JessiChell

Nightmares

47 posts in this topic

@Amit I meditate 2-3 times daily. I do need to work out though. But I've been allowing myself to be tired and sad. 

I just have zero energy from not sleeping. 


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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@JessiChell you need self-love of all, but because you don't realise it yet, it's difficult. Are you overthinking? 

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@JessiChell ofc it's alright. The insight is that ONLY  when you accept yourself , you can change. You certainly will change nothing by repressing and guilting yourself.

Love any "unwanted" aspect of your life to death. Repeat with me . When you accept yourself, you change. Repeat again. Step 2 is doing it at an emotional level.

I feel like I undersold the exercise I just told you in last post.

It is LITERALLY the anwser to all of your suffering, since it is self-inflicted. You won't think your way out of anything. You must feel your deepest triggers and release them with Love, maybe several times.

It literally is the anwser to all of your suffering. But this is as far as I  can help out. You gotta do the rest.

On the other hand, what do I know, I'm writing this in my underwear cos its like 33º here

 

 


Certified lazy skeptic and armchair philosopher

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@Amit Yes, I need self-love.

I think everyone on this forum lacks self-love, minus Leo. (And most people in life)

Otherwise, they would not be here <3


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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The more you become connected to yourself the less dependent you’ll be on your relationship with men as a source of your self esteem. Who were you before your personality became layered with hurt, rejection and disappointment? Find that person again, raise your self esteem and you’ll find that you’ll be happy by yourself and one day you’ll attract the right man into your life. Show yourself radical compassion and forgive yourself for past mistakes. Focus your energy on YOU. Give yourself unconditional presence and love. Accept the part of you that has been hurt and over time you’ll release that energy. And learn how to forgive those who have hurt you in the past. 

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@mmKay Lols. 

Okay, I will practice this. I'm struggling to have those deep emotions come up. Which is why I think they're hiding in my subconscious and being released when I dream. 

I'm hoping they will show themselves when I'm awake during isolation stay. 

Thanks! Stay cool 


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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@JessiChell if truth be told, even leo lacks it, that's why he is running this forum. Ha, but I am sure I have plenty of it and you need a boost of it given your post. 

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@Treetalk Everything you say is obviously correct and everything I'm working towards. It's practical application that I'm struggling with. But I've gotten some insight from this post. Thank you


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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Jess, you should give yourself some break.  Your feelings are normal.Being cheated on is rape!  You have been raped! Now what you can do is live with it, which you cant, or just put it somewhere inside your mind as something worth trowing away in the closet.  Hop on a train that takes at least 2 hours.  When the train starts, focus on those feelings and throw them out because they have no ticket, no place to ride in your mind.  Good luck and take care! 

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@JessiChell

Maybe those are just breakup blues. And once the phase is over, you'll recover and do well. Could also be the isolation dampening your spirits.  Just don't think too much about anything like all sorts of questions..These questions or doubts create unnecessary negativity. 

You're fine. You are just temporarily dealing with emotions. But over time these emotions dissipate. 

Allow yourself healing time. Till then you will experience some chaos but even this chaotic emotional state is a part of your growth. 

We can't be happy all the time 

 


 INFJ loner... .shy girl.. 

Quick access to journal entries

 

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@Amit So we're all on a never-ending journey to obtain absolute self-love? 

Doesn't this count as one aspect of Leo's job though? He is financially free, therefore it is apart of his self-love. No? 


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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@Preety_India Yeah, I think this is a "wave." But I was doing really well. 

I'm just impatient. I want to be over him already. I've put in a lot of work now and I'm like, "okay, hurry tf up and be normal again." 

In my dreams, I tried to kill him. So, I know I'm really angry but it goes deeper. I think Leo hit the nail on the head with those fears list. I need to focus on those. 

Thank you


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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@JessiChell ? this journey is not never ending, you achieve the state of absolute bliss eventually. True, even though leo might claim otherwise, this forum is certainly a marketing medium for his course. But then you have to see, some of us are here because we have enough of self love and we want to contribute. 

