given this statement, then it’s not out of the question that you may have experienced a deeper state than Shinzen has, as he has never smoked 5-meo (would be really cool to see what would happen if he did!).  But getting to a deeper state is different than getting to a deeper stage.   (For the uninitiated, Ken Wilber has much talked about this states vs stages idea.  There are states of consciousness, and there are stages of development.  A state is a temporary experience, a stage is a base level of consciousness.)   Of course states can help one get to stages, they point the way, they clear the path.  But there’s also a danger.  If one is not at a developed and sturdy stage, there is a risk that the states achieved through psychedelic experience (or even sometimes meditation) can be very destabilizing and potentially harmful.   My old therapist used to specialize in spiritual emergence experiences, or often spiritual emergencies, where people would have jarring experiences beyond their ability to integrate.  It happened to her through meditation, where she basically had a 4 day dmt trip (not consuming psychedelics) that was painfully overwhelming.   The other risk is essentially the messiah complex, which I’ve seen a lot in the ayahuasca scene. Someone has a God experience and their ego is not mature enough to integrate it, the ego runs away with it, and they think they are the most special, they are the only ones who’ve had such profound realizations, or they are the chosen ones.   I’ve seen this many times, and many of my close friends have been through it.  I think their experiences are legitimate, but they are lacking a certain maturity and experience necessary to integrate it.   In Wilber’s model this would be the “Growing Up” and possibly the “Cleaning up” categories.  If you go too far into the waking up the others can fall behind, and that could be dangerous.   My old therapist said the way you can tell if someone is in a genuine spiritual experience vs psychosis based on if they are present.  If you can make contact with them, and feel them present, look in their eyes and feel them really there, then it’s genuine.  Often they are not fully present, they are getting carried away in the experience, their ego latches onto the awesomeness and we lose them.   Now Leo, in your recent video discussing your 30 day retreat experiment, you were mostly present.  But there were some moments at the start where I felt I was losing you.  This is not a criticism, this is me reaching out in care, and wishing you to be careful.  I think the fact you were able to do what you did and remain mostly connected and present is a testament to all the previous work you’ve done.  That being said, it feels as if you’re on a dangerous precipice.   There are a lot of people who look up to you and admire you.  You’re needed.  You’re an important figure.  I’m urging you to not get carried away on the “waking up”, and realize you still need to continue to work on the other aspects of your being.  Take your time.  A friend of a friend tried the same thing as you, 5-meo every day, and ended up in severe psychosis.  This stuff can sneak up on you.   If we can be certain of one thing, it’s that being put in the position of spiritual teacher can have some messed up repercussions.  Krishnamurti warned of this extensively.  Look at Adi Da, Osho, Sasaki Roshi, Sogyal Rinpoche, Andrew Cohen… These people lost touch with their humanity and the humanity of others.  These people should serve as a warning about unchecked spiritual teaching, about the feeling of transcending accountability, possibly transcending humanity.   We all need to be accountable to others, and this is especially true as we progress down this path.  I see you discussing the going it alone approach, and while I think this is the way to go for obvious reasons, I think you should still interact with people you trust who are willing to compassionately challenge you and your decisions.  You need this discourse... we all do.     To be clear, I’m not accusing you of anything, I’m just expressing concern at how dangerous the path you’ve chosen is, and feel you need to take appropriate steps to account for these dangers.  Find people you trust, who care about you, who will challenge you, who will question if what you’re doing is really in the best interest of yourself.  Isolating yourself totally during these times is dangerous, you can lose your footing in this world, and I've seen it happen to many people who've spent long periods of time in the jungle doing ayahuasca.  It's important to go in and out, come back to this world and integrate.  Titrate between the two, and notice when you are getting off balance.   The reason I’m being so adamant here is that if you were to go the way of the aforementioned teachers, it would be a huge loss.  The world needs integrated teachers who can be role models to the next generation of seekers.  You need to take this role seriously.  You need to exercise caution and be calculated in your recklessness (a little calculated recklessness can be great fun!).  Is the goal awakening completely on your own, or helping the collective awaken?  Think about this distinction.  I know they aren't mutually exclusive, but I believe it's important to be careful and keep the big picture in view.   OK man, this is what I wanted to say.  Please consider the importance of your role as a teacher and role model.  Thanks for listening.   Jude