My Neediness got uncovered

[Amit]

As you all might have known, I have been acting like a know it all guy on this forum for some time. Offended many people in here, just to satisfy my need to feel superior, But for few days I have been chatting with this girl and being more conscious than my previous experiences with girls, I was hoping to nail it this time and win a healthy relationship. Things just started and All my dysfunctions returned as they were, doing yoga made me more aware but the neurosis was still there and I didn't see it because I was not in a relationship. she was very helpful, yet I was able to talk negatively to her, and I found my wounded ego hiding in the cover of my consciousness understanding. My brain replayed my childhood once again and showed me where the wound has been made by wounded people. I don't want to reveal the details of all those people, but it was kind of an awakening. I have been aware of the events but only now I can relate my unquenching thirst of love and my harsh treatment of my sensitivities at a very early age. I could see the root cause of my neediness, I want to say special thanks to Leo's material, without which I don't know If I could ever know it. I will love any advice and suggestion to recover my original self and release the repressed trauma completely. I will also try to find something good to treat it on my own.

[Preety_India]

 

I didn't see any problem. 

Maybe think less, feel more. 

 

 

[Amit]

@Preety_India Do you feel I am trying to score attention here?

Edited May 27, 2020 by Amit
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[Preety_India]

@Amit  no I did not think like that. 

From reading a lot of your posts I think that you tend to think too much. 

Half the time whatever you say, I'm usually clueless and no idea why you think what about yourself and others. 

You just think too much. Right now you're wondering if you are seeking attention. 

Notice that this is how your mind is. Nobody is taking anything seriously but your mind is constantly producing a thought, an assumption. 

This is your pattern I observed in you. It's destructive thinking. It will never give you a sense of comfort. 

Let your mind be free. Block unnecessary thoughts. That will reduce the tension in your mind. You won't have so many unnecessary assumptions creating theories that are not even true. 

If I began to think like you, I wouldn't survive even a week.

Half the time my mind is blank. 

 

[Amit]

@Preety_India  There is nothing inherently bad with thinking, why even you are demonizing thinking?

I agree to overthink is problematic for me, sure I agree with you 100%. It is, only thinking has led me to this post, but why even I was thinking that?

because I have the neediness problem, I have been all alone from a very early age, My mother was doing a job at a remote place, and I felt so needy all the time, you don't know the happiness when she used to come in a couple of months for 1-2 days, I just kept waiting for her in the window beside street a day before. You don't know the intense desire to be loved and the anger as a result I've felt all my life but couldn't communicate. you don't know how my ex gfs played on my neediness, while I was available for them all the time. I have suffered so much because of this and still struggling to relate with feminine energy, though I conceptually understand it's all inside me but the patterns manifest themselves again and again. So please just don't try to make simplistic judgements. 

@Meta-Man thanks so much

Edited May 27, 2020 by Amit
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[Preety_India]

@Amit  I wasn't judging you. Just pointed out an observation about your thinking pattern..

Try an exercise. Cut down your thoughts by at least 80% for an entire week. You'll see a noticeable difference in how you perceive your surroundings. You will stop creating stories in your mind. You will see things in a pure form, like how they really are. A lot of the misunderstanding about anything will get resolved. 

You've a mind that engages in rumination. It's a mental habit you can overcome. But If you don't overcome, you can suffer unnecessary stress. 

Right now you are letting your mind distract you completely with no constraint. And you are seeing things and people through multiple layers created by your mind. Those layers are unnecessary. Remove that filter and you'll have more clarity on different questions in your mind.

 

[Amit]

@Preety_India  after uncovering this pattern of neediness, I wanted to share it with fellow actualizors. Though I welcome your pov as stopping overthink works generally. But in my case, I need more specific solutions to the problem of neediness. because my life work is all about understanding, conceptualization, and rumination, and I use it as strength, I used to have the problem of overthinking but I learned to handle it very well recently.

[Amit]

@Etherial Cat Thank you for the kind words, I also have daddy issues :D, though I not care much about that. but I can relate.

10 minutes ago, Etherial Cat said:

Have you ever tried to dig feminine energy from other source than women? Maybe nature, arts, music and so forth could be a good source until you'd find the woman of your dreams?

I appreciate nature, arts, and music very deeply, maybe because of this reason. but never made that connection, I'll try to use them next time I become needy. and I sense It is going to work, as it has worked, so thank you so much again for this extraordinary advice.

[Amit]

@Etherial Cat Though it is a valid issue many people deal with. but the root cause here is the lack of self-love, which we suffer from because of we are not aware. Also, the lack of self-love and lack of consciousness are two sides of the same coin.

[Amit]

@Etherial Cat my mother was most conscious in my family, for that she had responsibilities, which I understood. She was love always all the time. I forgave her already, it's the neediness in myself, which I am only now letting go of, I loved her, but not myself, it was also related to self-esteem issue of not able to attract a date. I am grateful to the universe, maybe won't suffer for the same anymore, as now I have the awareness.

 

[Amit]

Thank you @egoeimai   

[Amit]

On 5/28/2020 at 3:10 AM, Etherial Cat said:

Have you ever tried to dig feminine energy from other source than women? Maybe nature, arts, music and so forth could be a good source until you'd find the woman of your dreams?

@Etherial Cat  This seems like a good concept, but not entirely true. 

woman of my dreams, no way, first of all, I don't have such a dream, second You don't know the frustration of hundreds of rejection. when you're an Indian man not from a rich family, the only option left for you is to marry a disrespectful girl. the world is not UK!

Edited June 3, 2020 by Amit
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