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@annonnimm32 Wow, you are the first person who has ever had that same mentality. I believe cheating to be rape as well. 

I am not consenting to sleeping with you if you have coerced me into it. 

If you're guy and have come to this realization, you are amazing. Right on


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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2 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

In my dreams, I tried to kill him. So, I know I'm really angry

It is coming from a duality perspective, difficult but realise you are him. Accept him and integrate. Sorry if it seems bitter but that's how reality is. 

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@Amit I do this with health stuff. I post on some health-related things on here in hopes to "help" people but in reality, I think this says more about my unhappiness and lack of love. 

If I'm helping others (during this time of my life), I'm not working on myself. In fact, I'm probably feeding my ego. So I decided to stop commenting yesterday and just post things when I feel I need answers. (no matter how unattractive/annoying that may be to others) lol but hey, I'm not here to make friends. I view it as my job now to fix myself and that means I need to be honest. 

 I don't care as long as I get answers. 

 


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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I’ve also been involved with partners that cheated and know the mental and emotional entanglement. 

What I’ve found helpful is to first get some distance and space from the immediate source. That source is like gravity pulling a mind and body back in. It can take a lot of effort to break free of that suction. This means recognizing and letting go of entanglement such as obsessive “what if” thoughts, checking their social media, rehashing with friends etc. All of this re-enforces mental dynamics and keeps the mind engaged. While in this space, it’s really hard to do deep introspection, have realizations and grow. It’s just too noisy and distractive.

What I found helpful is to re-orient myself toward what feels good and what I genuinely want. This can be counter to prior conditioning and patterns. For example, I was conditioned by hyper-critical parents, bosses and partners. I had a pattern of attraction with that, even though it didn’t feel good or like my true nature. Entering non-self-critical spaces felt odd in the beginning since it was counter to my conditioning and patterns of engaging with the world. Yet with time, it began to feel more natural and I started to resonate with people and activities that were not hyper-critical. And my hyper self criticism began to decrease. 

This opens up space to become friends with myself. And this was one of the biggest keys in leaving my immersion into that other world. This involved activities such as cooking myself healthy meals, self massage, listening to heart-centered nonduality speakers, yoga, spending time in nature and writing. For a while, it felt uncomfortable as my mind was trying to engage in old conditioning and patterns. Yet with time, I started to feel complete with myself. I began to like myself. I began to get curious and felt desires to try new things. I began to be attracted to people and things that were very different than my old patterns. There was a leaving of that world.

At times, I found experiencing absorbed negative energy, release and introspection of this conditioning to be helpful. Yet the key was not to engage within it such that I’m re-enforcing and maintaining previous identities. For example, I would talk with a psychologist about it and we would engage in all sorts of thought stories about it. Looking back, we were re-enforcing old stories and identity. I was just trying to replace an old identity I didn’t like (such as being a victim) to a new better identity (like being a survivor). Yet deep down, what I wanted was to release it and be free of it. Free of it. . . I found things like holotropic breathing, EMDR therapy and psychedelics to be helpful since they don’t engage with storytelling and identification. They are focused on release, letting go, unblocking and becoming free. At times, I found contemplation and writing can be helpful, yet not immersed into self re-enforcing and self perpetuating ways. Rather, in self transcendent ways. Yet to do so, I first needed to get distance and space from immersion into conditioned thought stories and patterns. 

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20 minutes ago, JessiChell said:


If I'm helping others (during this time of my life), I'm not working on myself. In fact, I'm probably feeding my ego

Good decision, don't let your ego decide for you. 

 

21 minutes ago, JessiChell said:

I'm not here to make friends.

I've not offered you friendship yet. You have to be worthy for it. 

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@Amit Mmmm, I'm not there yet. I'm not ready to forgive him. I can work on forgiving myself in the meantime. 


"Some people, not me, are a little concerned. Some people, not me, feel you...might be...
demonstrating a failure to show appreciation."
-Russell Bufalino

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